Looking for support, I guess.

[bkg]

I've been reading divorce sites for a while now, and I'm tired of all of the negativity, bitterness, anger, and refusal to look in the mirror... I'm hoping I find something else here.

I married the girl of my dreams... But she left me May of 03. We reconciled in Oct of 03, but my fears prevented me from jumping in with both feet. She left, the divorce was final on 12-23-03.

Now, I love this woman more than I can put into words. I have never wanted this divorce, and I pray daily for her and that God will restore our marriage. I *KNOW* I was the bad guy - I didn't aprpeciate her, I didn't cherish her, I didn't keep my vows to always love her. There was no infidelity, no abuse... but I was an angry person.

I say was, because I'm no longer that same person. After the divorce, I started going to church again. I became a believer in college, but for the 8 years or so, I've been "doing it on my own." God has broken me - He has allowed the divorce to happen because of His love for me - it was the only way He could get my attention. I have given everything over to God - though it's always a struggle as I have abandonment fears.

I want nothing more than for God to restore my marriage. I should say, the only thing I want more is a continued and close relationship w/ Christ. That is on it's way, and I am so very greatful. In many ways, this divorce has been a blessing - God broke me and pulled me back in with His arms. And for that, I will always smile. But... I love my wife. I always have, I always will. I want nothing more than our love to return. I know it may never happen, but I know too that God has been key in many restorations, both in Scripture and in my lifetime.

I need encouragement, I guess. Encouragement to stay the course, to not give up on God, to have Faith that His will WILL be done. And to not allow anger, pain or loneliness to color the love I have for my wife...

Thanks,
bkg

 

[brettnolan]

Have you talked to her about any of this?

 

[Jinnapiban]

bkg... you are in my prayers... I have been divorced for 6 years and the pain is very difficult.

I want to encourage you to follow God day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment if necessary.... (trust me - it was moments for me!) I know this sounds very irrational, but your focus needs to be on becoming a whole person in your relationship with Christ first & foremost, then being in a relationship with your ex. If you focus on Him, she will see that in you.

I looked for signs of change in my ex, but sadly he chose to remarry very quickly and did not attempt to repair his relationship with God.

It is wonderful for you to acknowledge the very positive outcome of your very difficult situation - God used my divorce to reveal Himself to me in ways I would never have seen during my marriage. If you continue to seek the positives and offer Him praise, He will continue to honor & bless & most especially heal you!

One thing that helps me is to pray & mentally put on the armor of God in Eph - like my sig..... when you physically pray that prayer daily and realize that God planned for our trials & tribulations by providing such powerful tools, it is hard not to glorify Him!

Your sister in Christ,
jinna

 

[jeshohaia]

Oh restoration! How the sound of that word sounds sweet!

The LORD G-D can restore your marriage. I pray for that right now. My wife's divorce of me isnt even in the court stages yet. (I came to the LORD before divorce but after seperation). But I can do nothing less than fight this and take a stand for the Truth in the Word of G-D!

But G-D loves to see anything be restored and dedicated to Him. Love the LORD. Love your wife. Never look back and dedicate your covenant with the LORD! And serve Him and be the Husband that He calls you to be.

 

[bkg]

Have you talked to her about any of this?

Sort of... I'm reading "How God WILL Restore Your Marriage" and the chapter called "Angry Man" said to pray for God to provide an opportunity to apologize and ask forgiveness. After three months of no communication, I heard from her. It was corgial, with no questions about my life or offering about hers (I know she has a boyfriend) - she wanted to know about taxes.

I seized the opportunity and prayed that God would send words through my fingers. I wrote an apology and asked her forgiveness. She never received the email! She left me a voice mail a couple of days later asking me to get back to her asap - I replied w/ a voicemail stating I had sent a reply and would sent it immediately again - she never received that email either! She sent another email thanking me for my response to her voicemail, and stated she still hadn't received my email. Attempt 3 = no luck.

I finally copy/pasted into another reply. She said it was a lot to digest, that she's happy I've found God again... And that if I want her forgiveness, I have it, and always have! HUGE answer to prayer. God *IS* working!

But I have told her no more than this. I cannot. I am afraid that if I push this faster than God wants it to move, that I will only push her farther into the other man's arms (she started dating him after the divorce). I'm also afraid she will think it's only manipulation to try and get her back. Yes, I want her back, but I want a healthy relationship more - getting her back isn't the issue; showing her my love, the changes in me, giving her hope - these are the issues.

I've started to write a book about what I've learned through this. In word w/ small font, it's 35+ pages. My Mom read it a couple of weeks ago and said I need to send it to my ex. But again, I have to wait for God's time, God's Hand, His Will. I've sent her so many letters during our separation stating that I loved her and wanted to change, but I wasn't successful and didn't know why: fear!

Anyway, I love this woman more than anything but God. She is my dream. She is my soulmate - I have no doubts in my mind or in my heart. God was unable to get my attention for 8+ years (I walked away from Him after college... And during our marriage, we BOTH knew this was a problem, but Satan had his grip and we were unable to break it) - well, this got it!

I pray for her many times during the day. For God's protection, for Him to soften her heart to HIM, for Him to keep her safe, help her make wise decisions, and help her to feel the love I have for her. If we ever reconcile, in 5 days or 50 years, I know it will be only because of God...

 

[oldrooster]

Im praying for you brother.

 

[bkg]

Im praying for you brother.

Thank you!

 

[AndresWife]

Praying for you....
I am standing for our marriage to be restored also. (3 yrs now) God also brought me to a place where I turned to Him. Although there is not a breakthrough yet, nor anything yet filed) I know that God has complete control and I truely believe that God does restore marriages. In fact in my bible study there is a couple that was div for over 2 years, restored and have been remarried over 10+ years. Nothing is impossible for God. It is written! Blessings..

 

[desi]

Hang in there bkg, if God is leading you to stay the course more power to you.