If you knock it will be opened to you. If you ask you will receive. Keep asking, keep seeking, ask Jesus to come into your heart and you will know He has been here the whole time. The Lord comes as a thief in the night. Your on a quest. Dont give up, you are on the right path. Keep searching. God is calling you, He loves you, knows your struggles, knows what you need. Go to church, (I suggest Calvary) and listen with an open heart and mind. Look around, the other people of the church are reading the same thing as you. Some of them are further along and have gone through the same things as you. Ask your paster or the elders of the church for prayer, take a leap of faith, thats what they are there for.Just keep questioning an looking with an open mind/heart. The rest will follow. If I was to recommend a book in the Bible to start with it would be Ecclesiastes. There I think you will find that the Bible also asks questions and knows the human spirit.
18For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19For it is written, "I WILL DESTROY THE WISDOM OF THE WISE, AND THE CLEVERNESS OF THE CLEVER I WILL SET ASIDE."20Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?… 1 Corinthians 18-20
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