Looking for communication advice

[God4Gives]

Hi everyone. I have a question regarding my relationship with my boyfriend. We are very serious and have agreed that someday we will get married. We are only 19 but I'm hoping it will be soon.

I'm a christian, he is not. He believes in a god but is confused generally and isn't sure what he thinks. But, that's not the point really...
He has a tendency to throw in a hurtful word regarding things, including religion and he doesn't see any wrong in what he said... for example. we were talking about what we believed.
He says "obviously, the world was created in more than 7 days." I was like wth. "obviously?" so if I don't believe that I am retarded or somedthing? I told him that him using the word "obviously" offended me and he started acting like something was wrong with me to feel that way. He said he would never intentionally insult me and I should know this. Then he said what he meant was that to HIM it was obvious. So I was thinking... okay. so, to HIM I'm retarded for not believing that. That wasn't any better.
Well, through arguing we never really resolved that dispute.

Somewhat recently, we were walking and talking and joking around. Somewhere in our conversation he said "obviously" and we laughed about whatever it was he said. Then he added, "thats the only time I will ever be able to say the word "obviously" " that really hurt my feelings. He once again pointed out that I was obsurd for being hurt he said that. I got upset. He again acted like something was wrong with me for feeling that way, and instead of thinking "oh no, I didn't mean to hurt her feelings" he more went "why the heck did that hurt her feelings." basically it spiralled downward from there. Usually it was a hurt that wouldn't take much to shrug off but it just got worse.
Eventually he apologized but he wasn't sorry for saying it, he was just sorry I got upset about it.

Anyways, I guess to end my rant I should end it by asking, How should I react to this ongoing situation and clash?
I don't mind that we don't believe the same thing but he makes me feel like he thinks less of me for believing what I believe. I guess it's going to happen no matter what in a relationship that doesn't match up religion-wise but I wish he wouldn't hurt my feeling about it. What should I do?

 

[gzt]

First figure out whether he actually thinks less of you for your beliefs or not. If he doesn't, it's definitely a communication issue. If he does, it may still be a communication issue, but there are other issues, too (which may not be dealbreakers, mind you, they're just issues).

 

[Tangible]

You really need to find someone who shares your faith in God. Marriage is stinkin' hard! Even among devoted Christians. If you don't share the same foundation for your individual lives, how can you share the same foundation for your marriage?

Having difficulty communicating only compounds this basic problem.

 

[bluelime2]

As above. The bible tells us not to be unequally yoked, and someone who isnt' a christian will always have a very different worldview to you. That can become even more difficult when you have kids years down the track and they decide to reject christianity because their father has.
To become a christian after marriage is different to deliberatly choosing someone who isn't. It can just be too hard, and even end up costing you your own faith.

I'd say leave him and pray that God calls him. If he doesn't, then you've avoided a lot of pain, and if he does, then you'd share the same faith.

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

I have zero issues with Christians dating and marrying non-Christians. My husband is Agnostic, and we have an amazing relationship.

But what is a problem? Is if one partner is not respectful of the other partner's faith. that includes him of yours, and you of his (or his lack of faith, or his confusion, etc -- this also demands respect).

If there is no mutual respect? The relationship is gonna fail eventually, because your faith is important to you and him insulting it even subtly over time will grind on you over the years and may cause you to harbor bitterness or resentfulness toward him.

I fully believe in the success of inter-faith marriage, but only when the key component on the ground level is full and non-judgmental respect for one another. If you don't have that, you're already doomed to failure.

My faith is important to me. My husband would never insult it, because by insulting it he would be insulting me. Sometimes we joke about religion (religion can be pretty funny -- we both agree that the world wasn't created in 6 days for instance, we might make jokes about that, but we're both on the same page obviously so whatever), and that's fine because we're on the same page. But there is a line between joking around and having fun, and insulting or being disrespectful of the other person's beliefs.

 

[DanC922]

The problem with Christians marrying non-Christians isn't primarily an issue of compatibility or agreeableness, though those are very difficult issues to contend with. The primary problem lies in how Christians marrying non-Christians reflects God's intended purpose for creating marriage.

God created marriage to be an image of the relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5). The love and relationship between Christ and the church is very different from the love and relationship between Christ and the unsaved. The Bible repeatedly describes God's people's ties and close connections to other gods and their followers as "whoring" and "prostituting" themselves to other gods.

If marriage is supposed to be an image of Christ and the church, a Christian marrying a non-Christian portrays Jesus as a harlot.

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

eh, I disagree, but what 'ev. Everyone's entitled to their own view of life

 

[DanC922]

eh, I disagree, but what 'ev. Everyone's entitled to their own view of life

Who are we to decide God's character and commands? If we don't want to believe His Word (which reveals what it means to be a Christian), why even call ourselves Christians?

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

Who are we to decide God's character and commands? If we don't want to believe His Word (which reveals what it means to be a Christian), why even call ourselves Christians?

Well, I could get into it, but at that point I'd be reeeeally derailing the thread

No big deal It's all good

 

[adamjthompson]

I agree with the posters that are encouraging you to find a believer to marry. The Bible indicates in several places that we should only marry fellow believers. See 2 Cor. 6:14-15 and Deut. 7:1-4.