Looking for advice....

[rainbowbrite]

Any guys in the military or military wives/girlfriends, I need some advice....

My boyfriend of 2 and a half years is considering joining either the Air Force or the Guard. I don't like the idea of active duty in the Air Force, but it something he is very passionate about. He says if I absolutely cannot handle it, he will stick with the guard because it will be easier on our relationship, and he doesn't want to lose me. However, I don't want to discourage him from doing something that he feels so strongly about. At the same time, I don't know if I could handle that life for six years. Anyone been in a similar situation or just have any advice? Oh by the way, he is 24 and I am 20, and we are beginning to talk marriage.

 

[daveleau]

Well, it depends on what he wants to do and what his goals are. I am an active duty officer in the USAF. The first thing that comes to mind is the fact that people in the guard are deployed with the same frequency as active duty, in today's military. The only difference is that you have another job, and you have less benefits. I could go on and on about what I think, but it really depends more on what his goals are. If either you or he would like to talk, I'd be happy to help out. I will PM you my phone number. If you'd like to speak to my wife about how it has affected her life, she would surely be glad to talk to you about it. We've been married for 2 yrs, 5 months and 9 days and I have been in the USAF for 2 years 4 months and 26 days. I've been away from my wife for a little under 4 months, so far. And my first deployment is coming up later this year, which will be for 4 months. Then I am not slated to be deployed again until 2007, provided nothing major happens in the world.
I worked in the civilian world for 4 years after college (and for 8 years while in HS school/ college) and am so glad I came into the service because of the immense amount of professionalism that simply is not found outside.

Doh, oh well. Your email in your profile is disabled and your PMs are as well. If you want to talk with me or my wife, call me at (Offer still stands- PM me now for number- I removed it after a week or so). I will get off the phone and call you back since I have unlimited long distance.

God bless,
Dave

PS- I am NOT a recruiter and in no way benefit from you or your boyfriend's decision in any way.

 

[Sybaris]

My boyfriend of 2 and a half years is considering joining either the Air Force or the Guard. I don't like the idea of active duty in the Air Force, but it something he is very passionate about. He says if I absolutely cannot handle it, he will stick with the guard because it will be easier on our relationship, and he doesn't want to lose me. However, I don't want to discourage him from doing something that he feels so strongly about. At the same time, I don't know if I could handle that life for six years. Anyone been in a similar situation or just have any advice? Oh by the way, he is 24 and I am 20, and we are beginning to talk marriage.

You've brought up a basic conflict that a lot of couples your age face and sometimes never overcome, control. You already know your b/f is very passionate about joining the service but instead of supporting his dream you broadcast your disdain.

Another obvious issue is: "He says if I absolutely cannot handle it, he will stick with the guard because it will be easier on our relationship, and he doesn't want to lose me."

1) He's not even in the service
2) Neither of you have experienced the service life so how do you know what you can and can't handle?
3) Why would he lose you? Sounds to me like you've already placed an ultimatum on the table. If that is the case then you really need to re-evaluate your relationship and what you want from it. If not an ultimatum then it suggests a lack of depth in your commitment to him.

What "life" are you talking about in reference to the service?

What are the characteristics about it that you think are negative or you couldn't handle?

What are the characteristics about it that you think are positive?

Do you watch a lot of TV? The media likes to construe a lot of negativity and woe surrounding service life.

I was in the Navy for 22 years, loved it. My wife, loved it. We got to travel, live in other countries, and experience so many different things that are just not possible if we had stagnated in Cornfield County Indiana. Sure, we spent time apart but it was clearly understood that seperation came with the territory so we embarked on that adventure with a very realistic attitude. Also, the strength of our marriage inhibited any negative aspects of service onto our marriage. My career was just different. Some work 9-5 and come home, I did and sometimes I didn't; sometimes I was gone for days, weeks or months. It's just routine.

Bottom line is that you're not married. I've seen a zillion twenty-something unmarried couples go through the same thing and usually one makes a regretful compromise which surfaces later and causes a lot of discontent in the relationship. Unfortunately by that time there's kids involved and it becomes a selfish mess. The common phrase said by all is, "Oh, that won't be us."

 

[rainbowbrite]

Thanks very much for the reply. I have not put an ultimatum on him for that very reason, because I love him and want to support him. At the same time, I am worried about the stress of him being active duty, being apart, the dangers of it, and how it would be several years down the road when children might be involved.

Neither of you have experienced the service life so how do you know what you can and can't handle?

I don't know what I can and can't handle. That's the scary part. Hearing stories of couples like you and your wife that have been married for years is encouraging. I know it can be done, and I just hope and pray that I would be a strong enough person to make it.

 

[Sybaris]

I am worried about the stress of him being active duty, being apart, the dangers of it, and how it would be several years down the road when children might be involved.


I don't know what I can and can't handle. That's the scary part. Hearing stories of couples like you and your wife that have been married for years is encouraging. I know it can be done, and I just hope and pray that I would be a strong enough person to make it.

Again, sounds like you're focusing on the negatives.

Stress? There's as much or as little as you make it. Drama in a marriage is very detrimental.

As far as being apart, well this might sound kinda abrasive but think of seperation this way, you don't need another person to live. Without him you will survive ................ and the reunions are fantastic!! My wife and I had a hundred honeymoons!!

What danger are you referring to? Combat? Only a fraction of military personnel ever get close to actual combat.

Do you drive? 64,000+ people die on the roads in the U.S. every year. 400,000+ die from lung related illnesses in the U.S. every year and deaths relating to obesity will soon surpass that number. 20,000+ die from aneurisms in the U.S. every year and you certainly can't predict that.

I'm glad tid-bits about the success of my wife and I are encouraging. Trust me, she and I are just the tip of the iceberg for military couples.

 

[rainbowbrite]

Hey Daveleau, thanks so much for your phone number and willingness to give advice. I might have to take you up on that call sometime. I see you're in Bossier city. Not too far from me, I'm in the Baton Rouge area.

My boyfriend is looking into CCT. This is really what he wants to do more than anything. I don't want to make him give up something he wants so much, but at the same time, I am worried about the stress of it (especially since I will face a lot of opposition from my family over it). Of course, like Sybaris said, the stress is what you make of it.

Thanks again for responding. Prayers would be much appreciated!

 

[caero]

Let him follow his heart.

 

[coastie]

One piece fo advice... both of you would be much happier if he just joined the Coast Guard. The five years I was enlisted, I had members from every other branch tell me how they wish they had done the same as me.

Zach

 

[desi]

Active Air Force is the best of the lot from a family perspective, Guard is just a pain in the...

 

[gconteh]

Hi
Well what can I say, My husband Is active duty (Air Force)and so was I but I gave it up because we started a beutiful family, I'm only 22 and I love my hubby and support him, but military life it's not easy, you have to deal with alot of heartache. But if you love him you will stand by him in every step of the way. I truly pray and hope that the both of you come to the right decision which ever that might be. Only you know how strong your relationship with him truly is and what decision would be the right one for both of you in the long run.

God Bless

Guiselle

 

[timusic76]

My sister's husband was in the navy before they were married. According to my sister it put a lot stress on the relationship which at the time made the relationship seemed doomed and yet the time spent apart strengthened their love for each other. Just as anything in life, I think it depends on the strength of the individuals involved and how much one is willing to take no matter what happens. Just a few thoughts. Tim

 

[God Loving Cowboy]

Go w/Desi on this....go w/Air Force...its much easier. Coasties...well lets not talk about them

 

[coastie]

Go w/Desi on this....go w/Air Force...its much easier. Coasties...well lets not talk about them

oh jeez, I'd lke to see you write a paragraph on how much you really know about the Coast Guard.

Honestly, it's a great branch. No overseas billets, the period that you are gone for are much shorter, you move up through the ranks faster thus you make more money... faster.

It's a much more laid back branch, while still maintaing it's strict military discipline, it's more like a family than any other branch so the likelihood of a spouse making lifelong friends with other Coast Guard spouses is very high.

I just got off 5 years active duty in January and niether my wife nor I would trade our experiences while in the CG for anything. While in the CG we managed to make enough money to visit family on the East Coast (from Washington state) twice and even travel Europe all while living comfortably in our off base house. Believe me, that is a HUGE benefit.

We were able to live in two of the most beautiful places I have ever had the pleasure of living, San Diego and Port Angeles, WA. Except for a few oddball units, almost all Coast Guard stations, ships, and bases are on the coast.

Coast Guard MIssions vary greatly from Environemtnal protection to drug and migrant interdiction and (yes, you goof balls out there who don't know your military history) soem are even sent to defend our country as in Iraq, Vietnam, Korea, WWII (where CG coxswain's drove the infantries landing craft), and most recently the war on terror.

The COast Guard has a lot of pride and tradition that goes back even further than the founding of this country. Our mastery of Seamanship and civil service aimed missions set us apart from the other branches in that, being a military family isn't nearly as taxing on your family's relationships.

Seriously consider it. I wouldn't have spent the time typing this out for you if I didn't believe every word I'm saying.

Zach

 

[desi]

CG is good too. Most people don't think about it.