looking for advice

Orthosdoxa · Dec 29, 2004

Oy, there. So they've taken money that they've never paid back, and they've lied to you???

Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Remember, you don't just marry a spouse, you marry their whole family, and you can never truly escape them. Sounds like trust is a major issue here, and no marriage will ever work without that.

stillerfan · Dec 29, 2004

Anonykat said:
Oy, there. So they've taken money that they've never paid back, and they've lied to you???

Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Remember, you don't just marry a spouse, you marry their whole family, and you can never truly escape them. Sounds like trust is a major issue here, and no marriage will ever work without that.

irt money, no....i was willing to give them 400 dollars for the various things that i owed them...but, they decided to add a 350 charge on top of everything else....still don't know what happened there....

stillerfan · Dec 29, 2004

trust IS a major issue....her father told our mutual friends that he wanted me to come over to talk to him...i told them no, cause i feel as tho they're setting a trap....they'll call the cops if i go over there, for harassment, i believe...

stillerfan · Dec 29, 2004

i know, from afar, the choice is very easy to make....but, when you have been with trhe same person for 16 months, have shared your (and her) up and downs, the arguments, the good times, and everything else...it makes it that much harder, u know?

Michael G · Dec 29, 2004

stillerfan said:
i know, from afar, the choice is very easy to make....but, when you have been with trhe same person for 16 months, have shared your (and her) up and downs, the arguments, the good times, and everything else...it makes it that much harder, u know?

I completely understand, the past 6 years of my life with my x wife came to an abrupt end this past May when we split up and then divorced in August. Do not rush into any major decisions but rather let God be your guide, and know that we are praying for you.

Orthosdoxa · Dec 29, 2004

I was with a boyfriend in college for 14 months that I repeatedly got back together with, because it IS hard to let go, once you have all those shared memories - no matter how bad things got.... and it sounds like it's pretty bad for you. It was NOT a good relationship, but I am not good at letting go. Sounds like you are not either - which is both good and bad.

But thank God I did because 5 or so years later I met the love of my life. You have to be willing to give up second best in order to get God's best. What you have is NOT the best. In laws who charge you an extra 350 for....what?? That's cr@p. For your marriage to work, they should love you like their own child, and taking advantage of you financially hardly fits that bill.

I'm sorry that you're suffering like this. I've been there. But this just sounds like a bad family situation.

Michael G · Dec 29, 2004

Yes, Stillerfan, Anonykat said it very, very well. Please don't think we are flippantly telling you to do something hard that we haven't had any personal experience in doing ourselves.

stillerfan · Dec 29, 2004

well, i talked to my mom's boyfriend...and i made my decision: i'm not going back with her. her and her family has caused too much pain for me and my family, along with the money sitch, and the trust issue is there too...i think that she was cheering up when she was talking to our mutual friends, thinking that there was still a chance. and, i know that it's hurting me terribly now, but i know that it's all for the best. i did say to our mutual friends that in th distant future (1-2 years), that MAYBE we could still try to be casual friends. but the whole relationship thing is over. please pray for me for a speedy recovery, and pray for them as well so that they understand what has happened, and that they will never do such a thing like this ever again... :-(

MariaRegina · Dec 29, 2004

Dear Stillerfan:

It sounds like your mutual friends are trying desperately to get her back with you regardless of your feelings.

Are there any nice Orthodox ladies in your parish?

Michael G · Dec 29, 2004

Stillersfan, I will pray God will grant you peace as you recover from this relationship. I will also pray God will grant you much happiness on Superbowl Sunday!

stillerfan · Dec 29, 2004

pray for them....they called our mutual friends today, said that i need psychiatric help, that the ring was fake, and that she never had any intention of seeing me again...

MariaRegina · Dec 29, 2004

stillerfan said:
pray for them....they called our mutual friends today, said that i need psychiatric help, that the ring was fake, and that she never had any intention of seeing me again...

Stay far away from that family.

stillerfan · Dec 29, 2004

i'm sorry to say it, but they are evil people....don't wanna judge, but look at sitch!

stillerfan · Dec 29, 2004

u know, the father wanted me to come over to "re-concile our differences": he doesn't like to hold grudges. YEAH RIGHT!

edit: i saw that trap from 100's of miles away...they would try to call the cops for harassment, or some other off-the-wall nonsense.

stillerfan · Dec 29, 2004

Aria said:
Dear Stillerfan:

It sounds like your mutual friends are trying desperately to get her back with you regardless of your feelings.

Are there any nice Orthodox ladies in your parish?

no, my friends thought that i shouldn't speak with her again either.

Orthosdoxa · Dec 29, 2004

I agree with Aria - Stay away from that family 100%. No mutual friends talking for you, no thoughts of being casual friends at some point, nothing. It's time to shake the dust off your feet and move on completely. It hurts, I know, but it will hurt far less than what the future with these people would hold.

And don't worry. Zee Cyber-babushka eez here for to halp!

stillerfan · Dec 29, 2004

oh trust me, after they said that, it made my somewhat unsure decision perfectly clear....she is dating someone else from what i hear, and if that is true, God Bless Him for having to deal with them....don't like to sound so negative, but, it's theraputic....once he finds out how they "really are", he'll run so fast that he'll break the land-speed record...lol. at least i would. ;-)

stillerfan · Dec 30, 2004

Anonykat said:
And don't worry. Zee Cyber-babushka eez here for to halp!

waiting patiently....

Orthosdoxa · Dec 30, 2004

And zee Cyber-Babushka eez vehting for you for to heal, because ve don't vant for to any re-boundings!

Happy Orthodox · Dec 30, 2004

Stillerfan, you know, I learned a wonderful advice once: "If you are deprived of something, let Christ fill the emptiness!" It's one of the saints. If you are hurt, let Christ be your comfort. He loves you more than any human will ever love, even yourself. And think how we hurt Him everyday with our sins.

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