Long Lost Nordic Identity

[Truly1999]

I want to be more like Jesus and God my Father has revealed to me that I first must first face some painful truths that I do not want to face. But the Holy Spirit is with me and will comfort me, just as he has always done, so I do not need to be afraid. I want to share my story to encourage other members as well as putting my story somewhere to leave behind when I have done and not pick it up again.

At the beginning of this year, I was thinking about my 50th birthday and how people approach this milestone. One thing people seem to do a lot is to take stock of their life, from their early childhood, and reflect upon happy memories. I allowed my mind to wander and I had many happy childhood memories - that is to say, I had many happy English childhood memories. But I am 25 per cent Danish and 75 per cent English. I do not have any Nordic childhood memories - none. This is because my half-Danish mother - who turned her back on her Danish mother's efforts to raise her in both English and Danish traditions - decided not to raise me or my older brother in both traditions. My mother never taught me any Danish. She did not take me to Denmark to visit my great grandparents. We 'celebrated' our Danish heritage at Christmas by eating a few Danish food items. Other than that the fact that we had Danish heritage was a family secret - it was taboo to even speak about it within the family behind closed doors.

As I considered what my realisation meant, I realised that my mother had taken away my birthright - it was my right by birth that I should learn the Danish language, that I should meet and form a relationship with my extended family in Denmark, that I should have Danish friends. It was my birthright to have both an English identity and a Danish identity - not only a Danish identity, but a Nordic identity.

Furthermore, my personality, my identity, was incomplete. All the way from birth, I was raised in a way that did not lead to my full childhood development and therefore, I did not form into a fully developed adult, psychologically and spiritually. i suffer today psychologically because of my mother's decision. I have been a dysfunctional adult for many years. I was a dysfunctional child because I was not nurtured properly.

My mother decided at a early age, at about 19, to sever ties with Denmark and her Danish identity. But she is half-Danish and half-English. I do not understand how she could turn her back on her Danish identity. Why was/is she ashamed to be Danish?

I realised that I did not truly know my mother. How could she truly love me when she denied half her personality, when she had only 50 per cent love to give me?

God revealed to me that it was not enough for me to be a Christian. Faith in Jesus would not - and never did - act as as a substitute for having both an English and Nordic identity. Nor could Jesus wave a magic wand and make it right. There are depths to my spiritual being that I cannot fathom and that only through prayer will I be healed and this has taken many years of prayer by other people who I am not aware of.

I wish I had been raised in the Danish traditions as well as the English traditions, so that by the time I gave my life to Jesus at the age of 15, in an English church, I would have sought out my Danish brothers- and sisters-in-Christ. I would have been part of an English Christian youth group and part of a Danish Christian youth group.

I will be developing this thread, but for now I will pause and I invite comments.

 

[bèlla]

It is unfortunate you didn’t establish relationships with your extended family growing up. But I don’t agree with some of your conclusions. Your mother’s Danish heritage doesn’t mean she must pass on the language and customs to her children. You aren’t entitled to it by right of birth. You have the option of pursuing that path as an adult.

Attributing your problems to an absence of Danish exposure is pretty far fetched. There’s no guarantee you would have come to faith earlier. I had a close friend from Denmark. She was an atheist. She came to faith by watching Christian ministries and moved to the States to attend seminary. Upon graduation she returned to Denmark to minister to the lost. She was very candid about the state of things in her country and their need for the gospel.

You’re romanticizing your idea of Danish life and accusing your mother of withholding her culture. Assuming its presence would have altered your circumstances and made you a better person.

Why would God need you to have a Nordic identity? How does that advance the Kingdom? Given your feelings on the subject I think its probable you’re too emotionally invested to discern the truth.

~Bella

 

[fewme]

Denmark is not that far away from the UK, go visit it and if you cannot begin by learning the language. You surely have the motivation

 

[Truly1999]

It is unfortunate you didn’t establish relationships with your extended family growing up. But I don’t agree with some of your conclusions. Your mother’s Danish heritage doesn’t mean she must pass on the language and customs to her children. You aren’t entitled to it by right of birth. You have the option of pursuing that path as an adult.

Attributing your problems to an absence of Danish exposure is pretty far fetched. There’s no guarantee you would have come to faith earlier. I had a close friend from Denmark. She was an atheist. She came to faith by watching Christian ministries and moved to the States to attend seminary. Upon graduation she returned to Denmark to minister to the lost. She was very candid about the state of things in her country and their need for the gospel.

You’re romanticizing your idea of Danish life and accusing your mother of withholding her culture. Assuming its presence would have altered your circumstances and made you a better person.

Why would God need you to have a Nordic identity? How does that advance the Kingdom? Given your feelings on the subject I think its probable you’re too emotionally invested to discern the truth.

~Bella

Do you have no sympathy for my situation? It seems like you are saying - "Yes, it was unfortunate, but get over it and grow up". Why was it not my birthright to be raised in both English and Danish traditions? I have a direct link to Denmark through my bloodline. It would be different if I was researching my family history and discovered that my distant ancestors were Danish, but I am not wholly English. Twenty-five per cent Danish is not an insignificant amount of Danish DNA.

Maybe if I had been born a girl my mother have might have formed a closer bond with me, I don't know.

Surely it was my mother's responsibility to raise me in both traditions. Our identity is developed during childhood. My Danish grandmother lived 5 minutes away with her English husband in England when I was growing up. It is surely only natural to pass on your culture and to live partly in that cultural identity. My grandmother spoke excellent English and integrated into the local community, understanding the importance of passing on both Danish and English traditions. My grandmother celebrated her Danish identity but whenever she tried to speak to her daughter in Danish in front of me, my mother replied in English. My grandmother knew that it was not her place to teach me Danish and to do so she would have been regarded as interfering.

It is interesting that you say I had a choice of learning about my Danish heritage as an adult. I have oftened wondered why I had not learnt the Danish language in my earlier adulthood. In my mid-teens I got to know my Danish grandmother quite well - my English grandmother died when I was very young - and I developed a stronger sense of being part Danish but we lived nowhere near any Danish community and didn't know how to pursue my desire to know and live more along those lines. I lived at home until my early 20s and I believe that the fact that Danish culture did not exist within our household on a daily basis meant that I was totally immersed in English culture to the point that I had literally been indoctrinated in English culture and psychologically I believed that I was happy enough being English and often believed that I was being ridiculous in wanting to learn Danish or to even visit Denmark. I lived in this way for more than 20 years every minute of my life and so it was impossible to think rationally in any way other than to live English; to want to adopt a Danish identity alongside my English identity would have been a foreign idea and irrational to me because of the way I had been raised.

I do not romanticise the Danish way of life. I do not believe it is a utopian society and I am encouraged by the growth of the Vineyard churches throughout the Nordic countries. I believe that God considers cultural identity to be an important part of being a Christian. I believe that he considers Nordic cultural identities to be important and that it is only natural for me to have both a Nordic identity and an English identity since I have 25 per cent Danish DNA. As an individual I am an important part of the kingdom of God.

I am very surprised that you say I am too emotionally involved to discern the truth. I disagree. I do not expect people to agree with everything I say but I am shocked at your hostile comments.

 

[Truly1999]

Denmark is not that far away from the UK, go visit it and if you cannot begin by learning the language. You surely have the motivation

Funny you should say that, and at the same time as exploring my past 50 years, I am looking forward to living at least the next 25 years as a whole person with a combined English and Nordic identity. I am learning basic Danish at the moment through the Teach Yourself series "Complete Danish" by Bente Elsworth, book and CD, which will take me to Intermediate level. In the near future, I will be visiting Denmark and make connections with evangelical/charismatic/neo-charismatic Christians across the Nordic countries of Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Finland. I would like to visit at least once a year. Perhaps, I will make connections with secular groups to develop cross-cultural links. I am sure there are many people in similar circumstances to me, where they have one grandparent who is Scandinavian and another grandparent who is American or English or German, etc and who know very little about their heritage and probably don't speak a Nordic language.

I am not going to live the next 25 years regretting not developing into the person I should have been. I am excited to see what God has waiting for me.

 

[TheNorwegian]

It was my birthright to have both an English identity and a Danish identity - not only a Danish identity, but a Nordic identity.

I understand your longing to know the "missing part" of you heritage. But what do you mean with "Nordic heritage"? Norwegian culture is far more different from Danish culture, than English culture is from Scottish culture. If you think abut Finland and Denmark, they are probably at least as different from one another as English cultures is from French culture. So, it is not clear to me how you can develop a Nordic culture

 

[Radagast]

I believe that God considers cultural identity to be an important part of being a Christian.

Not at all.

In fact, a large fraction of European culture has been thrown away because it was incompatible with Christianity.

We Christians find our identity in Christ.

 

[fewme]

I understand your longing to know the "missing part" of you heritage. But what do you mean with "Nordic heritage"? Norwegian culture is far more different from Danish culture, than English culture is from Scottish culture. If you think abut Finland and Denmark, they are probably at least as different from one another as English cultures is from French culture. So, it is not clear to me how you can develop a Nordic culture

It's all relative my co-European friend, though simultaneously I have some links to the Mexican, the Argentinians, Equatorial Guinea and, a bit to the Philippines (as they eat adobo with cubiertos )

 

[Truly1999]

I understand your longing to know the "missing part" of you heritage. But what do you mean with "Nordic heritage"? Norwegian culture is far more different from Danish culture, than English culture is from Scottish culture. If you think abut Finland and Denmark, they are probably at least as different from one another as English cultures is from French culture. So, it is not clear to me how you can develop a Nordic culture

Indeed, I mean Danish identity..

 

[Truly1999]

Funnily enough, this thread has run its course. I will explore further elsewhere.