Long engagements?

[Citanul]

My brother recently got engaged to his girlfriend after about two years of dating. I don't think they've officially revealed their planned date yet, but he mentioned in passing to my sister that it's November 2020.

Neither of us can understand why they want to wait two years to get married. We know that there can be legitimate reasons for long engagements e.g. one party living somewhere else for an extended period, or waiting to finish studies. But none of the reasons apply to my brother and his fiancée as they're both working and they've been planning to buy a house for a while now (they're currently not living together), so they're pretty much settled.

I know that a lot of the time period of an engagement is taken up by planning the wedding, but according to my sister it seems like they've already put a lot of thought into it as they kind of know things like the theme, potential guest list, groomsmen, and bridesmaids. So that just contributes to the puzzlement as to why they're waiting so long. Although it's extremely unlikely to happen, two years is more than enough time for either of us to meet someone and get married ourselves.

So what are your thoughts on long engagements? I realise that occasionally there might be something which makes it necessary, but for the most part I don't really see the point. After all, you've made a decision to commit to spending the rest of your lives together - why would you want to delay making that commitment?

 

[Toro]

My opinion on them is they are to be avoided..... IF it is possible. You either want to be married or you don't.

Thats not to say it should be rushed into, but what is the point of "Lets get married" then "but much later down the line"?

Either wait until you are actually ready.... or don't be engaged/pop the question.

However, as you said there are reasons that would draw out such and engagement such as "We are engaged and will be married as soon as time permits/finances are there.... etc.". those I don't see it as being a problem because the couple ARE willing to be married as soon as it is possible, waiting on God's timing to make the circumstances right to do so.

If it is possible for them today, but they would rather wait years.... they still are unsure of their commitment to that person (or the commitment of the other person to them) and allowing time for "something better" to come along, but also giving the other person a reason to stick around. Either way, I think its a mistake.... but then what do I know? Im just an opinionated bull.

 

[High Fidelity]

I don't really see a problem with them, within reason.

It states intent to family, friends and a further commitment to your future spouse.

2 years isn't unrealistic considering the exorbitant prices people pay for weddings nowadays, you probably need a couple of years to save for it anyway.

Saying that, I knew a couple engaged for 6 years. It's like, what's the point. Crap or get off the pot.

 

[timewerx]

2 years isn't unrealistic considering the exorbitant prices people pay for weddings nowadays, you probably need a couple of years to save for it anyway.

That would be problem at least for me.

I have many poor relatives and help support a church ministry whenever there is opportunity. Seems like a waste of money to spend on expensive weddings when the money is of much greater usefulness if used to help support the ministry instead.

It is often that many Christians will take the case of Judas out of context to try to defend their indulgences. When Judas said what he did because he's stealing from the ministry fund and doesn't really care for the poor.

Weddings don't have to be expensive. Women who demand expensive weddings, is not worth anyone's time. These would be the same people that would prevent you from ever knowing the Truth demanding most of your time and resources to meet their worldly desires.

 

[kittysbecute]

If you have a reason for a long engagement, such as school, finances, or family obligations (caring for family), or something else. They are fine. But if there is nothing really stopping you from getting married, just do it. I don't think rushed marriages are always the best option though. So it's not always wise to just go with what everyone else is doing. For some couples waiting longer to get married is better, for others marrying sooner is better.

You could always ask your brother, why the wait.

People I know who had long engagements had reasons for it, same with those I know who rushed to marriage....

Personally for myself, I don't like the idea of a long engagement. (To me if you reach that stage you know you want to get married so why not get married tomorrow or as soon as you can arrange a wedding for close family and friends to celebrate with you?) But if I or who I was marrying needed to finish up some things before getting married I think I'd rather we take care of that first, especially if it's just a few months difference. But then that's just my opinion as someone who has never been in those shoes... perhaps I will have different feelings about it. In any case, both people need to be ready. For some couples that is a bit longer.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Two years would be too much buildup for me. I'd be concerned that the wedding-planning/tail would end up wagging the relationship/dog. In my opinion six months engagement ought to be long enough, unless there are special circumstances that require longer.

 

[ReesePiece23]

People only get engaged so that they can flaunt it on Instagram. #iloveher #luckyboy #together4evea #hubby2be #imamoronicturd #illbedoingthiswithsomeoneelseinsixmonths

 

[Niels]

However long it takes. Every couple is unique. I'd rather not wait another two years after proposing, but the future is still unwritten.

 

[thecolorsblend]

I never saw the point of a long engagement.

Still, if the couple is okay with a long engagement then I don't see how it's anybody else's business.

 

[AnnaDeborah]

It depends on the reasons.

In general, I'd say it's better to wait until you are 100% ready to marry and then have a short engagement, but there are many good reasons why a couple may want to make a formal commitment to each other, yet not marry for a while. It really is down to the couple themselves.

 

[RayofSun]

I never saw the point of a long engagement.

Still, if the couple is okay with a long engagement then I don't see how it's anybody else's business.

This is my response as well.
I don't see the point in super long engagements without a specific reason. Basically the engagement should be as long as it takes for us to plan the wedding and plan where to live afterwards...
Just me though.

People only get engaged so that they can flaunt it on Instagram. #iloveher #luckyboy #together4evea #hubby2be #imamoronicturd #illbedoingthiswithsomeoneelseinsixmonths

Or wait, you're totally right. The engagement should be as long as it takes me to run out of cute/barf worthy hashtags.
#soontobetwo
#lookatthisring
#lookatmyringagain
#anotherpictureofmygaudysparklyring
#futurehubbyisthebest


Sooo for me that would be about 2 days.

 

[Applekrate]

Unless they are 18, I see little reason for long term relationships and putting off marriage.
If they are remaining pure and are ready to commit, why wait? I'd go nuts.

When I was younger I remember my mom telling me the phrase- 'crap or get off the pot'

For those 25 and older ( after education, etc ), I see little reason to date someone longer than a year without a commitment and getting married.

Had a friend who dated a gal for 5 years. I kept asking him, why? Oh, things are just not right.
Ya know, if you are with the wrong person that may keep you from meeting the right person, etc. I would rather be alone and avail than tied up with someone I have no plans to be with.
Now, people who are not pure, look at it the opposite way. They really have no reason to marry as they are already 'enjoying' it. I think women are so foolish to 'put out' prior to marriage. If you look at the big picture, that is one of the real problems with familes and lack of them today.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

2 years isn't so bad. They probably just feel they need more time.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Blind post: Long engagements are not necessary imo.

 

[Sketcher]

My parents had a long engagement (close to a year, IIRC). Once you're engaged, your relationship changes, they said. They're still married. I think long engagements can have merit.

 

[kittysbecute]

My parents had a long engagement (close to a year, IIRC). Once you're engaged, your relationship changes, they said. They're still married. I think long engagements can have merit.

Imo a year isn’t long. It’s reasonable.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

hopefully it's not so they can save up for some grossly expensive wedding ceremony.

 

[Citanul]

I didn't hear this directly from them, but apparently the date they've chosen is the anniversary of their first date, and it's only on a Saturday in two years. There could be more to it, but if that's the main reason it doesn't strike me as a particularly good reason to wait that long.

 

[blackribbon]

I can't even begin to fathom this unless they are already living like a married couple and the wedding is just a formality...a big fancy (expensive) party. I only wanted to be WITH my husband...as soon as possible.

I think it is stupid buying wedding gifts for a couple that has been living together. The purpose of the gift is to help a young couple set up household. (the same reason why we used to only have a babyshower for the first baby).

 

[Citanul]

I think it is stupid buying wedding gifts for a couple that has been living together. The purpose of the gift is to help a young couple set up household. (the same reason why we used to only have a babyshower for the first baby).

My cousin is getting married this week and they've been living together for a while now. But they've basically addressed this issue by asking for gifts of cash to go towards the honeymoon rather than physical gifts.