Long Distance Relationships

[InTheFlame]

I'm in a long distance relationship and although we do a lot of the hugging and stuff, we also do a lot of talking to each other about each other. Right now she is helping me to get over my depression and stuff.

Holly... be very careful. A boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse's role in a relationship is NOT to fix your problems. That's what counsellors are for - to help you work through your problems. Turning your SO into your counsellor can really cause problems down the track.

 

[Glorianna]

aawwww

we met here too


I know the web is unsafe lots of times, but for those who find someone they couldnt find at home it sure seems to be a blessing

Good luck.

That's for darn sure.

Good luck to you too!

 

[theesh]

Reading this thread makes me smile and gives me hope that LDR's do work. I myself am in an LDR. I'm in PA she is in MI. It is rough sometimes being apart. I've come to beleave that distance does not matter. It is the way you interact with eachother on a day-to-day basis. The content of your converstations, It can't always be "I miss you, when am i going to get to meet you" I'll give you my real-life situation....

We treat this relationship like a best freindship. I tell her everything thats is happening and she does the same with me, no matter how painful it could be. truthfulness is always the best way to go in any type of relationship. That is, if you want the relationship to last. Speaking of i have to tell her somthing tonight...... anyway... Honesty is also key. be honest, even if it hurts. Don't be to needy, I myself can be guilty of this. wanting to spend all your time with him or her. Heres an example....

Becky is in college, works, and in heavily involved with her church... Me, I work and am involved in my church. Sometimes I would feel upset because she couldn't spend enough time with me... or thats how I preceved it... Thats not the case at all. She is making time for me in her busy schedual and I am now to the point of "we will talk when we talk" Because I know that she will make time for me and I will make time for her. Just because you are far apart doesn't mean that you can't have a healthy loving relationship with your other.

The best advice i can give you is be honest, don't make him/her feel responcable or guilty for not spending all the time that he/she can with you. He/she will make time if it is important. Don't focus on your expectations. Sometimes expectations can be so high no one can reach them. Share what is going on in your life with him/her even if it is hard. And if possable read a book together and share your veiws on it. It makes for some interesting convorastions. lastly treat it more like a best freindship than anything else. Husbands and wives are bestfreinds first before they are anything else.

 

[Silver Speak]

We treat this relationship like a best freindship. I tell her everything thats is happening and she does the same with me, no matter how painful it could be. truthfulness is always the best way to go in any type of relationship. That is, if you want the relationship to last.

..except in internet 'relationships' (I assume yours is the real thing) -you'll most likely regret sharing so much. Take it from someone who really screwed things up.

 

[theesh]

..except in internet 'relationships' (I assume yours is the real thing) -you'll most likely regret sharing so much. Take it from someone who really screwed things up.

Sure, in a strickly internet relationship there is always the chance of getting hurt. Not accually knowing who the other person is... so on and so forth. Thats where trust in God comes in. With me I constantly prayed (and still do) That she is real and that I'm not making a huge mistake. Thats just the nature of LDR's until you accually meet. It is all about trust. How much do you trust your other. I trust becky explicidly. As well she does me... Of course there are still doubts and questions. But those will mostly be put to rest when whe finally me. All in God's timing.

 

[IAMSANGEL]

Focus on getting to know each other. Make sure your conversations aren't just -

- "Oh, I miss my darling"
- "Oh, I miss you too, my sweetie-luvy-darling-pet"
- "How long till we can see each other again?"
- "3 weeks, 6 days, 4 hours and 49 minutes"
- "I can't wait!"
- "Neither can I, I'm gonna hug you so hard..."
- "Same here. I miss you so much..."

(etc)

Hahaha! this is so true! im speaking from experience, here! we have all made our mistakes in the past. I live in Eng and i had a long term relationship with a guy in canada...totally online (wit web cams n mics etc) we never met....we didnt work out but i really do think LDR's can work. This is all really good advice by the way!
God bless!
IAMSANGEL

 

[Glorianna]

Yes, LDR's definitely can work. Since starting to date the man who is now my fiance (who I met on CF by the way), I have heard about so many couples that it has worked for. But it IS incredibly hard.

 

[Silver Speak]

Sure, in a strickly internet relationship there is always the chance of getting hurt. Not accually knowing who the other person is... so on and so forth. Thats where trust in God comes in. With me I constantly prayed (and still do) That she is real and that I'm not making a huge mistake. Thats just the nature of LDR's until you accually meet. It is all about trust. How much do you trust your other. I trust becky explicidly. As well she does me... Of course there are still doubts and questions. But those will mostly be put to rest when whe finally me. All in God's timing.

Well, I don't mean to put you (or anyone else) down but I really did pray about it. I gotta say I was pretty good at fooling myself.. Maybe it's just me. I'm just saying, it's very different in real life; you don't really understand it before you meet that person. All your hopes might come crashing down. Really, at first I had no idea how I ever got myself believe it would work out. :o

I didn't get hurt but the other party certainly did 'cause I changed my mind completely. I was disappointed, that's for sure, but not heart-broken. I figured this guy wasn't what I wanted. It's very hard to develop a relaistic picture of the person when you can't see them in person. You don't see how they act in different situations, how they interact with others. I'm telling you, it's a terrible feeling when you finally meet that person and your expectations aren't fulfilled..at all. I'm not saying there was anything wrong but I figured he couldn't be more wrong for me.

You probably think I'm such a downer but I'm just warning ya. I was really SURE it would work out and I ended up hurting him a great deal. I hope none of you make the same mistakes I did.

 

[Glorianna]

Well, I don't mean to put you (or anyone else) down but I really did pray about it. I gotta say I was pretty good at fooling myself.. Maybe it's just me. I'm just saying, it's very different in real life; you don't really understand it before you meet that person. All your hopes might come crashing down. Really, at first I had no idea how I ever got myself believe it would work out. :o

I didn't get hurt but the other party certainly did 'cause I changed my mind completely. I was disappointed, that's for sure, but not heart-broken. I figured this guy wasn't what I wanted. It's very hard to develop a relaistic picture of the person when you can't see them in person. You don't see how they act in different situations, how they interact with others. I'm telling you, it's a terrible feeling when you finally meet that person and your expectations aren't fulfilled..at all. I'm not saying there was anything wrong but I figured he couldn't be more wrong for me.

You probably think I'm such a downer but I'm just warning ya. I was really SURE it would work out and I ended up hurting him a great deal. I hope none of you make the same mistakes I did.

Agreed. LDR's over the internet don't always work. But they CAN. My relationship is proof of that. I am engaged to a man I met on CF and I couldn't be happier.

 

[PurpleBunny]

Well, I don't mean to put you (or anyone else) down but I really did pray about it. I gotta say I was pretty good at fooling myself.. Maybe it's just me. I'm just saying, it's very different in real life; you don't really understand it before you meet that person. All your hopes might come crashing down. Really, at first I had no idea how I ever got myself believe it would work out. :o

I didn't get hurt but the other party certainly did 'cause I changed my mind completely. I was disappointed, that's for sure, but not heart-broken. I figured this guy wasn't what I wanted. It's very hard to develop a relaistic picture of the person when you can't see them in person. You don't see how they act in different situations, how they interact with others. I'm telling you, it's a terrible feeling when you finally meet that person and your expectations aren't fulfilled..at all. I'm not saying there was anything wrong but I figured he couldn't be more wrong for me.

You probably think I'm such a downer but I'm just warning ya. I was really SURE it would work out and I ended up hurting him a great deal. I hope none of you make the same mistakes I did.

I totally agree with this. The LDR I was in before I started dating my fiance ended horribly, about three weeks after we met in person. It wasn't fun at all. I'm just glad I wasn't completely scared off from LDRs 'cause I started dating my fiance about six months later! (But then, I'd met my fiance in person a year previously even if I could hardly remember what he was like.)

 

[Silver Speak]

I have no problem with getting to know someone through the internet but one should be very careful about the information they share of themselves 'cause the person you're talking to is still a stranger to you until you meet them. I know some people feel differently but I sure felt really weird meeting the person for a first time, yet knowing he knows so much about me. I regret it 'cause I know I can't take it back now. My suggestion: stay friends until you meet the person and then consider the romantic aspect. It's very easy to get to know someone really fast through the internet, faster than in real life!! Just be careful, okay

Now that I've poured all my frustration onto this thread, let me say I did learn a lot through the situation. Hey, I can use it as a warning to others Feel free to ask me questions..

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Just to add . . . that if someone wants to pull the wool over your eyes, they will. They're not isolated to people on the internet. I've met more nutcases in person than ones I've met online. I think you should proceed any realtionship with caution--whether it's online or not.

 

[Glorianna]

Just to add . . . that if someone wants to pull the wool over your eyes, they will. They're not isolated to people on the internet. I've met more nutcases in person than ones I've met online. I think you should proceed any realtionship with caution--whether it's online or not.

VERY good point.

 

[wolfiswill]

Heather and I did meet online. We just started talking and kept talking. She has an amazing heart. I'm going to see her in 2 weeks. I know that there are so many online relationships that fail, but the same can happens when you meet someone in person too. You really have to be careful and make sure that God is at the center of it and that your not relying on your emotions. This is just a thought.

 

[Silver Speak]

Heather and I did meet online. We just started talking and kept talking. She has an amazing heart. I'm going to see her in 2 weeks. I know that there are so many online relationships that fail, but the same can happens when you meet someone in person too. You really have to be careful and make sure that God is at the center of it and that your not relying on your emotions. This is just a thought.

..and what a good thought it is It's something I failed at; not saying others will but be very, very certain and rely on God.. Good luck!

 

[lady_of_god]

An online relationships can work... just listen to the voice of God and let Him be your guiding light in all decisions. Also be realistic and honest about expectations, and with each other.

-Lady

 

[Glorianna]

An online relationships can work... just listen to the voice of God and let Him be your guiding light in all decisions. Also be realistic and honest about expectations, and with each other.

-Lady

Agreed.

 

[lingjanet]

my distance relationship never success...sad of it...i going to give up...
but one things i will never give up is pray for it

 

[Pikachelsea]

Wow... it's encouraging to see so many other people in LDRs here! I've been in one for the past 5 and a half years, myself...

We only get to see each other about every few months (if that), so we try to communicate daily, one way or another. To help ease the pain of separation, I'd recommend that you both invest in a cable internet connection, a webcam and a headset/mic combo so you can at least see each other and enjoy some free long distance conversations. I also agree with the advice given about sending the occasional hand-written letters or small gifts. There's something extra special about getting that physical embodiment of their feelings sometimes.

With my LDR, our first visit was a bit awkward but we warmed up to each other within a few days... our biggest problem these days is that he's in Calgary, I'm near Seattle (and about to graduate from college in a few months), and neither one of us is keen on moving to the other's country. Sigh... inter-state LDRs can be rough but it's only complicated further if it's international. Still praying for some guidance from God on this difficult dilemma...

 

[Glorianna]

Sigh... inter-state LDRs can be rough but it's only complicated further if it's international. Still praying for some guidance from God on this difficult dilemma...

Don't I know it! My fiance lives in South Carolina and I live in British Columbia. I can definitely relate with that!