Long Distance Marriages/Courting

[SelfProtect]

Hello all!

I am searching for advise and experience on long distance marriages. I personally know 2 people who are in a similiar situation and they seem very happy. I plan on calling them specifically soon.

Anway, for those who have been following my story... my bf wants to work hard for the next 5 years then retire. He plans on carrying this out by working overseas in Iraq, crazy hugh? Anyway, the way it works is he will be gone for 4 months then they pay for him to come back 2 weeks then he will be gone again for 4 months. This is his plan for 5 years. By then my kids will be close to finishing high school.

So what do you guys think? Is it realistic to think we can make it?

 

[4all2see]

The point of being with someone is to be with someone...

 

[katelyn]

I think that marriages can last through something like that...but...if you are just getting into marriage and already having to face that, it would be pretty difficult. I think it's important to have a foundation in your marriage before having to face something like that.

If you feel like you have a strong foundation in your relationship and that you are 100% sure that you want to be with this guy, then it very well could work out. However, if you are worried about the strain, maybe putting marriage off until he gets back would be a better idea.

I would put a lot of prayer into the decision and try to follow God's leading in the situation.

 

[Mistyfogg]

My husband is in the Marines. He went over to Iraq recently for 5 months. It is the most difficult thing in the world. It is something that personally consumed my life. I was constantly thinking of him and wishing and praying he was around. I was a mess and I cannot explain the yearning I had to be with him. It can either "make or break" a relationship. I watched other wives around me either feel the same way I did or feel the opposite. Some wives did not seem to care their husband was gone. Some wives even cheated on their husbands. But it made our relationship so strong, I realized just how much I loved him. It created a deeper, special bond between us. I cannot imagine experiencing what we did for five months for five years. It is something so emotionally taxing and hard. You should ask him if it is really worth it. Five years is a long time. Look back five years and think how different of a person you were. You can just imagine how much of a different person you will be after 5 years of him only coming and going every couple of months. It is hard to change and have them not around and to know that they are changing and you can't adjust to that. It is just such a tricky situation. If you are going to do it, you must be very good communicators. Constantly writing and calling if you can. You won't want him to go again after those 2 weeks are up. I STILL have separation anxiety, I don't like to be away from my husband and he came back 5 months ago. Good luck and God Bless. Let me know how things are working out.
Misty

 

[SelfProtect]

4all2see,
Thanks for your input, I am asking God for the motivation of my heart. I enjoy alone time so I think it wouldn't be so hard. But I think the only way to tell would be to try it and see. By that I mean trying long distance courting BEFORE long distance marriage and see how it goes.

katelyn,
Thanks for your sound advise.

Mistyfogg
Thanks for your advise through experience. Actually, I am kinda thinking that this is his dream, I don't want to stand in the way of that. But, I think realistically he will go there for 4 months and hate it and come back. I think I really need to just try it and see. By that I mean trying long distance courting BEFORE long distance marriage and see how it goes.

Thanks!

 

[4all2see]

Selfprotect -
Long distance courting sounds like a great idea! Oon a personal note: (read the tread I started for further insight) but my husband and I dated a long time before getting married. He asked many times but I always said no. I was not ready for that and I was not sure that he was really ready. As it turned out, he was not. He had what would be his first affair which I discovered right before he was to go for training in AZ for 9 months. We were not married so I did not go with him, even though he asked me to go. We had decided to work through his affair. He made many promises. What the distance did for us was (looking back,I think) create an unrealistic environment in which he did not have to deal with my difficulty in handling/getting past the affair. The distance made him feel like he was soooo lucky to have me be so forgiving and supportive and loving. We married when he came home. I said yes thinking that he was so different, that the hurt he had caused me that opened his eyes to commitment. Now I know that was not the case. His second affair was with the same person. I tell you all of this hoping that you will go into your long distance courting knowing that the time apart may cause you/yours to feeling more in love more connected. Just remember to validate those feelings, if they happen, with time together afterward. Maybe as much time together afterward as the time you were apart. I know your situation is different than mine, we are all individuals but I hope that no one has to feel the level of hurt that I have. I stand still committed to my husband and pray that God's will includes a level of understanding so that I can handle what is to be.
I will keep you in my prayers. Let me know how your situation works out. I will look forward to hearing of the start of a new and happy family. God Bless you.

 

[SelfProtect]

4all2see,
How did you find out about the affair if you guys were long distance? I divorced a serial cheater. I have always wondered how I could live with someone daily and him be doing that behind my back than how can you trust someone when your dating and your not with them all the time?