Lonely

[jennyren]

I dated my husband from the time i was 14. I got married at 17, he was 22. We' ve been married 7 years. We have three children. He works 3 hours away and is only home 4-8 days a month. For the first six years of our marriage he was a cocaine addict. For the last year he was clean from everything, in the past month he started gambling, drinking, smoking again. He lies all the time, constantly critisizes me for being a bad mom, disorganized, lazy etc. He is a Christian but I've always felt unequally yolked and I'm so tired of being hurt. I dont want to have him come home anymore, I dont want to talk to him anymore, I dont want to look at him anymore because I know he has eyes for other women, can't prove it but I know he's cheated on me several times. (STD's dont just happen). He hates our daughter and openly favours our sons. If our son ever misbehaves he says its because our daughter is a bad influence on him. The only thing I do want is his money. I know if I raise my kids poor he will use the money to bribe the kids to be with him as they get older. He has expressed this in many of our divorce talks. Our marriage started out with Jesus as the center and we've spent a lot of time on our knees trying to work out all these problems. We've had it prophesied over us that we would go into ministry together, that we would be youth leaders, that we would be pastors. When I look at our marriage all I see is a God that lies, a God that failes, a God that abandons. I'm so angry at God. Why does He hide himself? It would have been better for my kids if they were never born into this. Without God I have nothing to offer them. It sure is lonely around here.

 

[rae72]

Wow! I am sorry that noone has answered your message. Are you still in the same situation or have you split up by now?
First off reading your post you stated that you started out with a Christ centered marriage but at the same time he was addicted to cocaine! So, no his marriage was cocaine centered not Christ centered.
I think you need to get on your knees and pray and keep praying. You can not change your husband but you can work on being the best example you can be to your husband and your children. Work on keeping your focus on God, needing your husbands needs with a loving heart and sheparding your childrens hearts toward Christ. God can change ANY situation. Don't give up!
Now, if you are being abused or your kids are being abused, then you should get out immediately.
Please let me know how you are doing. You are in my prayers!

Rae

 

[Straybullet]

Jenny,
I can understand where you are coming from. I don't know if things have changed since you first wrote this, but I hope so. I know how it must feel to see and hear everyone laughing and so happy that Christ is the reason they have such a fulfilling life. All I can ask is to have a little more faith. He can, and probably give you a miracle. Hang on to your faith, it is like your dignity, something nobody can take from you. Your husband sounds like a real winner, but you already know you are better. Yes, it really bites when you have prayed, lived the straight and narrow life, given yourself and yet even non-christians seem to live a better life. My life is no better. There are many days I want to put my coat on and walk away, never look back. The only thing that stops me is that God is with me wherever I go, so I cannot really hide. Give yourself a little more, reach a little higher, push a little harder. He may not be worth it by the standards of most, but remember God put you with him for a reason. It will pay off, I promise you. God Bless you

 

[cory533]

Jenny,
Sorry I have not been keeping up here and just saw this you are in my prayers. God is not lying but He does understand how you hurt and can feel that way.His shoulders are big He can take it. wish I had something more to say to help. I do understand, it is no fun putting up with all that. Protect your babies run if you must.
Cory