Lonely yet not forsaken

[crystalpc]

This next week it will be 2 years since my beloved husband of almost 38 years passed on.
I find myself alone, with no children, or grandchildren, no close relatives left. I get so lonely at times I can barely stand it. But the Lord has sustained me through some extremely rough times.
I hate being alone. I hate coming home to a lonely house, with only dogs to miss me. (haven't trained either of them to answer the phone yet).,
I am doing my best to hold on, and the Lord has allowed me rest in the hollow of his hand.
I miss my best friend, I miss the closeness we had. I miss not having the security of someone who cared about me waiting for me, when I am out. I miss the help he gave, his undying support and love.
I have had people say you are not alone! That is silly, I know that I have the Lord the Lord knows this, but when you are so completely alone without another human beings voice for weeks at a time, in a silent house then tell me you are not alone.
All things are not spiritual, it is the physical presence of others that the Lord designed us for.
Pray for me. Jesus is my helper, but I want him to send someone along to fill the emptiness of my home. I have thought of foster children. I need guidance.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I understand how you feel! My husband passed away in January of 2005. Although I do have two children 13 and 9 and a dog at home, still sometimes I feel so alone myself. We were married for almost 25 years and it IS hard to be without your friend and helper. Everyone is different and I don't think anyone can TRULY understand the feelings of another, but I can empathize with you and you can communicate with others on this site, so you don't feel so lonely (even when you are). Hopefully that will help you. What I have learned lately in spending time with the Lord is that, truly, everything we go thru God feels too. We lost a loved one, God lost his Son. When we are alone and feel unloved, God also feels that when his people don't love him or pay attention to him. I hope I have encouraged you some. For me, just knowing other people care and pray for me helps me too.

God Bless you,
Memoriesbymichelle

 

[JeanR]

Today would have been my husband's 55th birthday. I miss him so much that I could just scream.

Even though I have four children, and 3 of them live with me, as well as my son-in-law, the loneliness is unbearable. It is amazing that with a house full of people, you can feel so utterly alone.

I know that the Lord is with me and sustains me, but I miss Terry with every inch of my being. What I am facing now is that people think I should be moving on with my life and they have "someone I would like you to meet". How can they think I am ready to meet someone when my husband of 29 years is only gone for 9 months! What are they thinking!

I am so thankful for everyone on this web site. This is one place where I know people understand how I feel. I love you all.

Jean

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Boy do I understand how you feel JeanR! It has been 2 1/2 years for me and I STILL don't know if I ever want to have another relationship, although at times it is quite unbearable to see all our friends that are all couples and then there's me. It's not easy letting someone go, even if you know they are now with the Lord. People should not rush you into "getting on with your life"! Everyone is different and some take longer than others and some just never go on to another relationship. Any and ALL of that, is OK and the Lord knows your heart. I know my husband would have probably already had someone else in his life a long time ago, but I am not him and he is not here. Your husband would not want you to suffer and be lonely. However, none of us NEED anyone else but the Lord. But we do need friends and we do need physical contact. You are such a blessing to everyone on this site and I have only been on here a short while. Be encouraged! Take as long as you need to grieve and don't let anyone rush you into another relationship unless and until your truly ready. Like I said, it's been 2 1/2 years for me and sometimes I think I am ready and then I realize I am not. Relationships take alot of work and for me right now I am concentrating on my kids (9 and 13). Besides that, if God wanted someone to be in your life for you, HE will bring them to you, you will never have to search for them. I hope this encourages you.

memoriesbymichelle

 

[JeanR]

Terry and I had talked during the years about what we would want for each other if one of us died. We both said the same thing, that we move on with our life and with a new relationship if the Lord would bring someone into our lives. The only thing my husband requested is that my new husband (I just can't even tell you how hard it is to print that) would not adopt our kids. He wanted our kids to carry his name.

We also had a discussion about a month before he died. I asked him why men marry so quickly after their spouses died and women don't. He said men don't have friends that they can turn to, only acquaintenances. When people are married as long as we were, men have a tendency to have only their wife as a close friend. He also said that if he should pass he found comfort in the fact that I had three close friends who would help me through. They way he said it made me stop in my tracks. I asked him if there was something I should be aware of and he just smiled and said no, don't worry. A month later he died of a sudden, massive heart attack.

He had been going to quite a few doctors over the summer and was very vague with me as to why he was going. I really think he knew there was a problem and didn't tell me. He had 2 sayings he said all the time to me: "If you needed to know I would tell you" and "I always take care of you, don't I?" It would be like him to spare me any anguish, but I wish I had had a chance to say good-bye.

After he died, everything was in order in his paperwork for the lawyer. All I had to do was see the file and it was there. It was very eerie. My husband was the most disorganized man I ever met, so to see everything laid out like it was also makes me think he knew something.

It's now been 9 months and his estate was supposed to be settled by July 9th and we had to file an extension. This has been such a long, drawn out process.

I am also in the process of buying a townhouse and moving. My house is very old and in need of major repairs. Please pray for guidance in this. My mother and father-in-law are very upset that I want to move, even though I am only moving about 2 miles away. But, I guess it is one piece of Terry that will be gone. But, the house is too much for me to handle and I need a place where I pay a monthly fee and the grass is cut, snow removed, etc.

So many decisions.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

When you say you feel like Terry knew what would happen to him I can understand. My mom died of breast cancer which she fought for 5 years prior. When I first found out she had breast cancer was on my birthday, she called from the recovery room of the hospital all drugged up asking if I was going to tell her about Jesus. She had just had her breast removed!! I went to see her, and she couldn't believe I drove all the way to see her! Even toward the end, she called me and told me she left me a blank check with a letter to close out her account if something happened to her. I asked her What's going on? Do you know something and she just blew it off and said "oh no, you know if 5 or 10 years whenever I die". She knew!!! My sadness is in the fact that she tried to "protect" me and my feelings and maybe had to suffer by herself. I wish I could have shared that with her instead. I did share that with my husband. I know now, that the death of my mother and my father-in-law before that was preparing me for my husbands death. Your husband was probably like my mom, and wanted to "protect" you from worrying etc. If that is the case, I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you. Just like when God doesn't tell us about his plans for us, it's because he is "protecting" us. (Plus if we knew the plan we would probably say no-way!). You have my support and prayers. You must do what you feel is right for you now and if that means selling your house so be it. My husband died at home. My family has a hard time visiting because of that. I on the other hand and my children don't feel any weirdness about it. That's what he wanted and we are fine with it. We can't help what others think, whether they be our family or friends. Follow the Lord and you will never go wrong even when people tell you you are. You are such a blessing to people on this site. God is using you even when you don't even know it. My husband held on for awhile because he didn't know he had ANY life insurance. He didn't have much but he was so relieved to find out he had enough to bury him. You should be grateful (which I am sure you are) that Terry did try to take care of you including having everything in order for you. He knew you would hurt either way losing him, and maybe he just wanted to prolong that until after he was gone. I know you have been told this before but it DOES get better. Rest in the knowledge that you WILL see him again and right now he is present with the Lord in a FAR better place than we are. If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. I will pray for your housing situation and for the strength you need to carry on.

Love in Christ,
memoriesbymichelle

 

[ElElena]

You will find others that are going through much of what you've been through. It may not be the exact same for everyone but we are all grieving especially when we are not yet mated again.

I do pray with you that God will send you help.

He is your ever present help in times of trouble.

God bless you.

Contact me if you ever want to - use the email system on this site for that if you like.

This next week it will be 2 years since my beloved husband of almost 38 years passed on.
I find myself alone, with no children, or grandchildren, no close relatives left. I get so lonely at times I can barely stand it. But the Lord has sustained me through some extremely rough times.
I hate being alone. I hate coming home to a lonely house, with only dogs to miss me. (haven't trained either of them to answer the phone yet).,
I am doing my best to hold on, and the Lord has allowed me rest in the hollow of his hand.
I miss my best friend, I miss the closeness we had. I miss not having the security of someone who cared about me waiting for me, when I am out. I miss the help he gave, his undying support and love.
I have had people say you are not alone! That is silly, I know that I have the Lord the Lord knows this, but when you are so completely alone without another human beings voice for weeks at a time, in a silent house then tell me you are not alone.
All things are not spiritual, it is the physical presence of others that the Lord designed us for.
Pray for me. Jesus is my helper, but I want him to send someone along to fill the emptiness of my home. I have thought of foster children. I need guidance.

 

[ElElena]

Hey , Ladies. I don't know why this thread isn't in my subscriptions but know you can send me Private messages if you want to.

God be with all of you. May he send you help and turn your sorrow into joy.

He is able.

 

[ElElena]

AND - Don't we all need direction.

When our lives completely change like that we really need the Help of Our Lord.

 

[ElElena]

Isaiah 54


1Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.
2Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;
3For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited.
4Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
5For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.
6For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.
7For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.
8In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer.
9For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee.
10For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee.
11O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
12And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
13And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
14In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee.
15Behold, they shall surely gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall for thy sake.
16Behold, I have created the smith that bloweth the coals in the fire, and that bringeth forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the waster to destroy. 17No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

 

[JeanR]

My husband also died at home. He died in our family room. Sometimes we'll all be in the room and I think we should be weirded out about it, but it is the opposite. We had many a good time in that room and it has enough happy memories to sustain the shock of seeing my husband laying there. We laugh and cry there.

 

[ElElena]

The home we lived in when my husband died is no longer home to me....... I think it was a good decision to leave.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I'm glad you have pleasant memories to remember JeanR. My boys are young and we have talked about it and they don't have any bad feelings either. ElElena, everyone is different and whatever works for us is what we need to do. There's no shame or blame in that game. Years ago my father-in-law lived with us and got cancer. The VA hospital sent him home and I thought he was going to die in my house. I was young and scared and didn't want that. He ended up going back in the hospital after losing 20 pounds in 4 days and only lasted a few weeks after that. But for some reason I felt totally different with my husband. He was sick and wanted to die at home. He was petrified of dying in the hospital and begged me not to let that happen. I feel his presence because of the memories that are there and my kids feel the same. But it's funny to me I didn't feel that way about my father in law. After my father in law passed away we had to move. Even though he didn't die there, my husband was getting severly depressed staring at his bedroom door everyday and all his stuff was still in there. We just had to move. It was the right thing back then. God knows our needs and he made us all different and that is OK with me.
God Bless you all!

memoriesbymichelle

 

[ElElena]

I agree with that.