You are being truthful and honest. You have shown you are struggling with life, and with God. Struggle is an evidence of a deep and real faith.
If you read in the OT.... Jacob was renamed Israel by God....because Jacob fought and struggled with God.
Who did God use to be the founder of the Israel nation? A man...who struggled with God, lied, stole, and twist our his family....God used this person. God know what he was, but God saw what he could be! He wasn't the perfect holy man....who known all the right scripture verses, acted perfect and holy, or even knew all the right spiritual words. So in the same way...no matter how you look at yourself...God sees what you can become!
You are feeling everything perfectly normal. Everything you can be going through...you are expressing the right emotions.
If this was all other something very silly like....your mom not buying you an outfit..haha, yeah we would be kind of upset

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God bless sister!
Anthony