Loneliness' inner sting

[treasurewords]

Sometimes it's just a dull ache, other times it's like my chest is being ripped open from the inside.
And it's all indulged by my own choice. Yet how can it be ignored?
I mean, seriously, I've never lost a loved one. I've never been in a serious relationship and had my heart shattered. I've developed a few crushes that crushed me due to existing for such a long period of time and causing the person I was crushing on to never know how I felt thus causing them to have nothing more than "friend" associated with me.
Nope, shouldn't really be too aching for anything.

I think it's mainly because I know how beautiful those "little things" are. A gentle touch, someone unexpectedly coming up from behind and putting their arms around you, gently kissing you on your neck and saying "I love you."
Fireworks going off when you look in their eyes for what feels like the first time. Hearing them say something unexpected that reminds you of the person inside that you fell in love with. Seeing them smile and feeling thankful that you'll never have to worry about not having that smile there to brighten your day.
Little things.

How do you get over the ache? How do you handle it if after many many times of just ignoring it until it goes away in the hopes that it will diminish over time, it does not go away but remains just as noticeable?

 

[kelco]

The ache never really goes away. You learn to shut off that part of your heart and keep it sealed. You learn not to dwell in or on the past and you also make sure that you never feel that way about anyone again. I know this sounds bitter but sometimes it's the only way you can survive. My prayers for peace and healing for you.

 

[lunalinda]

I wish I had an answer to that, but alas, I do not. But if you ever find one, then please let me know. I myself have to feel the ache after having BEEN in relationships and having my heart shattered, etc, etc, etc. But I don't think the ache is any different. An ache is an ache. Sometimes it's a minor twinge, and sometimes it's a twist of guts. It's reasons like that, in my opinion, that cause people to seek out a partner themselves rather than wait on God. It's just too painful, and there's nothing to even TEMPORARILY ease the pain. *siiiiigh*

 

[Thithy]

I guess the only way to even begin to ease the ache is by trusting in God. I know it's not easy, and when you see others out there it makes it even harder. You just need to trust God that someday you will have that special person. It doesn't necessarily take the ache away, but I think it lessens it, even if just a little bit.

 

[Eagle_Wings]

I wish I had the answer to that, but I've yet to find it myself. I am pretty much in the same boat as treasurewords. I've never been in a serious relationship, and it's all due to my choice. I want the relationship more then I could ever express, but I'm not willing to play all these stupid dating games that I watch others go through. I know God has the perfect guy for me out there, and that in His timing He will bring us together as long as I stay open to His leading. I struggle, daily, with trusting Him in this particular area of my life, and sometimes the longing fades to a subtle longing, yet other times it literally hurts. Especially now that I am approaching my 25th birthday and still living at home. I was always so sure that I would be at least in a serious relationship if not already married by now! I wish there was an easy answer to make it all go away, but unfortunately, I don't think there is.

 

[songz777]

Well for me I ahve discovered that finding Jesus as a deep precious friend who makes me ache intensely for Him and His company actually is more powerful than the ache of the many false hopes I have had for a dear spouse. When my whole being has been "ripped apart with utter despaire and loneliness and rejection and as if no one would ever want me" I have been at Jesus feet and been lifted to heights of heaven. It is He who will cure that "Deep Hurt" and "bitter tears" My whole being has ached to care and love someone, but the love and burning desire for my Lord is even greater than my deepest longing for a dear dear precious spouse.
The word says "those who hunger and thirst..will be filled" reach out and begin a new chapter in your life and ask the Lord to make Him your deepest longing, He will, He is faithful and then you will know what "Joy unspeakable and full of glory is"
Take care, I know how you feel, but dont suffer all the years like I did.
John

 

[TriptychR]

I find that loneliness comes in waves for me, but the more I indulge it the longer it lasts. Just finding something to do has always helped me. I recently realized just how much time I waste doing absolutely nothing on the Internet, and that seems to be when loneliness begins to dig in. I've started reading my Bible more at those times and have felt more fulfilled. Little things like that help a lot.

 

[iwillxa100]

treasurewords,

That is a very good post that you have made. You have an eloquent way of speaking about this matter which really brings it to light. I too feel this pain that you have been feeling. I think the only cure for this longing is a woman or God. And I dont think that God will cure this longing in everybody.

songs777, I see what you are saying, and I believe that God does this for some people, but I dont think that He does this for everyone. You are trying to say that if you ask God to make your desire for Him more powerful than your desire for a woman, that it will happen??
I've asked for God to take away my desire for women and it hasnt happened, I've asked for God to make me more interested in Him and it hasn't happened.

The word says "those who hunger and thirst..will be filled"

You are taking that to mean that God will fufill everyone's desire for a mate with a stronger desire for Him?
I took this verse as meaning that those who hunger for the Truth, the right religion, will be filled in Christ.

 

[JPPT1974]

Im used to being lonely because all through school and college as well as jobs, I consider myself a loner. As I also feel that I don't have much to give as well as much to say. Since I am a very boring person. What's my idea of a good time...playing on the internet as well as watching NFL football and working out. As well as reading and writing. No offense but I love being lonely. Either that or be stuck with the in-crowd which could ultermentally turn into the wrong crowd.

 

[MrDude]

Yeah thing sting really hurts sometimes. Especially when you're like me and have pretty much lost all hope at ever finding someone. Yeah I know I'm young and I shouldn't lose hope, but it's just extremely hard to compete where I am and in my church. Pretty much every other guy is not only very spiritual and on fire for God, but they are also rich and have the good looks that ladies like, so of course they will choose them over me. I'm just a plain old average joe striving to become a not-so-rich cop someday.

Edit: Gotta go, I'll post more on my thoughts later.

 

[TriptychR]

I bet it's also difficult when you call yourself a Complete Idiot.

 

[treasurewords]

I think the solution is for all the lonely people to get together and simply enter a pact of loneliness and support one another because in this world
no one is guaranteed anything except for death and judgment

 

[justasinner]

The only way to stop the pain is for you to get into another relationship before it increases to your breaking point. And because Evil does rules unchecked on earth these day it will increase until you take action.

I know a number of people that have married the wrong person just to stop the pain. Then they learn that God had no design in their marriage and some will fight for the rest of their lives while others simply make thing worst by divorcing. But if they invited God into the relationship even at that point they could save a marriage and the health of their children and glorify God.

Also God does not want anyone to be in pain And in the Bible he states that there is a person for everyone that wants one. The problem is we are called to search for that mate. But do to the evils society, one has learn to judge not what in a person heart but what they look and act like. And then there are some that says they will wait until God gives them a mate. But if your not looking will will miss the person that God has placed in your path for you to find.

A person in pain after a little time will start to take on a painfully outward look and act like nobody cares. This is God's way to let the rest of us know that is person in pain and that we should help them, but most people just ignore the problem and go about their own lives. And this makes it hard to rebuild that relationship structure.

I have had to have help in rebuilding the relationship structure in the past and I will tell you it not fun, being on either side.

The deal is that you need to be open and searching for the sign(s) that God will give you to identify your true mate. This person may be the next door neighbor, a classmate, someone that your IM(ing) or just the next person that you meet. But you need to look deeper than just watch your eyes are telling you. Look into their heart and soul.

Hopes this helps! But loneliness is a painful game to play that no one should play for long.

 

[MrDude]

Also God does not want anyone to be in pain And in the Bible he states that there is a person for everyone that wants one. The problem is we are called to search for that mate. But do to the evils society, one has learn to judge not what in a person heart but what they look and act like. And then there are some that says they will wait until God gives them a mate. But if your not looking will will miss the person that God has placed in your path for you to find.

So basically those of us to shy/scared to approach women are basically just out of luck? Not disagreeing with you, just asking.

 

[songz777]

treasurewords,


songs777, I see what you are saying, and I believe that God does this for some people, but I dont think that He does this for everyone. You are trying to say that if you ask God to make your desire for Him more powerful than your desire for a woman, that it will happen??
I've asked for God to take away my desire for women and it hasnt happened, I've asked for God to make me more interested in Him and it hasn't happened.


You are taking that to mean that God will fufill everyone's desire for a mate with a stronger desire for Him?
I took this verse as meaning that those who hunger for the Truth, the right religion, will be filled in Christ.

Hiya, Brov.
1st My Desire for a woman has not gone lol but even more powerful and mature, but my patience has matured, and the submitting to His time.
2nd Ive asked God to make my longing for Him greater and yes that has happended..taken 19 years mind. But I still ache and long to care for a dear woman, in between those bliss times of closeness to Him.
3rd. No God does not fulfil everyones desire for a mate just because they Love God more etc. Loving God more just puts me and you better in His will and He can guide us better as we keep our eyes open for His will.
4th Yes the verse I quoted was indeed what you say "If I hunger and thirst for God I will be satisfied with God more than my hurt for a wife.
Any tie you wanna chat brov..I am free to Take care John

 

[JPPT1974]

Hiya, Brov.
1st My Desire for a woman has not gone lol but even more powerful and mature, but my patience has matured, and the submitting to His time.
2nd Ive asked God to make my longing for Him greater and yes that has happended..taken 19 years mind. But I still ache and long to care for a dear woman, in between those bliss times of closeness to Him.
3rd. No God does not fulfil everyones desire for a mate just because they Love God more etc. Loving God more just puts me and you better in His will and He can guide us better as we keep our eyes open for His will.
4th Yes the verse I quoted was indeed what you say "If I hunger and thirst for God I will be satisfied with God more than my hurt for a wife.
Any tie you wanna chat brov..I am free to Take care John

John, we all could learn a lesson in patience because I sure need a lesson in patience as well.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Sometimes it's just a dull ache, other times it's like my chest is being ripped open from the inside....

I think it's mainly because I know how beautiful those "little things" are. A gentle touch, someone unexpectedly coming up from behind and putting their arms around you, gently kissing you on your neck and saying "I love you."
Fireworks going off when you look in their eyes for what feels like the first time. Hearing them say something unexpected that reminds you of the person inside that you fell in love with. Seeing them smile and feeling thankful that you'll never have to worry about not having that smile there to brighten your day.

It doesn't go away easily - and at times it doesn't seem to go away at all. For me, it is a dichotomy - when I have the opportunity to do things for people and praise God for it, then it's much easier. At other times, just the sight of someone that might be a possibility or not is very painful. Even your description is something that brings the ache of 'never be'. At times like that I need to step back and try for perspective again. I hope, I try, I walk in directions I hope would bring me to someone, but I do need to walk before God first. I suppose that's the new motto - "I walk before God".

 

[justasinner]

So basically those of us to shy/scared to approach women are basically just out of luck? Not disagreeing with you, just asking.

The "Shy" person needs to learn how to overcome their shyness. One way is to have one or more of his Christian friends and family to set this person up of a 'Bind Date'. And the friend that is doing the matchmaking should tell the non-shy person that they will be dating a shy person. And if you do not have such as set of friends or family in the area, well you need to make some friends that would do this for you. Since, there are some many lonely people I think that churches should have sermons based on setting a person up on a "Bind Date". At least 4 times a year.

I do not think you will meet your mate in these "Bind Dates" only lose the shyness that has help hinder you in finding your mate.

 

[MrDude]

The "Shy" person needs to learn how to overcome their shyness. One way is to have one or more of his Christian friends and family to set this person up of a 'Bind Date'. And the friend that is doing the matchmaking should tell the non-shy person that they will be dating a shy person. And if you do not have such as set of friends or family in the area, well you need to make some friends that would do this for you. Since, there are some many lonely people I think that churches should have sermons based on setting a person up on a "Bind Date". At least 4 times a year.

I do not think you will meet your mate in these "Bind Dates" only lose the shyness that has help hinder you in finding your mate.

Psychologically speaking, this has the potential to be a very bad idea. If the person has a negative experience on one of these "bind dates", then (s)he will become even more introverted then (s)he already is

 

[justasinner]

Psychologically speaking, this has the potential to be a very bad idea. If the person has a negative experience on one of these "bind dates", then (s)he will become even more introverted then (s)he already is

God says the road to happiness is not without some risk. And if you do not take these risk then you can never glorify God by your experience down this path.

If done right there is no side effects for a "Blind Date", other than making a new dinner partner. That is, someone you can take out to dinners from time to time and learn some thing from them as well. Now, the person that your friends set you up with is told the truth and knows that this is to get you out of your shell. That way this person will forgive a few more mistakes that the shy person may make than they would if this was a true date and this person will not push shy person too hard either.

Then there the idea that the shy person is not equal to the non-shy person. This is wrong, each has a reason that God has chosen. In looking at my family the non-shy family members may find their mates faster but they have major problems in their marriage. While the shy person has an easier time once they are married, their trouble is getting there.