You’re making a huge assumption. Do you jump to the same conclusion in other environments or only in church? When I see someone walking by themselves or enjoying a coffee without company I don’t assume anything. Nor do I make that leap in religious settings. That’s reading too much into things and it’s not my bend.
It's context sensitive. If they're sitting by themselves reading in a coffee shop or library, they probably don't want to be disturbed. If they're at church sitting alone, I can almost guarantee you they want to be involved and not be alone.
It is not ONLY Church that this is an issue, but I don't want to make it sound like Church is comparable to the other social situations where this is an issue, school (say like the cafeteria or playground), and parties. Because at Church you're not there FOR the social community, you're there to worship God. It is however, a social community and worship is better when there is a welcoming, loving community doing it, rather than a clique. However, if a person is being a wallflower at a party, they're probably not there just to be alone, they probably want to feel welcome and included.
I will say that Church in particular as a social situation does present a rather unique challenge to it, because the social aspect of it is NOT the primary reason you are there. Because you are there not for you but for God, that puts extra pressure NOT to include yourself and make it about you, so you sit quietly alone, worship, and listen to the sermon because it keeps the focus on God and disregards your own needs.
At a party, the reason you are there, is the social element, so I would find myself much more willing to stick my neck out, because I assume everyone one else there, is also there to meet and interact with people. You can't make that assumption at Church, you're there for God, they're there for God.... but you'd still like to feel connected to those people and interact with them, and feel included. But sticking your neck out is trying to put yourself and your needs before God.. so.. it's a bind. You're drowning.
People do a lot of things on their own. They go to eat, entertainment, events, etc. But they don’t wait for others to approach them. If they want to make small talk they do.
Church isn't a library, and it also isn't a party.
People aren't at church to be alone, but their primary focus is also not the social aspect.
I presented two solutions. The choice is yours. If you expect others to make the first move you must accept the consequences of that decision. In some instances they will and others they won’t. You can’t get upset. You made the decision with your eyes open. Pointing fingers when things don’t go your way doesn’t change the truth. You chose.
You're expecting the drowning man to climb aboard the boat on their own power. That's what it boils down to. Some people are strong swimmers.
Others are not.
Did Jesus expect everyone to be strong swimmers?
Obviously not, or He wouldn't have thrown out the lifeline.
It would be one thing to reach out and be continually rebuffed. You’ve done your part and made an effort. And another to remain motionless. If you depend on them the possibility of disappointment can’t be ignored. It goes with the territory.
Playing it safe has a price. That’s the real reason you hold back. You don’t wanna stick your neck out. You wait for the other person to make the move and lessen the risk. When they don’t you call foul.
We're not talking about 2 single people here where either one is in the same position in making the first move to break the ice. We're talking about an outsider trying to come into an established community. Are they welcomed or are you expecting them to just invite themselves in to your close knit, family like community?
Either way you slice it you’re not the bad guy. They are. If they fail to act you have a retort. If they don’t respond the way you hoped you have a different reply. They’ve become the scapegoat and the one you blame.
I'm not saying anyone is a bad guy. I'm saying that it's natural in human behavior to not welcome strangers into their community. That is part of human nature and it's a defense mechanism. To not invite strangers into your place of safety. This actually goes both ways. The group fears infiltration by an undesirable that will damage the community, at its most basic level, it's a defense against outside diseases, or a criminal. The lone person fears rejection and opening themselves into a more vulnerable position where the group can easily hurt them.
In this case, I'm advocating that neither the lone person, or the congregation, are bad people. It's just positions of relative weakness vs relative strength, and it is easier, especially in the context of Church where again, the focus is not on the people but on God, to reach out and include the person joining in from outside, than for the outsider to try and make inroads themselves.
Acceptance is the only way you won’t complain. That’s like having a gun to your head.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
No, what I'm asking is to be aware of those people who might be lonely, and reach out to them.
and what you're asking is for the lonely people to reach out themselves and try to force their way in on their own.. in a situation that is not about themselves.
Ultimately some of those people are not strong enough swimmers and will drown. They will probably, most likely, suffer in silence, especially in Church because the focus is not them, it's God.
That doesn't mean they don't still have those needs, it just means they may just have to suffer them not being fulfilled because they are less important.
I think the fact that they have come to church, as a stranger, is a first move. It's not like I'm telling you to go find Lost souls house to house.