Loneliness and depression

[Jase]

I need some major help. I suffer from gender dysphoria/gender insecurity which basically means I feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about the gender i was assigned at birth. You wouldn't know it from looking at me, but it's like an emotional/mental war constantly in my head. Because of this, I've never been in a relationship and most likely never will. I also have only 1 friend that I actually do anything with. I have a small family, and no siblings, so I basically live my life alone. I'm just so depressed over the fact that I can never look forward to being in a relationship or getting married, and likely will never have friends that I can't take it anymore.

I can't even function a lot of times in daily life because all I can think about is how lonely I am and how I have nothing to look forward to in the future. I feel like everyone in the world is in a relationship or married except me.

Add to all this that the only thing I want to do for a career is in the entertainment field ( either music or stage/film) but it's the most impossible career in the world to be successful at and due to being so insecure/shy/self-conscious I have trouble even trying to pursue it. Not to mention, I probably don't have the talent.

And where is God in all of this? I've been begging him for help or comfort for years. I constantly ask him for hope or reassurance that he's there and will help me. But all I ever get is dead silence. What is the point of believing in God or praying if he never bothers to talk to you? I'm dealing with one of the most painful mental conditions in the world, one in which people who have it have a significantly higher suicide rate than the general population, and I'm desperately trying to talk to God and be comforted by him, but no matter how much I pray he doesn't answer or comfort me. He won't give me the courage or talent to pursue my career dream either to at least try to take my mind off my problems. So what am I left with? God is the only one who can fix my problem, but he won't talk to me or help. My only options now seem to be suicide or hope that I get a terminal illness soon. The latter of which isn't likely.

So what I am I supposed to do? I feel completely helpless. I thought God never gives us any trials we can't handle? Well, that's wrong because I can't handle what I'm going through. So many people here are so convinced that God is real, but I have to ask why? How can God exist when he doesn't even help people who are begging him for help all the time?

 

[cardfan1]

Jase,
I truly am sorry for your pain and suffering. I do not know what it is like to have your condition, so I can't really relate there, but I can relate to what depression feels like. And that alone can drive people to terrible places mentally.

I would like to tell you that you will find a relationship and that you will find that person in your life, but I don't know what you are going through. It would be like someone telling me just to cheer up and feel better about my depression. It just isn't going to happen overnight.

But as far as saying that you will never gain any more friends or never get married - you're only beating yourself up. Since I've had depression, I've found that there are far more people out there who are alone and suffering than I ever realized. There are so many people out there just yearning to have someone to talk to, someone just to be present, someone just to relate to. I guarantee there are people out there right now just wanting and waiting for someone like you to come along and tell your story so that they can have someone to relate to. Someone they can confide in and know that the other person just understands. Satan hits us constantly from every angle, and one of the biggest fabrications he produces is convincing people that they don't matter and that there is no hope. It's a viscious downward spiral that is very difficult to get out of. In fact, without the Lord, it is impossible.

I understand your frustration with God. We live in a time when results are very visible and tangible. We can see problems and just as easily see the solution. However, when dealing with the spiritual realm, the journey is not as visible or tangible. It is unseen. The bible teaches...

"23 Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. 24 For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance." Romans 8:23-25


Whether or not you trust in God, love God, or obey God, God still loves you without end. I can't experience or imagine the extent of your pain and suffering, but only God can. I don't know why you are going through what you are, but I know that the Lord works on His schedule, not yours or mine. I pray that you know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour. for the bible teaches that only through Christ may anyone come to the father. How could you sense God's presence when you don't even believe He exists?

You may have read these already, but I would reccommend reading the book of Job, Psalms, John, Romans, and Phillipeans. I've found comfort and hope in those books.

Also, I'm sure you've been to counselors or psychologists before, but since i've found a good Christian counselor at a nearby church, I strongly reccommend it. Don't think there isn't hope in professional help just because you haven't had a good experience. I've been to a couple people before i finally found someone i knew was honest, straightforward, and would listen and understand.

Again Jase, I am truly sorry for your pain. But don't ever think there isn't hope. I pray you may find comfort, I pray that you may find those relationships you are wanting. Please don't give up hope.

May God bless you.

In Christ...

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Strange... so much I like to say. Yet will it help you? I won't tell you what to do, but I will share my experiences.

I really don't know the depth of your mental condition, but from my own experiences with ADD. Really it is more becoming clear that condition doesn't rob me of my life, just means some areas of developement are just harder than most. I would not fear your condition, but learn how to tackle it with your strengths.

Bout year and half ago, I was lost in my lust and confusion of myself. I given up on prospects in finding a woman, just live with my shame. One day while playing a video game, simple curiousity for another character class lead me into what seemed impossible. Met another gamer and next you know I have ton of things I can relate with her. Followed my heart from there. Had a long distance relationship over the span of bout a year. Finally I scrounge enough money to go visit her. Those 3 days meant a great deal for me. Also it opened my eyes, showed me how far behind I was in growth. My problems and inexperience cost me my relationship. I seeked God after that.

Since then I persued freedom. Freedom from my problems and my sins. Back in Febuary the loneliness and discussions about Nice guys yet again opened my eyes to how much work I had before me. I told myself take 6months to a year and just focus on helping myself.

Started with the bible and sermans to help make me wiser. Thanks to some friends, I found out I was ADD. I been thru many trials, and periods of just trying figure out why I do things. Lead me into psychology.

You are fairly young. Goal is to become a man and be the Rock to have a strong family. Take next year or two and just dedicate them to finding yourself. If you have hard time researching problems, I highly recommend talk to counsellor. Keep studying the bible, I found NT and Proverbs very useful. Keep praying and talking to the Great Father, there been times where I walked off the path. He helps me get back on track and keep my path straight.


Proverbs 19:8
To acquire wisdom is to love oneself;
people who cherish understanding will prosper.

Luke 6:46-49
Building on a Solid Foundation

46 “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say? 47 I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. 48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”

2 Chronicles 7:14
14 Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.

 

[Jeshu]

I need some major help. I suffer from gender dysphoria/gender insecurity which basically means I feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about the gender i was assigned at birth. You wouldn't know it from looking at me, but it's like an emotional/mental war constantly in my head. Because of this, I've never been in a relationship and most likely never will. I also have only 1 friend that I actually do anything with. I have a small family, and no siblings, so I basically live my life alone. I'm just so depressed over the fact that I can never look forward to being in a relationship or getting married, and likely will never have friends that I can't take it anymore.

I can't even function a lot of times in daily life because all I can think about is how lonely I am and how I have nothing to look forward to in the future. I feel like everyone in the world is in a relationship or married except me.

Add to all this that the only thing I want to do for a career is in the entertainment field ( either music or stage/film) but it's the most impossible career in the world to be successful at and due to being so insecure/shy/self-conscious I have trouble even trying to pursue it. Not to mention, I probably don't have the talent.

And where is God in all of this? I've been begging him for help or comfort for years. I constantly ask him for hope or reassurance that he's there and will help me. But all I ever get is dead silence. What is the point of believing in God or praying if he never bothers to talk to you? I'm dealing with one of the most painful mental conditions in the world, one in which people who have it have a significantly higher suicide rate than the general population, and I'm desperately trying to talk to God and be comforted by him, but no matter how much I pray he doesn't answer or comfort me. He won't give me the courage or talent to pursue my career dream either to at least try to take my mind off my problems. So what am I left with? God is the only one who can fix my problem, but he won't talk to me or help. My only options now seem to be suicide or hope that I get a terminal illness soon. The latter of which isn't likely.

So what I am I supposed to do? I feel completely helpless. I thought God never gives us any trials we can't handle? Well, that's wrong because I can't handle what I'm going through. So many people here are so convinced that God is real, but I have to ask why? How can God exist when he doesn't even help people who are begging him for help all the time?

Hi Jase.

Sorry to hear that you also suffer from a major condition and that the going is difficult.

With regards to God not being there. I went through that for years as well. However God showed me one day that you can only experience Him when you turn to the truth as He is the truth. I had all kind of misrepresentations of God in my mind including years of frustration and anger because God hadn't helped me in time of trouble - these views plus my frustrations and anger (rage) caused unbelief to flourish and God stayed out of sight. It wasn't until I repented from my views of God that His Love come back insight and I began to get to know the real God of love and truth.

The basics.
God is The Creator.
Father of Jesus Christ who died on the cross for the sins of the world.
Adoptive Father through Jesus Christ for those who have faith in Jesus.
God is Love and Truth.
God is always with us in Spirit.

I pray that you will find the God of all comfort in your terrible difficult struggle.

Psalm 116

 

[Linux98]

Hi Jace,

I ran into the silence you're talking about for about three years (actually, three years hard core and a few more years not as bad). It is very unnerving when God doesn't seem to be responding to you. But there will be a time when you look back and be grateful for it.

When I used to read the bible I would quickly turn the pages and see how God acted in his children's lives. But those men and women waited years for God to act. I never really "felt" that until I went through that myself.

I could be wrong but that experience could help you in your acting or music career. In my personal opinion loneliness and despair are the depths of human emotions. For the rest of your career - acting, music, or whatever entertainment you choose - you will be able to draw on the loneliness that you are experiencing right now. You are being prepared to express feelings of emotion that your audience will know are real. Imagine how great on stage you would be with the right character, one who is experiencing your loneliness. Imagine how well you could read the part of Romeo: lonely, feeling like his relationship with Juliet is impossible, lead to ultimate dispair. You could make that part feel real to your audience on stage.