Take the issue of Christianity step by step, slowly. Christianity for some, like Jesus, was a life toward......a crown of thorns. (Michael Card song) In which they say he (Jesus) said on the cross, 'God why have you forgotten me'?
Investigate and know that 'beliefs you hold' steer you, better to have beliefs founded on what you find to be true.....many religions have copied other religions through-out the years....and many of their believers....Don't know this. Which can be a rude awakening.
If God is benign (all loving) then some religion's books don't portray this. Which gives me problems.
I became a Christian because all the so called facts said I was not living correctly. I changed my ways, and continued in life to show God's love. Many times with bosses that I felt where cruel or not as loving, and therefore lost. This was difficult, and my only reasoning was "God put me here to bless these idiots ann 'prove' God's Love". But the Bible itself (in places) says the Christian life will not be easy, and says (in places) the "world" will be against you because of your faith. Looking back, sometimes I wonder if I fell into a no-win situation. Yet, many Christians never feel this, and live a long stable Christian life (I think).
My parents and grandparents were not really religious, and it was not discussed as important. So becoming a Christian was a weird change for me. A crown of thorns, might be an vast underestimation. Yet you need to take in other people's experiences....some seem to live fine without telling people what they believe, if they believe.....others seem compelled to change everyone around them, so they don't end up on God's Bad Boy List (or Girl).
Anyway my advice: Learn, talk to others, read, pray, and listen (to yourself and to 'God') and take life one step at a time. Sometimes we are programmed try to get as much done in one day as we can, balance may be much better.
Hope that all is well, and that you find a way that brings long life, happiness, and joy for life and humanity.... B Age 39.
