Living with BPD

[Dianna_Child of God]

I just posted on the bipolar board and want to post here as I have both.
I was diagnosed the BPD on my first hospital stay for self-harm. I was in my 20's. I had been doing that since a teen and still struggle with that.

I do feel like an outsider. I am not good at having friends. I either let them walk all over me or I push them away before they can hurt me.

I am going through DBT therapy. Just started last week. It is hard but I am trying to look ahead as I have heard so many positive results.

I had walked away from the Lord. Can get hard to believe even with Christ as your savoir that you have any hope when irrational thinking likes to play tricks with your mind.

I am trying to grow closer to the Lord. I am looking into churches. I worry, if I start going to a church, when those thoughts come in, will I walk away like I have in the past? Will I feel like an outsider no matter what?

Just thinking about everything as I type this brings stress,concern and a feeling of unworthiness.

I don't know. Not truly sure what I am trying to say. Just reaching out to others here who know what the struggle is like.

 

[madison1101]

Hi and welcome. I am Trish, and I struggled for years with the negative behaviors associated with BPD. My therapist worked patiently with me, but my husband gave up on me, even after I make significant progress in getting better. There is hope Do not givce up on your DBT therapy. My therapist is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, of which DBT is an offshoot. Stay with it. It will help you

Hugs,
Trish

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

No I am not going to give up on DBT. It is hard but know I have to do this. I have had my mind closed to it for years and thought it wouldn't help me.
The other week I experience dissociation for the first time ever and don't remember doing something. It was bad, it was scary. That is when I decided no matter how hard it was, I couldn't give up on it.

 

[Everlasting33]

Who taught you not to like yourself?

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I guess myself. I had loving parents, they never talked down to me, never abused me. I was abused by a boyfriend in my early teens but I hated myself before that. My mom said I never liked myself and no matter what they did, I never felt good enough and I guess it got worse when my dad died when I was 16.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

<edit>
I was not like most children, I didn't like to play, I was mean. I would break my sister's records over my head, put nails in her sock monkey's head, would cut off all her dolls hair.

My mom tried getting me help through the years. She was just told I was rotten.

When I was diagnosed as Bipolar, she started reading. She was at the library and there was a book on Early Onset Childhood Bipolar. She stood there and ended up reading the whole book. She said it was like the author had been in our house and wrote a book about me.

When talking about my childhood with therapist, they have all agreed, that is what I did have. They think it either came from my dad or could have been triggered by the seizures I had from birth till around 2 or so.

 

[madison1101]

<edit>

There is a genetic component to a lot of mental illnesses and addictions. There have been twin studies, where twins were separated at birth and adopted to different parents and both became alcoholics. Their adoptive parents did not drink.

The recommended treatment for depression is to combine psychotherapy with appropriate medications. If a person has a mood disorder, they will probably need to be on medications long term, because the depression has a chemical imbalance root. The person could have had the best childhood in the world, and be living the perfect life, but the chemical imbalance creates the depression.

Same for bipolar disorder. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes the mood shifts, and again, the childhood could be ideal, but the disorder strikes none-the-less. In the case of bipolar disorder, medication is absolutely necessary.

Oh, and as for speaking on this subject, not only do I have both Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder, I am also a mental health professional, working in a psychiatric hospital.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

There is a genetic component to a lot of mental illnesses and addictions. There have been twin studies, where twins were separated at birth and adopted to different parents and both became alcoholics. Their adoptive parents did not drink.

The recommended treatment for depression is to combine psychotherapy with appropriate medications. If a person has a mood disorder, they will probably need to be on medications long term, because the depression has a chemical imbalance root. The person could have had the best childhood in the world, and be living the perfect life, but the chemical imbalance creates the depression.

Same for bipolar disorder. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes the mood shifts, and again, the childhood could be ideal, but the disorder strikes none-the-less. In the case of bipolar disorder, medication is absolutely necessary.

Oh, and as for speaking on this subject, not only do I have both Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder, I am also a mental health professional, working in a psychiatric hospital.

That is very interesting about the twin studies. With me having twins it is something I wonder about.

I finally realized after the last time of going off my meds, never a good idea, that I will need them the rest of life. Not a big deal. Would rather take those meds every day then getting into the really dark bad places all the time and not be able to pull myself out.

That must be interesting having the disorders and working in a psychiatric hospital. Have a feeling you understand the patients there much more than anyone and that can be good.

 

[Brazilian]

I agree with you about everything, especially about the professionals. I went to a doc who was also a psychanalyst and he told me I had nothing and blamed me for everything wrong in my life. I left his office and a need to suicide grew stronger. But a friend told me to look for someone else and this time he diagnosed BPD, prescribed the right medication and sent me to DBT. Getting to know myself makes it less harder to deal with the symptoms.
By the way, have you guys heard of Brandon Marshall, the Miami Dolphins player? He was diagnosed with BPD and is not ashamed, instead he said he would be the face of BPD.
I'd like to thank you guys for the opportunity of this forum. It's really important for me and I believe for everyone who posts here.

Thanks!

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I agree with you about everything, especially about the professionals. I went to a doc who was also a psychanalyst and he told me I had nothing and blamed me for everything wrong in my life. I left his office and a need to suicide grew stronger. But a friend told me to look for someone else and this time he diagnosed BPD, prescribed the right medication and sent me to DBT. Getting to know myself makes it less harder to deal with the symptoms.
By the way, have you guys heard of Brandon Marshall, the Miami Dolphins player? He was diagnosed with BPD and is not ashamed, instead he said he would be the face of BPD.
I'd like to thank you guys for the opportunity of this forum. It's really important for me and I believe for everyone who posts here.

Thanks!

I am just starting DBT. Glad I am. Took me forever to give it a try. I was diagnosed with this over 10 years ago and now just in the second week of DBT with my therapist.

That is great he is not ashamed. I personally have never heard of him, but I am not a sports person. lol

 

[Criada]

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