I don't know if this has been asked or not. Is it morally wrong to live with you S.O before marriage?
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Living together
- Thread starter OrderMySteps
- Start date
Yes Yes Yes it is wrong to live together without being married. It's called fornication and it is a sin.
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TCapp
Senior Veteran
"All About COHABITING Before Marriage"
http://members.aol.com/cohabiting/index.htm
"The goal of this web site is to help couples build strong quality relationships that will grow into marriages lasting a lifetime. Its purpose is to (1) detail the harmful effects of living together on the stability and satisfaction of relationships, in general, and marriage, specifically; and (2) suggest ways to help minimize these adverse effects in order to have a successful marriage."
Here's just a few reasons, religious-based, why you shouldn't live together. I give the highlights, but the site I provided gives details. It also has non-religious based reason too.
*Those who live together before marriage do not experience God's best for their lives individually or together.
*Those who live together in sexual intimacy outside the covenant of heterosexual marriage are sinning against God.
Here are some more:
* Those who are sexually active before marriage have greater behavioral problems.
* Those who live together before marriage abuse each other more often and more severely than dating couples or married couples.
* Those living together before marriage are not as happy.
* Those who live together before marriage are the least likely to marry each other.
* Those who live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates.
* Those who live together before marriage have unhappier marriages.
* Those who have had premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well.
* Those living together have superficial and significantly weaker relationships.
* Those who live together before marriage often lay a foundation of distrust and lack of respect.
* Those who live together do not experience the best sex.
There's lots more. Check it out. Very illuminating.
http://members.aol.com/cohabiting/index.htm
"The goal of this web site is to help couples build strong quality relationships that will grow into marriages lasting a lifetime. Its purpose is to (1) detail the harmful effects of living together on the stability and satisfaction of relationships, in general, and marriage, specifically; and (2) suggest ways to help minimize these adverse effects in order to have a successful marriage."
Here's just a few reasons, religious-based, why you shouldn't live together. I give the highlights, but the site I provided gives details. It also has non-religious based reason too.
*Those who live together before marriage do not experience God's best for their lives individually or together.
*Those who live together in sexual intimacy outside the covenant of heterosexual marriage are sinning against God.
Here are some more:
* Those who are sexually active before marriage have greater behavioral problems.
* Those who live together before marriage abuse each other more often and more severely than dating couples or married couples.
* Those living together before marriage are not as happy.
* Those who live together before marriage are the least likely to marry each other.
* Those who live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates.
* Those who live together before marriage have unhappier marriages.
* Those who have had premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well.
* Those living together have superficial and significantly weaker relationships.
* Those who live together before marriage often lay a foundation of distrust and lack of respect.
* Those who live together do not experience the best sex.
There's lots more. Check it out. Very illuminating.
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IslandBreeze
Caribbean Queen
TCapp couldn't have summed it up better. If you're going to live together, what's holding you back from getting married? Why not just go for it and get married? I don't understand cohabitation. There's no security there, and I'd be afraid of the guy up and leaving. DON'T live together before marriage. If you really feel a need to live together, get married.
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I agree with everyone here that living together before marriage is a very bad idea. However, living together is not fornication which is the impression I when I read lambslove's response. At the same time, if a couple is living together, some will likely assume fornication is involved even if the couple is not involved sexually.
If the fiance is renting a basement suite or room in his/her fiance's parents home, so that the couple is living in the same house, I would call that living together, but not fornication. I would also say that's not a good idea.
If the fiance is renting a basement suite or room in his/her fiance's parents home, so that the couple is living in the same house, I would call that living together, but not fornication. I would also say that's not a good idea.
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DaveKerwin
Represent the Most High
horrible idea, very horrible.
Don't do it unless you want to give into premarital sex.
Don't do it unless you want to give into premarital sex.
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I mean we both said that we were going to wait until marriage to engage into sex. We want to live together so we can see each others habits and things of that nature. We both read what you all wrote and now were thinking about it a little deeper before we just go jump in.
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I don't agree with cohabitation. I think just putting yourself into that kind of situation would be terribly tempting, and I just wouldn't want to do that to myself. However, I think there are some circumstances that are exceptional...but I would say they were very rare. And in that, I am talking cohabitation - NOT FORNICATION. Living together isn't fornication. Sex outside of marriage is fornication. There is a big difference there. But, as I said before, living together sure makes that temptation even greater.
My cousin lived with her fiance and his parents for 3 months before their wedding. The reason? Her dad walked out on the family, and left them with all the financial responsibility 6 months prior to the wedding. They were forced into selling their home, and my cousin, her sister, and my aunt were forced to find other living arrangements. At the time they absolutely could not afford anything and they basically were just living with friends. My cousin's fiance was being transferred and the way leases work around here, they weren't able to sign a lease for that short of a period, and they obviously didn't want to buy a house that they would have to turn around and sell, so they knew after the wedding, they would be living with his parents for a few months. Since my cousin would have to move everything into his house anyway, instead of moving her things somewhere else (she had no idea where), his parents suggest that she go ahead and move her stuff into their house and just live there for the next 3 months in the spare bedroom. They made an agreement to never be in the house alone, because they didn't want the temptation. While I don't agree with cohabitation, this was one of the extreme exceptions for me.
As for living with someone just to find out their living habits and such, WHY? You don't need to. There is no point! Sorry...but I see that as a lame excuse. If you love each other, it doesn't matter what weird and annoying habits the other has...you love those too. And you discover each other's habits in your marriage, not by living together beforehand. When you get married, you are starting a new life with someone...by living with them before you make that vow, you are starting that life together before you should. If you insist on living together, get married now, and enjoy discovering those things together, as a married couple.
My cousin lived with her fiance and his parents for 3 months before their wedding. The reason? Her dad walked out on the family, and left them with all the financial responsibility 6 months prior to the wedding. They were forced into selling their home, and my cousin, her sister, and my aunt were forced to find other living arrangements. At the time they absolutely could not afford anything and they basically were just living with friends. My cousin's fiance was being transferred and the way leases work around here, they weren't able to sign a lease for that short of a period, and they obviously didn't want to buy a house that they would have to turn around and sell, so they knew after the wedding, they would be living with his parents for a few months. Since my cousin would have to move everything into his house anyway, instead of moving her things somewhere else (she had no idea where), his parents suggest that she go ahead and move her stuff into their house and just live there for the next 3 months in the spare bedroom. They made an agreement to never be in the house alone, because they didn't want the temptation. While I don't agree with cohabitation, this was one of the extreme exceptions for me.
As for living with someone just to find out their living habits and such, WHY? You don't need to. There is no point! Sorry...but I see that as a lame excuse. If you love each other, it doesn't matter what weird and annoying habits the other has...you love those too. And you discover each other's habits in your marriage, not by living together beforehand. When you get married, you are starting a new life with someone...by living with them before you make that vow, you are starting that life together before you should. If you insist on living together, get married now, and enjoy discovering those things together, as a married couple.
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JillLars
It's a Boy! Jace David- Due 1/20/07
OrderMySteps said:
My views on this issue differ a lot from everyone else's. I have lived with my fiance for a little over a year now. We are getting married as soon as we are done with school. When we moved in together, there was no doubt that we were getting married, it was never just a "trial" phase, we already made the committment, just waiting to have it legalized. It sounds like you and your girlfriend aren't ready to make the committment of marriage. If you are, please don't take offense to that. I will tell you though, if you move in together with the sole purpose of observing each other's bad habits, you'll drive each other crazy. Every little thing will become the point of an argument, and it will be very easy to expect better and leave. (ex. I can't live like this with dirty underwear on the floor) If you're not ready to get married then living together beforehand is not a good idea. It also gives people the impression that you're both saying "maybe I love you enough to marry you, if you're not too annoying to live with" and IMO, that's not what real love is about.
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TCapp I love what you wrote.
I'd like to recommend a book to anyone that has questions about dating or relationships. The book is "boy meets girl" by Joshua Harris. This book has helped me out emensely in my relationship with my girlfriend. It gives you all you need to successfully go about courting someone.
I'd like to recommend a book to anyone that has questions about dating or relationships. The book is "boy meets girl" by Joshua Harris. This book has helped me out emensely in my relationship with my girlfriend. It gives you all you need to successfully go about courting someone.
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IslandBreeze
Caribbean Queen
I'd like to take the opportunity to disagree with the previous poster, and recommend you read "I Gave Dating a Chance." I'd stay far, far away from Josh Harris. But that's JMO...
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PegasusOnFire
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enslow said:
When my house went up for sale, my fiance's panents offered me a room in their house to live until their son and I got married, I turned them down, because I would not feel comfortable living in the same house as my fiance before we took our vows. I did accept the offer that my neigbors put forth. My house has not sold yet, and even if it does, I will still be living there until my wedding day, which is not to far away.
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JillLars
It's a Boy! Jace David- Due 1/20/07
What about living in the same apartment building, but seperate apartments, or a duplex, or dormatories? I think it really depends on the couples comfort level. Pegasus, you are very lucky that you had another offer besides the offer from your fiance's parents.
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i would say as long as your not in the same living space as one another, as in the same room/house/apartment/tent(lol)
I think living together is one of those blessings in life reserved for marriage. If you move in together prior to marriage there wont be anything new about it when you get married. Like others have said, you also have the extra sexual temptation. And under no circumastance should you be sleeping in the same room or bed.
I think living together is one of those blessings in life reserved for marriage. If you move in together prior to marriage there wont be anything new about it when you get married. Like others have said, you also have the extra sexual temptation. And under no circumastance should you be sleeping in the same room or bed.
whats wrong with josh harris? I know he is a little bit extreme on how he went about courting his wife[the rules they had about touching] but the advice he gives is priceless.
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LadyBird
Dance Me to the End of Love
I am reading a book called "The Ten Commandments of Dating." One of the 'commandments' is "Thou shalt not play house." Here is a quote from it:
"If you are engaged and living in the same residence(assuming the couple is sexually active) then why in the world do you want to have a church wedding? Why do you want to wear a white wedding dress? Do you want the minister to bless a union and commitment that has already taken place? Why not change your wedding vows like my friend Rick Stedman suggests:
-Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here to witness what has already taken place...
-Who has given this woman a few months ago to be married to this man?
-Did you take this woman to be your wife...?
-Did you take this man to be your husband...?
-You may kiss your bride again...
-I now pronounce legally what has already happened physically months ago...
Consequences of breaking this commandment:
-You have a much greater chance of getting a divorce than couples who don't live together.
-You delay the need for marriage by giving a man the ultimate deal-sex without commitment
-You are more susceptible to domestic violence
-You are more likely to experience depression than married women
Benefits of keeping this commandment:
-You are practicing self control which is a critical character quality for a lasting relationship
-You are building a healthy foundation of trust and respect
-You can sleep at night without worrying about unexpected pregnancy or S.T.D's
-You will feel more secure in your dating relationships because you can build on solid commitments
Help for those who have broken this Commandment:
-Move out NOW
-Confess that what you did was wrong and stupid
-Receive God's forgiveness and make a decision not to repeat the same mistake
-If you think this relationship is worth continuing, get some preengagement couseling."
"If you are engaged and living in the same residence(assuming the couple is sexually active) then why in the world do you want to have a church wedding? Why do you want to wear a white wedding dress? Do you want the minister to bless a union and commitment that has already taken place? Why not change your wedding vows like my friend Rick Stedman suggests:
-Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here to witness what has already taken place...
-Who has given this woman a few months ago to be married to this man?
-Did you take this woman to be your wife...?
-Did you take this man to be your husband...?
-You may kiss your bride again...
-I now pronounce legally what has already happened physically months ago...
Consequences of breaking this commandment:
-You have a much greater chance of getting a divorce than couples who don't live together.
-You delay the need for marriage by giving a man the ultimate deal-sex without commitment
-You are more susceptible to domestic violence
-You are more likely to experience depression than married women
Benefits of keeping this commandment:
-You are practicing self control which is a critical character quality for a lasting relationship
-You are building a healthy foundation of trust and respect
-You can sleep at night without worrying about unexpected pregnancy or S.T.D's
-You will feel more secure in your dating relationships because you can build on solid commitments
Help for those who have broken this Commandment:
-Move out NOW
-Confess that what you did was wrong and stupid
-Receive God's forgiveness and make a decision not to repeat the same mistake
-If you think this relationship is worth continuing, get some preengagement couseling."
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JillLars
It's a Boy! Jace David- Due 1/20/07
When people get married, they aren't just beginning a committment, they have already promised themselves to one another. This argument doesn't make any sense cause its basically saying, if you love someone then why bother with all of the hoo-ha of a wedding. There are certain legal benefits that go along with getting legally married that most couples would like to take advantage of, those benefits don't define a marriage though, they're just a plus, and its fun to have a celebration with your family and friends. I'm getting married in 3 years, and it will be a celebration of a committment my fiance and I have already made, and it will be a whole lot of fun!
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JillLars
It's a Boy! Jace David- Due 1/20/07
Why waste your money on a wedding period? Why not just go down to the courthouse and get the certificate? Weddings are a celebration of a committment, and everyone is entitled to have one whether they live together or sleep together or whatever, it isn't for anyone else to judge. My family and friends support my decision, and they can't wait to celebrate with my fiance and I in 3 years!
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