I recently posted a thread called "We are living together out of wedlock" and my initial question brought on quite a discussion. I want to share what the Spirit has revealed to me since that time. I hope this helps others in my situation.
Here is the original post:
"I know the orthodox view of this situation. But are there exceptions to the rule since I'm not really a member of a specific church? I am a Christian, but I think a lot of rules are relative, or at least situational. What do you think?"
The response was overwhelming in favor of me not living with my girlfriend. But boiled down, my dilemma is not about living under the same roof (or even sleeping in the same bed). Taking the question and stripping it of appearances, the issue is one of fornication. And the question isn't about whether or not premarital sex (fornication) is a sin. Fornication clearly is immoral, as Scripture plainly teaches. But here is where it gets dicey for me, and here is why I call on the godly to pray on my behalf...
I am in love with an unbeliever. She and I have been together off and on for many years. We have survived a long distance relationship and the challenges of forgiveness after infidelities. Last year she moved back to town and is living with me.
I say she is an "unbeliever" because she does not have a religious background of any kind. That said, she's one of the most godly women I have ever met.
The main "religious" influence in her life has been me (a daunting and sobering realization). So we are in this thing, for good or ill...
I am planning to ask for her hand in marriage in March (for reasons that are too involved to discuss here). We will then most likely have at least a one year engagement (again, for reasons too involved to get into here).
So here's the recent revelation... an old friend of mine (who used to be a student in my college Sunday School class who is now a pastor of his own church) posted an article on his FB regarding fornication. The post spelled out plainly the crisis many now face in the light of God's eternal truth. You can read the article here.
Since fornication cannot be justified in the light of sacred Scripture, the main course of action I see is to discuss the issue with my girlfriend (again!) and let her know that I have taken a firm stand, based on my own faith, against us crossing this formidable line.
I cannot possibly live out a purposeful life while living contrary to my convictions. No one can, as a house divided against itself must necessarily fall. And since I am convinced beyond doubt that sleeping with her while being out of wedlock is incorrect behavior, I must stand firm.
I want to be a positive role model to my children. I want to live a fully integrated life, not some piece-a-meal, compartmentalized, hypocritical flim-flam of an existence. In short, I want to walk in the Light.
Fornication paints a picture of Christ using the church without being unified with her.. an incorrect picture indeed.
One last thing... last night it dawned on me that this is the very issue that I have struggled with since my first years in ministry. I was a full-time Baptist minister for over a decade. I was asked to resign from my first job as youth minister at age 19 when it was discovered that my girlfriend (later my wife) and I were committing fornication. This was in 1993. Now divorced, and exactly 20 years to the YEAR, I am dealing with this great behemoth of an obstacle that keeps me away from God's richest blessings on my life.
Is this coincidental? Maybe. Is it ordained by God to strengthen a driven and thoughtful, albeit bleeding, warrior in Christ? Absolutely.
Please pray that I will be firm in my commitment to bring this issue to light, and that my girlfriend, who has always been a bright light of love and understanding (without "religion"), will take my commitment seriously and allow me to lead us in a more fitting direction. Please pray that my peripheral struggle (sexual temptation in general) is abaited through the power of the Spirit.
I am committed to straightening my path in preparation for the Lord. The hardships that temptation brings are acute, reminding me always that the enemy is alive and well, and he plays for keeps. May God save us all from our greatest weakness.
Here is the original post:
"I know the orthodox view of this situation. But are there exceptions to the rule since I'm not really a member of a specific church? I am a Christian, but I think a lot of rules are relative, or at least situational. What do you think?"
The response was overwhelming in favor of me not living with my girlfriend. But boiled down, my dilemma is not about living under the same roof (or even sleeping in the same bed). Taking the question and stripping it of appearances, the issue is one of fornication. And the question isn't about whether or not premarital sex (fornication) is a sin. Fornication clearly is immoral, as Scripture plainly teaches. But here is where it gets dicey for me, and here is why I call on the godly to pray on my behalf...
I am in love with an unbeliever. She and I have been together off and on for many years. We have survived a long distance relationship and the challenges of forgiveness after infidelities. Last year she moved back to town and is living with me.
I say she is an "unbeliever" because she does not have a religious background of any kind. That said, she's one of the most godly women I have ever met.
The main "religious" influence in her life has been me (a daunting and sobering realization). So we are in this thing, for good or ill...
I am planning to ask for her hand in marriage in March (for reasons that are too involved to discuss here). We will then most likely have at least a one year engagement (again, for reasons too involved to get into here).
So here's the recent revelation... an old friend of mine (who used to be a student in my college Sunday School class who is now a pastor of his own church) posted an article on his FB regarding fornication. The post spelled out plainly the crisis many now face in the light of God's eternal truth. You can read the article here.
Since fornication cannot be justified in the light of sacred Scripture, the main course of action I see is to discuss the issue with my girlfriend (again!) and let her know that I have taken a firm stand, based on my own faith, against us crossing this formidable line.
I cannot possibly live out a purposeful life while living contrary to my convictions. No one can, as a house divided against itself must necessarily fall. And since I am convinced beyond doubt that sleeping with her while being out of wedlock is incorrect behavior, I must stand firm.
I want to be a positive role model to my children. I want to live a fully integrated life, not some piece-a-meal, compartmentalized, hypocritical flim-flam of an existence. In short, I want to walk in the Light.
Fornication paints a picture of Christ using the church without being unified with her.. an incorrect picture indeed.
One last thing... last night it dawned on me that this is the very issue that I have struggled with since my first years in ministry. I was a full-time Baptist minister for over a decade. I was asked to resign from my first job as youth minister at age 19 when it was discovered that my girlfriend (later my wife) and I were committing fornication. This was in 1993. Now divorced, and exactly 20 years to the YEAR, I am dealing with this great behemoth of an obstacle that keeps me away from God's richest blessings on my life.
Is this coincidental? Maybe. Is it ordained by God to strengthen a driven and thoughtful, albeit bleeding, warrior in Christ? Absolutely.
Please pray that I will be firm in my commitment to bring this issue to light, and that my girlfriend, who has always been a bright light of love and understanding (without "religion"), will take my commitment seriously and allow me to lead us in a more fitting direction. Please pray that my peripheral struggle (sexual temptation in general) is abaited through the power of the Spirit.
I am committed to straightening my path in preparation for the Lord. The hardships that temptation brings are acute, reminding me always that the enemy is alive and well, and he plays for keeps. May God save us all from our greatest weakness.
