Lifelong Celibacy

[fluffy_rainbow]

I was reading Mister's post and it made me think. I was a young divorcee (just one month shy of my 20th birthday) and I have made many mistakes post-divorce, but I'm trying to get my life back on track. God has laid it upon my heart to be a wife and mother. God has instructed me to marry and adopt a child. Not a baby, mind you, but a child. He has been very clear about this.

Yes, my husband was unfaithful but that's not why I left him. I left him because I couldn't take the abuse anymore. He refused to seek counseling, he caused me to have a miscarriage, he even molested my own sister. I could handle the cheating better than the abuse. He has since remarried and started a family. I have made my peace with him and with God and I am finally over him (it took four years, but I made it!) and I'm seeking the Lord's will for my life. I believe God has given me a clearcut purpose in my life and one of them is to marry the man He always intended me to be with and adopt children who need a loving home. I don't feel these are selfish wants or desires, as my experience with marriage the first time around quite honestly turned me off to marriage; however, once I came back into the Fold, Christ began to change my heart. I started to see marriage and children not as a disdainful burden, but a blessing. God impressed it upon my heart to open my heart and mind so that He could groom me to be a godly wife to a godly man.

So I guess my question is this. Because I feel this is what the Holy Spirit has convicted me to do does that mean I'm not really a Christian or what? I know alot of people choose to stay single the rest of their life after divorce. If that is what the Lord leads them to do then I pray their life will be blessed and they will be able to share the Gospel uninhibited. I, however, do not feel that God wishes for me to stay single the rest of my life. I know that it may take many years before He will put that man in my life; however, I have the utmost peace and patience in the Lord. I have searched the Scriptures and cannot find anything that would even cancel out what I feel the Lord has called me to do.

Any insight?

 

[seekfirst]

I was reading Mister's post and it made me think. I was a young divorcee (just one month shy of my 20th birthday) and I have made many mistakes post-divorce, but I'm trying to get my life back on track. God has laid it upon my heart to be a wife and mother. God has instructed me to marry and adopt a child. Not a baby, mind you, but a child. He has been very clear about this.

Yes, my husband was unfaithful but that's not why I left him. I left him because I couldn't take the abuse anymore. He refused to seek counseling, he caused me to have a miscarriage, he even molested my own sister. I could handle the cheating better than the abuse. He has since remarried and started a family. I have made my peace with him and with God and I am finally over him (it took four years, but I made it!) and I'm seeking the Lord's will for my life. I believe God has given me a clearcut purpose in my life and one of them is to marry the man He always intended me to be with and adopt children who need a loving home. I don't feel these are selfish wants or desires, as my experience with marriage the first time around quite honestly turned me off to marriage; however, once I came back into the Fold, Christ began to change my heart. I started to see marriage and children not as a disdainful burden, but a blessing. God impressed it upon my heart to open my heart and mind so that He could groom me to be a godly wife to a godly man.

So I guess my question is this. Because I feel this is what the Holy Spirit has convicted me to do does that mean I'm not really a Christian or what? I know alot of people choose to stay single the rest of their life after divorce. If that is what the Lord leads them to do then I pray their life will be blessed and they will be able to share the Gospel uninhibited. I, however, do not feel that God wishes for me to stay single the rest of my life. I know that it may take many years before He will put that man in my life; however, I have the utmost peace and patience in the Lord. I have searched the Scriptures and cannot find anything that would even cancel out what I feel the Lord has called me to do.

Any insight?

I say take it day by day...I do believe you are free to remarry...with the adultery, remarriage and abuse in the picture. I think it's wonderful that you want to adopt a child...there are so many out there in need of a loving, Christian family. If you believe Jesus died for you and your sins, then of course you are a Christian...don't ever let the devil make you doubt that!! Big (((hugs))). I pray God will send you a wonderful man in your life, who will treat you with respect, love, and who's number one priority is God. In the meantime, seek His will, His wisdom, and His love, with no expectations except for the blessings God promises for trusting in Him.

 

[E_Powers]

fluffy rainbow, you already knew the answer before you posted your question. and god loves you alot and you are going to be have to be patient and let god work his perfect plan.

may god bless you

Eric

 

[desi]

MOD EDIT
raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens...

 

[Southern Cross]

Gee, I smelled roses.

Desi, that's pretty disrespectful. It's true internet forums don't give anyone the whole picture, but you cannot even pretend to know the right answers unless you know the whole story. "Read your Bibles" is not good enough. Give her more, and back it up with scripture. Then let others confirm what you are saying or clearly disagree with your statements. Nobody needs short, blanket statements like that. Lots of hurting people out there are looking for the truth and compassion, and we should strive to offer both whenever possible.

Fluffy Rainbow, I'm not going to comment on your situation. I just don't have the knowledge or wisdom to share anything helpful and I'm just learning about the whole divorce thing now. If this is truly God's will for your life, he'll confirm it in undeniable ways and open the doors and make things abundantly clear for you. I'm curious as to what others think God's Word says about your particular situation.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Thank you everyone for your input.

I'm curious as to what others think God's Word says about your particular situation.

I think it's pretty clear what Desi thinks God's Word says about the situation. I mean, adultery was involved, but I left because he almost killed me. He broke the marriage vows when he made out with a co-worker in the meat freezer at work. He also broke the marriage vows when he started slapping me around and calling me everything but a white woman. He also killed our baby when he threw me around our living room and caused me to miscarry. I left my job because he wanted me to. He wanted a stay at home wife and I accomodated him. Dinner on the table every night, packed his lunches for him. He came home to a spick-and-span house. It wasn't enough. And he was so involved in the church, so knowledgable about the Word. Of course, he has since remarried and had children (with the woman he cheated on me with). There is no chance of reconciliation there. So now it's time to move on.

If God's will is for me to remain single then so be it. I won't be upset. I will continue to spread the Word and minister to others because that is what He wants me to do. Marriage is not for everyone. The Bible even says that; however, most people I know who have been called to remain single and celibate never had a desire to marry. I do and I believe God gives us the desires of our hearts, if our desires are pure and edifying to Christ.

 

[E_Powers]

I smell bull. Read your Bibles, all of you.

what is this supposed to mean,

i know that God has someone waiting for her, all she has to do is continue her walk with him, be paitent and she shall find him. i have read her testimony from her previous post and my heart went out for her. and the holy spirit had revealed to me that god has told her this already. and god loves her and every one else so much he forgives All sin.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

God bless you, E Powers. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

 

[E_Powers]

you are welcome
if you need to talk to someone feel free to p.m. me or email me.

 

[SkyeBlue8]

Amen, there is no reason why you cannot remarry after divorce, no matter what the circumstances. I know that God will make happen all those wonderful things that you talked about.

"I smell Bull" has no place in a Christian forum. I feel like scum just repeating it.
How about "Love thy neighbor"?

 

[desi]

what is this supposed to mean,

i know that God has someone waiting for her, all she has to do is continue her walk with him, be paitent and she shall find him. i have read her testimony from her previous post and my heart went out for her. and the holy spirit had revealed to me that god has told her this already. and god loves her and every one else so much he forgives All sin.

It means what it says. If you would encourage divorce, see if the situation is consistent with what the Bible says about divorce and act accordingly as Christians.

 

[bkg]

what is this supposed to mean,

i know that God has someone waiting for her, all she has to do is continue her walk with him, be paitent and she shall find him. i have read her testimony from her previous post and my heart went out for her. and the holy spirit had revealed to me that god has told her this already. and god loves her and every one else so much he forgives All sin.

Question for you, out of pure curiousity...

How do you distinguish the word of the Holy Spirit when they are in violation of the words of God in the Bible? If it was really the Holy Spirit, would it not be speaking a message consistent with the Bible?

Seems like it would be a difficult thing to interpret, so I'd like to learn more...

 

[E_Powers]

But are they really in violation of gods word? the poor woman was forced into a marriage by the church after a small mistake she was then beat on, put down humiliated, and cheated on and almost murdered by a fellow christian and some one that was to be her husband. and in a nut shell he is supposed to love her unconditionally like god loves us. and in the act of divorcing her he remarried and that in its self adultery aka sexual immorality and that is grounds for divorce in the bible.

and i feel there is someone for her because of discerment given to me.

if i were to discribe it it is like a whisper from god that enters me through my heart but not the part of it that makes me who i am, the part that is connected to god through the holy spirit. so it is differant from the thought or desires in my head

and how am i engcouraging divorce? i think there is way too much divorce in this country i have a friend i work with that recieved a divorce because he hurt his back and was not there sexually????what kinda love is that she took a vow in sickness and in health. she remarried.

Mr.Desi, My wife cheated on me Three times and has said she didnt love me like a husband and wife and just revealed it to me 2 weeks ago. And God told me to hang in there and he would help me work out our problems. and that the passion that she once had was buried and he was going to raise them to the surface. and you know what she has done just that. now i am not going to say it has been no bed of roses between us but we are alot closer to each other and god

i have not been this close to god at any other time of my life. i went from being a part time christian to a what else can i do for you god type christian?

i went from yelling at people that cut me off while driving to loving my fellow man. and desi i am the LAST person to say this but it needs to be said you need to do some serious soul searching and really seek god because you have a hardened heart and it saddens me to see you that way. you you need to embrace people with your words insead of attacking all the time. and i am not refering to your post in this thread.

 

[E_Powers]

this has just as much relevance here also http://www.christianforums.com/t1139776-can-i-be-forgiven.html&page=2

I posted something on this topic a while ago. Here is a section of that post which is relevant to the topic

I believe we can. The destruction of a person, as occurs in an abusive relationship would qualify under what Jesus taught in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” The destruction of another personality by an abusive partner and parent is the work of evil. Nowhere in Scripture are we told to submit ourselves to evil. Then, there are the children to consider.



Then, we must never forget children in any violent and abusive relationship. When you have counselled adults who had such childhood experiences you see what devastation those environments produce. Did Jesus really teach that children are to have their lives distorted by an insoluble marriage?



Then, if a relationship does not exhibit the loving, the intimacy (“knowing”) and the gentleness of mutual submission, is it a marriage at all? Has it become so unlike what God intended that it can no loner qualify as a God ordained marriage? God loves “the world” but he will separate Himself from unrepentant evil doers. Should we do less in a very unhealthy and destructive relationship? Separation happens because the marriage no longer exists, except as a legal entity. God divorced Israel as the nation had consistently failed to live up to the requirements of their relationship with him. Jesus never denied the “hardness of heart” referred to earlier as the reason for some marriages ending in divorce. He just challenged the assumption that we should accept human failure as a reason to undermine the divine intention for marriage, especially as the more liberal religious rules had done so.



John
NZ

 

[Jennifer615]

Fluffy rainbow, I believe that God has put this desire on your heart and you must wait on Him to bring the right person along. He is probably looking down upon this future child that you are to adopt.

Maybe some people can live a life of celebacy, but most can't. To me that life would not be worth living. I was made to be a wife and mother, and God has blessed me in my 2nd marriage, after my 1st ended because of mental, emotional and spiritual abuse.

It is not good for MAN to be alone, and this includes divorced people too. It also says in scripture that it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Now who will burn with passion more, the person who has never been married, or a person who has experienced the intimacy of a marriage?? No prizes for guessing who!

 

[madison1101]

Pray. Your circumstances make you free to remarry. Pray and ask the Lord for His will. Tell Him about your burden for adopting a child. Tell Him about your desire to be a Godly wife. When I got divorced, I memorized Jeremiah 29:11. God gave it to me, and I claimed it during the darkest times.

Hugs,
madison

 

[~Nikki~]

ok, I just have to ask and I'm not saying this to offend anyone...

But can anyone tell me...

where in the Bible does it specifically state that if you divorce for certain reasons then you're free to remarry?

 

[Hands&Feet]

I am going to do something here I don't do very often. I am going to be very candid about my personal life because I feel God leading me to share my hindsight for the benefit of someone who is reading this thread. So here goes:

Divorce is ugly. I had the misfortune of having to go through it, and I can tell you that no matter how you try, life will never be the same, if you have kids. Forever will be the dysfunctional holidays, the uncomfortable situations like graduations, funerals and weddings.

Now that my sons are grown, I am seeing the ramifications of the divorce as strongly as I did when it first happened. They struggled for a long time with God because my ex-wife attended church 5 days a week and never had time for them when they wanted to go see her. If any good came out of it, it is that they are much more dertermined to find the right mate. But, I fear their obsession with it as much as I admire their steadfast determination.

The effects of the divorce will deprive their offspring of knowing the warmth and comfort of a tight-knit family. Truly, the sins of the fathers--in this case the mother--are handed down for four or five generations, just as the Bible says. And this is to say nothing of the mark it leaves on society.

God hates divorce for a good reason. Many good reasons, actually. Yet, because He loves us unconditionally, he must grant us a free-will, which some will invariably use to the detriment of others. God hates this as much as we do. It pains Him as much as it pains us. Yet, it must be that way if His love is to remain unconditional.

I fell in love and remarried. I wanted my sons to experience what I did when I was growing up, but of course it was never the same. My sons have never completely opened up to my wife, nor have her daughters to me. Her oldest daughter is 21 and has 2 kids, each from a different guy and now she is on the verge of leaving number 2. She is still running, trying to fill the void that was made when her family dissolved.

My second wife and I, mainly because of the issues with the kids, have had some great tests on our relationship. We have survived because we are determined to see God glorified, to see Him make beauty from ashes. It is happening, but it has been a long process.

I love my wife dearly, but if I had it to do all over again, I would not have remarried. I have had to pass on some wonderful opportunities to be used of God in a big way because my wife did not share my vision.

I love Jesus more than I could possibly love someone else. The passion grows every day, and although I am in full time ministry now, limits are set by my marriage often. I can see God in this, and He has used this situation to teach me to love the way He loves, and I praise Him for that. But, I also know that I may get to the end of my life and be asking myself the questions: What if? What if I had followed Jesus to the ends of the Earth? What if I had chosen Him over another wife? My prayer has always been that I would put no limits on what I could do for the Lord other than those which God himself puts on me, yet I clearly limited myself by remarrying.

I know God can redeem my mistakes. I know that He can still take me where He wants me. He can give my wife the vision He has given me. Or He can raise up someone else to take my place--someone with more faith than I had, someone with a more subissive heart than I had.

Choices are the switchtracks of our lives. Our lives are not determined by the dreams we dream, but by the choices we make. Just a little food for thought. God Bless.

 

[Yitzchak]

Sometimes people speak out of their own hurts and that is all I am going to say about the angry sounding posts in this thread.

I can testify that I was divorced and am remarryed. Both my wife and I prayed and fasted and the Lord specifically answered us and put us togeher. I am beyond happy. I feel like I am living the destiny God has prepared me for my whole life. My wife is pregnant now and God has blessed our marriage.

Everybody has to work through their emotions their own way. But I am sure that God will give you the future you desire.

 

[madison1101]

Matthew 19: 8Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”





Deuteronomy 24

1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD . Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.