Life Doesn't feel like a Blessing

[scryptic]

I've had a good life and a bad life. I was raised in a loving home with 3 sisters and parents who are devoted to Christ. I remember a happy childhood at home.

Around 2nd grade I gradually spent more and more time with new 'friends' that were from broken and lost families. I didn't see or refused to think of them as fundamentally different from friends that I grew up with in church. By age 16 I was smoking cannabis on the weekends and drinking sometimes. I left the church and rebelled against my parents. This got worse until about 3 years ago when I finally came back from apostasy.

My faith in Jesus was found again and I was reborn...... again. A feeling of being brand new lasted maybe a month when horrifying memories began to surface of a traumatic and sinful past. This is where my story becomes very hard to explain to others; even other Christians who believe that angels still intervene to do God's will and that the Holy Spirit is just as active today as it was when the disciples of Christ received it.

Over the course of the past 2 years God has been revealing my past to me in very small doses. My parents don't believe these things could have happened because they're sure they would have known about them. What I know is that Satan is very powerful and God allows him to do very wicked and harmful things, even to those He loves. In all of these traumatic and supernatural events God sent angels to guide me and help me but I had to choose to obey God. It was up to me and many times I failed the test.

I now remember being molested around age 11 or 12 because of a man who practiced sorcery. This man would turn out to be a satanist and a worshiper of Abaddon; the angel of the abyss from Revelation 9. I had many encounters with this sorcerer throughout my life; all the way up to age 30.

The worst memories though, are the sins I committed while being satanically influenced. I can't prove that any of them happened. All I have left for physical evidence is a scar from a pharmakeia ritual involving sex magic.

I've now lost out on so many blessings and good things that God intended for me. There's no going back and I have to live with this stuff until God takes me home.

Life doesn't feel like a blessing right now, it feels like a curse or a prison sentence.

 

[Tone]

Or an opportunity to leave your mark.

 

[t4inted-]

Is not Jesus the Blessed Redeemer who took your sins upon a tree?
Did he not give himself for thee?

He can Redeem !
“That which the palmerworm hath left hath the locust eaten; and that which the locust hath left hath the cankerworm eaten; and that which the cankerworm hath left hath the caterpiller eaten.”
‭‭Joel‬ ‭1:4‬ ‭

He can Redeem!

know that your Redeemer lives and he is mighty to save..
is he not the great physician who can heal and cure you of all your ills?
Put your faith and trust in him and his great love that he has for you!

why remain captive the Lord paid too high of a price for you to be in prison he has called us to liberty...

Look to the Lord and cast all your cares and burdens to the Lord
and wait upon him..

I feel you..

Have faith in God.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I've had a good life and a bad life. I was raised in a loving home with 3 sisters and parents who are devoted to Christ. I remember a happy childhood at home.

Around 2nd grade I gradually spent more and more time with new 'friends' that were from broken and lost families. I didn't see or refused to think of them as fundamentally different from friends that I grew up with in church. By age 16 I was smoking cannabis on the weekends and drinking sometimes. I left the church and rebelled against my parents. This got worse until about 3 years ago when I finally came back from apostasy.

My faith in Jesus was found again and I was reborn...... again. A feeling of being brand new lasted maybe a month when horrifying memories began to surface of a traumatic and sinful past. This is where my story becomes very hard to explain to others; even other Christians who believe that angels still intervene to do God's will and that the Holy Spirit is just as active today as it was when the disciples of Christ received it.

Over the course of the past 2 years God has been revealing my past to me in very small doses. My parents don't believe these things could have happened because they're sure they would have known about them. What I know is that Satan is very powerful and God allows him to do very wicked and harmful things, even to those He loves. In all of these traumatic and supernatural events God sent angels to guide me and help me but I had to choose to obey God. It was up to me and many times I failed the test.

I now remember being molested around age 11 or 12 because of a man who practiced sorcery. This man would turn out to be a satanist and a worshiper of Abaddon; the angel of the abyss from Revelation 9. I had many encounters with this sorcerer throughout my life; all the way up to age 30.

The worst memories though, are the sins I committed while being satanically influenced. I can't prove that any of them happened. All I have left for physical evidence is a scar from a pharmakeia ritual involving sex magic.

I've now lost out on so many blessings and good things that God intended for me. There's no going back and I have to live with this stuff until God takes me home.

Life doesn't feel like a blessing right now, it feels like a curse or a prison sentence.

You can give into your feelings and let Satan rule your life or you can all the Lord Jesus to heal you of the things that afflict you. Surely He bore your sorrows, your grief, your suffering and pain. If you will allow Him to clean you up, it will be as if those events never happened. Jesus came to set the captives free. Salvation is vastly more than a get out of hell card. It is deliverance for this lifetime. God will use your past suffering to enable you to help those who have gone through similar hardships.

Your concept of Christian faith is a little lacking. God knows that we are utterly unable to live the Christian life. He gives us Christ to be everything that we can possibly need. If you will permit Him, Lord Jesus will live out His life in you, through you and in place of what you used to be.

I suggest that you get a copy of "The Life That Wins" by Watchman Nee. It is a life changer, if you accept the truth it contains.

 

[ajcarey]

I've had a good life and a bad life. I was raised in a loving home with 3 sisters and parents who are devoted to Christ. I remember a happy childhood at home.

Around 2nd grade I gradually spent more and more time with new 'friends' that were from broken and lost families. I didn't see or refused to think of them as fundamentally different from friends that I grew up with in church. By age 16 I was smoking cannabis on the weekends and drinking sometimes. I left the church and rebelled against my parents. This got worse until about 3 years ago when I finally came back from apostasy.

My faith in Jesus was found again and I was reborn...... again. A feeling of being brand new lasted maybe a month when horrifying memories began to surface of a traumatic and sinful past. This is where my story becomes very hard to explain to others; even other Christians who believe that angels still intervene to do God's will and that the Holy Spirit is just as active today as it was when the disciples of Christ received it.

Over the course of the past 2 years God has been revealing my past to me in very small doses. My parents don't believe these things could have happened because they're sure they would have known about them. What I know is that Satan is very powerful and God allows him to do very wicked and harmful things, even to those He loves. In all of these traumatic and supernatural events God sent angels to guide me and help me but I had to choose to obey God. It was up to me and many times I failed the test.

I now remember being molested around age 11 or 12 because of a man who practiced sorcery. This man would turn out to be a satanist and a worshiper of Abaddon; the angel of the abyss from Revelation 9. I had many encounters with this sorcerer throughout my life; all the way up to age 30.

The worst memories though, are the sins I committed while being satanically influenced. I can't prove that any of them happened. All I have left for physical evidence is a scar from a pharmakeia ritual involving sex magic.

I've now lost out on so many blessings and good things that God intended for me. There's no going back and I have to live with this stuff until God takes me home.

Life doesn't feel like a blessing right now, it feels like a curse or a prison sentence.

You have an uphill climb, even more in some ways than the uphill climb that anyone who would be faithful to the Lord must have. Yet the God who is testing you and chastening you is the God who also loves you exceedingly and is seeking to redeem you from all the evil in your past and to heal your soul. Trust Him and commit your way to Him even if He slay you and no matter how much things hurt or seem gloomy. As you submit to Him and find His grace to overcome sin in the ways you failed before, and in ever new ways beyond that, you will see God's hand more and you will gain new experiences which are glorious and triumphant. This will bring healing and do much to change your outlook, even if things don't improve externally anytime soon in terms of your circumstances which you can't control.

I recommend that you meditate on Psalm 23, Psalm 34, and Romans 8 about the hope that those who yield themselves to the Lord and walk in His fear have to look forward to. In Christ you have an exceedingly excellent heritage and you've got another chance to side with Him and prove the excellence of His strait and narrow way. Wherever keeping His Word henceforth leads you, you can be confident that that is what is best from this point going forward. You can't change the past; but you can do now (in principle at least) what you should have done before- and by the grace of God yet have hope in Him for your future and for eternity. Your Redeemer is Mighty!!!

Philippians 3:13-15: "13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you."

 

[bèlla]

You are not your experiences. God says you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. It’s up to you to receive that and cast down the lies which tell you otherwise.

You need two things. A wise companion who’ll tell the truth and refute the negativity. And a lot of love. That’s the greatest balm.

I’ve walked others through similar circumstances. It takes time and positive reenforcement. But the healing comes. I was not in Christ at the time. Nor were they. I believed in them and loved them a great deal. God honored that.

I would bathe my mind with the word while at home. Especially when sleeping. Get an electric essential oil diffuser (if you’re not allergic to scents) and a bottle of lavender essential oil. Aura Cacia is nice.

Turn it on one hour before you go to bed. It will help you relax. I’d listen to an audio bible. Keep it low and let it play while you sleep. Psalms is good. Your spirit will respond to the word. Even though you’re resting.

Pray often. If you don’t know what to pray or feel your words are ineffective. The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian and Prayers That Avail Much by Germaine Copeland are great resources. Both are interwoven with scripture with references you can check.

~Bella

 

[Sketcher]

I've had a good life and a bad life. I was raised in a loving home with 3 sisters and parents who are devoted to Christ. I remember a happy childhood at home.

Around 2nd grade I gradually spent more and more time with new 'friends' that were from broken and lost families. I didn't see or refused to think of them as fundamentally different from friends that I grew up with in church. By age 16 I was smoking cannabis on the weekends and drinking sometimes. I left the church and rebelled against my parents. This got worse until about 3 years ago when I finally came back from apostasy.

My faith in Jesus was found again and I was reborn...... again. A feeling of being brand new lasted maybe a month when horrifying memories began to surface of a traumatic and sinful past. This is where my story becomes very hard to explain to others; even other Christians who believe that angels still intervene to do God's will and that the Holy Spirit is just as active today as it was when the disciples of Christ received it.

Over the course of the past 2 years God has been revealing my past to me in very small doses. My parents don't believe these things could have happened because they're sure they would have known about them. What I know is that Satan is very powerful and God allows him to do very wicked and harmful things, even to those He loves. In all of these traumatic and supernatural events God sent angels to guide me and help me but I had to choose to obey God. It was up to me and many times I failed the test.

I now remember being molested around age 11 or 12 because of a man who practiced sorcery. This man would turn out to be a satanist and a worshiper of Abaddon; the angel of the abyss from Revelation 9. I had many encounters with this sorcerer throughout my life; all the way up to age 30.

The worst memories though, are the sins I committed while being satanically influenced. I can't prove that any of them happened. All I have left for physical evidence is a scar from a pharmakeia ritual involving sex magic.

I've now lost out on so many blessings and good things that God intended for me. There's no going back and I have to live with this stuff until God takes me home.

Life doesn't feel like a blessing right now, it feels like a curse or a prison sentence.

Welcome back.

Your life is a gift from God, and an opportunity to serve him. He didn't let you die during those lost years, and he had reasons for that.

"For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." - 2 Corinthians 5:14-15

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10

There is plenty of good for you to do for God's sake in this world. Train for it, keep your eyes peeled for opportunities to do it, and do it. You are not alone. You have millions of brothers and sisters in this world, and you only need to work with some of them.

 

[jahel]

You can give into your feelings and let Satan rule your life or you can all the Lord Jesus to heal you of the things that afflict you. Surely He bore your sorrows, your grief, your suffering and pain. If you will allow Him to clean you up, it will be as if those events never happened. Jesus came to set the captives free. Salvation is vastly more than a get out of hell card. It is deliverance for this lifetime. God will use your past suffering to enable you to help those who have gone through similar hardships.

Your concept of Christian faith is a little lacking. God knows that we are utterly unable to live the Christian life. He gives us Christ to be everything that we can possibly need. If you will permit Him, Lord Jesus will live out His life in you, through you and in place of what you used to be.

I suggest that you get a copy of "The Life That Wins" by Watchman Nee. It is a life changer, if you accept the truth it contains.

I don’t recall Watchman Nee teaching that there is no remembrance of why the tears were cried, do you?

 

[jahel]

I've had a good life and a bad life. I was raised in a loving home with 3 sisters and parents who are devoted to Christ. I remember a happy childhood at home.

Around 2nd grade I gradually spent more and more time with new 'friends' that were from broken and lost families. I didn't see or refused to think of them as fundamentally different from friends that I grew up with in church. By age 16 I was smoking cannabis on the weekends and drinking sometimes. I left the church and rebelled against my parents. This got worse until about 3 years ago when I finally came back from apostasy.

My faith in Jesus was found again and I was reborn...... again. A feeling of being brand new lasted maybe a month when horrifying memories began to surface of a traumatic and sinful past. This is where my story becomes very hard to explain to others; even other Christians who believe that angels still intervene to do God's will and that the Holy Spirit is just as active today as it was when the disciples of Christ received it.

Over the course of the past 2 years God has been revealing my past to me in very small doses. My parents don't believe these things could have happened because they're sure they would have known about them. What I know is that Satan is very powerful and God allows him to do very wicked and harmful things, even to those He loves. In all of these traumatic and supernatural events God sent angels to guide me and help me but I had to choose to obey God. It was up to me and many times I failed the test.

I now remember being molested around age 11 or 12 because of a man who practiced sorcery. This man would turn out to be a satanist and a worshiper of Abaddon; the angel of the abyss from Revelation 9. I had many encounters with this sorcerer throughout my life; all the way up to age 30.

The worst memories though, are the sins I committed while being satanically influenced. I can't prove that any of them happened. All I have left for physical evidence is a scar from a pharmakeia ritual involving sex magic.

I've now lost out on so many blessings and good things that God intended for me. There's no going back and I have to live with this stuff until God takes me home.

Life doesn't feel like a blessing right now, it feels like a curse or a prison sentence.

It doesn’t sound very good. Was it voodoo type of satanics?

 

[Rescued One]

I remember my sins, but I also know that God forgives me because I'm sorry for so many things I've done.

Isaiah 1:18
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

 

[Carl Emerson]

I've had a good life and a bad life. I was raised in a loving home with 3 sisters and parents who are devoted to Christ. I remember a happy childhood at home.

Around 2nd grade I gradually spent more and more time with new 'friends' that were from broken and lost families. I didn't see or refused to think of them as fundamentally different from friends that I grew up with in church. By age 16 I was smoking cannabis on the weekends and drinking sometimes. I left the church and rebelled against my parents. This got worse until about 3 years ago when I finally came back from apostasy.

My faith in Jesus was found again and I was reborn...... again. A feeling of being brand new lasted maybe a month when horrifying memories began to surface of a traumatic and sinful past. This is where my story becomes very hard to explain to others; even other Christians who believe that angels still intervene to do God's will and that the Holy Spirit is just as active today as it was when the disciples of Christ received it.

Over the course of the past 2 years God has been revealing my past to me in very small doses. My parents don't believe these things could have happened because they're sure they would have known about them. What I know is that Satan is very powerful and God allows him to do very wicked and harmful things, even to those He loves. In all of these traumatic and supernatural events God sent angels to guide me and help me but I had to choose to obey God. It was up to me and many times I failed the test.

I now remember being molested around age 11 or 12 because of a man who practiced sorcery. This man would turn out to be a satanist and a worshiper of Abaddon; the angel of the abyss from Revelation 9. I had many encounters with this sorcerer throughout my life; all the way up to age 30.

The worst memories though, are the sins I committed while being satanically influenced. I can't prove that any of them happened. All I have left for physical evidence is a scar from a pharmakeia ritual involving sex magic.

I've now lost out on so many blessings and good things that God intended for me. There's no going back and I have to live with this stuff until God takes me home.

Life doesn't feel like a blessing right now, it feels like a curse or a prison sentence.

Three years since your return is a pretty short time in the scheme of things.

Ask Jesus for Brothers and Sisters who understand and support.

Your healing and restoration will take place in the context of good loving fellowship.

He will heal and in some cases erase your memories of events.

Consume the Word of God - learn your security in Him - His Love and Sovereignty is your best friend.

He will restore the years the locusts have eaten but it will take time.

How are you relating to your family now?

Are you in good supportive fellowship?

 

[Nancy Hale]

I've had a good life and a bad life. I was raised in a loving home with 3 sisters and parents who are devoted to Christ. I remember a happy childhood at home.

Around 2nd grade I gradually spent more and more time with new 'friends' that were from broken and lost families. I didn't see or refused to think of them as fundamentally different from friends that I grew up with in church. By age 16 I was smoking cannabis on the weekends and drinking sometimes. I left the church and rebelled against my parents. This got worse until about 3 years ago when I finally came back from apostasy.

My faith in Jesus was found again and I was reborn...... again. A feeling of being brand new lasted maybe a month when horrifying memories began to surface of a traumatic and sinful past. This is where my story becomes very hard to explain to others; even other Christians who believe that angels still intervene to do God's will and that the Holy Spirit is just as active today as it was when the disciples of Christ received it.

Over the course of the past 2 years God has been revealing my past to me in very small doses. My parents don't believe these things could have happened because they're sure they would have known about them. What I know is that Satan is very powerful and God allows him to do very wicked and harmful things, even to those He loves. In all of these traumatic and supernatural events God sent angels to guide me and help me but I had to choose to obey God. It was up to me and many times I failed the test.

I now remember being molested around age 11 or 12 because of a man who practiced sorcery. This man would turn out to be a satanist and a worshiper of Abaddon; the angel of the abyss from Revelation 9. I had many encounters with this sorcerer throughout my life; all the way up to age 30.

The worst memories though, are the sins I committed while being satanically influenced. I can't prove that any of them happened. All I have left for physical evidence is a scar from a pharmakeia ritual involving sex magic.

I've now lost out on so many blessings and good things that God intended for me. There's no going back and I have to live with this stuff until God takes me home.

Life doesn't feel like a blessing right now, it feels like a curse or a prison sentence.

It sounds like you're having flashbacks to me. You may want to consider seeing a doctor. The statistics keep changing, but the likelihood of someone who experienced prolonged sexual abuse from a young age having PTDS (or CPTSD) is incredibly high.
The good news is it gets better! It really does. And, it's not your fault. None of it is. And I know you don't believe me. But, do this; go park by a school. 11years is about 6th grade. Look how little they are, how young. How many of them do you think know the words to describe what happened to you? If they don't tell, they'll likely start self medicating around 15 or 16. Would you forgive them for it? Medicating can be anything we do to try to protect ourselves. It can even be things we do just to numb ourselves or destroy ourselves.
Everything is going to be fine. Really. God is strong enough to see you through this. Look where you're at now, it's pretty amazing!

 

[kvolm]

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. Remembering past traumas is an awful experience for everyone. Are you working with a therapist on any of this?

 

[angelkiss]

As someone who has been through so much, therapists asked me how I was even still alive and most of the time, told me I lived enough life for 2 people..... I too, once thought my life felt more like a curse. Once I became a Christian, satan threw everything up to me at every angle, and sometimes still does. It's his way of trying to discourage me in hopes that I will turn my back on God. But, instead of doing that, I take each circumstance I lived through and turn it into a blessing. How? By helping others get through the same things that I have endured. By sharing my testimony of how God saw me through so many things, worked miracles in my life and can do the same for others.
Of course, satan wants us to be discouraged and he wants to keep us down. But, through God's power and by His grace, we can get through even the most difficult things and use them to encourage others on their journey.
Praying for you!

 

[Joined2krist]

Hi brethren, forget your past sins.We have all sinned and asked God for forgiveness. I think you should find ways to do good deeds, this way you will feel fulfilled and more purposeful. God bless