Lieing cheating and stealing

[fields316_2000]

If those of you that dont know, i found out that i was being cheated on for quiet awhile. she put in divorce papers months before i even knew what was going on. well to make a long story short, i got a lawyer and he made sure to get copies of what she's claiming.
she was a bad wife , mom and person, but somehow claimed to have the kids 80% of the time, i make something crazy like 5500 a month on my job (i dont) and that she was out of the house for months..

i validated everything she said was a lie and have responded to the actions. now, when this goes to court what will become of things? im following god the best i can and the more i was / am the more information comes out and im set up to take action. usually women get the better end of court cases in the family court, but in this case she just sucks.

she wants the house, that she cant pay for, has no job and somehow wants me to pay the morgage, childsupport and alimony..what? all her forms are full of exaggerations and lieing..how will the court deal with her since she just made it up? where is god in all this?

 

[myanchor]

Bro, I'm praying the truth will out. And God is with you and the children. He is also against her for her failure to keep the marriage bed pure

 

[fields316_2000]

do you think so? im the one struggling to make sense of why doing the right thing has limited results and she's out lieing and manipulating for a living. I truely want her out of our house. this may sound selfish, but we got that house based on my military background-va loan. im disabled, and used the cash and all that from service. when we moved in, myself and

 

[DZoolander]

Bro, I know it sucks, but if it were me, I'd stop putting thought into (and/or) worrying about Divine justice - or waiting for some Divine Hand to come in and help things along.

Now of course this is just my opinion, but I find that it helps me look at things.

The simple fact of the matter is that bad things can (and do) happen to good people. That's part of free will. God isn't sitting up in heaven with a remote control shock dog collar - zapping us (or anyone else) when we get out of line. Nor is He up there preventing the consequences of bad decisions from coming to fruition. The world is full of people crying "Why me, Lord?". Well - it's because that's just how things are. God doesn't play a part in the consequences of bad/evil/whatever decisions. Six million Jews died because someone made a decision - and God didn't get in the way of that. Genocide is committed around the world because people make a decision - and God doesn't get in the way of that.

It's not God's desire to mingle in our affairs, IMHO. What maters to Him (once again, IMHO) is what we do with our lives...and how that culminates at the end.

Your wife is free to be as big of a jerk as she wants to be...and He isn't going to stand in her way. Nor is he going to prevent the consequences (unfortunate to you) for those decisions that she makes. You're also free to be as big of a jerk as you wish to be. Even though the option is open to you, and God ain't gonna do a thing to stop you, the important issue is whether or not you choose to be. That's the testament to your character.

It's also the testament to her character.. Unfortunately she's making the choice *to* be a jerk.

But...in the end...it's who we are in totality at the end of our lives that matter. I think that is what God is concerned with.

For example...I've done some pretty crappy things in my life. God didn't stand in my way to do them...nor did he in any way diminish the consequences of those decisions. In the end, however, what matters is that I am ashamed of those decisions and that I would never do them again. In the end - what matters is who I am (or have become) by the time I die. Hopefully, I am (and will continue to be) a good person.

As much as it may suck to admit this, considering all you're going through, your ex wife in the end has the exact same potential. It doesn't mean that things are fixed between you two - nor does it diminish the harm that she's done (and apparently wants to continue to do) - but she has every opportunity to go on and live a good life and be a good person in the end (without you).

That's what I think God is concerned with.

What's going on now is your business...and it's all part of that great "work in progress" that our lives are. So - there's no point in wondering why bad things are happening to you. That's life. That's how we test ourselves. That's what is allowed to happen in order for everyone to prove who and what they are.

What's important for you is to do what's best for yourself, to defend yourself against the unfair and untrue accusations, and be honorable through the process despite how dishonorable others are being.

Ya know?

 

[myanchor]

Well EZ and I disagree and agree on different things. Yes, I do believe God is involved and will be after her. But EZ said that you should do what you need to protect yourself and be honorable. I agree there.

A girl and I were dating. I had a rule for myself that if there was only one other guy in the picture I wouldn't date the girl. So if there were many I was cool with that, or I was the only one I was cool with that. She lied and told me she wasn't dating anyone else. Well, I found out after a six week business trip that she had gotten back with this guy and they were going to get married. I just suddenly knew it. I talked with her and she finally fessed up that she had been two timing him and me. So, she married him. Then she started cheating on him to get promotions. She got them, then she got pregnant with one guy's child broke up his marriage, her marriage and sued the corporation for sexual harassment and won, but also kept her job. She then married another. She used to have a squeaky clean reputation, but now everyone knows she's a conniving round heeled wretch, so I believe she is having some consequences. I'm so glad I didn't marry her.

 

[fields316_2000]

well all i want is my house or her out of it.

 

[Dave73]

Try not to worry so much about all she is asking for. As my lawyer told me when I went for my divorce ... "You ask for the moon, knowing full well you're not going to get it but you'll come out of it with alot more than if you just asked for what you thought was 'fair'".

Child support is pretty straightforward ... it's calculated by a sheet that takes what you both make plus what each parent pays for the children (insurance, daycare) along with time spent with each parent (joint custody is VERY easy to get) and comes up with an amount ... (honestly, you may get a raw deal here since she doesn't work).

Alimony is hard to get and even then is usually for a short time period (from people I know 3 years). If she is able to work and just to lazy to do so that might help you here.

The house ... if she can't afford it then she won't be able to provide for the children when she has them (that would be a very stupid choice for the courts to make). If you can point that out and prove you can keep the house while paying child support and alimony (if any) then you present a stronger argument. If you do keep the house and there is any equity built up you'll have to give her 1/2 the equity in the house (something to think about).

All this is scary ... but take it from me, its not as bad. Plus from other posts of yours I've read she sounds like she's a finanical burden to you as a wife. Once she's out and even when you're paying child support you may find you have more money in the account than when you were married (I did).

 

[fields316_2000]

i think your right about that. im ordered to stay away from my house, which i pay for; she lives in the house but cant afford it.

the court mediator yesterday told me i can not have 50 / 50 joint unless i have a place of my own..and im staying with family until the court decides what to do with the property. i cant logically go get a lease started then the court orders me to pay her the house the new lease etc..thats impulsive and would lead to problems.

I just want her out. the kids deserve better and i do also. the main problem is that the mediator seemed to focus on her and my relationship rather than whats best for the boys. she even lied and said that there was nothing going on with the other guy, beyond the fact HE CALLED ME and told me they were together!

 

[fields316_2000]

someone also just told me that they will give her a public defender at this point..is that true?

 

[DZoolander]

Dunno about that. Divorce is not a criminal matter...so no idea how public defenders would fit into that.

 

[Dave73]

Seems odd you're ordered to stay away from the house. With my situation, I kept the house (on family land and we were surrounded by my family) ... but i was told I couldn't keep her out of the house ... legally until we were seperated the house was still 50% hers. I was told I could change the locks but if she came over and busted a window out there wasn't one thing i could do (since technically there's no law about breaking into your own house). Luckily I didn't have any problems like that out of her.

Don't know about a public defender ...

And when I was going through mine I saw alot of couples that had moved back in with family and had joint custody ... the courts here didn't have a problem with it. In fact you almost got the feeling they encouraged it since the parent had a larger 'support group' to pull from.