Hi COM,
No one will ever love you like God. It just isn't within a man's capacity to love.
What you do is up to you, but here's how I found God answer me.
I went into my room in the quiet stillness. No distracting sounds, no people milling about to and fro. I took a copy of the Scriptures in my hand and I got down on my knees and I literally cried to my Father. I opened up my heart and I took much time to explain to Him how very sorry I was that I had lived in rebellion to Him. How I had been lying to myself all these years that I was one of His. How I now knew the truth and now believed that the words I held at that moment in my hands was the truth given to me through His Spirit. I told Him that I believed that the words of the Scriptures were the only words that I knew to be the truth and that I desired to have an unquenchable, burning thirst to know Him through the words by which He has given me to know Him. I begged for the wisdom and guidance and conviction that was only available through His Holy Spirit and I pleaded with my Father to give me that Spirit of Truth to teach me. I promised Him that no matter what others in the world would ever tell me again that I believed Him and His word.
Then I spent a very good amount of time just praising Him and give thanks with tears of joy for what He had done for me. I then turned my attention to His Son and gave prayers of thankfulness and praise for all that he had done that I might have peace with the Father just as he has. I asked him for strength and to go with me on the journey of the rest of my days upon the earth. I continued to give offerings of thanks to him and pouring out my heart also to him of all the wicked things I had done and desired to repent of.
Finally, I turned my attention to the Holy Spirit. Giving thanksgiving and praise to him for all the work that he had done and that still needed to be done in my life. Teaching me and guiding me and giving me wisdom and understanding of the things of God.
All I can tell you friend, is that from that day forth my life has not been the same. I couldn't stand to listen to music that wasn't praising God. I spent 2 solid years reading and studying the Scriptures and still do, though not as diligently. I have always, since then, steadfastly maintained, even in the face of other 'christians' who would try to tell me differently, that what we maintain as the Scriptures are literally the very words of our Father written to us through the hands of men. Every account is literally and absolutely true and happened just as He has revealed it to me.
It is not some book, or collection of writings, written by ancient men who lacked the sophistication of knowledge that man holds up to himself today. It is a collection of writings that God wrote to us through the power and truth of His Holy Spirit, because in the end there will be judgment and God doesn't want anyone to be able to say, "But God, I didn't know. You didn't tell me. All my 'Christian' friends told me that that wasn't what I should believe."
Friend, if you want to really find God, then I suggest you start with some semblance of the prayer that I opened with and then just set your mind, choose to ignore the world and stand with God, that His word is truth. That's what Jesus said, "Thy word is truth." You want to be more like Jesus, then believe what Jesus believed. Rather, know what Jesus knew.
Jesus knew that his Father created this whole realm of life by merely the command of his words. All in perfect order just as the Scriptures tell us. Jesus knew that his Father had flooded the entire earth at one point because of His great anger over the pure wickedness of men. Jesus knew that there was a day in our history that his Father had stopped the sun's track in the sky. Jesus knew all these things and he knew that his Father loved that which He created out of nothing, for His own purpose and pleasure to create. And Jesus knows where all of this realm of existence is headed and what will be the final outcome of God's creating both this realm and the angelic realm. And Jesus knows that you have been given that same truth to know. You have been given the entire account of what his Father has done and is doing and will be doing and you have no excuse other than your own stiff-necked refusal to believe it.
I can't speak for you, of course, but I can tell you that for me, that prayer of repentance and begging and pleading changed my life. I was born again with the Spirit of the living God and now know the truth. I accept it and I understand it. I can read the Scriptures and see the whole plan of God's purpose in creating this realm and understand what it is that He asks of me. It just all seems so crystal clear and that's because the Holy Spirit will do exactly what Jesus said he would do for those who diligently seek after God.
God bless you.
In Christ, Ted
