Letting go

[c1ners]

My husband passed away a very long time ago. We were in a car accident and I watched as he took his last breath and slipped away. We were in Florida at the time. He was from New York, so he's parents buried him in New York. I was still in the hospital and wasn't able to attend the funeral.

It's been almost 23 years and I still haven't been able to let go. Yes, I've gone on with my life. I've done everything outwardly that a person is expected to do. But on the insde I'm a mess.

In my mind I've kept him alive. In my heart, he still lives. He's the first person I talk to in the moring, and the last I talk to at night before I go to sleep. Always in my own mind of course. I don't make it a habit to talk to him out loud. But I talk to him all day. Just like he were still here. And to me his is.

But I know I need to let him go. I don't know if I'm holding him back from Heaven or not, but I do know that I'm holding myself back from a life that I deserve. I'm holding myself back from true happiness and love.

So, I've decided to hold a memorial service for my Danny. Do you think it's stupid? Has anyone ever done this before? I don't even know where to begin. And I certainly don't have the money to pay for a real one.

Mainly I want to bury the grief and guilt I've carried for so long. I want to be able to free him of the promise he made to never leave me, and allow him to go. I need to free myself. Is it stupid?

 

[Pilgrim1951]

My husband passed away a very long time ago. We were in a car accident and I watched as he took his last breath and slipped away. We were in Florida at the time. He was from New York, so he's parents buried him in New York. I was still in the hospital and wasn't able to attend the funeral.

It's been almost 23 years and I still haven't been able to let go. Yes, I've gone on with my life. I've done everything outwardly that a person is expected to do. But on the insde I'm a mess.

In my mind I've kept him alive. In my heart, he still lives. He's the first person I talk to in the moring, and the last I talk to at night before I go to sleep. Always in my own mind of course. I don't make it a habit to talk to him out loud. But I talk to him all day. Just like he were still here. And to me his is.

But I know I need to let him go. I don't know if I'm holding him back from Heaven or not, but I do know that I'm holding myself back from a life that I deserve. I'm holding myself back from true happiness and love.

So, I've decided to hold a memorial service for my Danny. Do you think it's stupid? Has anyone ever done this before? I don't even know where to begin. And I certainly don't have the money to pay for a real one.

Mainly I want to bury the grief and guilt I've carried for so long. I want to be able to free him of the promise he made to never leave me, and allow him to go. I need to free myself. Is it stupid?

When you said "My Danny", I gasped outloud. I just lost "My Danny" 11 days ago. We were only married for 2 1/2 years, but he was my soulmate.
I don't think your willingness to have a memorial service is stupid at all. I am happy for you that you are finally wanting to move on and let go. No one can keep anyone from heaven by hanging on to them. If he was a believer at the time of his death, he went on without you. It's really no wonder you have held on so long. You never had any closure. I think this memorial service will give you that. You will be in my prayers. Let me know when your memorial service will be, and I will be praying for you at that time specifically. If you have a close friend, you may want them to help you. This is going to be painful, but how much pain you have suffered in the past 23 years. This act of letting go will release you, if you truly let go. Luv and blessings, Margie

 

[c1ners]

Thank you. I read one of your posts and "gasped" myself. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through right now. My Danny was my bestfriend and soul mate also. And we were married only 2 years. But we dated for five years before we married.

The memorial is going to be held April 10th. I have no idea of what time right now. All I know is that it has to be in the morning because we're decorating for a wedding showering for that night. And I picked that date because my daughter will be there. Our daughter. She never really knew her daddy. He died when she was only 15 months old. I think it'll do her good to see her mom finally "let go".

God Bless you sweetie. You will be in my prayers.

 

[TogetherForever]

I think that is such a good idea. It's been 4 1/2 years for me and I can't seem to let go. I pray that you can finally be truly happy.