Letter to Mum

[soaring as eagles]

Hi

I saw my therapist last week and he has told me i need to send a letter to my mum basicallly to be honest with her about me going to the hospital etc and all the mental and emotional abuse.

I am so scared as i have done everything i can like this before and it has never worked. Infact it has always come back to me. She will never admit to anything being her fault, so as you can guess its mine.

I know it probably needs to be said again but i dont see how this time will work like the others.

He has given me 2 weeks to do it and we wrote out kinda like a contract with each other. he said possibly that if you dont do it then psychology is not for you.

I so dont want to do it. dont know what to say. She will turn it around again.

Has anyone else had these sorta things to do. I just dont know what to say

 

[Anti Existance]

Dear Mum ,

Althought things have not always been good betweeen us, i have so many reasons to make this final decision that i have made now.I hope that you will finally come to realise my sadness and friction that has been between us,our stubbornes and unwillingness to put down our anger. i think that its best for us to review our past and aknowledge the pains that we both have endured , i felt lonely and cannot summorize what devestation it has caused upon my life. It is the reason why i have been hospitilized and am currently under psychological treatment.

I have a long and hard way to go...

But from this bed i would like to send my deepest aknowledgement of how much i love you and that despite all the anger and frustration , i hope that we could love and forgive eachother one day. You know how much i miss you, here at my bed. I cry and wish things where different. I wish we would share and put love and light into eachothers lives, instead of the complete and utter darkness we have been. I wish that my life would have been different, that we could do great things together what mothers and their daughters usually have, a namely loving and willingness to get to know eachother. I do not only want you as my mother, but i also want you to be as my closest friend. If one day possibly we could melt the ice, and i sincerely hope its not to late. I hope that you will visit me soon, and if not. I send you all my love, and will pray to God that he will help us to learn to forgive and forget and let go of the anger that is between us.

To my lovely mother (fill in name here)




Hope that helps.

 

[KittiK]

Soaring, writing that letter is a huge step....and you know this. It makes you nervous because you have been subjected to the blame and anger for so long. IMHO, you are afraid of how she will respond, and you will feel even worse, because now she will have enough ammunition to really hurt you....your truth. You will pour your heart and soul into something that you think she will crush, rip up and throw in your face....it's for her to deal with, not you. You are getting help, that's what counts. Once you put that letter in her hands...it's with her. Put up a wall and let her words roll off her back, knowing she is only defending herself. Her words may hurt, they may even make you cry...but in the end....abusers don't want you to see them for what they really are. the closer you get to the truth, the less she has over you. Liberating for you, terrifying for her. don't let your love and sympathy for her stop you. We don't want to hurt our abusers, we don't want to cause pain they way they have done to us because we know how it feels, we don't want to rock the boat because we know the consequences are great...they "taught" us that. those teachings are wrong, they are skewed and twisted to the advantage of them. take it back. Write the letter, be honest, you don't have to give reasons, appologies, or anything else that will admit, imply or applogize for your guilt. You are not guilty. you reacted to an enviroment that was not of your making. We love you, we're here for you, keep talking.

~Kitti

 

[Lilli]

Soaring,
I am sorry for your pain. The purpose of writing this letter is not to hurt your mom, or to hurt you anymore than you have already been hurt. Writing this letter is going to put you a step further in your own recovery. Once you write it down - it's like you are letting some of the pain escape from your inner self. Writing it down will help you to acknowledge your feelings and then put you in a better place. You have a right to express your pain! You have a right to feel better! Its like Kitti said - you write the letter and mail it - then it's out of your hands. We cannot control how others react - if your mom goes nuts - so be it - maybe the truth hurts her. But her feelings are her issues - you have to concentrate on YOU! Because you are IMPORTANT and you are SPECIAL!

I am sending you hugs, love and prayers!
Your sister in Christ,
Lilli

 

[KittiK]

Very nicely said Lilli!


You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Lilli again.

 

[Lilli]

Soaring,

Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing.... let us know, okay?

Lilli

 

[Stanfi]

I am sure that it will be very hard for you, but getting things out in the open, will be a HUGE step in the healing process for you!

 

[soaring as eagles]

Hi Lilli

Thanks for all the advice. it certainly has been quite difficult for me to write this letter. However i am half way through at the moment and its just trying to put it in a way that isnt too bad if you know what i mean.

I want to do this letter but as me and others have tried it before and nothing has happened infact it turns out the opposite she will never discuss any thing and she wont admit that it is her that is wrong. So the most surface talk turns into accusing.

I believe that at least in this letter then it gives me the chance to be honest with her about the situation and tell her things that i havent dared mention like the hospital etc.
Then at least i have tried and done my part really.

I think i have a complex about her really as there is only me (family wise) because everyone else has got out, pardon the expression. it has happened to them.
I feel there is a duty of care and she does not have many people around her but that is her fault.

Hopefully i will get it done over this week.

thanks

 

[luv4godremains]

hiya,
I just want to let you know, you aren't the only person who has experienced this from a parent. It's hard to be honest with them when they wont even listen, i guess, it's just good to keep trying in the hope that maybe, one day they will change. If you write from your heart, then no matter what happens with it, at least you've tried, and no one can tell you other wise, the hardest part is waiting for a reply to come through the post or whatever, or wainting for assurance that there will be no reply.
I hope that your mum listens to the things you say, and that she begins to learn how to take responsibility for her actions. I will keep you in my prayers, and maybe, just maybe, one day, everything will turn around for you, and your mum will even know that you are right, and even though nothing she does can change the past, she can definately learn from it!
God bless.
xXx