yes, but my son was very sick at the time so it never came to be. we spoke of the beach a while back unless i am confusing you with someone else than please excuse me.Have we spoken about where we both live before?
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lets see who can make me laugh
- Thread starter blessedmomof5
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- Jul 2, 2006
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The reader or the writer...
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.
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upamountain
... geographically, not spiritually...
Teacher: When you colour the picture, don't use brown for the flowers or the sky. It's not very nice.
Child: Sir, you're wearing brown shoes and a brown jumper. You're not very nice!
(True story)
Child: Sir, you're wearing brown shoes and a brown jumper. You're not very nice!
(True story)
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I Don't Want To Go To Church!
A mother went to wake her son for church one Sunday morning. When she knocked on his door, he said, "I'm not going!"
"Why not?" asked his mother.
"I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me. Two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why YOU WILL go to church. One, you're 47 years old. Two, you're the pastor!"
A mother went to wake her son for church one Sunday morning. When she knocked on his door, he said, "I'm not going!"
"Why not?" asked his mother.
"I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me. Two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why YOU WILL go to church. One, you're 47 years old. Two, you're the pastor!"
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- Jan 4, 2005
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One day at a time
Always in a state of change.....
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No I'm sure you have humor but maybe it's kind of like mine.....it will make you smile but you want something that is really going to make you laugh out loud. (is that it?)
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- Oct 21, 2009
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The modern-day Good Samaritan:
A man is robbed, beaten, and left naked by the side of the road.
A priest sees him and crosses to the other side so as to not get involved.
A protestant minister does the same thing.
A social worker walks up to the bleeding man and exclaims, "Whoever did this needs help!"
A man is robbed, beaten, and left naked by the side of the road.
A priest sees him and crosses to the other side so as to not get involved.
A protestant minister does the same thing.
A social worker walks up to the bleeding man and exclaims, "Whoever did this needs help!"
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- Oct 21, 2009
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One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him.
As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
"A penny for your thoughts," she said.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."
As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
"A penny for your thoughts," she said.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."
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- Oct 21, 2009
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There were these three guys talking. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third guy remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow puffs out his chest and says, "Well, I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me crawling on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed! Their eyes are wide and they have a newfound respect for this guy. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third fellow sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!'"
The third fellow puffs out his chest and says, "Well, I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me crawling on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed! Their eyes are wide and they have a newfound respect for this guy. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third fellow sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!'"
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Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.
Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts
Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts
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Thats ok Ruth, no harm done at all....seems like i find nothing funny?
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Talking Dog
A man sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. He goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."
"I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. But, the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down."
"So, I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals."
"Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
A man sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. He goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."
"I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. But, the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down."
"So, I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals."
"Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
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If Not For Grace
Legend-but then so's Keith Richards
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Do you know why the easter bunny hides his eggs?
(Because he is embarrassed that he sleeps w/chickens)
(Because he is embarrassed that he sleeps w/chickens)
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