Let's not be desperate...

[roseglass6370]

I've noticed a trend among some people I know...

Whenever a member of the opposite sex shows an interest in them (forget who this person is...or if they even know them well) they grasp it, and suddenly are dating steadily.

Let's take a good friend of mine. Recently a guy she knew expressed an interest in her. They were, yes friends, but she would never have looked at him until he said he liked her. Low and behold, before I knew it they were "an item"...it lasted all of three days because she didn't REALLY like him...but he was male, 1/2 decent, and liked her.

Another friend... A guy-friend of hers expressed an interest. She found no immediate problems and they dated...this one lasted 2 monthes because she didn't really like him, but he had expressed an interest in her. HE dumped HER. She grew to have feelings for him...but he wasn't right.

It seems like people take anyone who can breathe and who is of the opposite sex. We mustn't be so quick to date. Desperation is unattractive in itself and leads to problems. I don't date anyone unless the feeling is mutual. So let's try and set our standards a bit higher.

 

[nhzname]

 

[Hope_0004]

I agree... no need to be desperate or to rush things. However, I must tell ya, the older people get, the more nervous they seem to get and the pool of availability starts to feel like it's closin' in... I agree with you, though.

 

[Silver Speak]

Well, I'm assuming your friends are somewhat your age and I think that's a big factor in the issue. It's probably a lot about insecurity; I know I would've gone for many a guy when I was 15 but wouldn't dream of dating them now. I grew up, started to use my judgemental a bit better and that straightened things out. God knows I still stumble in the area but a simple crush isn't a huge deal like it used to be. Your friends will grow up too, I hope. I think they're just looking for someone to convince them they're 'good enough'.

 

[RED that's ME]

I totally agree. I have friends/acquaintances who does this too.

Too many people jump into relationships the wrong way and end up getting hurt and causing emotional scars.
Most don't take the time to pray about it and make sure God has given a "green light on the relationship." People should REALLY get to know the person first before pushing the romantic part of a relationship.

The right way to pursue a relationship is:

acquaintance>>friends>>good friends>>best friends>>dating>>engaged>> married.

Good strong relationships don't happen in a day, week, or even months at times. Communication is VERY important and first praying and getting the "green light" is too.

 

[JPPT1974]

We do need to be held to accountable for our actions. Either they can help or hurt us.

 

[LadySue]

I agree that in the best case scenario, friends grow into more. There's already an understanding of who each other is and a respect/love for each other.

At the same time, I tend to disagree that it shows "desperation" to date someone you aren't necessarily interested in that way or whatever. How do we know if we don't try?

I'm in my 30's, and have not been a casual dater....but have had a few more serious relationships. However, at this point in the game, if I met someone and they asked me out, I would go. I think I've had enough time to prove that I can live on my own without it having to be desperation.

 

[Peculiarone]

I agree with ya girlie.

God doesn't give broken, used gifts so why can't we wait.

 

[JPPT1974]

God gives us new and improved gifts that He wants us to have individually.

 

[awashinlove]

Great post, OP. I've been noticing people around me starting impulsive relationships quite a bit, lately, and have to agree with you.

acquaintance>>friends>>good friends>>best friends>>dating>>engaged>> married.

That's what my life's little road map says.

Blessings,
awashinlove

 

[BlackRain]

that's why i think it's so important to find your security and confidence in Christ. feelings lead us to so many places that we don't need to go.

i like what awashinlove said about being best friends before dating and then marriage. i really just want to marry my best friend. you have to...or there's something wrong.

 

[Alejandro]

I wonder why no males have replied to this topic..

I agree with all of you.. some people should start on first gear.. The right person will come at the right time and when we're ready.. I'm not saying to say no to everyone.. but frienship is they key for a good long lasting relationship!!!

 

[winglovesall]

Without friendship, it is impossible for a marriage to happen.
Without communication, it is impossible for a marriage to happen.

 

[koban4max]

I've noticed a trend among some people I know...

Whenever a member of the opposite sex shows an interest in them (forget who this person is...or if they even know them well) they grasp it, and suddenly are dating steadily.

Let's take a good friend of mine. Recently a guy she knew expressed an interest in her. They were, yes friends, but she would never have looked at him until he said he liked her. Low and behold, before I knew it they were "an item"...it lasted all of three days because she didn't REALLY like him...but he was male, 1/2 decent, and liked her.

Another friend... A guy-friend of hers expressed an interest. She found no immediate problems and they dated...this one lasted 2 monthes because she didn't really like him, but he had expressed an interest in her. HE dumped HER. She grew to have feelings for him...but he wasn't right.

It seems like people take anyone who can breathe and who is of the opposite sex. We mustn't be so quick to date. Desperation is unattractive in itself and leads to problems. I don't date anyone unless the feeling is mutual. So let's try and set our standards a bit higher.

I can agree from what you are saying...but ...if you take time for granted...the relationship might not work anymore.
For example, let's say you are friends with this boy for 2 years...you both like each other...HOwever...
if you keep being friends..you will just be friends...because the boy will just be like..."awww...it's whatever now...don't care.."

 

[winglovesall]

I understand what you mean there, koban4max! And I do partly agree with it -- I think it's reasonable to say that time can be important and sometimes, it will be the case.

 

[koban4max]

I understand what you mean there, koban4max! And I do partly agree with it -- I think it's reasonable to say that time can be important and sometimes, it will be the case.

yeah

 

[winglovesall]

But a good relationships needs plenty of time -- a lot of communication within and so, sometimes, it isn't the case!

 

[koban4max]

But a good relationships needs plenty of time -- a lot of communication within and so, sometimes, it isn't the case!

I mean..yeah...but if you don't initiate at certain...you can just forget it..and talk to the person rest of your life as friends...that's it...because the partner ain't going to sit around waiting for you.

 

[winglovesall]

I agree with you, there - koban4max! Yeah, sometimes, asking "is she interested" or "is he interested" comes up when a relationship dwells on!

 

[koban4max]

yup...i don't like that situation..lol