Let God down SO badly ='(

[winterbluebells]

It took something irrelevant to start it. Maths homework. Basically, I got really stressed. I feel stressed, unhappy, sad, so often. I felt cross I was so unhappy. So angry I started to say "------- God!" but stopped myself. It's just I used to spend hours and hours looking up what is and isn't a sin. It made me feel worse than I did before. Yet I prayed long, tiring prayers for each night, made sacrifices all the time. I stopped that after a while. Sometimes I just wouldn't bother. But I still prayed a bit in the morning and at night, trying to do good deeds. I then was advised to pray for a dream or a vision. You see, I still had so many questions, and I just don't see how you can fully believe in Jesus - I mean, it's probably possible to believe as much as you believe you exist, but even on that, you're not that sure, are you? And I'd find that so hard to believe. I never saw Jesus. I've seen and heard myself. Okay, people say "have faith." But if someone said to have faith in fairies, would you? They don't exist, or if they do, they're invisible and you can't hear them, nor feel they are there. I don't feel God. I've prayed and tried for a long time, but nothing. Recently I prayed one night for a dream. I didn't get one. I tried again the next night. I still didn't. I have asked God to reveal Himself to me, but it just seems impossible. People say to read the Bible to me. I find it so hard to understand though, and only after a little while seemed to find a contradiction. There appears to me to be many contradictions. I want to get a children's Bible, or maybe a teen's Bible, so maybe that will help. But why do I feel so ANGRY? Almost that I believe that it's God's Fault! Which it obviously isn't. So perhaps I'm taking out my anger and frustration with myself out on God. But I thought God Would help me. God Is perfect, I know, but I can't seem to stop feeling abandoned. I want to know God, I do, but before I tried I was happier. I only want to know God because I'm scared of going to hell, or family, or people I know. It just seems to cause terror, absolute terror, and sadness, frustration, and anger. I am so fed up with it but I don't see what I am doing wrong. I HAVE prayed for God to give me the right motives, but I'm naturally cold-hearted and selfish, how can I help that? I can try to change but I can't make myself change. It kind of makes me feel MORE angry, that trying to find God seems to have ruined my self-esteem. Before, I considered myself a niceish person. Now, I am a dirty, filthy sinner who has a wicked heart and I can't take the credit for anything good and perhaps has not been "chosen" by God and that's why I can't find Him. =/

I don't mean to offend God here, and if I have, it's subconscious. God Is good. God Is perfect. But I admit have trouble believing that sometimes.

 

[Criada]

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. God isn't an ogre counting all your sins and punishing you for them, my dear, He is a loving Father who forgives your sins, and makes you righteous. We can't ever keep all His laws, but that doesn't mean we are condemned, because Jesus came to fulfill the law, and set us free from that stress.

Please watch this, sweetie, it is about how God feels about you.

YouTube - The Inheritance for Men and Women

 

[SuperPhil]

You were never holding him up.

 

[Coralie]

I am going to tell you two things and I want you to read them very, very carefully. I've read many of your posts and the answer is always the same.

Number 1:

You are my sister and I love you.

I am JUST AS BROKEN as you are--I have the exact same thoughts, the exact same struggles to believe. In fact I am WORSE than you. And you know what? God love us both.

Jesus came to save sinners, NOT the righteous. That means that if you ever managed to be "perfect" in the way you're trying to be, HE WOULD NOT WANT YOU.

He ONLY wants people who are broken inside.

I repeat: GOD IS NOT INTERESTED IN ANYONE BUT SINNERS.

Number 2:

You need to see a doctor. Obsessive thoughts and constant rituals are not healthy or good for you. You might need medication; maybe you don't, but you need to rule it out.

Don't be afraid. God gives us the gifts of doctors and medication, they are not sinful. In the Bible, Paul even advises Timothy to drink medicinal wine for his stomach problems. It's OK to go to the doctor and take medicine.

You need to talk to a priest or a pastor. A priest/pastor can help you understand the Bible better, or find a Bible that you will be able to read on your own without being confused. He can also pray for you and find others to pray for you. He may even be able to anoint you with holy oil for healing--ask him if he can.

Being a Christian is about loving God and loving others, but also about allowing God and other people to take care of you. You can't do this on your own. Christians need to go to Church and share their problems with one another.

PLEASE go and see a doctor and a priest. I beg you, as your sister in Christ. I only want the best for you. I want you to be healthy, spiritually and physically.

Praying for you hon.

 

[andreha]

Hey

Don't be so hard on yourself. God knows you - after all, He created you. All of us tend to make mistakes, and fortunately, God's grace goes beyond human comprehension. The fact of the matter is that God's love for you will never die - not in eternity. And besides, those words which you started to say didn't come from you, but from the enemy. God knows that. He won't condemn you. He will continue to love and cherish you. You may not be aware of His presence all of the time, but it doesn't mean He's left you. He doesn't give up. He will certainly finish that which He started in you. God knows your heart. He knows you are hurting. If He was standing right next to you, He'd tell you that He still loves you as much as always. His love, kindness, forgiveness and patience is much bigger than anything you can ever do in this life. You are still His dear, beloved child.

Please feel free to PM me if you need a friend to talk to.

It took something irrelevant to start it. Maths homework. Basically, I got really stressed. I feel stressed, unhappy, sad, so often. I felt cross I was so unhappy. So angry I started to say "------- God!" but stopped myself. It's just I used to spend hours and hours looking up what is and isn't a sin. It made me feel worse than I did before. Yet I prayed long, tiring prayers for each night, made sacrifices all the time. I stopped that after a while. Sometimes I just wouldn't bother. But I still prayed a bit in the morning and at night, trying to do good deeds. I then was advised to pray for a dream or a vision. You see, I still had so many questions, and I just don't see how you can fully believe in Jesus - I mean, it's probably possible to believe as much as you believe you exist, but even on that, you're not that sure, are you? And I'd find that so hard to believe. I never saw Jesus. I've seen and heard myself. Okay, people say "have faith." But if someone said to have faith in fairies, would you? They don't exist, or if they do, they're invisible and you can't hear them, nor feel they are there. I don't feel God. I've prayed and tried for a long time, but nothing. Recently I prayed one night for a dream. I didn't get one. I tried again the next night. I still didn't. I have asked God to reveal Himself to me, but it just seems impossible. People say to read the Bible to me. I find it so hard to understand though, and only after a little while seemed to find a contradiction. There appears to me to be many contradictions. I want to get a children's Bible, or maybe a teen's Bible, so maybe that will help. But why do I feel so ANGRY? Almost that I believe that it's God's Fault! Which it obviously isn't. So perhaps I'm taking out my anger and frustration with myself out on God. But I thought God Would help me. God Is perfect, I know, but I can't seem to stop feeling abandoned. I want to know God, I do, but before I tried I was happier. I only want to know God because I'm scared of going to hell, or family, or people I know. It just seems to cause terror, absolute terror, and sadness, frustration, and anger. I am so fed up with it but I don't see what I am doing wrong. I HAVE prayed for God to give me the right motives, but I'm naturally cold-hearted and selfish, how can I help that? I can try to change but I can't make myself change. It kind of makes me feel MORE angry, that trying to find God seems to have ruined my self-esteem. Before, I considered myself a niceish person. Now, I am a dirty, filthy sinner who has a wicked heart and I can't take the credit for anything good and perhaps has not been "chosen" by God and that's why I can't find Him. =/

I don't mean to offend God here, and if I have, it's subconscious. God Is good. God Is perfect. But I admit have trouble believing that sometimes.

 

[blessedmomof5]

cold-hearted and selfish, how can I help that? I can try to change but I can't make myself change. It kind of makes me feel MORE angry, that trying to find God seems to have ruined my self-esteem. Before, I considered myself a niceish person. Now, I am a dirty, filthy sinner who has a wicked heart and I can't take the credit for anything good and perhaps has not been "chosen" by God and that's why I can't find Him. =/

Thats right only God can change you, you can do nothing with out him, we are ALL sinners and fall short of the glory of God, yes even those who "thin" they are perfect. for none are righteous.
i think what has happened to you now is that He has opened your eyes, for now you see you for who you really are a (and i mean this with no disrespect) dirty,filthy sinner who can take NO credit for anything good, for that would be booasting. for it is not i who do these things BUT Christ who does them through me.

May i suggest a study Bible, thats what i started out with, it helps when you are starting to learn Gods word.

 

[Thankful For Grace]

Whatever you do, don't give up. Genuine, heartfelt questions never offend God. It is very easy to give into the self, or flesh, and stop seeking God, but it is not the right thing to do.

I can stake my life on the fact that God loves you, and wants to save you. What you feel--the desire to give up--is the 'default'. It is the plan of the enemy of your soul, who desires that you give up all hope in a loving God Who paid the ultimate price to save you.

Think of it this way. There is a war, and your soul is the territory being fought over. On one side is Satan, who wants you do die, eternally. On the other is God, Who came to earth in human form and paid the price for all of your sins.

Because God is by nature Love, and because Love is a freely given entity, God will not force you to choose Him, but He wants you to. Satan has a stacked deck, in a way--he shows you all the ways he has destroyed everything good, and tries to trap you in despair.

This choice is not a matter of feeling. Feelings are just emotions. This choice is based on fact.

We are all aware that we are sinners by nature, and that we are, in a way, helpless in that aspect--but Jesus Christ, Who is God in the flesh--came down here to earth and died for our inadequacies and sins. What is required of you and me is that we acknowledge our own shortcomings and accept His provision for them. It really is that 'simple'--even though it is the most complex ideology on planet earth.

Please stop depending upon your emotions and begin depending upon what Jesus has already done for you. The enemy of your soul will always play with your emotions, but it doesn't change the Fact.

The only Fact that matters. Jesus is God, in the flesh, and God came to earth to save all of us sinners. He paid the price for our sins.

Faith is not based on emotion, but on Fact.

Love to you, and blessings.

It took something irrelevant to start it. Maths homework. Basically, I got really stressed. I feel stressed, unhappy, sad, so often. I felt cross I was so unhappy. So angry I started to say "------- God!" but stopped myself. It's just I used to spend hours and hours looking up what is and isn't a sin. It made me feel worse than I did before. Yet I prayed long, tiring prayers for each night, made sacrifices all the time. I stopped that after a while. Sometimes I just wouldn't bother. But I still prayed a bit in the morning and at night, trying to do good deeds. I then was advised to pray for a dream or a vision. You see, I still had so many questions, and I just don't see how you can fully believe in Jesus - I mean, it's probably possible to believe as much as you believe you exist, but even on that, you're not that sure, are you? And I'd find that so hard to believe. I never saw Jesus. I've seen and heard myself. Okay, people say "have faith." But if someone said to have faith in fairies, would you? They don't exist, or if they do, they're invisible and you can't hear them, nor feel they are there. I don't feel God. I've prayed and tried for a long time, but nothing. Recently I prayed one night for a dream. I didn't get one. I tried again the next night. I still didn't. I have asked God to reveal Himself to me, but it just seems impossible. People say to read the Bible to me. I find it so hard to understand though, and only after a little while seemed to find a contradiction. There appears to me to be many contradictions. I want to get a children's Bible, or maybe a teen's Bible, so maybe that will help. But why do I feel so ANGRY? Almost that I believe that it's God's Fault! Which it obviously isn't. So perhaps I'm taking out my anger and frustration with myself out on God. But I thought God Would help me. God Is perfect, I know, but I can't seem to stop feeling abandoned. I want to know God, I do, but before I tried I was happier. I only want to know God because I'm scared of going to hell, or family, or people I know. It just seems to cause terror, absolute terror, and sadness, frustration, and anger. I am so fed up with it but I don't see what I am doing wrong. I HAVE prayed for God to give me the right motives, but I'm naturally cold-hearted and selfish, how can I help that? I can try to change but I can't make myself change. It kind of makes me feel MORE angry, that trying to find God seems to have ruined my self-esteem. Before, I considered myself a niceish person. Now, I am a dirty, filthy sinner who has a wicked heart and I can't take the credit for anything good and perhaps has not been "chosen" by God and that's why I can't find Him. =/

I don't mean to offend God here, and if I have, it's subconscious. God Is good. God Is perfect. But I admit have trouble believing that sometimes.

 

[RuthD]

May God bless you abundantly.

 

[Criada]

Thinking of you and praying for you today, sweetie.