Lesbian joins the group.

[bling]

Lesbian joins the group.

We have a mixed (men and women) Bible study groups meeting in homes weekly. An MD in the group would like to invite a woman that recently placed membership, but she wanted us to know that she is a “former” Lesbian that has lived for 20 years with the same women. She feels it is a sin to have sex with another woman. She has abstained from having sex for the last 6 years but is still living with her best friend, who loves her but is not as strongly committed to the celibacy.
What do you think should be said to the woman that wants to join if you were in the group?
Is anything needed for her to join?
Should she still be going to the CofC?

 

[crawfish]

The answers are "come and join us", "no" and "yes". What possible difference can you make in her life if she isn't there? Show her the love, forgiveness and grace of God in your words and actions, so that she knows that when she becomes a Christian her past is wiped clean.

 

[DerSchweik]

Lesbian joins the group.

We have a mixed (men and women) Bible study groups meeting in homes weekly. An MD in the group would like to invite a woman that recently placed membership, but she wanted us to know that she is a “former” Lesbian that has lived for 20 years with the same women. She feels it is a sin to have sex with another woman. She has abstained from having sex for the last 6 years but is still living with her best friend, who loves her but is not as strongly committed to the celibacy.
What do you think should be said to the woman that wants to join if you were in the group?
Is anything needed for her to join?
Should she still be going to the CofC?

The answers are "come and join us", "no" and "yes". What possible difference can you make in her life if she isn't there? Show her the love, forgiveness and grace of God in your words and actions, so that she knows that when she becomes a Christian her past is wiped clean.

I agree - it's important she see Christ's light shining in your group, and His love for her through your group. Many of the first Christians had come out of homosexual backgrounds due to the power of the gospel in the lives of those who shared the gospel with them. Share the gospel, study the word with her, love her, include her, pray for her. Do all for her that Jesus would do for her.

 

[cremi]

Echoing what Crawfish and DS stated. She needs to be there.

 

[kasprinkle]

Ditto to all who posted before me!

 

[bling]

I must have misstated something. She is a Christian as far as she and I are concerned. A baptized believer after the age a maturity. She fell away in her lesbian practices, but now has stopped being a “lesbian” although she is still attracted to women and not to men at this time.

 

[erinyes]

some things take time. continuing to fellowship with other believers in a church will only help her. sometimes it is that extra encouragement from other christians, over time, that will help her to renounce her past.

 

[crawfish]

I must have misstated something. She is a Christian as far as she and I are concerned. A baptized believer after the age a maturity. She fell away in her lesbian practices, but now has stopped being a “lesbian” although she is still attracted to women and not to men at this time.

I'm not one who thinks every homosexual can be "cured". She may have to face the fact that she'll be attracted to women the rest of her life. This is likely grounded in some level of physiology; some combination of genetic predisposition and environment. It may be too deeply ingrained to get over.

This is why I think, many times, Christian counseling of homosexuals fails; we think we can cure them and make them normal, and at some point we say "you're cured!" - but they still feel the desires internally. When I look at my failings, my sins, I have to say that the root causes deep inside me will probably NEVER change; I'll always be a man, visually oriented, and seeing a beautiful, scantily-clad girl will always have the effect of stimulating me sexually. It's not the temptation that is the problem, or the existence of the temptation, but my response to it. Just like God would not remove Paul's thorn in the flesh - whatever it was - God might not remove our own personal demons. But we can always count on him to help us cope with it.

 

[bling]

I'm not one who thinks every homosexual can be "cured". She may have to face the fact that she'll be attracted to women the rest of her life. This is likely grounded in some level of physiology; some combination of genetic predisposition and environment. It may be too deeply ingrained to get over.

This is why I think, many times, Christian counseling of homosexuals fails; we think we can cure them and make them normal, and at some point we say "you're cured!" - but they still feel the desires internally. When I look at my failings, my sins, I have to say that the root causes deep inside me will probably NEVER change; I'll always be a man, visually oriented, and seeing a beautiful, scantily-clad girl will always have the effect of stimulating me sexually. It's not the temptation that is the problem, or the existence of the temptation, but my response to it. Just like God would not remove Paul's thorn in the flesh - whatever it was - God might not remove our own personal demons. But we can always count on him to help us cope with it.

I like the thorn in the flesh analogy. Thank you for your ideas. The problem I have now is I have to go to a friend in the group that is apposed to her joining and wants her to move out from her room mate before he would feel comfortable to have her in our group.

 

[DerSchweik]

I like the thorn in the flesh analogy. Thank you for your ideas. The problem I have now is I have to go to a friend in the group that is apposed to her joining and wants her to move out from her room mate before he would feel comfortable to have her in our group.

Allowing her to join the group would communicate to her a level of trust and spirit of forgiveness that would help her make whatever decisions the Holy Spirit may prompt her to make w/r to her roommate. Helping your friend see the importance of this - and the importance of faith in the Holy Spirit's working in her life would be a very good thing, imo - for both their sakes.

I would say the last thing this person needs is to sense a lack of trust or an unforgiving spirit from anyone in your group. Your friend may believe this is a "prudent" course of action - and in the long run, that may be true; but his/her "comfort level" re this person's situation is IMO more a function of their lack of faith than it is hers - does that make sense? I'm not trying to judge your friend, but I've seen too many people set unrealistic expectations on others in situations like this that only drive them farther from God rather than closer to Him. A little trust, a little faith, and an attitude of complete forgiveness - kinda like what Jesus does for us all the time - will, I believe, work the proper solution in the end.

 

[SoulFly51]

I agree - she should be welcomed.

 

[fishon]

As a pastor of a small CofC Instrumental, I would encourage her to join the group. She is still attracted to women-------Now and again I am still attracted to the bottle. But greater is He who is in me and her if she is a Christian. I can do all things through Christ..., and so can she.

I would talk to my friend who is against her joining, but he may have to make a very tough decision if he holds hard and fast. Personally, I would go to the mat for this woman. She would be worth dying for; that is, I would face being fired if she was stopped from coming to the meetings or the church.
fishon

 

[bling]

I appreciate all your comments and support.
I did talk to the group without my friend that apposes her joining and we think we should be united and do not want to give up on the one.
It was an interesting conversation with the one that apposes her joining (I love this person very much and find him very intelligent and interesting). Of course I thought of other stuff to say and bring up afterwards so we need to talk again.

 

[erinyes]

Of course I thought of other stuff to say and bring up afterwards so we need to talk again.

dontcha just hate it when you don't think of stuff until later?! oh well, i hope your talks are productive and interesting

 

[Molal]

Welcome her to the group, enjoy the fact that she is there and has admittedly she has left/abstained from homosexual practices.

Keep her involved at church through social groups, etc and help her in whatever way you and the church can.

But, I agree that she may never cease to have homosexual feelings.....it maybe a thorn in her flesh for ever - it could also be a blessing, particularly if other homosexual people attend your congregation.

I think it's also worth remembering that all sin is the same to God, whether it be murder, getting drunk, or homosexuality - we have all sinned. Don't let worldly idea's alter your perception of the magnitude of different sin.

 

[sealacamp]

Handle her with care, caution, and a teaching hand. Pray that Christ will lead her to His freedom while setting her free from that which imprisons her. If Christ has begun a work in this lady He will complete it in His time and in His way. I know there are many that would reject her because of her past but from what you describe it sounds like she is on the road of repentance, a good place to be. That being the case following biblical guidelines for those beginning to see the light of Christ would be appropriate, IMO.

Sealacamp

 

[champuru]

Lesbian joins the group.

We have a mixed (men and women) Bible study groups meeting in homes weekly. An MD in the group would like to invite a woman that recently placed membership, but she wanted us to know that she is a “former” Lesbian that has lived for 20 years with the same women. She feels it is a sin to have sex with another woman. She has abstained from having sex for the last 6 years but is still living with her best friend, who loves her but is not as strongly committed to the celibacy.
What do you think should be said to the woman that wants to join if you were in the group?
Is anything needed for her to join?
Should she still be going to the CofC?

I think she should just be treated like every other christian. I mean you wouldnt be asking questions like "should a person who lied a few times join the group?" or "should somebody who didnt forgive their brother join our group?" If we were like that there wouldnt be christian groups or even churches. The bible doesnt list one sin as worst than another (except the unforgivable sin) so accept her with open arms

 

[- DRA -]

Lesbian joins the group.

We have a mixed (men and women) Bible study groups meeting in homes weekly. An MD in the group would like to invite a woman that recently placed membership, but she wanted us to know that she is a “former” Lesbian that has lived for 20 years with the same women. She feels it is a sin to have sex with another woman. She has abstained from having sex for the last 6 years but is still living with her best friend, who loves her but is not as strongly committed to the celibacy.
What do you think should be said to the woman that wants to join if you were in the group?
Is anything needed for her to join?
Should she still be going to the CofC?

I would say, "Welcome."

As described (which I understand is of a Christian woman that fell away for a period of time), the woman acknowledges sin in her life and has turned from it (repented). Assuming this includes asking God's forgiveness, then she has done what is necessary to put sin behind her. I wouldn't have a problem accepting her. In principle, this is true for everyone. Whether someone initially coming to Christ, or an unfaithful Christian, we all are guilty of sin and need to put it behind us and live faithfully in God's service.

However, I do have concerns about her choice of roommates. Living with a former lover is like playing with fire. Especially with the roommate not being as committed to ceasing from sin. I definitely think 1 Corinthians 15:33 would need to be considered.

As for this lady going to the church of Christ, I don't believe there's a better place for her to be to serve God faithfully ... which ought to be the common goal for all of us!

 

[SamanthaB]

I think she should just be treated like every other christian. I mean you wouldnt be asking questions like "should a person who lied a few times join the group?" or "should somebody who didnt forgive their brother join our group?" If we were like that there wouldnt be christian groups or even churches. The bible doesnt list one sin as worst than another (except the unforgivable sin) so accept her with open arms

Hi, I am new to this particular part of the forum, but I want to say that I agree wholeheartedly and I'll bet that's how she would want to be treated.

 

[Molal]

Welcome SamanthaB