Lenient priests

[AnalogJoe]

Well, to begin with, this is my first post here so hi everyone!

Around a month ago I started going to Mass to a new parish. I like confessing my sins every week, not that I am a hardcore sinner but I like letting it all out before the Eucharist. At first, the priest seemed like an EXTREMELY nice guy, and I was impressed, sometimes I would go to confess to the vicar instead and he is even greater. Both priests are deeply loved by the community.

Last Sunday, I went to confession as usual, I started confessing my first sin and the priest interrupted me and said "Do you think that is serious?" and started asking me why I was confessing every week, who told me to do that?, that I am "abusing the sacrament of reconciliation", that my conscience is very strict (actually the sin I confessed was a mortal sin, it was an oath I deliberately broke), after around 5 minutes of being reprimanded for basically not being sinful enough, he let me finish confessing, honestly I actually thought he wasn't even going to grant me absolution, I thought he was going to say something like "There is no point, go and come back when you've sinned some more", but he actually did end up giving me absolution.

Anyway, at the end, he asked me more questions, and somehow I told him that I pray the rosary every day, he rolled his eyes and said "Take it easy" and then added "We'll keep talking in the future to correct this". I was shocked! A priest who tells you not to make a fuzz out of your grave sins and who rolls his eyes when you tell him that you pray the rosary, it felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.

When I went back home I felt really upset, I went to the CCC and read the entire section on the sacrament of reconciliation, and in #1458 it actually says:

"Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father's mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful"

So the whole "I am abusing the sacrament of reconciliation" argument is just not true according to the Church. Then it hit me, the reason why this priest is so loved by everyone is because he is nice with everyone, no one feels bad after talking to him, nothing is a sin unless it is something really serious like adultery, murder, etc... you shouldn't pray the rosary, I don't know for sure but perhaps according to him you shouldn't even read the Bible.

I don't want to be scrupulous and confess sins like "not flushing the toilet" or something like that, but some priests seem to want to be your friends more than saving your soul, there is so much leniency nowadays, some famous bishops (you know who they are) are openly saying that you can still get saved without faith in Christ but that faith in Christ is the "preferred way"

Thoughts?

 

[Michie]

Well, to begin with, this is my first post here so hi everyone!

Around a month ago I started going to Mass to a new parish. I like confessing my sins every week, not that I am a hardcore sinner but I like letting it all out before the Eucharist. At first, the priest seemed like an EXTREMELY nice guy, and I was impressed, sometimes I would go to confess to the vicar instead and he is even greater. Both priests are deeply loved by the community.

Last Sunday, I went to confession as usual, I started confessing my first sin and the priest interrupted me and said "Do you think that is serious?" and started asking me why I was confessing every week, who told me to do that?, that I am "abusing the sacrament of reconciliation", that my conscience is very strict (actually the sin I confessed was a mortal sin, it was an oath I deliberately broke), after around 5 minutes of being reprimanded for basically not being sinful enough, he let me finish confessing, honestly I actually thought he wasn't even going to grant me absolution, I thought he was going to say something like "There is no point, go and come back when you've sinned some more", but he actually did end up giving me absolution.

Anyway, at the end, he asked me more questions, and somehow I told him that I pray the rosary every day, he rolled his eyes and said "Take it easy" and then added "We'll keep talking in the future to correct this". I was shocked! A priest who tells you not to make a fuzz out of your grave sins and who rolls his eyes when you tell him that you pray the rosary, it felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.

When I went back home I felt really upset, I went to the CCC and read the entire section on the sacrament of reconciliation, and in #1458 it actually says:

"Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father's mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful"

So the whole "I am abusing the sacrament of reconciliation" argument is just not true according to the Church. Then it hit me, the reason why this priest is so loved by everyone is because he is nice with everyone, no one feels bad after talking to him, nothing is a sin unless it is something really serious like adultery, murder, etc... you shouldn't pray the rosary, I don't know for sure but perhaps according to him you shouldn't even read the Bible.

I don't want to be scrupulous and confess sins like "not flushing the toilet" or something like that, but some priests seem to want to be your friends more than saving your soul, there is so much leniency nowadays, some famous bishops (you know who they are) are openly saying that you can still get saved without faith in Christ but that faith in Christ is the "preferred way"

Thoughts?

He does not sound like such a great priest to me. You are not in the wrong here.

 

[BrAndreyu]

I thought you were supposed to go every week... I don't, but I heard that you were supposed to when I was a kid from a CCD teacher. Most people don't, I go once a month or so. I don't think that there's such a thing as "abusing the sacrament of reconciliation", Bishop Barron said to use reconciliation often so that you're in a state of grace most of the time.

I tried to go today, got there with 15 minutes to spare and the priest had already left the confessional.

 

[Basil the Great]

I am not Catholic, but a close Catholic friend of mine was very devout back in the 1960's and he told me then that he went about every six weeks. I think it is safe to say that Confession/Reconciliation is not emphasized as much in the 2020's as it was in the 1960's.

 

[BrAndreyu]

I think it is safe to say that Confession/Reconciliation is not emphasized as much in the 2020's as it was in the 1960's.

The church is honestly just happy to have people coming through the doors. If this means downplaying confession, then most parishes and even dioceses are willing to do that, such is the world we live in today.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I don't want to be scrupulous and confess sins like "not flushing the toilet" or something like that, but some priests seem to want to be your friends more than saving your soul, there is so much leniency nowadays, some famous bishops (you know who they are) are openly saying that you can still get saved without faith in Christ but that faith in Christ is the "preferred way"

Thoughts?

You can find a different confessor. You want one who will correct you as needed, but not one who minimizes sin.

 

[AnalogJoe]

You can find a different confessor. You want one who will correct you as needed, but not one who minimizes sin.

Yes, its so hard, I've had priests who are basically looking at their watch whilst you are confessing, others who tell you that you are the worst for confessing something minor consecutive times, etc... But if I had to choose, I prefer a strict priest than a priest who tells me "Take it easy".

This last priest acted like if I wanted him to be my spiritual director, and I just wanted to confess.

I have a spiritual director who belongs to a religious order and they are amazing, sadly they are not available every week for confession or mass so I have to go with the diocesan priests, the diocesan priests are so bad, their sermons are lame, and their theology is shallow.

I am not an extreme "trad", but there is something about these Kumbaya priests and their masses with a nun and a guitar singing cheesy out-of-tune songs that I truly dislike.

 

[AnalogJoe]

I thought you were supposed to go every week... I don't, but I heard that you were supposed to when I was a kid from a CCD teacher. Most people don't, I go once a month or so. I don't think that there's such a thing as "abusing the sacrament of reconciliation", Bishop Barron said to use reconciliation often so that you're in a state of grace most of the time.

I tried to go today, got there with 15 minutes to spare and the priest had already left the confessional.

Yes, I've always been told to go once every week, and minimum once a month.

The sacrament of reconciliation is going to disappear as we know it, priest do not want to confess anymore, people do not want to confess, people confessing before mass are around 2-6 tops. Priests, only confess on Sundays.

And with this whole "Eucharistic Coherence" thing going on, confession seems to be less and less demanded by the church.

And what about penance? this last priest assigns me stuff like "Ask God what he wants for you", I mean that is good advice but that is not penance. At least tell me to pray 3 Hail Marys or to offer a couple of masses...

 

[chevyontheriver]

Yes, its so hard, I've had priests who are basically looking at their watch whilst you are confessing, others who tell you that you are the worst for confessing something minor consecutive times, etc... But if I had to choose, I prefer a strict priest than a priest who tells me "Take it easy".

This last priest acted like if I wanted him to be my spiritual director, and I just wanted to confess.

I have a spiritual director who belongs to a religious order and they are amazing, sadly they are not available every week for confession or mass so I have to go with the diocesan priests, the diocesan priests are so bad, their sermons are lame, and their theology is shallow.

I am not an extreme "trad", but there is something about these Kumbaya priests and their masses with a nun and a guitar singing cheesy out-of-tune songs that I truly dislike.

I hear you. I had a priest once tell me "That's no sin." Finally finally I found a priest actually years later that took me seriously, had proper advice, and I left that sin behind. I am so thankful for him. Keep looking. There are some good priests out there.

 

[AnalogJoe]

I hear you. I had a priest once tell me "That's no sin." Finally finally I found a priest actually years later that took me seriously, had proper advice, and I left that sin behind. I am so thankful for him. Keep looking. There are some good priests out there.

Thanks for the encouraging words!

 

[BrAndreyu]

One thing I've noticed is that people in my parish tend to use the confessional as their personal counseling time with the priest instead of confessing what they have to confess, saying their act of contrition, getting their absolution and then getting out to do their penance. We only have about an hour a week in which confessions are heard and a lot of the people who show up regularly treat it as a means to have some sort of a therapy session than making a confession. It's annoying.

 

[Michie]

One thing I've noticed is that people in my parish tend to use the confessional as their personal counseling time with the priest instead of confessing what they have to confess, saying their act of contrition, getting their absolution and then getting out to do their penance. We only have about an hour a week in which confessions are heard and a lot of the people who show up regularly treat it as a means to have some sort of a therapy session than making a confession. It's annoying.

I was always taught to simply confess the sin using the 10 Commandments or a confession guide. There is no need to go into details unless the priest asks.

 

[BrAndreyu]

I was always taught to simply confess the sin using the 10 Commandments or a confession guide.

I have this book of daily prayers and it has a part on examining the conscience before going to confession, and they break down each of those ten commandments into like ten other ways to violate them. I don't examine my conscience a lot, I know what I am doing wrong because I feel guilty about pretty much everything that doesn't involve going to mass, reading the bible, or saying prayers... heck I feel guilty if I don't say the rosary every night at the same time. Like today I said it waiting for mass to start and now I feel like I did something wrong even though I know that this is not the case at all because I'm so used to saying it right before I go to bed.

So when the time for confession comes, I can always name multiple ways in which I have violated a commandment and I think that doing this helps keep me mindful of how easy it is to not be focused on putting God first in my life. Still it doesn't take me long, I can be in and out of confession usually in about five minutes.

 

[Lady Bug]

That priest is awful IMHO. I would find him a nightmare. Are his homilies alright?

 

[AnalogJoe]

That priest is awful IMHO. I would find him a nightmare. Are his homilies alright?

His homilies are ok. But after this, I told my family and they no longer want to go back there. Today we are going back to my previous parish, lets see how it goes.

 

[AnalogJoe]

One thing I've noticed is that people in my parish tend to use the confessional as their personal counseling time with the priest instead of confessing what they have to confess, saying their act of contrition, getting their absolution and then getting out to do their penance. We only have about an hour a week in which confessions are heard and a lot of the people who show up regularly treat it as a means to have some sort of a therapy session than making a confession. It's annoying.

Ohh yes, there is always someone crying for hours before its my turn. The problem is that they don't know what confession should be about, and priests want to play the spiritual director or psychiatrist card. I've seen churches where they have a sheet of paper on the wall: "Confession should be brief and concise, you should make a conscience exam before your confession", and still, people ignore it.

Another problem I have is that today during COVID times, many priests basically have a Hazmat suit on, they are 6 feet away and have an acrylic sheet between you and them, when the priest speaks I can barely hear him, many times I have to ask him again "Can you repeat the penance father?"

 

[Anhelyna]

A suggestion from a Non- Catholic - I think you should discuss this , your practice of Confession , with your Spiritual Director

 

[AnalogJoe]

A suggestion from a Non- Catholic - I think you should discuss this , your practice of Confession , with your Spiritual Director

I have, he in fact is the one who encourages regular confession, who gave me a guide for a conscience exam, etc.. I confess with him everytime I can, but as I said, its not always possible.

 

[AnalogJoe]

I was always taught to simply confess the sin using the 10 Commandments or a confession guide. There is no need to go into details unless the priest asks.

Exactly! I do try to be as specific as possible thou and to avoid ambiguities

 

[Gnarwhal]

Welcome to the forum, and God bless you for your piety. I think it's great that you go to confession every week and pray the rosary daily. I try to go every week as well, and sadly I've fallen off with the daily rosary prayers but I can always get back on that horse.

I have to say though I disagree with your priest, I don't think he was right to criticize you for seeking frequent confession. Some of my catechists when I was converting shared how they would go to confession every day when they were visiting Rome. Even then, I know they aren't excessive or scrupulous people so I don't think they were abusing the sacrament even going that frequently.

I don't know what you're confessing, and it's none of my business, but it doesn't seem to be a scrupulosity issue which may be what he was suggesting. Rather it sounds like he's just trying to be progressive in his view of sin, which is exceedingly dangerous.

I don't think there would be anything wrong in seeking out another confessor, perhaps you can find one who takes the sacraments seriously. Because this priest's view of confession may extend to the other six sacraments as well. He may not take Holy Communion or Baptism or Confirmation seriously, and then what? Even if he's just being lazy and is trying to discourage his parishioners from overdoing it so he doesn't have to spend as much time in the confessional (or wherever he hears them) that's still not okay by any means.

He signed up for this.