* There was a football coach that had a player on his team that was a bit slow. The Dean told him that if the player could learn the formula for water, then he would be allowed to play in the big game.
The day of the big game came and the Dean called the player into his office and asked him to recite the formula for water. The player grinned real big and said, "H I J K L M N O."
* An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
* Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
* A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."
* An instructor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sexy-looking lady knocked on his door.
Yes?, he replied, how may I help you?
The lady said "I need to talk to you about my grade in your class."
"Come in and have a seat," said the instructor.
Is there anything I can do to get an "A" in your class?
"What do you mean by *anything*," he replied.
She said "Anything!"Anything?? She said, in her best sultry voice "I mean ANYTHING."
The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, "Would you study?"
* At a school in Oregon, the young girls were just starting to wear lipstick. They would go into the bathroom and put on their lipstick and kiss the mirror to blot it. The janitor was having a terrible time trying to get the mirror clean and keep it clean. He talked to the principle and the principle tried to talk to the girls, explaining how hard it was to clean the mirror of the lipstick. It did no good, so he had all the girls come into the bathroom with the janitor so he could show them how hard it was to clean the mirror. The janitor took the scrub brush and scrubbed and scrubbed, the mirror was still a mess, and then he dipped the brush in the toilet and went back to the mirror and scrubbed again. There has been no one kissing the mirror since.
The day of the big game came and the Dean called the player into his office and asked him to recite the formula for water. The player grinned real big and said, "H I J K L M N O."
* An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
* Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
* A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."
* An instructor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sexy-looking lady knocked on his door.
Yes?, he replied, how may I help you?
The lady said "I need to talk to you about my grade in your class."
"Come in and have a seat," said the instructor.
Is there anything I can do to get an "A" in your class?
"What do you mean by *anything*," he replied.
She said "Anything!"Anything?? She said, in her best sultry voice "I mean ANYTHING."
The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, "Would you study?"
* At a school in Oregon, the young girls were just starting to wear lipstick. They would go into the bathroom and put on their lipstick and kiss the mirror to blot it. The janitor was having a terrible time trying to get the mirror clean and keep it clean. He talked to the principle and the principle tried to talk to the girls, explaining how hard it was to clean the mirror of the lipstick. It did no good, so he had all the girls come into the bathroom with the janitor so he could show them how hard it was to clean the mirror. The janitor took the scrub brush and scrubbed and scrubbed, the mirror was still a mess, and then he dipped the brush in the toilet and went back to the mirror and scrubbed again. There has been no one kissing the mirror since.
