Laugh at yourself here, and please add more

[CatholicFlame]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Joab: Because the chicken had read the catechism extensively. He never meant to offend any other chickens at all by crossing however. Maybe you see his crossing as offensive because you just haven't read the chicken manual in the light of Mother Hen.

 

[Catholic Christian]

A man walks into a monastery and says “I want to be monk.”

The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk except every ten years.”

The man replies “Fine.”

Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot asks, “Well my son what have you to say?"

The man replies “Bed’s hard.”

The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”

The man says, “Yes”.

Another ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says, “Food stinks!”

The abbot asks, “Is that it?”

And the man says “Yes.”

Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”

And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever since you got here!"

RIM SHOT - Buddoooom Psshhhhhh!!!

 

[christianmomof3]

Lutheran reply - the chicken could not cross the road by itself - the Lord carried it across the road

Jewish reply - is that where that chicken went? I was trying to catch it to make it into soup!

Messianic and SDA reply - the chicken did not cross the road on Friday night or Saturday because that is the real Sabbath and the chicken was resting then

Mormon reply - the chicken was on it's way to it's own planet where it will rule and reign with the rooster it has married in this life

Baptist reply - we were trying to baptise that chicken properly by immersion and it thought we were the Jews trying to make it into soup and it ran away across the road

Catholic reply - it crossed the road because it's mother told it to

Athiest reply - I told you that there is no such thing as a chicken!

 

[Gwenyfur]

A man walks into a monastery and says “I want to be monk.”

The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk except every ten years.”

The man replies “Fine.”

Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot asks, “Well my son what have you to say?"

The man replies “Bed’s hard.”

The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”

The man says, “Yes”.

Another ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says, “Food stinks!”

The abbot asks, “Is that it?”

And the man says “Yes.”

Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”

And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever since you got here!"

RIM SHOT - Buddoooom Psshhhhhh!!!

 

[footprints1973]

My husband gave me an email about this today, using celebrities, I won't put them all on here, because it was a long list...so here are some of the favorites I found:

Why the the chicken cross the road? (most not really answering the question but funny)

Bill Clinton: Define Chicken! I did NOT cross the road with that chicken!

Dick Cheney: Where's my gun?

Col. Sanders: Did I miss one?

Al Gore: I Invited Chicken!

Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain. Alone.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens, crossing the road, in peace.

Grandpa: In my day we didn't ask WHY the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough!

GOD BLESS<
Laura

 

[Catholic Christian]

The 98 year old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused. Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow.

RIM SHOT - Buddoooom Psshhhhhh!!!

 

[simonthezealot]

*looks at the dating of the joke*

It's a zombie joke! It roams the jokeland hungry for brains! Brains!

 

[simonthezealot]

A Cafeteria Chicken probably wouldn't be a Cookie-Cutter Chicken, but they definately may be considered a Chicken nugget chicken.

They're not really Closet Chickens, though some may act like it even though many are Crossing the road Chickens.

I doubt they mix much with closet Chickens like us Converted nugget Chickens who tend not to go the way of Cafeteria Chickens. Which is to say;not across the road.

 

[DerSchweik]

Wiseguy: "Because someone egged it on..."

Locutus of Borg: "Resistance is futile, you must cross..."

Colonel Sanders: "Come to papa..."

Chicken Little: "The sky is falling! RUN!!!!"

Foghorn Leghorn: "I say son, I don't cross no road for nobody..."

Steve Martin: "Welllllll excuuuuuuuuuuussseeee MMEEEEEEE!!!!"

 

[Rick Otto]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Joab: Because the chicken had read the catechism extensively. He never meant to offend any other chickens at all by crossing however. Maybe you see his crossing as offensive because you just haven't read the chicken manual in the light of Mother Hen.

(Good one, that's Joab.)
But who are we realy kidding, here? Everybody knows that hen was the teacher's pet and she was strutting across that road!
Too bad she didn't see the Mashed Potatoes & Gravy Truck bearin' down on her. Nobody deserves to go like that. I hear they peeled her off the asphalt in one piece.
But let's just agree not to refer to her as "Chicken Pattie" from now on, OK guys?

 

[Catholic Christian]

Cardinal Arinze goes running into the Holy Father’s office and is quite beside himself. “Holy Father, Holy Father!”

“What is it my son?” Pope Benedict responds.

“I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? “

“The good news”, responds the Holy Father.

The Cardinal says “OK. The good news is that the Lord Jesus has returned as He promised!”

“Alleluia, Alleluia. Praise be to God!”, the Holy Father responds “So what’s the bad news? “

Arinze responds “He's in Salt Lake City.”


RIM SHOT - Buddoooom Psshhhhhh!!!

 

[sunlover1]

Wiseguy: "Because someone egged it on..."

Locutus of Borg: "Resistance is futile, you must cross..."

Colonel Sanders: "Come to papa..."

Chicken Little: "The sky is falling! RUN!!!!"

Foghorn Leghorn: "I say son, I don't cross no road for nobody..."

Steve Martin: "Welllllll excuuuuuuuuuuussseeee MMEEEEEEE!!!!"

 

[LittleLambofJesus]

Lutheran reply - the chicken could not cross the road by itself - the Lord carried it across the road

Jewish reply - is that where that chicken went? I was trying to catch it to make it into soup!

Messianic and SDA reply - the chicken did not cross the road on Friday night or Saturday because that is the real Sabbath and the chicken was resting then

Mormon reply - the chicken was on it's way to it's own planet where it will rule and reign with the rooster it has married in this life

Baptist reply - we were trying to baptise that chicken properly by immersion and it thought we were the Jews trying to make it into soup and it ran away across the road

Catholic reply - it crossed the road because it's mother told it to

Athiest reply - I told you that there is no such thing as a chicken!

Cardinal Arinze goes running into the Holy Father&#8217;s office and is quite beside himself. &#8220;Holy Father, Holy Father!&#8221;

&#8220;What is it my son?&#8221; Pope Benedict responds.

&#8220;I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? &#8220;

&#8220;The good news&#8221;, responds the Holy Father.

The Cardinal says &#8220;OK. The good news is that the Lord Jesus has returned as He promised!&#8221;

&#8220;Alleluia, Alleluia. Praise be to God!&#8221;, the Holy Father responds &#8220;So what&#8217;s the bad news? &#8220;

Arinze responds &#8220;He in Salt Lake City.&#8221;

Originally Posted by DerSchweik
Wiseguy: "Because someone egged it on..."

Locutus of Borg: "Resistance is futile, you must cross..."

Colonel Sanders: "Come to papa..."

Chicken Little: "The sky is falling! RUN!!!!"

Foghorn Leghorn: "I say son, I don't cross no road for nobody..."

Steve Martin: "Welllllll excuuuuuuuuuuussseeee MMEEEEEEE!!!!"

The Jews asked: 2 Peter 3:4 and saying, `Where is the promise of the ParousiaV <3952> of Him? for from which the fathers were-reposed, all thus is continuing from beginning of creation?;'

The Cardinal says "OK. The good news is that the Lord Jesus has returned as He promised!"

The atheist replies: Impossible! Christians say He is yet to come in the future!!

The Christian replies: No one knows the times set by the Father but the Father Himself.

The Muslim replies: Allah requests that his people be patient as the Muslims are the now the chosen people and when Jesus returns, He will restore the world to the true religion, Islam!

Baptist reply - we were trying to baptise that chicken properly by immersion and it thought we were the Jews trying to make it into soup and it ran away across the road

Jewish reply - is that where that chicken went? I was trying to catch it to make it into soup!

A child replies: So one has the chicken waiting across the road pondering on whether it is now Safe to cross, while the other chicken has crossed the road in Safety. Oh wait! There is a also chicken laying in the road!!!

Rodney King replies: "People/chickens, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?"

 

[elsbeth]

If the chicken crossed the road, but no one SAW him cross, did he really cross?

 

[Rick Otto]

My wife said it doesn't matter if anybody saw her or not, it's my fault the chicken crossed the road.

 

[Catholic Christian]

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of prostitution.

They witnessed a Protestant minister lurking about, then duck into the house.

"Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!" They both shook their heads and continued working.

A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking. "Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing holy to those Jewish rabbis? I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. T'is a shame, I tell ya!"

Not much later a third man, a Catholic priest, was seen lurking about the house, looking around to see if anyone was watching, then quietly sneaked in. "Oh no, Darby, look!" said Pat, removing his cap and crossing himself, "One of the poor girls musta died...."

RIM SHOT - Buddoooom Psshhhhhh!!!

 

[LittleLambofJesus]

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of prostitution.

They witnessed a Protestant minister lurking about, then duck into the house.

"Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!" They both shook their heads and continued working.

A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking. "Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing holy to those Jewish rabbis? I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. T'is a shame, I tell ya!"

Not much later a third man, a Catholic priest, was seen lurking about the house, looking around to see if anyone was watching, then quietly sneaked in. "Oh no, Darby, look!" said Pat, removing his cap and crossing himself, "One of the poor girls musta died...."

Then later, the 3 men of God walk into a bar together

The bartender, who is Muslim, looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

RIM SHOT - Buddoooom Psshhhhhh!!!

 

[Idea]

Lutheran reply - the chicken could not cross the road by itself - the Lord carried it across the road

Jewish reply - is that where that chicken went? I was trying to catch it to make it into soup!

Messianic and SDA reply - the chicken did not cross the road on Friday night or Saturday because that is the real Sabbath and the chicken was resting then

Mormon reply - the chicken was on it's way to it's own planet where it will rule and reign with the rooster it has married in this life

Baptist reply - we were trying to baptise that chicken properly by immersion and it thought we were the Jews trying to make it into soup and it ran away across the road

Catholic reply - it crossed the road because it's mother told it to

the undeniable truth

Athiest - it crossed the road because of some survival instinct - or - out of pure randomness for 'no reason' at all.

 

[LittleLambofJesus]

the undeniable truth

Athiest - it crossed the road because of some survival instinct - or - out of pure randomness for 'no reason' at all.

Or because:

 

[Evergreen48]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from the quick grey fox that jumped over the lazy brown dog so it could practice its penmanship