Last Minute Dinners

akmom · May 28, 2014

How do couples typically settle on what do eat for dinner?

I typically buy the same groceries and cycle through a list of meals. If we come across an interesting recipe, I'll make that instead. Usually the following day. Sometimes my husband will crave something specific, and I'll usually accommodate that.

But this week he has had random cravings every day, right after work, and they require ingredients I don't typically have on hand. So I have to run to the store for this and that. And today I just did not want to. He wanted nachos. I don't want nachos at all. That just seems like a really absurd dinner plan, like a last-minute idea when you come home really late and didn't plan anything. My husband was being a big baby wanting me to go buy chips for it. I told him to go buy his own chips this time, and I took a bath. He didn't go buy chips - or even defrost the chicken I asked him to take out of the freezer. So dinner got started pretty late. He just sat in our room the whole time, sulking that he wasn't getting nachos. He didn't even eat dinner, because it wasn't nachos.

I am trying to figure out the proper way to respond as a wife. I think I am going to make meat loaf all week (his most hated meal). I wonder how many days one can sulk in a bedroom before starving?

Shane R · May 28, 2014

That is rather ridiculous on both parts. It seems you accommodate his whims often, so he should not react so poorly to a missed opportunity. You should not seek to punish him for a week either. Talk about it and find a compromise to reach.

ciaomamma · May 28, 2014

Let him get over the childish disappointed reaction and have a chat with him. Tell him you're more than happy to accommodate his requests for something specific but within reason, either he picks up the ingredients on his way home or he needs to work with what you have. I this you are being quite reasonable and very nice to work to meet his cravings just keep your cool and talk to him.

Annessa3 · May 28, 2014

for me, the proper way to respond to any patently childish behavior is to ignore it once you've given what choices are available. Whether it's from children or spouses, if you wanna pout, go ahead. Don't expect me to change my behavior because you're sulking.

You don't like the dinner I'm planning? You have an alternative in mind that you want to prepare? No? Cool, make yourself a sammich or go hungry. Missing a meal never killed anyone.

Mayzoo · May 28, 2014

If this is not normal behaviour for him, maybe something else is the root of what is going on.

Sulking over not having nachos sounds like maybe that was a straw that broke the camels back problem. How was his day at work? How has the last week or so been for him?

ChristianGolfer · May 28, 2014

I just have to speak up in defense of nachos because they're AWESOME. They're what I do with left-over taco stuff and I could eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. (Not even kidding. I have eaten them for breakfast. Don't judge.)

But I think your husband was being rather childish. If he wants something special that requires an extra trip to the store, he should be the one making that trip.

I have to admit to sometimes begging and cajoling my husband to be the one to make the trip to the store for my craving. But if he really doesn't feel like doing it, I don't pout about it, I'd put on my big girl pants and run to the store myself or settle for something we have in the house.

Usually we plan meals via text messages during the day. Sometimes I just decide and make it. Some of those times I run it by him first. It goes something like this:

Me: Any thoughts on dinner?
Him: Not really. Um, pasta?
Me: Spaghetti?
Him: Sounds good.

Or

Him: Any thoughts on dinner?
Me: I have a roast in the crock pot.
Him: Excellent.

Or

Him: What should we do for dinner?
Me: I was thinking chicken and rice.
Him: Sounds good.

Every once in a while one of us will be in the mood for something in particular. Like once every two weeks or so I'll inform him that it's time for tacos (my favorite). Or he'll say he really wants sausage alfredo. If one of us is craving something, that's what we have usually. But if, for whatever reason, we can't have what we want that day, we just plan on it for later in the week.

Autumnleaf · May 28, 2014

I'm reminded of a story about a newly wed couple. The husband comes home after work to his hard earned dinner and his wife puts some bread and cold cuts on the table and tells him to serve himself. He takes one look at it and leaves and comes back in an hour or so after eating a nice meal at the local greasy spoon. After that she was sure to have a real dinner waiting for him after work.

Ana the Ist · May 28, 2014

If my wife has a suggestion for dinner, she makes it before I go grocery shopping. Otherwise, what I'm cooking, she's eating. There have been dinners where she wasn't hungry enough to eat it all, or simply wasn't crazy about what I made...but she never voices a complaint.

What's stopping your husband from creating these such desired nachos anyway?

akmom · May 29, 2014

I have no idea why he decided to sulk instead of getting the chips himself or eating the dinner I eventually made. It isn't typical for him, except maybe this whole week. I sure hope it isn't a trend. He ordered dinner from a restaurant tonight without even consulting me.

Honestly, I think we're both getting tired of the menu I've been making for the last few years. It's time for new recipes. I suppose this was what he was getting at when he offered to start cooking dinners awhile back. Instead, I took that statement at face value and assumed he'd literally start cooking some of the dinners. Maybe start with buying chips all by himself and melting cheese on them?

Really I was just cold and tired from working in the rain all day, so when I got home I just wanted a hot bath. I think he felt like I was blowing him off when I took a bath instead of getting the chips he asked for. But I still think it was babyish to sulk in our room, refuse to help with anything, and skip dinner. (I caught him shoveling in the cold leftovers this morning. Ha!)

GMullins · May 29, 2014

We usally make a dinner menu about 2 weeks in advance and just pick and choose off that. Sometimes one of us or one of the kids will want something thats not planned for so we will run out and grab a few things. For the most part we all put our 2 cents in while making the menu for the next 2 weeks so we all get something we want.

So maybe sit down together and plan an entire menu so he has a say in it to, or do some research on new recipes or even cook together. I know we as a family love to cook dinner together.

Inkachu · May 29, 2014

akmom said:
I am trying to figure out the proper way to respond as a wife.

Give him a pacifier.

Then go fix whatever YOU wanted for dinner. Or go out to eat. Or order pizza. And he doesn't get any.

Act like a baby, get treated like a baby.

I'm fortunate that my hubby and I are both big foodies and we love many of the same things. But there are plenty of nights that we call "feed yourselves" where everyone is in charge of finding their own dinner. Nobody minds, nobody cares. In fact, that's what we're doing tonight. I'm gonna have a bowl of cereal. Hubby says he might go out for Chinese. My son... who knows... he's creative with whatever's in the fridge lol.

I don't cook; I'm disastrously clumsy and should never be allowed near a stove or sharp utensils lol. Beyond that, I have absolutely no desire to play with food, my idea of a meal is a sandwich. My husband is a trained chef, and if there's an actual gourmet meal on the table, it's because he cooked it. There are plenty of times he suggests something and I'm not the least bit afraid to say "Meh... I don't really want that...I'll just eat something else". He doesn't get upset or angry or sulk.

Why people get so riled up over food on a plate, I will never know. There is so much more to life than what you eat for dinner.

Inkachu · May 29, 2014

Autumnleaf said:
I'm reminded of a story about a newly wed couple. The husband comes home after work to his hard earned dinner and his wife puts some bread and cold cuts on the table and tells him to serve himself. He takes one look at it and leaves and comes back in an hour or so after eating a nice meal at the local greasy spoon. After that she was sure to have a real dinner waiting for him after work.

That is so stupid lol. He has two capable hands and could make himself a sandwich if he wanted to. I would have locked the door after he left and enjoyed a big ol' deli meat sandwich dinner for myself. Then laughed when he came home with heartburn after his "greasy spoon" meal.

akmom · May 29, 2014

Haha, a pacifier. I love it!

I wasn't going to respond to the greasy spoon thing, but I thought it was funny that you're perfectly fine with your husband going out for Chinese while you eat cereal, yet in Autumnleaf's scenario, you would lock him out of the house!

We eat dinner as a family. No one fends for themselves, unless they're not home. I don't mind cooking, but I have a problem with random requests at 5:00. It's just too time-consuming. Sure, I'll budge every now and then, but it's getting to the point where I'm a short-order cook running errands all evening and cooking until the kids' bedtime. Maybe I'll just get started earlier today and preempt any requests! Won't work on days I work, but maybe it'll break this annoying cycle.

Inkachu · May 29, 2014

akmom said:
I wasn't going to respond to the greasy spoon thing, but I thought it was funny that you're perfectly fine with your husband going out for Chinese while you eat cereal, yet in Autumnleaf's scenario, you would lock him out of the house!

Not BECAUSE he ate at a greasy spoon, but because he thought some cheap diner food was better than bread and cold cuts and acted like a punk about it! The Chinese takeout nights are rare, thankfully, cause I know how terrible that stuff is for you.

We eat dinner as a family. No one fends for themselves, unless they're not home.

We eat as a family as well. Just because we're eating different things doesn't mean we're on different planets

I don't mind cooking, but I have a problem with random requests at 5:00. It's just too time-consuming. Sure, I'll budge every now and then, but it's getting to the point where I'm a short-order cook running errands all evening and cooking until the kids' bedtime. Maybe I'll just get started earlier today and preempt any requests! Won't work on days I work, but maybe it'll break this annoying cycle.

Random requests at the last minute is just silly. Especially if the person making the request refuses to pitch in to make it happen. Mom/wife doesn't equate to "household servant".

HannahT · May 30, 2014

akmom said:
Haha, a pacifier. I love it!

I wasn't going to respond to the greasy spoon thing, but I thought it was funny that you're perfectly fine with your husband going out for Chinese while you eat cereal, yet in Autumnleaf's scenario, you would lock him out of the house!

We eat dinner as a family. No one fends for themselves, unless they're not home. I don't mind cooking, but I have a problem with random requests at 5:00. It's just too time-consuming. Sure, I'll budge every now and then, but it's getting to the point where I'm a short-order cook running errands all evening and cooking until the kids' bedtime. Maybe I'll just get started earlier today and preempt any requests! Won't work on days I work, but maybe it'll break this annoying cycle.

It maybe that he wishes a change of menu, but you don't have a crystal ball to know that if he doesn't say anything.

Honestly? When I have a craving for something it normally goes on ALL day. lol I think about it, and stop to get the ingredients.

Your circumstance is different due to you being the chef.

Depending on your schedules I don't see anything wrong with him calling EARLY - and say how about nachos tonight..and you respond...sure you pick up chips on the way home and its ON!

You get notice and he gets saves a little gas by stopping on his way home.

Pouting and not eating dinner at all? He would get the same treatment as the children do. They are placed on 'ignore'.

You communicate if you have an issue, and he is to old for pouting at this stage.

We all get in odd moods from time to time. I'm sure it was just his day.

akmom · May 30, 2014

I know, right? I did ignore him, but it irritated me so I considered escalating it into a big fight.

Well we had nachos tonight, and he made them. Hope he's happy.

Tropical Wilds · May 30, 2014

Autumnleaf said:
I'm reminded of a story about a newly wed couple. The husband comes home after work to his hard earned dinner and his wife puts some bread and cold cuts on the table and tells him to serve himself. He takes one look at it and leaves and comes back in an hour or so after eating a nice meal at the local greasy spoon. After that she was sure to have a real dinner waiting for him after work.

Wow. Usually in your "don't be a sucky wife or your husband will hate you" stories, you sneak something in there about how he's driven to an affair. So props to you for branching out from your normal routine. Also like how you used the conflicting "nice meal" and "greasy spoon" in the same sentence. Don't get me wrong, I love greasy spoons, but I'd never call them a "nice meal."

Meanwhile, in my house, if I put out cold cuts and crackers out and told my husband to help himself, he'd be over-the-moon and wonder what the special occasion was. My husband is a meat-and-cracker with cheese and dip fiend. He could have it every day, all day, and be thrilled.

That said, in this charming little tale or the original post, I'd think my husband was being a baby. Husbands aren't the title holders on hard days and earning a break. If I make something he doesn't like, he is welcome to make something else or if he wanted something else, to buy all the ingredients for it on the way home and we can eat it tomorrow. If he were to be like the man-child in this story, he would come home to a dessert helping of "what the heck is wrong with you?" and I'm still going to put out what I'm able to put out for dinner. If he doesn't like it or wants something else, he can go about telling me like a man and my husband, or he can act like a baby and go to McDonalds and enjoy a very quiet rest of the evening.

akmom · Jun 1, 2014

When we were first married and he didn't like a meal, he actually would run to McDonalds. I put a stop to that. Why should I buy groceries and cook a meal if you're just going to eat fast food? But apparently I'm not as relaxed about meals as everyone else. I still think I'm right and he's wrong.

Autumnleaf · Jun 3, 2014

akmom said:
When we were first married and he didn't like a meal, he actually would run to McDonalds. I put a stop to that. Why should I buy groceries and cook a meal if you're just going to eat fast food? But apparently I'm not as relaxed about meals as everyone else. I still think I'm right and he's wrong.

When my wife first started to cook it was eye opening for me. I'm a good cook so when she wasn't in the beginning I tried to be polite but she was usually the one to say it wasn't so good. She got better and eventually the kids started cooking and my wife rarely cooks anymore.

Annessa3 · Jun 3, 2014

I am reminded of incidents in my married life:
the first was some radio talk show we had on while driving and the question was What question do women like least to hear? My immediate response was 'what's for dinner.'
the 2nd was my response to him after he (unemployed) sat home in the AC all day, and I had a 90 min rush hr-move-an-inch drive home in a car with no AC and it was humid and 98 degrees. When I walked in and he asked The Question, my response was that I had already been cooking for 90 min, and dinner was whatever he got up and fixed. And I left the room for a cool shower.
and one more- when we met, my former husband moved from FL to MI to be with me. The day he arrived, I made a nice dinner including chicken divan. He hated broccoli, but he never said a word, ate, complimented me and it soon turned into one of his favorites. That's what grown-ups do.

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