Killing Myself

[wonderwaleye]

I was put into a county mental holding cell for 6 days before the court committed me for 28 days. I had gone manic and couldn't get out. I was diagnosed bi-polar but I didn't believe it as I had never been real depressed. Two weeks after my release from the hospital I was sitting in a chair in the front yard when all of a sudden a feeling of real physical and mental pain came over me. I went inside to the couch and laid down. after that nothing mattered. I was in so much pain that I had to get relief. I started to plan the killing of myself down to the very last detail. The only thing that stopped me was GODS WORD where it says that your not to take your own life. This time I asked the wife to take me back to the hospital. (hated that place) I was again locked up. but this time I felt some relief because there I knew I couldn't carry out my plan. The doctors realized that my meds where wrong and immediately changed them. Well that started me on the long road to recovery. It took time to find the meds that would work out all the problems I then had experienced. (manic, depression, extreme anxiety ) I now have been symptom free for over 5 years and have absolutely no problem in wanting to take my meds. Doctors on the second visit told me to lock up the guns. I had NO problem with that!!! I may miss a morning or evening dose but in order to reduce that risk I keep a pill tray by the coffee pot that has all my meds in it for a week broken down by the day.
REMEMBER bi-polar is not a weakness or your fault, it is an unbalance of chemicals in the brain and your own strength will not overcome it. As GODS WORD says: "GIVE HEED TO THE PHYSICAN" ( HE guides them to. )

 

[PorcelainHeart]

I know how you feel, when I was younger I didn't understand why my moods were changing, I didn't understand why I was harming myself and others. And most people didn't understand why I acted the way I do. Then I discovered I might be bi-polar. I don't know, but knowing what might be causing me to act like this gave me an understanding. I understand that this isn't my fault. Just recently I have taken control on the way I act, I can atleast stop myself from hurting others but I can't stop the moods. That's a good story, I haven't been on meds yet. I'm actually too scared of an addication.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Don't worry about the meds being addictive as they are not. You get no known feeling from them. You even have to take them awhile to get to the dose you need. The thing you have to be most concerned with is if you stop taking the meds you need to reduce the dose before you just stop taking them.

 

[wonderwaleye]

I know how you feel, when I was younger I didn't understand why my moods were changing, I didn't understand why I was harming myself and others. And most people didn't understand why I acted the way I do. Then I discovered I might be bi-polar. I don't know, but knowing what might be causing me to act like this gave me an understanding. I understand that this isn't my fault. Just recently I have taken control on the way I act, I can atleast stop myself from hurting others but I can't stop the moods. That's a good story, I haven't been on meds yet. I'm actually too scared of an addication.

Fearing the unknown of death quote. We all start out with this fear and surely it is something to fear! But you have the capability of overcoming this fear and it turns to a wonderful time. This will be achieved by reading GODS WORD and putting it in your heart and then turning your COMPLETE life over to GOD. Then and only then will you be anointed with the HOLY SPIRIT which becomes your guide, comforter, communicator, and teacher. GOD gives this GIFT freely! It is such a shame that many folks never receive this anointing. This is what JESUS was talking about when HE said you must be BORN AGAIN.
It is then all this will start to fit together and you will know beyond doubt that GOD and HIS KINGDOM are real and HE has prepared a special place for you. Saint Paul ask the LORD to take him because of experience that he had received and knew that the KINGDOM was the place to be.

 

[Anti Existance]

*hugs* may God keep on continueing to guide you on the right path of the living. We all love you , Merry Christmas =D

 

[RedTulipMom]

MarmaladeGirl,
Bipolar meds are not addictive! If you are bipolar, you NEED them in order to act and feel normal. You can't control bipolar on your own. you have a chemical imbalance. The meds balance those chemicals. You on medication would be the same as me on no medication. i strongly advise you to go to a Psychiatrist and get a diagnosis and get on proper medication. My 17 yr old son is a completely different person on meds. he is the child i knew long ago..he is HIMSELF again ..when on meds!! Huggs.
karen

 

[PorcelainHeart]

I'm just very scared to get on meds, plus I don't have the money to do all of that. I live with my mom and she doesn't help much. I would get all this, if I could afford it. Plus, I dunno I'm just really scared to do it. I know it's hard to understand but I'm scared.

 

[wonderwaleye]

I'm just very scared to get on meds, plus I don't have the money to do all of that. I live with my mom and she doesn't help much. I would get all this, if I could afford it. Plus, I dunno I'm just really scared to do it. I know it's hard to understand but I'm scared.

Go to your county mental health dept. and tell them about what your problems are, both mental and financial. That is what they are there for. There are many just like us in this world and that is why they have this dept. They work with everyone. Only trouble is sometimes they are real busy and things don't go as fast as it needs to be. That is why being " COMMITED " by the court is really great. You get the immediate treatment and the meds you need.

 

[HollyHobbie]

Go to your county mental health dept. and tell them about what your problems are, both mental and financial. That is what they are there for. There are many just like us in this world and that is why they have this dept. They work with everyone. Only trouble is sometimes they are real busy and things don't go as fast as it needs to be. That is why being " COMMITED " by the court is really great. You get the immediate treatment and the meds you need.

I was going to suggest the same thing that wonderwaleye just did ! for that and other things . My husband and I are now on medicaide and they pretty much pay for everything !

I am currently on 10 different medications because of various health problems including Bi Polar disorder and they pay for all of it .

You did the right thing by posting in here and letting us know about the suicidal thoughts ect.

I have been there and still struggle with those thoughts from time to time but one thing besides my faith in God and his precious word the Bible that keeps me going, is the fact that I know the devistation suicide brings ! It will be offically be 20 yrs the end of February since my favorite Aunt commited suicide and it still hurts ! I miss her terriblely at times, I have also lost a freind a teacher/mentor that I looked up too and the latest as of 3 yrs ago my grandfather through suicide over the past soon to be 20 yrs !

So I know the devistation,pain and emptiness (sorry horribale speller ) that suicide brings .
I will pray for you !

Love In Christ
A cold Polar Bear
Holly Hobbie
Laura

 

[vincejohn]

As well as taking meds find something to do. It can be anything, do not wollow in self pity it is a waste of time and makes you feel worse. Help people, the sick poor, volunteer for selfless deeds and God will commence to fill you with his love and hope. I have been med free for 5 years . I cried out to Jesus and the following week my life changed. All these great opportunities appeared from no where and I am still doing them . Eventually I was so busy in new areas of my life I realised after a few years that I didnt need meds.
Stay on the meds , I was on them too, this is my story and we are all different. I now cry to the Lord Jesus every few months and almost immediately a spirit of love and hope enters me. I cry to the Lord at least 6 times a year and will do this for the rest of my life its been 5 years free of drugs and Im balanced in the middle.....there is hope and Jesus makes all the changes if you truly give your heart to him and make a true attempt to be a son or daughter of God .

 

[SUSIEJO68]

I'm just very scared to get on meds, plus I don't have the money to do all of that. I live with my mom and she doesn't help much. I would get all this, if I could afford it. Plus, I dunno I'm just really scared to do it. I know it's hard to understand but I'm scared.

Most of the BPD meds are non adictive, and Lithium, one of the best, is really inexpensive. Lithium made the biggest difference for me. Check it out, you can call your local pharmacy and they can give you some idea of how much lithium would cost you. Although they won't be able to give you an exact amount because that would vary depending on dosage amount and such. Most doct will start you on about 600 to 900 mg a day.
Take care!

 

[justafayes]

I was put into a county mental holding cell for 6 days before the court committed me for 28 days. I had gone manic and couldn't get out. I was diagnosed bi-polar but I didn't believe it as I had never been real depressed. Two weeks after my release from the hospital I was sitting in a chair in the front yard when all of a sudden a feeling of real physical and mental pain came over me. I went inside to the couch and laid down. after that nothing mattered. I was in so much pain that I had to get relief. I started to plan the killing of myself down to the very last detail. The only thing that stopped me was GODS WORD where it says that your not to take your own life. This time I asked the wife to take me back to the hospital. (hated that place) I was again locked up. but this time I felt some relief because there I knew I couldn't carry out my plan. The doctors realized that my meds where wrong and immediately changed them. Well that started me on the long road to recovery. It took time to find the meds that would work out all the problems I then had experienced. (manic, depression, extreme anxiety ) I now have been symptom free for over 5 years and have absolutely no problem in wanting to take my meds. Doctors on the second visit told me to lock up the guns. I had NO problem with that!!! I may miss a morning or evening dose but in order to reduce that risk I keep a pill tray by the coffee pot that has all my meds in it for a week broken down by the day.
REMEMBER bi-polar is not a weakness or your fault, it is an unbalance of chemicals in the brain and your own strength will not overcome it. As GODS WORD says: "GIVE HEED TO THE PHYSICAN" ( HE guides them to. )

Thank you for the encouragement,, I go into fits of uncontrollable crying,, no reason,, something on TV reminding me of a family member,, talking to someone on the phone about nothing.. comercials,, you name it,, I sob... my husband cuddles me and think it's aways my adult children that upset me.. no, that's not the case,, God has helped me understand they are no longer my responsiblity to run to their every rescue,, instead I'm the listener and friend.. they make and repair their own mistakes... I can be accused of loving too much.. I love my family so much it hurts.. duh,, I know they all love me back.. but with adhd and bipolar,, I'm a mess... God is so good!! He wipes away every tear.. He's a comforting daddy,, I take one day at a time,, sometimes one minute at a time... I have a good dr that is caring and compassionate,, he has been tweaking my meds since i first started seeing him in August..

I really appreciate someone who knows where I'm coming from,, It's not easy to find a person to understand,, I love this site and the forums.. I release in prayer which makes me forget about myself and draws me closer to God... just wanted to vent,, Love in the Lord,, Faye

 

[justafayes]

Most of the BPD meds are non adictive, and Lithium, one of the best, is really inexpensive. Lithium made the biggest difference for me. Check it out, you can call your local pharmacy and they can give you some idea of how much lithium would cost you. Although they won't be able to give you an exact amount because that would vary depending on dosage amount and such. Most doct will start you on about 600 to 900 mg a day.
Take care!

Honey I know it's scary,, but the bright side is.. the problem is addressed and you will receive wise help,, don't be afraid,, God will direct you and open doors that you could never open without him..

Dear God,, thank you for your understanding and love,, I pray for my sister,, meet her need and calm her fears,, hold her in the palm of your hand and comfort her..

We love you,, you first loved us.. We thank you for it,, In Jesus Name, Amen