Kids/Religious Views

[DZoolander]

So we have our daughter in the girl scouts. In a few months they have an event coming up that has a religious theme to it. So far as I can tell, ostensibly, it's an opportunity for them to talk to leaders of various faiths and find out what makes them tick/what they believe/etc.

In a lot of ways - that's kind of up my alley - because I think that the more you talk to people and see how they view things the better off you are.

...but that view requires a degree of maturity...and my daughter is 7.

I see my daughter as being (with the way I've chosen to raise her on this subject) at kind of a tenuous age. She's at that point where she wants to assert herself to test limits - but lacks the maturity of knowing when to back off. And I can see where my point of view on this topic (which she is kinda being imbued with) could go badly for both her and those she's talking to.

My approach with her w/respect to religion is understanding that there's the spirit of the law, there's the letter of the law, and she needs to eventually reconcile those two for herself to find what she feels is right. That the world is full of people that are certain they know what they're talking about - but in reality none of them have a clue (myself included). We may all have hunches, what seems right to us, but it's all flawed. She's going to need to find what feels right to her - that feels right to her conscience - etc.

So she's not accustomed to being proselytized to. She asks me questions - and I ask her questions back. "People believe X, Y and Z. Does that sound right to you? Why does that sound right? What about this point of view?" etc.

It works in the confines of our house - but it's never yet been "released into the wild" (lol) as it were.

I guess I'm concerned about whether or not she's going to have people evangelizing to her - with talk of damnation - their ideas about what makes a "good faithful person", etc...and how that would play out for a 7 year old being raised with how I'm trying to do it.

Have you ever been to a similar type of event with your kids/etc? Is my worry warranted?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

So we have our daughter in the girl scouts. In a few months they have an event coming up that has a religious theme to it. So far as I can tell, ostensibly, it's an opportunity for them to talk to leaders of various faiths and find out what makes them tick/what they believe/etc.

In a lot of ways - that's kind of up my alley - because I think that the more you talk to people and see how they view things the better off you are.

...but that view requires a degree of maturity...and my daughter is 7.

I see my daughter as being (with the way I've chosen to raise her on this subject) at kind of a tenuous age. She's at that point where she wants to assert herself to test limits - but lacks the maturity of knowing when to back off. And I can see where my point of view on this topic (which she is kinda being imbued with) could go badly for both her and those she's talking to.

My approach with her w/respect to religion is understanding that there's the spirit of the law, there's the letter of the law, and she needs to eventually reconcile those two for herself to find what she feels is right. That the world is full of people that are certain they know what they're talking about - but in reality none of them have a clue (myself included). We may all have hunches, what seems right to us, but it's all flawed. She's going to need to find what feels right to her - that feels right to her conscience - etc.

So she's not accustomed to being proselytized to. She asks me questions - and I ask her questions back. "People believe X, Y and Z. Does that sound right to you? Why does that sound right? What about this point of view?" etc.

It works in the confines of our house - but it's never yet been "released into the wild" (lol) as it were.

I guess I'm concerned about whether or not she's going to have people evangelizing to her - with talk of damnation - their ideas about what makes a "good faithful person", etc...and how that would play out for a 7 year old being raised with how I'm trying to do it.

Have you ever been to a similar type of event with your kids/etc? Is my worry warranted?

I went through something similar in trying to help my own child understand the fact that there are a variety of religious concepts out there in the world, while at the same time letting him know that I have had a very strong preference for one over the others. Really, from what I've found, helping your child to think things through for themselves while still nudging them toward Christ boils down to our being able to help them understand the semantic difference between saying:

1) The sun has risen in the East VS. 2) The Son has risen in the East. See? Simple. (What? Not simple?)

 

[2PhiloVoid]

So we have our daughter in the girl scouts. In a few months they have an event coming up that has a religious theme to it. So far as I can tell, ostensibly, it's an opportunity for them to talk to leaders of various faiths and find out what makes them tick/what they believe/etc.

In a lot of ways - that's kind of up my alley - because I think that the more you talk to people and see how they view things the better off you are.

...but that view requires a degree of maturity...and my daughter is 7.

I see my daughter as being (with the way I've chosen to raise her on this subject) at kind of a tenuous age. She's at that point where she wants to assert herself to test limits - but lacks the maturity of knowing when to back off. And I can see where my point of view on this topic (which she is kinda being imbued with) could go badly for both her and those she's talking to.

My approach with her w/respect to religion is understanding that there's the spirit of the law, there's the letter of the law, and she needs to eventually reconcile those two for herself to find what she feels is right. That the world is full of people that are certain they know what they're talking about - but in reality none of them have a clue (myself included). We may all have hunches, what seems right to us, but it's all flawed. She's going to need to find what feels right to her - that feels right to her conscience - etc.

So she's not accustomed to being proselytized to. She asks me questions - and I ask her questions back. "People believe X, Y and Z. Does that sound right to you? Why does that sound right? What about this point of view?" etc.

It works in the confines of our house - but it's never yet been "released into the wild" (lol) as it were.

I guess I'm concerned about whether or not she's going to have people evangelizing to her - with talk of damnation - their ideas about what makes a "good faithful person", etc...and how that would play out for a 7 year old being raised with how I'm trying to do it.

Have you ever been to a similar type of event with your kids/etc? Is my worry warranted?

On a practical scale, I wouldn't say that your worry is overly warranted. It's not all that hard to address, re-contextualize, or even counter what your child has been told by someone else as being "ipso facto" in nature about other religions. However, if it's the Girl Scouts we're talking about, I doubt they're going to be presenting all of these various alternatives in authoritative terms to your child.

 

[Jane_Doe]

I went through the same thing at my age-- it was great! Go for it!
Let her see the various ideas out there, ask questions, understand people better, etc. You're always there as her support system as she needs it.

Is she going to understand everything at first? Of course not! Hence asking questions, learning how to listen, and learning how to think.

 

[mkgal1]

It works in the confines of our house - but it's never yet been "released into the wild" (lol) as it were.

Hahaha.....I love how you put that.

I guess I'm concerned about whether or not she's going to have people evangelizing to her - with talk of damnation - their ideas about what makes a "good faithful person", etc...and how that would play out for a 7 year old being raised with how I'm trying to do it.

Have you ever been to a similar type of event with your kids/etc? Is my worry warranted?

I have to say.....I so wish I could re-live our daughter's early days, because I would do just what you're doing now (or, at least, give it my greatest effort). I think you're doing the BEST thing for her by allowing her - and teaching her - how to think for herself and exposing her to different ideas. Like you wrote.....there are a variety of beliefs - and lots of people feel they're "right" - but, in the end, they're "beliefs"...not "certainties"...and individual freedom is a great thing (and so is the respect we can extend as well).

As far as "worry"? Have you maybe talked about how some people get high-sided and firm in their beliefs? Maybe just giving her a head's up about that....and how people are free to do that, but that she doesn't have to buy into what they're "selling".

I truly wish there were more parents like you, Zoo (there are a LOT of adults that could use this lesson as well).

 

[DZoolander]

She had some kid in her class tell her that she was going to hell because she wasn't some faith or other, I can't remember which one it was.

I told her that lots of people believe stuff like that, but once again, they don't know what they're talking about. That everyone has an opinion, everyone wants to tell everyone else their opinions, but to ask herself if that makes sense. Did what he said make sense, all things considered? That God is going to condemn everyone to hell that doesn't belong to X religion? Out of all of the religions out there? Especially since most people don't choose their religion? They're just what their parents are?

"No"

"Well, there you have it."

lol - those are the kinds of discussions we have on the matter.

 

[DZoolander]

I guess also the reason why I ask is because in a lot of ways she mirrors me...and there were "mistakes" I made as a kid w/respect to the church that I'm trying to avoid her repeating. And some things in life just repeat themselves.

Along the lines of this post - when I was a kid and going through the confirmation process in my church - my pastor and I got into it a little bit. One day he told us about how we Lutherans were the "one true faith" and how everyone else was pretty much going to hell. The Jews are going to hell because they haven't accepted Christ as their savior. The Catholics are going to hell because they pray to Mary and that's a form of idolatry. Blah blah. All of these other faiths and their mistakes of protocol that were going to lead to their eternal damnation...ya know?

I snarked at him that I felt blessed - because my mom was a Lutheran. After all, that's the only reason I am. It must suck for everyone else who just happens into their faith as well to be predestined for hell - damned by a God who apparently is all pent up about the right way to pray or whatever it may be.

That didn't fly very well with the pastor - and I was denied confirmation. I've actually never been confirmed - lol - and I ought not take communion - but I have - because whatever. I was right. haha

But - all else being equal - I'd rather my daughter not get into the same kinds of arguments. I'd rather she brush it off, know she's right, and get the prize too.

 

[mkgal1]

She had some kid in her class tell her that she was going to hell because she wasn't some faith or other, I can't remember which one it was.

I told her that lots of people believe stuff like that, but once again, they don't know what they're talking about. That everyone has an opinion, everyone wants to tell everyone else their opinions, but to ask herself if that makes sense. Did what he said make sense, all things considered? That God is going to condemn everyone to hell that doesn't belong to X religion? Out of all of the religions out there? Especially since most people don't choose their religion? They're just what their parents are?

"No"

"Well, there you have it."

lol - those are the kinds of discussions we have on the matter.

That sounds to me like you don't have a thing to worry about, then.

This does remind me that, when our daughter was about 10 years old, a neighbor kid had declared to our daughter that Scott Peterson was going to hell for what he'd done (remember him? The guy that murdered his pregnant wife on Christmas Eve years ago?). Our daughter came home and told us that she'd set the girl straight (LOL) and told her that "no sin is too horrible for God...as long as there's repentance and a change of heart". I was glad to hear our daughter wasn't going around believing certain people are "going to hell".

 

[mkgal1]

I snarked at him that I felt blessed - because my mom was a Lutheran. After all, that's the only reason I am. It must suck for everyone else who just happens into their faith as well to be predestined for hell - damned by a God who apparently is all pent up about the right way to pray or whatever it may be.

That didn't fly very well with the pastor - and I was denied confirmation. I've actually never been confirmed - lol - and I ought not take communion - but I have - because whatever. I was right. haha

I agree. I think your younger self WAS right as well....and good for you to make that point. Was that around 8th grade that happened?

....and you know what they always say: "Kids say the darnedest things". They usually get adults to think about things more, also (with their different way of looking at things).

 

[DZoolander]

At my church they started the catechism classes in 7th and you got confirmed in 8th. This was toward the end of the 7th.

 

[jamie75]

Ultimately it's your responsibility as the parent to prepare your children for everything they encounter and to follow up on their life experiences. Just stay close to them and teach them what you know to be right and it will all be fine.

 

[mama2one]

Have you ever been to a similar type of event with your kids/etc? Is my worry warranted?

at that age, I took our child out of church a couple times when thought a sermon was inappropriate for kid ears and then went back in after

you could attend/take your child out if you feel you should

our kid is used to us censoring things...movies, tv, etc and doesn't get upset about it as we just say "adult stuff, not for kids"

 

[DZoolander]

at that age, I took our child out of church a couple times when thought a sermon was inappropriate for kid ears and then went back in after

you could attend/take your child out if you feel you should

our kid is used to us censoring things...movies, tv, etc and doesn't get upset about it as we just say "adult stuff, not for kids"

It's interesting watching her trying to piece things together.

Like the other day we were watching the Disney movie Maleficent (the one with Angelina Jolie). If you haven't seen the movie - it's a different take on the Sleeping Beauty story - where Maleficent ends up actually kind of watching over Aurora as she grows up - comes to regret the curse that she bestowed upon her/etc. She takes a maternal role - and loves Aurora.

...and in the end - when Aurora is down for the count - she's the one that gives "true love's kiss" in remorse for what happened - waking her back up.

So as we're watching that - when Maleficent gives Aurora the kiss on her forehead - my daughter looks over at me and asks "Is that a gay kiss?"

lol

"No, honey. That's not a gay kiss." (and then explain to her the difference)