kids and BPD

[PegMonkey]

Im a mother of a 1 year old and 3 year old, I stay at home with them.
Just having a hard time coping with housework and loving them.
Its hard enough being an okay mom. But I have to be a godly mother.
How do I be a godly mom , when im so exausted. so overwealmed with sweeping. clothes go mouldy cause i dont get to them. Ive been too tired and frustrated to cook. my youngest tears the world a part. every book is on the ground, you turn your back and hes standing on the table top. my 3 year old needs constant attention and for me to play with her or engage her.
It makes me angry, she trashes things when i dont pay complete attention to her. As we speak my youngest is standing up on a chair pulling all the books off, but im beyond caring anymore.I can't keep him off of anything. no matter how many times i put him down, hes tenacious. and its not like you can spank a 1 year old. I take out my frustrations out of my kids. Ive seen moms yell at their kids worse than me even though they don't have mental illness. but I snap. i dont want to be like those mothers. who yell at their kids at the zoo. when its supposed to be a fun family time. Any tips on how to overcome stress with kids, and be able to cope with being a mom.

 

[Joanne P]

Have you ever read any books by Mimi Doe? She is wonderful.

Here is her website...

Effective Spiritual Parenting Tips, Advice and Information by Mimi Doe

In particular, look at this section-

"This area is all about you. Weaving moments of calm and serenity into your everyday life is possible. When your own spirit is sourced there is enough of you to go around.

Tend to yourself…and watch every other relationship in your life blossom."

It sounds to me like you need to take care of you. Sounds like you need a cup of your favorite coffee and some soothing 'me' time!

Try this reading about taking care of you-

Taking Care of You - An Article by Mimi Doe | Spiritually Taking Care to Refresh & Revitalize


I hope these readings somehow help. Mimi is much more wise than me, so I pass this along and add my prayers for you!

 

[madison1101]

Get professional help. You should not be yelling at your children at all. Baby proof your house till the one year old is older. Get help from other Moms of kids your kids' ages, and find out how they manage. But get professional help for yourself, because you sound at the end of your rope, and it will not end well if you don't do something to take care of your temper with them.

My daughter is not a stay at home Mom, but her husband stays with the kids when she works. Her kids are 4 and 2, and she never lost her temper with the kids, or yells at them. They have swatted the youngest on the butt if he does not listen, and they have been doing that for at least six months, when he was 18 months old. My granddaughter has been swatted once, and sent to her room for a timeout when she misbehaves.

There is a difference between controlled discipline and lashing out at your kids. It sounds like you do not have controlled discipline for your kids at all, and it sounds like you are the one who is also out of control.

Trish

 

[PegMonkey]

Get professional help. You should not be yelling at your children at all. Baby proof your house till the one year old is older. Get help from other Moms of kids your kids' ages, and find out how they manage. But get professional help for yourself, because you sound at the end of your rope, and it will not end well if you don't do something to take care of your temper with them.

My daughter is not a stay at home Mom, but her husband stays with the kids when she works. Her kids are 4 and 2, and she never lost her temper with the kids, or yells at them. They have swatted the youngest on the butt if he does not listen, and they have been doing that for at least six months, when he was 18 months old. My granddaughter has been swatted once, and sent to her room for a timeout when she misbehaves.

There is a difference between controlled discipline and lashing out at your kids. It sounds like you do not have controlled discipline for your kids at all, and it sounds like you are the one who is also out of control.

Trish

shes never lost her temper with them because she works during the day and isn't around them alot. as well as i highly doubt that her or her husband haven't lost it at least once. they must be on some good calming meds. either that or their kids are so docile they just sit there and dont do anything.
Anyways, you obvisally dont have you own kids. When I looked at other moms Id say " I never yell like that at my kid"...and i try not to ...but every once in a while i snap. anyways every yells at their kids at one time or another or else they have real issues. they are suppressing alot of anger, and trying to appear perfect to everyone on the outside.

 

[madison1101]

shes never lost her temper with them because she works during the day and isn't around them alot. as well as i highly doubt that her or her husband haven't lost it at least once. they must be on some good calming meds. either that or their kids are so docile they just sit there and dont do anything.
Anyways, you obvisally dont have you own kids. When I looked at other moms Id say " I never yell like that at my kid"...and i try not to ...but every once in a while i snap. anyways every yells at their kids at one time or another or else they have real issues. they are suppressing alot of anger, and trying to appear perfect to everyone on the outside.

You did not read my post very well. I mentioned my own daughter and how she is raising her own kids.

You see, I did raise three kids, in my BPD. I did it all wrong and was told flat out by my therapist that he would report me to the authorities if I ever hit my kids. I was not a good mother, and somehow, my kids, who are all grown, have forgiven me, because I changed and made amends for how I treated them when they were younger.

I am not insensitive to the struggles of being a mother of young kids. I had my first two at 18 months apart, and did it all wrong.

Good luck.

Trish

 

[RainbowBaby]

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[WalrusGumBoot]

This may not be the place to discuss this ... but since this is a thread about BPD and children, I was wondering something:

Do we know what percentage of children (that have grown up with a BPD parent) actually become BPD themselves?

(I would think this to be another risk to be concerned about, when discussing BPD and kids ...)

I cannot give statistics, but my BPD wife had a BPD mother. My wife has only one sibling, a sister, and even though I have not spent lots of time with her, she exhibits BPD behavior as well. My wife and her mother are low-functioning borderlines, her sister is high-functioning.

So the question is whether they "became" BPD or whether they were born with BPD? Both girls suffered terrible abuse at the hands of their mother, and their father abandoned them early in life. They had all the elements in place for becoming BPD. But I have heard the stories of children growing up with a BPD parent, and only some showed BPD symptoms later on in life, and some were normal. The only child I had with my BPD wife, who is now 21 years old, shows no BPD symptoms.

I think children growing up with a BPD parent who does not also have a parent who is non-BPD has the greater risk of becoming BPD themselves. I think the Non parent gives the children a sense of security in an otherwise chaotic environment.

 

[PegMonkey]

shes never lost her temper with them because she works during the day and isn't around them alot. as well as i highly doubt that her or her husband haven't lost it at least once. they must be on some good calming meds. either that or their kids are so docile they just sit there and dont do anything.
Anyways, you obvisally dont have you own kids. When I looked at other moms Id say " I never yell like that at my kid"...and i try not to ...but every once in a while i snap. anyways every yells at their kids at one time or another or else they have real issues. they are suppressing alot of anger, and trying to appear perfect to everyone on the outside.

Yes i was talking about your daughter above.

 

[PegMonkey]

You did not read my post very well. I mentioned my own daughter and how she is raising her own kids.

You see, I did raise three kids, in my BPD. I did it all wrong and was told flat out by my therapist that he would report me to the authorities if I ever hit my kids. I was not a good mother, and somehow, my kids, who are all grown, have forgiven me, because I changed and made amends for how I treated them when they were younger.

I am not insensitive to the struggles of being a mother of young kids. I had my first two at 18 months apart, and did it all wrong.

Good luck.

Trish

I never really hit my kids, just a little rough. anyways i know im doing everything perfect, but im under alot of stress and am trying my best. I doubt even the best of the best mother hasn't let out a belt at her kids at least once.

 

[WalrusGumBoot]

Do you have a play pen? When our kids were little, plopping them in a play pen with all kinds of fun toys will keep them contained in a safe place and allow you to do what you need to do without worrying about them tearing the place apart. We also had one of those swings when they were little (under 18 months) and that was a great way to get them to settle down and go to sleep.

You shouldn't have to hold your kids every second of the day to keep them from crying. Also watch what you are feeding them. Sugars of course are bad. Stuff like potato chips and other fried fatty foods contain a lot of bad Omega 6 oils which has been shown in studies to cause behavioral problems in children when their Omega 6 oil ratio to Omega 3 (the good oil) becomes too high.

 

[madison1101]

Yes i was talking about your daughter above.

My daughter works part time, so she is around her kids a lot, just not all the time. Both she and her brothers do not yell. They grew up with my horrible yelling all the time, and they refuse to raise their voices at their spouses or their children. I no longer yell, and find that my mother yells all the time at me, and it unnerves me.

My daughter is not perfect, and neither are my grandchildren. My daughter gives them timeouts in their bedrooms if they are behaving inappropriately and won't stop. My granddaughter can be a whiner, and that is when she gets the timeouts the most. Also, both grandchildren provoke the others by taking their things, or playing with the other's toys without permission. Just tonight, my granddaughter went into my grandson's bedroom and bothered him when I was talking to my daughter on the phone. She was told firmly to leave her brother alone and get out of his room. If she were to have defied my daughter, she would have gotten a swat on the butt, and sent to her room. The swats on the butt are for outright disobedience.

Plus, my daughter is a teacher, so she is home all summer with the kids, and her husband works 12-15 hours a day somedays when she is home. When she returns to work in September, she will be working 2 and a half days a week, plus one night a week, because in addition to her elementary teaching job, she is also a part time college professor.

 

[PegMonkey]

My daughter works part time, so she is around her kids a lot, just not all the time. Both she and her brothers do not yell. They grew up with my horrible yelling all the time, and they refuse to raise their voices at their spouses or their children. I no longer yell, and find that my mother yells all the time at me, and it unnerves me.

My daughter is not perfect, and neither are my grandchildren. My daughter gives them timeouts in their bedrooms if they are behaving inappropriately and won't stop. My granddaughter can be a whiner, and that is when she gets the timeouts the most. Also, both grandchildren provoke the others by taking their things, or playing with the other's toys without permission. Just tonight, my granddaughter went into my grandson's bedroom and bothered him when I was talking to my daughter on the phone. She was told firmly to leave her brother alone and get out of his room. If she were to have defied my daughter, she would have gotten a swat on the butt, and sent to her room. The swats on the butt are for outright disobedience.

Plus, my daughter is a teacher, so she is home all summer with the kids, and her husband works 12-15 hours a day somedays when she is home. When she returns to work in September, she will be working 2 and a half days a week, plus one night a week, because in addition to her elementary teaching job, she is also a part time college professor.

Sincerely and humbly I say"i guess you have a remarkable daughter then"

 

[RainbowBaby]

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