Keeping faith in an unfaithful environment.

[trixiebell]

I have been a Christian now for about 5 years. I came to Christ through the guidance of my husband, whom I feel God guided me to in the first place. Praise God.

I grew up in a so called "Christian" family. The kind that believes that God created the earth and everyone goes to heaven...and that's all there is to it!

Four months ago I returned to my home country to visit my family. I missed them so much, my husband bought me a surprise plane ticket. For the last three months or so I have been trying to return home to my husband but have been having problems with immigration. The separation from my husband is difficult, but that isn't my main problem.

Obviously in my time living away from my family, my views on life and my life itself has changed ( and for the better) thanks to my saviour Jesus Christ. Problem is I don't think my views are sitting too well with my family. I am silenced when I want to talk about my beliefs, even though I long to witness to them, so I have almost stopped that altogether, for fear I might drive them farther away from Christ and fear that I will be the outcast. I am occasionally jabbed with mocking remarks, and I feel they are trying to convince me to question my beliefs.

I love my family, but feel less close to them than I ever have. I find it hard to be a good Christian, when everyone around me is gossiping and talking of ungodly things. I find myself falling into their trap and joining in. I know I am not perfect and will sin, but it's harder to resisit it around the unfaithful. Especially those I feel are inadvertantly trying to take my faith from me.

Still I struggle to get home, but for the time being I have to live with my family, without the emotional support of my husband.

I really need advice on how to deal with this situation. Maybe I am being tested? God I hope I pass the test!

 

[ShetlandRose]

When a person comes to Jesus Christ, having received forgiveness and salvation, several things happen. You can be at peace and love others because you yourself are experiencing the love and forgiveness of God. As a Christian you also have hope which the world does not have. You are part of God’s family, and the Lord takes care of you. Since your trust now rests on Jesus, you become free to reach out to others, longing to share what you have in God and longing for them to understand. The Bible says “you are a new creation, old things have passed away, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) There are Christians, however, who live beneath their position in Christ. They do not understand what God has done for them and they do not desire to grow in their relationship with God. Even though they have received the gift of salvation, they are satisfied with stagnation. They want to live their lives as they wish without interference from God or His laws, and they do not want to surrender control to Him, and they do not strive to live a life of holiness. God allows that choice.

As we look at Jesus, think about Jesus, pray to Jesus, we seek to follow His example because we are set apart to Him. The more we mature in Christ, the more we become considerably different than we were before, and people who are not in a relationship with Jesus or who stubbornly refuse to grow can often become threatened, critical, even mocking your beliefs. They will accuse you of thinking you are better than they are.

You are now God’s agent and part of God’s work on earth. By your example you will be a witness to your family (and all of mankind). The Holy Spirit is there to assist you; He is in partnership with you, for you are to show forth the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22,23)

The Holy Spirit is constantly wooing your family. They can choose whether or not to cooperate with the Holy Spirit. They can hold back and fail to acknowledge Him, or they can accept His leading. They have that freedom, and they will enjoy the blessings or have to deal with the problems resulting from their free decisions. Your place is to pray for them and strive to reproduce the life of Jesus in yourself, be a witness led by the Holy Spirit, all the while maintaining the strength of your own faith.

 

[trixiebell]

Hi ShetlandRose,

Thank you so much for your reply.

I have been waiting up to see if someone would respond.

The problem with my family is, I am not even sure they HAVE accepted Jesus. As far as I know, their belief just stops at God created the earth and everyone goes to heaven. They question the bible's validity. My dad isn't so sure that the bible wasn't written by man's own thoughts, and perhaps it has been changed over the years. I personally believe that if God has the power to create the earth and everything in it, then he certainly can inspire man to write down HIS words and preserve his word forever. I'm pretty sure they believe that evolution is true too....and so on.

I do pray for them, I have been for years and I will continue doing so.

You have given me some good advice, thank you again.

I really must get to bed now, as it is almost 2:30am here.

God bless

 

[Rage4Christ]

trixiebell, Sounds like a difficult situation.

First, I would remind you-- you are not responsible for how others react to you. If they want to mock, or if they turn away from Christ, that is Their choice.

Second, you are only responsible for yourself and your own struggle toward Christ. If you do this with genuine, passionate intent-- the reaction of others is not of your concern.

Thridly, This is the more difficult bit of advice, and i'm sure i'm going to botch it-- but i'll try anyway. I struggled with skepticism for many years. I found that when I wanted to debate with Christians (yes, I was very confrontational in my younger years), they were either irrational-- or would go into this sort of defensive, unsure shell. Either way, that made me feel that Christianity was wrong.

It was only when I began interacting with self-confidant Christians, those with healthy boundaries, but non-judgemental, those who were working toward the inner Christ with no arrogance and no fear, that brought me around.

The trick is very scary. You must listen to them. Understand them. Consider their arguments. Show deep respect for their arguments, and admire them for the intellectual work they have done. Give them unconditional love. Ask questions, not to argue, but to further your understanding of where they are comming from.

Ponder their claims. Don't try to debate it exactly-- just say, "that is very interesting.. i will think it over." If they want to debate.

If you do this, it will be much easier to set up your own boundaries. IF you don't want to debate something: Tell them. If their mocking hurts your feelings, tell them so and ask them to stop.

The struggle to Christ is not easy. Christ and God will not make healthy boundaries for you-- you need to do that for yourself.

Peace

 

[ShetlandRose]

Do you know that one of the best ways you can witness is to keep your JOY! No one can take away the joy of your salvation. You have the great joy in being forgiven, joy in having a relationship with Jesus, joy in the life God has given you, and the joy of knowing where you are going. Through trials, it is the joy that shines forth like a light in the darkness. Your family can make you feel uncomfortable, mock your faith, and present you with temptations--but if you keep your joy you will plant many seeds of the Gospel. One of the Fruits of the Spirit is joy! Show your family that real Christianity is a not a sour religion of rules, but instead a relationship with the only true God who gives freedom, love, and joy.

 

[traingosorry]

Hey trixiebell...
Your story is sort of like what I am going through as well. I live with my aunt and uncle and their daughter(my cousin) right now. My cousin and my two sisters and I attend church every Sunday and we are all pretty active with church groups and Alpha etc during the week. My sisters and I were raised catholic but all that stopped when we were younger and my parents no longer took us nor really spoke about Jesus- it wasn't until I came back to Christ a few years ago that I brought my sisters around again. My cousin joined forces and we have been a team and our own support all this way.
My aunt and uncle are great people and do a lot to help me and their daughter out; and while they say they think it's great that we attend church, it seems to almost be a joke to them anytime it is brought up " Oh the girls will be doing some churchy-thing again tonight * rolls eyes*"
They also do not see it as a priority and will get upset if we do not give up church to go visit with family and friends- I can understand that their view of church is that it is a place you go to one day a week, not necessarily being a part of and involved with.
Sometimes they will challenge us, but in a condescending way, not out of curiousity.
And my uncle sometimes seems a bit bitter, his latest comment he jeered at us as though it would hurt us was : " The Passion of the Christ was just a money-making scheme, a marketing tool."
We also do not partake in things we used to like drinking or unnecessary comments and they think we are uptight, goody two-shoes.
We cannot speak about our faith because we risk turning it into an argument or being labelled ' bible-thumpers'.
Thankfully we know that Jesus went through this as well and he told us to expect it also, so we have that as encouragement.
It is very frustrating sometimes for us, because while we love it here, we cannot share the good news and instead it is held against us. All I can do is what God asks of me, to be the salt and the light and to teach them in the way I live my life. I second what Shetland Rose said, be joyful and let them see that. ( smart cookie that one!) If your family can see that you are going through some hard times, remember they are watching to see how you deal with this stress and when they see you still smiling through it all, they will want to know how you do it and that is when you can share the name of Jesus and the good news he brings.

I will pray for you trixiebell that you can find some peace in what you are dealing with right now, that God may rustle your family's hearts and make them wonder what it is they are missing- He is planning to use you, so may your feet be swift and your heart always be ready!

Take care
Heather <><

 

[trixiebell]

Rage4Christ

Thridly, This is the more difficult bit of advice, and i'm sure i'm going to botch it-- but i'll try anyway. I struggled with skepticism for many years. I found that when I wanted to debate with Christians (yes, I was very confrontational in my younger years), they were either irrational-- or would go into this sort of defensive, unsure shell. Either way, that made me feel that Christianity was wrong.

I don't think you botched that at all. I too was a skeptic, I believed in God, but it didn't go much farther than that.

I can relate to those Christians because when you first become a Christian you are soo full of passion and want to spread the word, but you are still so young in Christ and not well enough equipped so you can talk yourself into a corner. I think that was my first mistake in trying to lead my family to God. In some ways I felt I did the opposite.

The trick is very scary. You must listen to them. Understand them. Consider their arguments. Show deep respect for their arguments, and admire them for the intellectual work they have done. Give them unconditional love. Ask questions, not to argue, but to further your understanding of where they are comming from.

I do try to do that, however, the trickiest part I find is when they have "new age" beliefs. That is contrary to my beliefs and puts faith in things other than God. How do I deal with that? I don't want to condone those beliefs, but at the same time how can I get them to understand my beliefs if I am not willing to consider theirs?

Thank you for your advice...I knew I joined this forum for a reason!

 

[trixiebell]

ShetlandRose: I know EXACTLY what you mean about showing JOY. Even though I have struggled with that, I think I have shown them more of my joy than anything else. BUT am I suppose to hide it when I am feeling sorrow? Mostly, I do not let on that I sometimes feel hurt by them.

But back to showing JOY. I think I have struck a chord with them on that. People clearly see I don't suffer from depression anymore, occasional sadness yes, but not depression.

My husband is going in for surgeory tomorrow and even though I can't be there I am not worried because I have prayed about it and feel everything will be ok. I think my mum has noticed this in me, because the old me would probably be a basket case!

 

[trixiebell]

traingosorry: Thank you sooo much for your post. It brought a tear to my eye to see that you can relate to me, it really hit home.

I think the reason I joined this forum in the first place was so I could find some fellowship, and believe me your words have really helped me.

Thank you sooooo much, you have touched me

God Bless.

 

[gentle quiet spirit]

Hi Trixiebell! What a cute name. What a tough situation you are in. I think we have all encountered some like yours in one way or another. I read something once that helped me, "God promises us a safe harbor, not a calm passage". Everything happens for a reason. You are still there for a reason. God is using you as His tool. What an honor and privilege! And if God takes you to it, He will get you through it. We have been told that there is joy in suffering. Easier said than done huh? But, we are also to keep thanksgiving in our hearts. We have been given more than we deserve. Let your light shine brightly before the "world" than they will see what you have, and they will want it too! A tree is known by its fruit. Keep your roots deep in Christ, and you will bring forth good fruit. Don't compromise your beliefs or values to please others. I tell my children all the time, "Don't follow the crowd and fit in, follow Christ and stand out". My family, meaning my mom and sister and in-laws, do not go to church or live a christian life. God knows how much I love them, for only He loves them more than I do. I will never stop praying for them, however I will not deny my Father before them either. I won't bend and I won't brake, I won't water-down my faith. Keep your faith, and keep your focus on God, and He will make your paths known. He will never leave you nor forsake you. God is using you. Will you let Him? If you want to walk on the water, you have to get out of the boat. That's a book I read. I believe when one person prays, the powers of Heaven are released. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, and no matter where you are, remember God is right there! God's blessings always, your sister in Christ, Laura,aka, gentle-quiet spirit.

 

[Iktomi]

Hey there. Well, families are one of the things that Christ said would be divided. I speak from my own experiences, as I watch (and now participate) in the family life of my wife.
Her family is exactly the same as yours, but some of the members are outright vicious toward us.
My sister in law mocked and made fun of my wife her whole life. Anything to do with God was enough to set her off.
My wife has prayed for her for 25 years. Two months ago my sister in law (Saul) became a Christian (Paul.) God didn't use my wife to make it happen, either. It was what I needed to see in order to really understand that NOBODY is out of God's reach.
That doesn't mean it will always happen that way. The other members of the family continue as they were. However, last week at my son's birthday party was the first time that the Christians outnumbered the secular. Not that numbers matter, but it was amazing to hear the conversations about God, about C.S. Lewis, etc. Unfortunatly, my mother in law couldn't get out of there fast enough.
We will continue to love her and forgive her. And we will continue to pray that somehow, God uses someone or something to reach her. In the mean time, we continue to profess Christ as Lord, regardless of her.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die." That death isn't always physicla as it ended up to be for Bonhoeffer. But it is ALWAYS a death. A death to ourselves. Keep your eyes on Christ and remember that He hurts for them too. Don't deny Him in the presence of your family. (Not that you do, just stay strong.) Think of the chorus to the song by Shane & Shane in which he is praying to God about his best friend:
"But here I go again, talking about the rain and mulling over things that won't live past today. And as I dance around the Truth, time is not his friend. This might be my last chance to tell him that you love him."
Stay strong for Christ.
Praying for you...

 

[Rage4Christ]

trixiebell

you asked the trickiest part I find is when they have "new age" beliefs. That is contrary to my beliefs and puts faith in things other than God. How do I deal with that? I don't want to condone those beliefs, but at the same time how can I get them to understand my beliefs if I am not willing to consider theirs?


Be honest. Tell them how their beliefs make you feel. Only tell them what you're comfortable with telling though. They can't judge your feelings. People generally don't feel attacked by expressions of feeling. How you feel is a natural consequence of what they say and how they act-- and there can be no harm in letting them know that. Stick up for your boundaries by communicating your emotions. This is not easy. Understanding your own emotional/spiritual status is very hard.

They may never understand your position. That is their choice, not your task.
All you can do is really empathize with them, try to see things from their perspective, really try to "get where they are comming from."

If you do this with honesty and unconditional love-- you are on the path to Christ.

Its not about judging, condoning or condeming others-- its about universal unconditional acceptance and love. Love them in the moment, even if they are not perfect.

You wouldn't judge a victim of a horrible acid burn, just as you shouldn't judge one who is lost spiritually.

 

[trixiebell]

Thank you everyone for your beautiful messages, thoughts and prayers. They DO help