Keep your distance

[Heartofsilver]

Hello everyone,

As I was deleting my previous post on social media, I was thinking about how it is ridiculous that I am doing so.

I was wishing my fiancee's uncle a happy birthday from my fiancee's cousin's page when I remembered that him and his family don't want me calling him uncle even though my fiancee and I are just about to get married in a few months. It frustrates and hurts me how they don't want me calling their family members by their titles like an outsider. They have high boundaries and I think it is from his family being hurt by the church and not trusting people through there and also how my fiancee's ex suddenly fled from his life. Though I will say, that all of this feels like a hold on control due to him and his family's hurts and fears that come from their past and they are all putting it onto me.

Have you had in-laws do similar things to you?
How should I navigate this situation?
All prayers and Christian advice is appreciated.

 

[Elliewaves]

Is the issue they don't want to be addressed on social media? Your post is a little confusing. Send a card or make a call. Is the issue, they don't want you to call uncle Bob, "Uncle"? Ask him what he wishes to be called and then respect that.

 

[Greengardener]

Is it necessary to rush into marriage? It might be worth waiting, especially if it serves to bring all of you closer together.

 

[Heartofsilver]

Is the issue they don't want to be addressed on social media? Your post is a little confusing. Send a card or make a call. Is the issue, they don't want you to call uncle Bob, "Uncle"? Ask him what he wishes to be called and then respect that.

No, it's not that. My fiancee, his mom, and his dad do not want me calling their uncle S, Uncle S. I don't know the opinion of the uncle myself. That is a good idea that I should just ask him myself. Now that I think of it maybe I did ask him once and he didn't seem to mind it, but my fiancee's parents looked at me weird. When I called him uncle S online they told me not to call him that.

 

[Heartofsilver]

Is it necessary to rush into marriage? It might be worth waiting, especially if it serves to bring all of you closer together.

Him and I will be together for three year by the time that we are married. We have been staying pure during this relationship as well. How long must one wait to be married?

 

[Paul4JC]

Him and I will be together for three year by the time that we are married. We have been staying pure during this relationship as well. How long must one wait to be married?

You marry him, most likely you'll be "marrying" the family. Looking at some of your past posts, really makes me wonder if you know what you're doing.

 

[Elliewaves]

No, it's not that. My fiancee, his mom, and his dad do not want me calling their uncle S, Uncle S. I don't know the opinion of the uncle myself. That is a good idea that I should just ask him myself. Now that I think of it maybe I did ask him once and he didn't seem to mind it, but my fiancee's parents looked at me weird. When I called him uncle S online they told me not to call him that.

This is a very strange issue; both their response and your response to them. You should have a conversation with the parents as to why they don't want you to call someone uncle and what they would prefer. You maybe need to understand the why and the reason, before turning it into a fight or a problem or a drama. What does your fiancee say about his own family?

 

[Heartofsilver]

This is a very strange issue; both their response and your response to them. You should have a conversation with the parents as to why they don't want you to call someone uncle and what they would prefer. You maybe need to understand the why and the reason, before turning it into a fight or a problem or a drama. What does your fiancee say about his own family?

I already talked to them, they said that it was simply because, I'm not blood related to him. Sometimes he apologies for their behavior when they become overbearing or easily offended, other than that he let's them make decisions for him instead of him making choices for himself.

 

[bèlla]

Heartofsilver,

I’m sorry you’re hurting. In your shoes I’d defer to the protocols of my intended during the engagement to avoid mishaps.

Comfort is individual and some will recognize your position prior to marriage and others afterward. It isn’t a slight per se but a recognition of the changeable nature of modern times. The absence of familial names doesn’t diminish your fondness or care for the individual.

Keep the bigger picture in mind.

~bella