There's a tough bible passage in the letter to Corinth. Paul was writing to instruct the church there on multiple issues. Turns out this letter was then canonized and fully accepted as part of the Word of God. the question is, when it comes to matters of the heart, do we put our FULL confidence in these words, as God's words - or not?
The reason for this intro is this. When, as I believe it to be, God, says these words, " Love is patient and kind... love keeps no record of wrong..." how should we, as God's created beings, respond to this? Do we take it to heart, or do we simply shrug it off as 'not valid', 'a different cultural setting' (inapplicable), 'only in certain scenarios', 'not compatible with real life'... or do we with grateful hearts see the God of the universe and His design and accept that He actually might know us humans better than we know ourselves?
The way this applies in marriage is that two humans must keep no record of wrong in order to genuinely love one another. Forgiveness and forgetting is essential, and it is freeing. We seem to allow ourselves to get caught up in what is 'fair' or 'equitable' or 'common sense', and we excuse ourselves from following this very clear guideline to exercise absolute love. I'm sure if many read this post, there will be all sorts of debate over this. The fact of the matter is there can be no debate with the Designer, Author, King of Kings. Try as we may, we can never match up to His level of love for us. However, I do believe He wants us to submit to His lead and work at it, over and over again.
I've been married since 1995 to my first and only wife. We disagree on things, but we also have concluded that there will be no divorce-worthy disagreements in our marriage. Why? Simply because well, in my own heart, I see what Jesus did for me. He died for me. He chose me, knowing my entire past, present and future attitudes of my heart. He understands the naturally born wickedness I have in me, that I give in to it and curl into infant-like selfishness on a regular basis - and loves me still. He allows me to yell at Him, revile Him, ignore Him, care less about Him, be angry at Him, disobey Him, and on and on. I don't ever reach a point of 'deserving' or 'earning' His love. You know why? Because He doesn't require me to work for it. He gives it freely. He forgives freely. Not based on my actions, but based on His decision to love me.
Therefore if I follow His lead in my marriage, it looks something like this. I chose, and choose on repeat, to love my wife. It matters not what she says or does. She can do or say anything, and my determination, choice, and result is to love her with all that I have and am.
Now I know this seems so unattainable for so many. I'll be accused of having a perfect marriage, and having a wife that is easy to love. She's pretty great. I'll admit that. She's not perfect though - just as I am not perfect. If we dug in for even a minute, we'll find that I probably mess up way more than she does. When loving to the point of keeping no record of wrong becomes seemingly unattainable to some, is when there is physical hurt endured. That seems to change the 'rules' for those who have been abused. And yet, if we (as Paul says in his letter to Colosse) have been raised with Christ, we are commanded to seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. What are those "things that are above"? It's a love that is unhindered by human hands. A forgiveness that is unwavering, no matter the circumstance. A freedom from things of the past. A set of eyes looking beyond this life into the ACTUAL life that God has designed us for. We must, because we are commanded (and again, this comes down to whether or not you ascend to the position that everything in Scripture is directly from the mouth of God) to set aside our self and live like Him. He gave up everything. He was abused. He was neglected. He was beaten. He was scourged. He was forgotten. He was abandoned. What was His response? "Father, forgive them..."
There is no perfect marriage. There are PLENTY of levels of good and bad marriages in so many categories we couldn't cover them here. Marriage can be a nightmare that you want to escape - all the way to a strong exemplary marriage that shows much fruit and is a bastion of all that is good and true. I fear many of the marriages in our world are more on the edge of a nightmare, if not fully there. The reason? None of us are righteous, and we are inherently selfish without God's influence. "If this doesn't work for ME, I am out of here!" King ME sits on the throne of our hearts. There is no acknowledgement that God's ways are better... at least not in practice. Probably the worst marriages of all are the ones that pretend all is well, but are profusely rotten at the core. Much is buried and then one day... it all blows up and ends in fracture of the relationship or worse.
My final thought for now - although this may continue as a thread for quite some time as we engage with each other - if we don't A)Admit there is a God, B)Assume He knows us better than we know ourselves, C)Confess our inability to operate on our own steam, D)Account for everything in the Bible to be absolute and instructive for our everyday lives (not just playing church and sing-song on a Sunday only!)... then we will never understand the truth of forgiveness, grace, full accepting love and how exactly to live without keeping record of any wrongdoing towards us.
The reason for this intro is this. When, as I believe it to be, God, says these words, " Love is patient and kind... love keeps no record of wrong..." how should we, as God's created beings, respond to this? Do we take it to heart, or do we simply shrug it off as 'not valid', 'a different cultural setting' (inapplicable), 'only in certain scenarios', 'not compatible with real life'... or do we with grateful hearts see the God of the universe and His design and accept that He actually might know us humans better than we know ourselves?
The way this applies in marriage is that two humans must keep no record of wrong in order to genuinely love one another. Forgiveness and forgetting is essential, and it is freeing. We seem to allow ourselves to get caught up in what is 'fair' or 'equitable' or 'common sense', and we excuse ourselves from following this very clear guideline to exercise absolute love. I'm sure if many read this post, there will be all sorts of debate over this. The fact of the matter is there can be no debate with the Designer, Author, King of Kings. Try as we may, we can never match up to His level of love for us. However, I do believe He wants us to submit to His lead and work at it, over and over again.
I've been married since 1995 to my first and only wife. We disagree on things, but we also have concluded that there will be no divorce-worthy disagreements in our marriage. Why? Simply because well, in my own heart, I see what Jesus did for me. He died for me. He chose me, knowing my entire past, present and future attitudes of my heart. He understands the naturally born wickedness I have in me, that I give in to it and curl into infant-like selfishness on a regular basis - and loves me still. He allows me to yell at Him, revile Him, ignore Him, care less about Him, be angry at Him, disobey Him, and on and on. I don't ever reach a point of 'deserving' or 'earning' His love. You know why? Because He doesn't require me to work for it. He gives it freely. He forgives freely. Not based on my actions, but based on His decision to love me.
Therefore if I follow His lead in my marriage, it looks something like this. I chose, and choose on repeat, to love my wife. It matters not what she says or does. She can do or say anything, and my determination, choice, and result is to love her with all that I have and am.
Now I know this seems so unattainable for so many. I'll be accused of having a perfect marriage, and having a wife that is easy to love. She's pretty great. I'll admit that. She's not perfect though - just as I am not perfect. If we dug in for even a minute, we'll find that I probably mess up way more than she does. When loving to the point of keeping no record of wrong becomes seemingly unattainable to some, is when there is physical hurt endured. That seems to change the 'rules' for those who have been abused. And yet, if we (as Paul says in his letter to Colosse) have been raised with Christ, we are commanded to seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. What are those "things that are above"? It's a love that is unhindered by human hands. A forgiveness that is unwavering, no matter the circumstance. A freedom from things of the past. A set of eyes looking beyond this life into the ACTUAL life that God has designed us for. We must, because we are commanded (and again, this comes down to whether or not you ascend to the position that everything in Scripture is directly from the mouth of God) to set aside our self and live like Him. He gave up everything. He was abused. He was neglected. He was beaten. He was scourged. He was forgotten. He was abandoned. What was His response? "Father, forgive them..."
There is no perfect marriage. There are PLENTY of levels of good and bad marriages in so many categories we couldn't cover them here. Marriage can be a nightmare that you want to escape - all the way to a strong exemplary marriage that shows much fruit and is a bastion of all that is good and true. I fear many of the marriages in our world are more on the edge of a nightmare, if not fully there. The reason? None of us are righteous, and we are inherently selfish without God's influence. "If this doesn't work for ME, I am out of here!" King ME sits on the throne of our hearts. There is no acknowledgement that God's ways are better... at least not in practice. Probably the worst marriages of all are the ones that pretend all is well, but are profusely rotten at the core. Much is buried and then one day... it all blows up and ends in fracture of the relationship or worse.
My final thought for now - although this may continue as a thread for quite some time as we engage with each other - if we don't A)Admit there is a God, B)Assume He knows us better than we know ourselves, C)Confess our inability to operate on our own steam, D)Account for everything in the Bible to be absolute and instructive for our everyday lives (not just playing church and sing-song on a Sunday only!)... then we will never understand the truth of forgiveness, grace, full accepting love and how exactly to live without keeping record of any wrongdoing towards us.
