Just Wondering

[Adotiln]

I feel alone in this area, since everywhere I see and everyone I know is in some type of a meaningful relationship, or is in search of one. I feel no desire or pull to anyone of the opposite sex other than whether they are physically appealing or not. I get along with everyone, for the most part, and am extremely comfortable around men and women both fairly well. So the question I pose is this: are there any other people that don't have strong desires to be with someone of the opposite sex?

 

[explodingboy]

Join the club, the first girl I ever asked out was only due to being.. bullied into doing so.

In fact comming to think of it... that was also the only time I've ever asked someone out.

 

[Adotiln]

Ha, same for me, except it was more from family pressures. At least there's someone else out there...

 

[nadiabunny]

It's all good! Don't worry about it! Having to fight attraction to every other person out there takes a lot of time and energy... Be thankful that you can have friendships with the opposite gender without awkward feelings and stuff getting in the way, of having a clear mind... You can use the non-wasted time and energy on something else!
You'll find someone eventually who makes your heart sing, put your heart into Jesus until then

 

[WilliamOrtego]

Yeah I don't feel an attraction to the opposite sex pretty much at all. So...yeah...

 

[Adotiln]

So then, what exactly are we supposed to do about it? Accept it and move on or strive to be like those of the "general population" and seek that kind of pleasure? Nobody ever talks about it, and those that, I think, feel this way don't generally make it known to everybody else, or they pursue one or the other in hopes of earning the attraction.

 

[Daisy215]

I was like that. All my friends would go out with every guy that came their way. When guys asked me out I would carefully think it over and then say no. When I met my current boyfriend I felt a pull, so maybe you just have to meet the right person.

 

[explodingboy]

So then, what exactly are we supposed to do about it? Accept it and move on or strive to be like those of the "general population" and seek that kind of pleasure? Nobody ever talks about it, and those that, I think, feel this way don't generally make it known to everybody else, or they pursue one or the other in hopes of earning the attraction.

Well obviously I can't tell you what to do, as that would be somewhat daft.

I could however share my experiance with the issue in a short paragraph or two depending on waffle allowances.

My lack of sexual desire, is hardly what I'd call a lack, if anything I personally feel blessed to not have to run around like some primitive hormone crazed rabbit. Sure it can make for some.. awkward conversations with peers, though as someone who prides himself on his open mind but strict values I like to think I've been a positive influence on several of my friends. Pointing out the futillity of chasing ever piece of passing totty, and at worst have at least planted the seed of doubt that members of the opposite sex might actually appreciate being noticed for their personalities rather than the shap/size of their bottoms.

I will say though, for me personally, my desire to have some sort of family (will clarify shortly) has always been a personal goal. So rather than any sort of emotional hormonal based attraction.. I always had a very strong sense of commitment regarding friends and associates (I would say family but I have an.. odd childhood, very nice family, don't get me mistaken I just have.. minimal interaction with them.)

I'm not sure if I waffled or just space out for 20mins, so lets skip ahead a bit. I run my life on a 3 step plan, of which I currently find myself on step 2.

1- date a nice young lady, preferably of good moral character, and ideally little sexual desires.. now that after.. 2 and half years including engagement.. was a horribly messy chapter, bad pickings on my part and a general failure to realise that not everybody is as commited to keeping there word as I am.

2- date a nice young lad, with much of the same qualities as 1. Now before anyone asks, no I'm not gay, but my lack of desires, also falls in with a general disregard of any comman understanding of gender ( I really do, feel like I'm missing something here, because I can't for the life of me see any difference between the two.)

3- Join the priesthood, and stay celibate, because lets face it, I got nothing better to be doing, and the whole running off to a monastary and probably brewing ale seems a pretty decent way to spend my life.

 

[Adotiln]

But then why bother with the relationships? We are told only to seek marriage if we can't control ourselves sexually. Wouldn't we then only need friendships and such to sustain us? It seems almost counterproductive to fight not having a desire by pushing for one. I'm not saying you're wrong, I am merely trying to understand. I personally have absolutely no desire to be with anyone for any reason, aside from wanting to be "normal."

 

[explodingboy]

Because there is allot more to a relationship than sexual desires.. at least in my opinion there is/should be.

This is not an easy subject to explain in txt, allot of missused terminology and such is very likely to spout from me shortly that is best explained and described face to face over beers and biscuits, but I shall attempt my best.

Firstly I'm highly against dating.. this whole trial and error method of meeting people, seems illogical, to down right madness. My life plan never really included significant others, though I have always been fond of raising children as a loose goal, a chance to pass on the influence of my parents onto the next generation etc.. now as to where the children came from, I never did figure that part out.

Emotional attraction levels, or what ever you want to call it aren't an issue, I have to me very platonic relationships, because I like the commitment and growing/learning etc that happens with another that sure some can get from friends but most tend to go their seperate ways as folk get older and start living their own independant lives.

 

[Adotiln]

I know relationships aren't and shouldn't be about sex. Well, I guess the question is now changing to what if you don't need a single person to be in an intimate relationship with? What if you were someone who only needed others to be close with but for support and advice only?

 

[RedLioness]

I feel alone in this area, since everywhere I see and everyone I know is in some type of a meaningful relationship, or is in search of one. I feel no desire or pull to anyone of the opposite sex other than whether they are physically appealing or not. I get along with everyone, for the most part, and am extremely comfortable around men and women both fairly well. So the question I pose is this: are there any other people that don't have strong desires to be with someone of the opposite sex?

I once heard that a lack of sex drive is medical issue.

 

[Adotiln]

I once heard that a lack of sex drive is medical issue.

I would say it depends on the circumstance, but that's not relative to me. I have a sex drive, no doubt about it, however, I don't experience a sexual attraction to anyone in particular. There are many people that confuse the two and for many people they are nearly one and the same, yet for me they're not and I lack one. It's not by choice that I don't have that attraction, perhaps it'll come in time, perhaps it won't, maybe it's just a part of who i am and I'll just have to either push past it for relationships or accept it and experience none.

 

[explodingboy]

I once heard that a lack of sex drive is medical issue.

You'll find it has componenents of such, but not everything that has routes in medicine is needs fixing.

 

[Nazzul]

As someone who has strong sexual desires, as well as having a great desire to be in a relationship with someone. I sometimes... I mean feel envious of those who do not.

 

[RedLioness]

Ha, same for me, except it was more from family pressures. At least there's someone else out there...

Family pressures. Please don't talk to me about this.