Just wondering...

[Manna]

How many of you that are dating/courting/marrying are in a relationship with someone who has a child from a previous relationship? My fiance has a child from a previous marriage and now, of course, that will be my son also. I didn't know if there was anyone else here who was going through (or has already been through) the same experience. I'd love to hear any related "war stories!" Any thoughts or opinions on how to make it work as smoothly as possible will be appreciated!

 

[Manna]

Hm...none of you, huh? =) Thanks anyway!

 

[Etharia]

My only suggestion is to love and treat him as if he were your own. Everything else you'll probably pick up after being with him and getting to know him and what he likes.

 

[E-beth]

I have a step-daughter whom I met when she was 12.

At first she was all over me, calling me "Mom" and buying me presents and stuff. Then after we got married I think she was tired of me always being around and felt that she was competing for her dad's attention with me. Then we we got pregnant with our own child she would totally ignore me, even though she calls my son her brother.

The worst part, however, in dealing with step-children, is dealing with their mom/dad...you know, the ex of the person you are involved with. No matter how apart the two parents are, the other parent will probably not like you or anything you do with their kid. And you feel left out or like the third wheel sometimes.

 

[desi]

I know of several marriages which have ended up in divorce due to conflict surrounding step-children. It all depends on where your fiancee puts you in relation to his first child and your role in the disciplining of the step-child. Your fiancee has to put your wishes before the child's without exception and the child has to know you trump them and have the power and authority to discipline them if need be. You have to temper this with a loving authoritarian leadership sort of like a stern aunt because you are not and never will be mom to them.