We took my 8 year old step daughter to church last weekend. I do not know what she thought about it. She began to cry during the church service and so my wife took her out into the hall and talked to her. She told her that she missed her daddy, but you could really tell there was something else bothering her. I dont know if it is because church is so new to her and may be a bit uncomfortable or what. But we are going again next weekend and hopefully this time will be a bit better.
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- Thread starter AggieBrad
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Kelly
Dungeon Master
Without knowing the situation of the divorce, it's hard to say. My parents divorced when I was in 2nd grade and lived in the same town for a while, so I saw them both frequently. Does she ever do the same thing (miss her father to the point of crying) at other times, when not in church?
What kind of service was it? Was there music and singing? Was there anything 'supernatural' like speaking in tongues or fainting going on? How long was the service? Did she go to church (or a different denomination) with her father? These could all be factors in her getting uncomfortable.
Perhaps start a tradition of doing something fun after church like going for ice cream cones. If she's antsy it can be something for her to look forward to. See if the church has a 'play group' or some other group where she can meet other kids her age. Maybe she can make a friend at church and look forward to seeing her each week.
My $0.02
What kind of service was it? Was there music and singing? Was there anything 'supernatural' like speaking in tongues or fainting going on? How long was the service? Did she go to church (or a different denomination) with her father? These could all be factors in her getting uncomfortable.
Perhaps start a tradition of doing something fun after church like going for ice cream cones. If she's antsy it can be something for her to look forward to. See if the church has a 'play group' or some other group where she can meet other kids her age. Maybe she can make a friend at church and look forward to seeing her each week.
My $0.02
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Kelly. We just recently got visitations enforced after a long custody battle. This was her first time to spend the weekend with us and therefore her first time to go to our church. She does not go to church when she is with her father. They forbid going to church in their house. No, we go to a normal Baptist church. There are no speaking in tongues or fainting. Also, no, she has never been like this before. She never talks about missing her dad or anything like that. We know that she is in a very unstable home and we are doing all we can to get her out of that house. It has and will be a long fight, but luckily we have resources and funds that they do not have and we should be victorious in the end. At least I pray we are. It is in God's hands and we just follow where he leads us.
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HeatherJay
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She's already in a high stress situation, especially if there's a battle going on for custody...put yourself in her place and add the stress of being somewhere new...being expected to act a certain way, dress a certain way. I think you're doing a good thing, trying to get custody of her and trying to get her involved in church, but if you put yourself in her place (I'm sure you do) it's all pretty overwhelming. You're introducing her to a completely different lifestyle...and, let's face it, for a first timer, church would be pretty weird. Prayer is scary to some kids who haven't grown up with it...I mean, she's probably wondering why everyone's talking to someone who she can't see. She's probably unsure how she's supposed to act...feeling VERY out of place. Are there lots of other kids her age there? Does she know anyone at the church other than you and her mom? I think the idea about something special after church (like ice cream) is a good idea. Also maybe having a family night together (rent her favorite movie, make her favorite dinner) and explain that it's okay that she's uncomfortable...and it's okay if she thinks church is strange or weird. Ask her if she has any questions about God, or why people talk to Him, or why they sing songs about Him. Maybe she's just sad because she afraid that you guys are trying to make her forget her father. Kids love their parents unconditionally, and maybe she feels guilty or that she's betraying him by doing something like go to church that he would never do with her. Just do your very best to understand her feelings and let her know that they are valid and it's okay to feel the way she does. Most likely she's just scared and confused. Love her and pray. I hope everything works out for you.
Love, Heather
Love, Heather
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Heather was right on! If this is her first weekend with you in awhile it may take some time for her to adjust. Just try to be understanding without being a pushover, its a fine line to walk but well worth it.
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