Hi everyone. I'm new here but I'm feeling comfortable enough to tell my story. I was molested as a child by about 4 different people 2 were complete strangers and the other 2 were friends of the family. I never thought about it growing up and I just assumed it never bothered me but I was crying out for help through my actions. I completely changed from a talkative and friendly child to a shy and reserved tomboyish teen and eventually a social phobic adult.
I was always the tomboy type but my whole style of dressing turned into big shirts and over-sized pants... turns out I was trying to blend in with the opposite sex and eventually feel invisible. All through my changes my parents never suspected anything but then how could they when they were busy with their own lives. They were oblivious and I resent them for that but then again I never really said anything. I know I could never tell them about it now because we just don't have that closeness.
I have developed an aversion to people. I've never felt comfortable with anyone to develop a good friendship where you can share everything. I have told 3 people about my abuse and feel betrayed by 2 of them... the other person is like a mother to me but she has issues of her own. I feel like I need all the attention having not gotten enough as a child.
When it comes to guys, I just do not trust them and think they all have ulterior motives... not just guys but everyone. One of my abusers, I'll call him the stranger at the beach, used my kindness to get to me and this has happened a lot of times. I am just too kind and feel bad if I have to say no to someone... I cannot stand up for myself and it makes me feel disgusted with myself.
This is just a few of the issues that has been caused by my abuse and I've been going it alone for 20 years and even though I have my head on straight I have made a few bad decisions in the past year... things that have me saying what was I thinking? Now I am in need of some emotional support because it is very hard not having someone (in person) that I can turn to. Hopefully I won't run away from this forum and I can make some great friends. Thanks for reading.
I was always the tomboy type but my whole style of dressing turned into big shirts and over-sized pants... turns out I was trying to blend in with the opposite sex and eventually feel invisible. All through my changes my parents never suspected anything but then how could they when they were busy with their own lives. They were oblivious and I resent them for that but then again I never really said anything. I know I could never tell them about it now because we just don't have that closeness.
I have developed an aversion to people. I've never felt comfortable with anyone to develop a good friendship where you can share everything. I have told 3 people about my abuse and feel betrayed by 2 of them... the other person is like a mother to me but she has issues of her own. I feel like I need all the attention having not gotten enough as a child.
When it comes to guys, I just do not trust them and think they all have ulterior motives... not just guys but everyone. One of my abusers, I'll call him the stranger at the beach, used my kindness to get to me and this has happened a lot of times. I am just too kind and feel bad if I have to say no to someone... I cannot stand up for myself and it makes me feel disgusted with myself.
This is just a few of the issues that has been caused by my abuse and I've been going it alone for 20 years and even though I have my head on straight I have made a few bad decisions in the past year... things that have me saying what was I thinking? Now I am in need of some emotional support because it is very hard not having someone (in person) that I can turn to. Hopefully I won't run away from this forum and I can make some great friends. Thanks for reading.
