Just Venting

[Mayflower1]

Everything has been going so well lately, these last couple weeks have felt so good and I haven't even cut going on 5 weeks now. Right now though I feel like crying and don't know why. I am just in a down mood I guess. I got to remember it is just a mood and I am not really worthless the way I feel. I am trying not to cry right now...Lily00

 

[Mayflower1]

 

[Soulwings]

Aww sweetie *big hugs*
You are right, it IS just a mood. You most certainly aren't worthless: you ARE NOT WORTHLESS. You're a Princess of the King of Kings and He loves you. He's there for you. As am I, and all the others on here.

Crying can be good, so don't punish or feel too down on yourself if you cry. It's a good release of emotions, and sometimes, I wish to God that I could cry. Let it all out, sweetie. It will help. Is there anything else you can do for distraction? like treating yourself to something (new book, going out for coffee, a long walk, a bubble bath)?

You're in my thoughts and prayers. PM or email me if you like. Take care of yourself.

 

[Mayflower1]

I remembered something really bad today and I can't seem to get it off my mind... It is so stupid. It was so long ago and I can't seem to forget...

 

[hungrytiger]

I wish I knew how to help you. I sometimes have a similar problem myself. I remember bad things I've done and I just feel paralized by awfulness of it, and of me. I try to tell myself that God loves me, forgives me, and still has hope in me. If God loves me, I must be some good, I cannot be worthless. If God forgives me, who am I not to forgive? If God still has hope in me, then there is still hope for me.

God loves you, and hopes in you too, and if you ask for his forgiveness, he forgives (1 John1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."). So love yourself, forgive yourself, and have hope for yourself.

I hope I helped you some, sweetheart. Please, take care. You're welcome to PM me too.

 

[Naomie]

I know how you feel.

 

[hungrytiger]

I know how you feel. I opened the Bible randomly, this evening and read that I was going to hell...... I feel really guilty. The passage seemed to be talking about me.

I don't know if you are guilty of this thing or not. But I do know that God loves you and doesn't want to send you to hell. It sounds like you don't want to go there either, good.

It's good to be honest with yourself to the possiblity that you may be wrong or guilty of something. But it doesn't do any good to say something is wrong that isn't. Does what you read really apply to you? Stop and think. The devil sometimes trys to speak even through the Bible. Remember when he tempted Jesus? He twisted scripture to try to tempt God himself!

You're Catholic? Maybe you could talk to your priest? As I understand it, that's part of what they're there for. Let people help you.

If what you read does apply to you, don't despair. That's just what Satan wants. God still loves you. You're His precious child. Feeling guilty can just be a way of letting us know that something's wrong, that we can do better. I believe that He doesn't want us to dwell on it, He wants us to act on it, to turn to Him, ask for forgiveness and help, and to try to do better.

Philippians 3:12-14:
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

 

[Flatscan82]

Everything has been going so well lately, these last couple weeks have felt so good and I haven't even cut going on 5 weeks now. Right now though I feel like crying and don't know why. I am just in a down mood I guess. I got to remember it is just a mood and I am not really worthless the way I feel. I am trying not to cry right now...Lily00

You right it is just a mood, that is also what i have to keep telling myself when my dark days are coming on.

 

[zoesahm24]

I agree with soulwings and a few others and Its just a low mood that will pass perhaps when you have spoken about it in depth with others I find that this is the way to relieve a low mood and sometimes after sharing your feelings with others the mood just melts away...... jmo..... and I find crying is a release...... hang in there hun....
Lots of hugs and prayers for you
Zoe






lots of hugs and prayers for you
Zoe

 

[Mayflower1]

I remembered yesterday from a flashback that my dad did more then just molest me... He committed incest and when I talk or think about it I feel sick to my stomach and it hurts a lot. I feel that this mood won't go away...

 

[onlinealice]

I don't have any great advice, just a hug and a prayer . My life will seem to be great and then some days it seems horrible. It will get better.

 

[hungrytiger]

I remembered yesterday from a flashback that my dad did more then just molest me... He committed incest and when I talk or think about it I feel sick to my stomach and it hurts a lot. I feel that this mood won't go away...

I'm so sorry, honey.

It sounds like terrible things have happened to you. No wonder you hurt. But you should know that what has happened to you or how you feel does not define your worth. God does that. You are worth so much to Him that He sent His Son. He loves you. I believe that nothing that can happen to you, nothing that you may feel, NOTHING can change how much you are worth to Him.

Have you tried going to counseling? I know that can be scary, but it can help.

You're in my prayers. I wish I knew how to help you.

 

[Mayflower1]

I went to counseling. I had to stop though to get insurance because my church is hurting and we wanted to stop using the trust fund. Now I have to wait a couple months.

 

[hungrytiger]

I went to counseling. I had to stop though to get insurance because my church is hurting and we wanted to stop using the trust fund. Now I have to wait a couple months.

Were you getting money from the church and now that they're hurting they can't afford to help you? Or are y'all giving more money to the church to help them because they're hurting?

I realize money can be tight sometimes, and sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do, but please, take care of yourself. Your well-being is very important. What happened to you was seriously wrong. I don't know if you are or not, but if you can, please don't put this at the bottom of your budget. Maybe you should rethink postponing the couselling?

Who is included in your "we"? Friends, boyfriend, husband, mother? Have you talked to them about this? Even if you can't go to counseling, I don't think it would be good to try to go this alone. You've talked to us about it -- great! And we'll try to do what we can to help you , but if you can, find someone you can go to in person. They could be there for you in ways that we can't.

 

[Mayflower1]

I don't want to tell my Mom about it... I told her a little but I just can't come out and say it... I don't know if I have even accepted it myself... what if this is just nothing and that it is a part of my sick imagination?

 

[hungrytiger]

I don't want to tell my Mom about it... I told her a little but I just can't come out and say it... I don't know if I have even accepted it myself... what if this is just nothing and that it is a part of my sick imagination?

Are you still living with your dad? Is your mom still with your dad? If either of these is true, you and/or she need to get out of this dangerous situation.

I don't know if your memory is real or not. But just because you're having trouble accepting it yourself doesn't prove it didn't really happen. It is horrible trying to accept that horrible things really did happen.

But even if it is your "sick imagination", that doesn't mean you're evil, just that you're sick, that is in need of Healing.

I can understand you not wanting to tell your mom. That must be really hard. What's your relationship with your mom like? How did she react when you told her a little about it? Even if you feel you can't talk to her more about it now, maybe you can talk to her about going back to counseling?

 

[Mayflower1]

My dad left quite awhile ago. My Mom was raped a few times herself so she is a little sensitive to this type of thing. She told me that I should forget about it and that it was in my past. She usually doesn't cut things that short like that.

 

[spdnet75]

Everything has been going so well lately, these last couple weeks have felt so good and I haven't even cut going on 5 weeks now. Right now though I feel like crying and don't know why. I am just in a down mood I guess. I got to remember it is just a mood and I am not really worthless the way I feel. I am trying not to cry right now...Lily00

It's OK to feel sad from time to time.
I was verbally, made to feel like a whimp for crying.
I have all of the power now. Nobody can ever tell me how to feel again.
I have found, that with intelligent people, it is difficult to get the point across to others.
My relief comes in different ways, but you should never discount your word or yourself my friend.
-Stephen

 

[spdnet75]

My dad left quite awhile ago. My Mom was raped a few times herself so she is a little sensitive to this type of thing. She told me that I should forget about it and that it was in my past. She usually doesn't cut things that short like that.

I'm sorry girl. I must have sounded like Dr. Phil.
It hurts, having been in a bad situation and I am careful about what to say.
I could post some counseling choices for you, if you see necessary.
I found all kinds of government counseling for myself, once I recognized that I needed closure in my life.
The ones who love us are always there!!!!
Be well. -S

 

[hungrytiger]

My dad left quite awhile ago.

Hopefully he won't hurt you anymore then.

My Mom was raped a few times herself so she is a little sensitive to this type of thing. She told me that I should forget about it and that it was in my past. She usually doesn't cut things that short like that.

Oh, I'm sorry your mom went through that.

I could well be wrong, but it sounds like she believes you, just that perhaps she may have been shocked or pained to talk about it and/or that's all she could think to say. And it was good advice too. Well, I don't know if you can (or even should) totally forget it, but I think you can choose to go on with your life in spite of it, and to believe in yourself. Bad things happen, terrible things happen, but we need to keep on going. This doesn't mean that we deny what has happened. But with God to help us, we are stronger than what happened, because He is stronger. It's okay to feel bad about what happened, just don't stop there. There's so much good in life, it makes no sense to only look at the bad.

I hope I help you some, sweetheart. Please forgive me if I don't.