Just Some Thoughts Regarding New Relationships?

[soulsearching1]

Okay, pardon me if this becomes somewhat rambling. I have a lot of thoughts and am trying to collect them as best I can. I became a Christian a year ago, about a month before I broke up with my then-boyfriend, who was also a Christian, but was spiritually and emotionally kind of a mess (no need for details - that'd take too long). I haven't been on a single date with anyone since - until this weekend. There's a guy I met at my young adult community at church, this summer - we both do triathlons. We've chatted on and off since then, but about the middle of October, we started chatting more. At parties and social events, for great lengths of time and he'd make the effort to come and initiate conversation - good conversation. I had a party right before Thanksgiving, where he got me alone for the majority of the party, just talking, and he asked me out. So he managed to get my number from a mutual friend and called me after the holiday. We went out on Saturday, and had a really, really, really good time. Probably the best date I've had in a long time. Yesterday morning, he came to my choir performance (Handel's Messiah) and called me afterwards to tell me he enjoyed it. That night after church, we went and got dinner by ourselves (instead of with the rest of the people who normally go out afterwards). When he dropped me off, he gave me a good night hug, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and we ended up kissing. Totally sweet, nothing inappropriate at all and not for very long, but not a quick peck either. So he said he would call me this week - he's got a lot of commitments this week and his brother is coming, but he said we could try to work something out.

We have a ton in common and really enjoy each other's company and there is definitely chemistry there. He's a really solid guy too, has his act together in general, really intelligent and he's refreshingly moderate (which is great for me, because I'm not super-conservative) and is willing to dialogue about major issues, instead of being close-minded and judgemental, which I really appreciate. But he's definitely spiritually solid.

I don't want to mess this up. I know "if God wills it", etc, but I also think we can do plenty to screw up God's plans for us. This guy is really great, so far, and I've really enjoyed getting to know him and spending time with him. And I don't think the kiss was inappropriate - he certainly wasn't complaining and we both went for it at the same time. I really want to have a good, solid "Christian" relationship this time around - which is a totally new thing for me. Keep in mind that neither of us are the ultra-conservative types, though of course, I'm assuming we'll be sticking to the basics, ie. no sex, no living together if we stay together and get engaged, etc. (not that we've talked about any of that yet, we're not officially dating yet or anything, but that stuff is a given) Sorry, I know I'm rambling and not really asking questions. I guess I'd just appreciate any general advice (and not just "pray about it" - I know that, but there's a lot more to it than that) about how Christian relationships might be different. Any experiential anecdotes are appreciated - esp. if you're like me and came to the faith as an adult/college student, etc. I really don't want to mess this up.

 

[Special_J]

My advice...just pray about it!

Nah, just jokin.

But seriously. I came to faith in my second year university after having my share of relationships that, let's just say didn't glorify God.

Now I'm going out with this amazingly wonderful girl (10.5 months now!) and it's goin grand. We kinda just fell into kissing, but nothin too extreme as I assume is with you. So after our first kiss I had a lot to think about, I didn't want to go into a relationship where I couldn't see myself marrying her. Obviously it's a bit tough to think about that in those early stages, but I think you can definitely tell if you are NOT in it for the long haul. But I went for it and I haven't regretted it at all.

Another thing that is really helpful is, especially if you became a Christian later in life, but I think is good for all Christian couples, is write a list of kind of "relationship commandments". Write about what sort of things you can do together and what kind of stuff you don't feel comfortable doing together. It may be specific stuff, and it doesn't just have to be sex stuff, but can be things like "no seeing each other after 11p.m." because when your tired your inhibitions can go easily. But obviously it depends on what you guys think is best for you.

I would also strongly encourage you to pray together. I know that I've never felt more vulnerable and safe at the same time as when I've been praying with my girlfriend.

I know I probably waffled on a bit, but I hope it made some sense. But at the end of the day, like it says in Colossians 3:17 "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." And in 1 Corinthians 10:31 "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." Whatever you do you absolutely have to have to HAVE TO keep God at the centre and when you're thinking of what to do with this boy, just remember how best you can serve Jesus and how you can live your life to His glory.

God bless you, Sister. Hope I've been helpful! Sorry if I haven't.