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Just some things...

Kol

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I know the alien thing is tough for everyone to believe, even for a second. Bear with me here.

...

One of the things Jason and I did was watch movies. There were a lot of good movies he'd never seen, and a few of the ones I liked, and that i had him watch, were alien movies.

After a while, I began to very light-heartedly talk to him about UFOs and aliens in general, pretty much the same as I had with my buddy at the base.

When I'd first come back from California, Jason and I had split rent on a place in North Carolina. My friend told me about a night he'd woken up there, and seen a black cat beside him in his bed. He couldn't move, and the cat was staring at him, straight into his eyes. The next thing he remembered was falling back asleep.

This is a sign of an abduction. It's called a screen memory. He had a demon looking into his eyes. The mind doesn't want this to be real, so it puts a "screen" over what has happened, not blocking it out, but protecting the person from what has taken place. A memory of waking up paralyzed and having an animal beside your bed might not always mean you were stolen in the middle of the night by space aliens from Zeta Reticuli, but it's a bit of a calling card. It would be like finding a dead fish in your mailbox. Does it mean without fail the mob bosses are coming after you? Well, that's what they do (in the movies at least). A bit too bizarre of an occurance. "Oh wow, that's weird, there's a dead fish in the mailbox. Hmm, what do you think that means?" I wouldn't argue with what it meant. I would be afraid.

I immediately thought my buddy was an abductee.

Whenever we would talk about aliens, his eyes would start watering. This is another supposed 'sign' that someone is an abductee. They aren't meant to remember or talk about abductions, and if they try, they'll experience some thing to deter them.

Jason had never been to a doctor and had been to the dentist once (yeah, it was bad). He had white scar marks on his arm though. They looked like white ovals with tiny cuts leading away from them. He had no idea where they'd come from.

Jason laughed at me although his eyes kept watering, and told me he didn't believe in aliens. He didn't, and he doesn't; he's a scientifically-minded person, not a Christian, and doesn't believe in the supernatural because he "hasn't experienced it yet."

I ran through a list of supposed abduction signs, and asked my buddy if he'd ever experienced any of the 'symtoms'.

He had four or five times in the last few years when he'd woken up in the morning without remembering going to sleep. (And no, Jason didn't pass out from alcohol. He claims he can't even get drunk, because his belly fills up before he's had enough.) This would have been because he never went to sleep but was abducted at night and then put in his bed with no memory of any of it.

He had several of the scar type marks which he couldn't explain. He had been operated on.

He very frequently had the feeling of being watched, and it became stronger at night. Guess who was watching?

He had sinus problems, and frequent nosebleeds. Abduction procedures involve inserting needles through the nose into the abductee's brain.

He had a fear of praying mantises, which I don't believe he'd ever seen in person. If you'll remember, I myself was terrified of grasshoppers:

http://tvindy.typepad.com/photos/pic_of_the_week/grasshopper.html
http://www.just-a-webpage.com/rantings/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/praying-mantis.jpg

Because these insects look like aliens.

He had a severe problem with waking up paralyzed, and always slept with the television on because he thought it helped prevent this. I did the same, but I knew why I really wanted the set on; I didn't want to not see if someone or something was in the room.

He, like myself as a kid, had a very strong fear and revulsion to seeing pictures of aliens.

http://taskboy.com/lectures/AlienAbduction/03_Abductions/communion.jpg
http://beamsdoorway.bizland.com/images/alien1.jpg

(Yeah, laugh at that second one and then look again closely. Real or not, it looks a fair representation to me..and you'll notice in the left eye you can even see an iris. I know it looks like the alien's had too much to drink, but please...I only have so much to work with here. That guy would have been about 7, 8 feet tall and suddenly *in* your room at night, with you paralyzed.)

I know what these things are. But I'll get to that.

He had a fear of insects, spiders, and open closets. Before he went to bed, he had to make sure his closet was closed. All his window curtains had to be closed as well. He had a fear of people hiding in his room, but wasn't aware of it.

He would sometimes wake up with a nosebleed.

He always had to sleep with his bed against the wall, and his back against it as well. He wanted to be able to see what was in his room all the time.

One of the signs was "Someone with you become paralyzed, motionless or frozen in time, especially at or during bedtime."

He said, "yeah, I seem to have this memory of you being frozen and just standing there."

"What!?"

He claimed to have some strange dream of seeing me standing in the living room with a blank expression on my face, just standing there, frozen. I *do* routinely stand in place with an empty look as I drool on myself, but this is more related to my lack of an interest in life to normal aliens.

It freaked me out...and made me mad, because I thought I should be free from alien abductions as a Christian.

Someone was quick to assure me I was.
 
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Chocolatesa

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What the....
Ok you're getting me more and more curious here. I have *no* idea what you're getting at about who you are lol. I think I'll go bug the people in the theology forums if you don't spit it out soon :p
Also I'm very curious to see what you meant by "And at the time I had no idea why I was doing this." when you mentioned the cold baths. And now???

Lol, makes me think of the movie Constantine, the part with the girl in the bathtub.
 
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Kol

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"Who I am.." Ha! I'm just some psycho kid, I'm sure.

I'm very close to explaining. I finally understood it all when I was here in Arizona, and that's when the rest of my memories came back (how crazy does that sound?) I'm trying desperately to catch back up to it. I am going as fast as I can. :) So patience! I command you..!

...

I learned what a "portal" was then.

Three nights before the abduction, I cooked a frozen pizza and made my way up to my bedroom. Jason was at work, and Andy was on the computer downstairs, in the living room. I remember standing at the stove and twirling in circles out of boredom. I laughed as I walked upstairs because Andy was seemingly staring at the desktop; he'd download porn but was embarassed to let me or Jason know. He'd close Morpheus or Kazaa when we came into the room, and with nothing on the screen, he earned the name "Desktop-watchin' Andy".

WWE was on the downstairs television, muted. (I think..?) I had cooked a Tombstone pizza, the same as I'd liked in HS. I started to walk up the stairs. I was singing the theme from Samurai Pizza Cats.

There was a 'feeling' on the third stair from the top.

I had not experienced an alien presence in years. Not since I was 14. When I'd seen the demon in California, he looked like an alien, but he was not a "grey". The feeling was different. There's a difference, you can tell. The demon was royalty, height, power, prestige, magic, and something ancient. What I felt on the stairs was something mystical, ice-cold december weather, frost and pitch black night, clouds at midnight, intelligence and scientific genius. Sheer power through intellectual might. And a fear, and that fear had a taste to it, and I knew the taste of that fear because I could never, ever forget it.

I began to say "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus," but nothing was attacking me.

I was afraid to try to "reach out" because I thought of this as an occult trick, and I didn't want to "go back" to doing that. But something was happening, and I needed to know what.

I didn't cast a spell or reach out to any other spirits. I didn't try to think of my GT spirit guide or of my old demon. Instead I simply closed my eyes, tried to relax my conscious mind, and let my subconcious tell me what was there.

There was a gate on the stairway, the same as I had seen our Lord come through when I met him in California, the same as I routinely seemed to use when I left in my childhood OBEs. It had been placed there, but I didn't understand how; I saw an alien move a tile on the ceiling in my mind, but didn't (and don't) know what this meant. It had been placed in preparation. One would come through, and the gate was a lie. Aliens were supposed to warp down from space. This, though, was a gateway to the spiritual realm. I thought to myself then, that aliens must be spirits, because this portal belonged to aliens, and it went to heaven.

...
 
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Kol

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The abduction.

Three nights later I watched a movie in my bedroom, took a shower, and said my prayers, then crawled into my bed and fell asleep.

I began to have a dream, which started to turn bad. I was in a field, gazing up at the stars at night, and there was frost on the ground. Suddenly, the air got darker, and an evil feeling came across everything.

I remember sighing in my dream, reaching out into my consious mind, and waking myself up.

I was awake but my eyes were too comfortable to open and my mind was still relaxed and sleepy, so I let myself fall back asleep.

I began to dream I was in a school, and it was late, and I was going to class. The hallways were all paneled in white plastic-like material, and doctors in white lab coats were hiding. As I walked to class, I realized the dream wasn't making sense. I felt the doctors getting close, and I pushed the dream away. I reached out in my mind, and once again, easily woke myself up.

I was awake and I opened my eyes, but I was too warm in my blankets and my entire body was still comfortable, so I let myself fall back asleep.

I began to dream that I was in the mountains in Colorado. It was nighttime, and I was walking and watching the moon. Suddenly, there was a UFO in the sky, and it wasn't a dream, it was real. Aliens were on the plains, and they were chasing me.

Irritated, I woke myself up.

I lay in bed, perturbed that I couldn't seem to just fall asleep and have a normal night. I looked over to my alarm clock, but it was blocked by books. My room was quiet. I'd fallen asleep with WinAmp playing video game music, but Windows had evidently crashed (yeah, even a celestial king can't get good tech support) and the track had stopped.

I suddenly felt an almost overwhelming sense of purity, holiness, and of something that guards. A pure and righteous spiritual being, very strong and very powerful. The bhm.

There's something I want you to see, he seemed to say to me. As if it were a prize or a gift. And then he was gone. Almost, but not quite; I could still feel his presence, but just barely. He seemed to be hiding himself.

The next thing I knew, I was frozen in place and couldn't move.

Overwhelming FEAR completely engulfed me. It radiated like an aura from something I could not see.

My brain was not working right. I could see my room still. I was still breathing, could still feel my body. I could still see my closet in front of me. But I could not tell how far away my closet was, whether a few feet, a few inches, or a mile away. The information in my brain was somehow being disrupted and not making it to where it was processed.

I began to slip into my spiritual body.

There was a shield in front of me, and my subconcious showed me an iron slab. It had an aura as well: peacefulness, control, and strength. The Holy Spirit stood like a riot shield between myself and whatever was coming into my room.

I lay on my left side, facing into my room. In front of me there suddenly appeared two gray alien Greys.

They stood maybe 5 feet tall. Their skin was gray, and my subconsious whispered to me that it was dry and leathery. INTELLIGENCE overwhelmed me. I was like a dumb cow to these things. There were two of them, one about 2 feet away from my bed, near a basket of clean clothes. The other was nearer to my door. The one near me was somehow the leader. The faces of the aliens looked babyish to me, and I was surprised at this somehow.

I felt myself drifting out of my physical body, and I wondered if I should leave. I didn't for the sole purpose that I thought doing so was a sin, and that it would give these things power over me.

The aliens were not looking at me or in my direction, but straight forward as they were being "beamed" in to my room. Strangely I never felt a portal in my room.

These things were flesh and blood beings, not a doubt in my mind.

Halfway in my spiritual body, I had a few bizarre thoughts. One was, "if this were the old days I could take them." Another was "a demon is stronger than this."

And there was most certainly a demon, but the aliens were not aware of this.

He was not in my room but above my house, and it was the gigan, the behemoth. It was the same aura and essence of what I had seen in my dream months before. He was an overseer of what was happening spiritually, and the aliens had no idea he was there. I knew this because I could feel the aliens' minds.

The alien near my door turned to me and seemed to see a mark on my forehead.

"What is that?!" he thought, and I heard. The upper part of his body moved back slightly. He was at a loss.

The leader turned to me, completely uninterested. He saw the mark on me as well.

It did seem like I could feel something placed on my forehead, centered between my eyes and reaching just above them to just below my scalp. I did not know what it was.

"He's sealed," the leader said, still uncaring. The feelings going through his mind reconciled me to an 'it' as opposed to a 'he'. This being was so much more intelligent than I was, I was below his notice. He was like a god to me. "It's rare, but it happens," he continued. Leave him. We'll get the others."

And that is the last thing I remember.

He spoke as if the seal on me was just something left from a long time ago, but I don't believe this is true at all. But this is what he thought.

Another thing I realized right away is that none of the aliens knew what the seal was, save the leader. In that sense then, an alien wouldn't believe the above story.

I also realized that aliens can be possessed and cohabited. The demon was like a guardian to these things, and they had a spiritual entity on board with them. Everything was mixed: a demon as a protector, a spiritual being on board, and flesh aliens as crew.

I would learn more about this later...

...
 
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Chocolatesa

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I also realized that aliens can be possessed and cohabited. The demon was like a guardian to these things, and they had a spiritual entity on board with them. Everything was mixed: a demon as a protector, a spiritual being on board, and flesh aliens as crew.

I would learn more about this later...

...

I don't get this. I thought the aliens WERE the demons.
 
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Kol

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The next morning I stormed into Jason's room.

"Your little friends were here last night!" I was on the verge of tears, but whether of fear or frustration, I never knew.

I explained the story as best I could to him, and he didn't say a word. A few months later it would become apparent he never wanted to hear anything else about aliens from me though.

I'd begun to think of myself as some kind of great and powerful king...But the cold hard truth was that I was being protected like a little kid, and for good reason. I was as helpless as a baby, and I had to accept this.

After my mind calmed down, I sat down and thought to myself about all my supernatural experiences. There were too many. I shouldn't have had *any*. My uncle had seen a ghost once, and my family all believed my granddad's old house was haunted. And that was it for them. I called to mind at least a dozen of my own. I thought to myself that this wasn't normal, and so I sat down and made a list of every supernatural experience, every dream that had come true, every alien, ghost, angel, or demon I'd ever come across. I thought I might come up with a dozen or so times the spiritual realm had crossed my path.

*

*

*

*

*

*

There were over a hundred.

My first memory is of the bhm taking me to be born.
My second memory is of leaving my body to meet the bhm in heaven.
I was approached by a spirit who asked if I remembered him. He claimed he was God and promised he would return for me.
I saw my uncle abducted by aliens, and heard the aliens claim they didn't know about me.
I began to be abducted by aliens who claimed they were doctors.
I dreamed my granddad knew the bhm and that both were helping me in my life.
I saw aliens who I thought of as angels come for me at night.
I dreamed the bhm taught me about aliens invading when I was seven.
I dreamed the bhm taught me about the end of the world when I was seven.
I saw the bhm in church when I was seven.
I had a ghost float beside my bed and whisper to me as a nine year old.
I heard ghosts as a nine year old.
I saw ghosts on a constant basis at both my grandparents' and mother's houses.
I learned how to sense the mood of an enviroment as a kid.
I became obsessed with a glowing orb as a kid.
I dreamed of the beautiful woman as a kid.
I dreamed I spoke to God as an angel, as a kid.
I dreamed of aliens again as a 9 year old.
My sister reported aliens to me as a toddler.
I had aliens explain abductions to me as a preteen.
I learned to leave my body as a preteen.
I evidently became host to a demon as a preteen.
I dreamed of heaven as a preteen.
I dreamed of giants as a preteen.
I dreamed of murder as a preteen.
I realized as a preteen that I had already had sex.
I had a dream of God as a preteen.
I again met the bhm as a preteen.
I was reminded of my baby OBEs in dreams as a preteen.
I dreamed of Keesler as a teen.
I heard voices of my GT advisor as a teen at camp.
I dreamed of the end of the world constantly, and as a teen.
I dreamed of Tabuk as a teen.
I dreamed of California as a teen.
I dreamed of demons in CA.
I dreamed of my future life in CA as an OSI agent.
I dreamed of the end of the world in CA.
I learned to leave my body in CA and traveled to a science lab.
I left my body in CA and traveled to Dobbins.
I left my body in CA and traveled across Edwards (my CA base).
I became willing host to a demon in CA.

This is only a partial list, mostly of what I've shared here. The list included dreaming of future events that later came true, and several of these were tiny and insignificant. I've left those out. Beyond that, I seemed to attract a lot of attention from ghosts and demons. I seemed to be able to see things and dream of things before they happened, more so than any of the rest of my family.

Something was definitely wrong.

According to my pre-birth mems and the bhm, I had been a king of heaven a long, long time ago. It seemed I had wanted to avenge myself on the ones who had taken that from me. God was more interested in making me a king again, which included me being Saved...this from the bhm. This being the case, I'd come to earth and been born. As soon as I was out and dry, I had a "ghost" flock to my side and promise not to leave me. There seemed to be aliens in the world, but they were ignorant of me. My obsession became to fight them. I dreamed constantly of the end of the world. The bhm showed at random intervals to teach me. I had a wife picked from before birth to be my helper and wife, yet my supposed life with her was a bad choice, the negative OSI path. I had a demon prince see me as prime real estate, and easily developed a relationship with him. I had entered other people's bodies as a spirit, becoming something very similar to a demon myself. I died, became Christian, and tried to return to normalcy, only to run across someone else's aliens, and have the thought that if it were still the old days, I could 'take them'.

Something was not right at all.

And so, I decided to take a very fateful trip to Arkansas, and see Arnold Murray...
 
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Kol

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A demon is the spirit of a dead giant. I think this is generally accepted, and is found in Enoch.

Everything that is spiritual has two forms, a human form and a glorified form.

In my memory of fighting in heaven, the other army changed their glorified forms to look differently, to look dead and to spit on the name of God. This different look is what "aliens" look like.

Anything evil, and spiritual, can look like this then. They can look like an alien, because it's not an alien they're looking like, it's a "satan" or adversary, or whatever else you want to call them. An enemy of God.

For whatever reason, the people that abduct 'us' look like this, but they are flesh and blood.

I'll get to them.

Everything looks like that, but not everything that looks like that is an alien.
 
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Kol

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I'll rush through this as fast as I can, but there are a few things I need to explain.

...

That September, I decided to take a trip to Gravette, Arkansas...

...drove from Carrollton straight to Biloxi Mississippi and Keesler AFB...

The entire time I was in the motel room, I had a type of "daydream" come to me...

...a very commanding and regal presence...a little over 6 feet tall...was staring at me with a kind of dull intent. Somehow, he *knew* me.

I got the distinct feeling that I knew this man, but from where, I had no idea.

This, I now know, was the demon prince.

I lay down on the bed and let myself relax...relaxing to the waves, relaxing to the light.

I gave up awareness of my body, letting my consciousness rest, float, on my breath...

I could feel my spiritual body...


...'this is like what you did last night.'

...a memory came to me...

I've never been seduced into astral projection by a demon, and I wonder if GT wasn't doing this as opposed to the demon. I don't know. The result though, was that they wanted me aware of my guardian angel.

We all three though, are waiting for our "leader." As we are talking, I have (yes, in a spiritual body) a psychic experience-I see our leader, my spiritual "guide", walking towards us. In my "vision" though, he hasn't put on his false appearance. He is not a good spirit-he's evil somehow, and he's deceiving us all. At this point, I alone realize this.

When I came back fully awake, I could feel the demon smiling, and I had the feeling that someone wanted me to see I was being tricked. I now believe this was because the demon and GT belonged to a different "empire" than the one in heaven. Not an interest for my welfare maybe, but an attack against a common enemy. But I dont really know. It sounds paranoid and conspiratorial, but it might be the truth here.

...

As far as my spiritual body:

I'd not had an OBE in at least a year, certainly not since I'd left California and my old life outside of Christ.

Since that time, my spiritual body had changed drastically.

I was on fire-flames came like threads, out of my heart, my skin, my being, and wrapped around me in a covering of some type of fire. I felt Christ Jesus in my heart-he was a person, he was a personality, he was truly, truly real-and he was my heart; and the flames around me were my christian virtues. Honesty, loyalty, all these things, though interestingly, not love-love seemed somehow different-were what clothed me. The flames were either what I'd done, or what I felt, or somehow a mix of the two-as if the two things were really the same thing.

I felt young. There was a definite difference that I could only attribute to that youth-as if testosterone hadn't kicked in yet, though why that would be in a spiritual body, I don't know. I felt as if I were 15 years old or so.

I turned back to where I'd come from, as if back to my sleeping body, and thought, with a completely clear mind, "life would be so much easier if I could go through it fully aware." I thought that I would have no trouble loving others, giving them my time, etc, if I could be awake completely. It felt as if, in a flesh body, these spiritual desires were somehow "dampened."

And I was sad that it was so hard to show others how much I loved them.


It wasn't Jesus himself I was feeling, it was the Holy Spirit, though at that time I couldn't tell the two apart. My body was still dead, but I didn't realize this back then. I mentioned in the experience with the lord that I'd been cut from head to toe. Most of this was repaired. The curse I'd mentioned in my pre-birth was gone, though the conduit it had 'sealed' was beyond me at that point. The curse had stopped me from either praying to God, or drawing on Him. I strongly believe the latter, because after this experience I would learn to do just that...but I don't know for sure. When I later had another OBE here in Arizona, I could tell that I wasn't alive spiritually, but it was as if the Holy Spirit or Christ Jesus were inside my spirit, alive for me. It was like having a blood transfusion. Whatever part of myself kept my spiritual body alive wasn't coming from me, though it should have (and had before), it was coming directly from Jesus instead.

Finally, I leave our meeting and tour the city alone. I remember feeling sad that "everything had changed." I went through the streets, fearfully certain that everyone was secretly being deceived. For some reason, I was very happy by the fact that my dead granddad wasn't in the city.

This lines up with my belief that this particular city had been 'taken over'. I seemed to remember a time before this had happened. I wonder now if my granddad is or was hiding in that void world with the towers.

The night in Arkansas, then.
 
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Kol

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The first thing I did was look through all my belongings and threw away anything that was even remotely occult-related. This included candles; they were colored, red, blue, green, yellow, and white. (Go, Planet!) I then and there vowed to never try to leave my body again. I got rid of all my saved internet pages on witchcraft and magick. I threw my Tarot deck in the dumpster, not even bothering with the trash can. Anything, material or otherwise that presented a question, was thrown away.

The next thing I did was to open my Bible. I began with Genesis and Romans and decided to read both at the same time. I soon began going to a nearby church, Baptist, because that's what I'd been "raised" as...somewhat.

Despite what had happened, I continually felt a desire to use my tarot cards and see what the meaning of all this was. I went to Borders at the mall and bought another set for $70. I threw it away three days later, without ever using it.

I threw away my clove cigarettes. I put away about half my CDs: Rob Zombie, Corrosion of Conformity, Static-X, Emperor.

I finished Romans and began to read 1 John.

One night, I dreamed that I'd found a passage in the Bible that made it okay to study Tarot and leave your body. In the dream, I had to fight to not believe this.

Things were like this for a while.

After I came back from Arkansas, I went through a period of "Christian purification", I guess.

When I was 9 years old, my mom had met a man at the AA named Terry...

..we moved back to live with our mom; and since she was with this man Terry, we were forced to live with him.

Sara was 2 years older than me. Glenn was...I think a year or two younger.

I knew these two as a celestial.

I had flashes of dreams sometimes in the middle of other dreams, and these bothered me a lot. The worst one took place inside of some building, and there were stars all around. There was a man standing behind me, and I turned around to see him. He looked to be in his early 20's, and he was thin and strong with black, black hair. His skin was pale white, almost glowing in some way, and it was beautiful because it was so gothic. His clothes were all black, and made of something like silk. They seemed "baggy" around his legs, like loose trousers as opposed to jeans. He wore two shirts, one of them open, and it blew back almost like a cape or a cloak. His clothes seemed to..bleed off of him like this, as if bits of them were blowing away in the wind, but they never did. His clothes had a feel to them. They were..just sheer power, as if it were a type of control. It made me think of the night. There was nothing evil or even good about them. It made me feel like a huge metal monster were going to come out of this pitch black night and get me. Something about this man made me think he liked to "judge" things. He wasn't a judge, but he looked at things and took them apart with his eyes.

This was one of my celestials, and he was standing directly behind me. I could feel what each of the group felt towards me, and this one felt apathy. It was just how he was. His clothing radiated his coldness and his steel-like intellect and judgemental nature. It radiated off of him; it bled off in tiny shreds to pass into nothingness all around him.

He looked to me, and I waited to see what his last words would be, before we all left.

'What, do you want me to say I love you?' he asked, sarcastically.


If he had had an age, it would have been his early 20s. He was *absolutely* powerful. His eyes burned you, just to look at them...it was all the way he stared at you. His mannerisms were so cold, his glare was so forceful...to a flesh man, it would have been way too much. He would have broken you into pieces, from fear of him alone. His strength was unbelievable. This was no angel. This was no demon. This was an unmistakable force of nature, and anything that crossed him would be destroyed without remorse.


This is Glenn. He now wears a black trench coat and army boots, and smokes pot every once in a while. He defends his LDS religion vehemently, has a low opinion of anyone who "can't understand the KJV", and tends to look at you with that same apathy.

I first realized this when I was dating Sara, and I met Glenn again at their house. I caught myself staring at him, just shocked by all of it, and he looked at me as if to say, 'What, do you want me to be your friend too?'.

S???? knew exactly what I was, and let me know it was alright; she still believed in me. She had once been a daugher to me. Now she was like a sister, because my curse had cut my age in half..we would have both been in our 40s, so to speak. Her clothing looked like "armor" too. Hers was green and white. The white was faded with age. This one had been a priestess for God when we had lived in our old country. She was one of the very few people to remember those times.

She was like my armor-bearer. My most trusted advisor. She loved me unconditionally. She had been through most of what I had been through, but emerged with a less fatalistic attitude. I depended on her more than anyone.
I then felt, psychicly, someone approaching whom I knew. It was one of God's priestesses from my old kingdom. I felt the way her mind works..her essence..as if I were suddenly standing inside the gearbox room where everything was run, smelling the oil and hearing the gears turn. It was ?????, and she was standing at the entrance to the lobby on the "bottom" side. She had felt me just as surely as I had her. I remember turning around. If I could have still felt emotion, I would have been surprised. As it was, I remember nodding distantly, as if to just accept yet another bizzarre occurance.

This is the woman I called my armorbearer in my pre-ex memory, which would take place *much* later. This is the first time I re-met her after our country had been destroyed. She had evidently been residing with the angels.
She came to the window, and stood to my left, and we talked together in a very sad, somber way about all that had happened. We talked about the way things had been, and about the Voided World, and about the force (God's force) that it revealed.


Afterwards, I was called to meet one of the angels in the tower. I can't remember who I met. I do remember that, out of that meeting, I was "assigned" the bhm. My new armorbearer was also apparently assigned to me.

And this was Sara. Her aura when I met her here again (when I didn't know who she was) was of absolute purity, the same as it had been above; she'd been living with the angels there. She is an incredibly strong person. In the pre-ex, she was the strongest after me.​

Myself, Sara, and Glenn were the oldest of the group in heaven, and are the only celestials who are now devouted Christians. The others I've come across are lost in worldly things.​

One, as I said, was my sister Amanda.​

But I knew she had no idea of who or what I really was. If she had learned, she would have ran in terror. I was afraid it would break her mind. I was, after all, a monster. And so I kept myself away from her as much as I could think to, because someone like me had no right to be around someone like her.

Those roles have pretty much been reversed. But I'll get to that.
I could feel that he had a quick temper..everything about him seemed flame-like. His youth was sort of like that too, like a fire in a way...it almost seems like a type of what "lust" would be here, as if he might (as he matured a bit more) represent it in a way...but of course, there was nothing sexual about it there. Had he been "older", he might have become the epitome of whatever would incite female lust, or more correctly that lust being incited...but not quite. Like being caught on fire. He almost seemed to represent part of the male beauty of God. He was something quick, and burning, and "infuriating" in a way. I'm not sure I understand it.

This was Amanda's first serious boyfriend, Derek. He has a quick temper and used to get in fights over my sister all the time. He looks a bit like a blond surfer boy, and is about as dense, tho he's a good kid.

I said that the celestials all expressed God's glory in different ways.

In every single instance, that way has been destroyed in this world.

Sara's was her love for others and faith in them. She now refuses to open up to others, because they have hurt her so much in this life. When we were dating she wouldn't let me touch her or kiss her, and she claimed last week that we "never dated, we were just friends". (I told her I wanted my money back for the movies.)

Glenn's was his force, his intellect. He now smokes pot and although he has his life together (as does Sara), he is not what he could be.

Amanda's purity and childish beauty are gone. Her ex-boyfriend Derek seems to be doing alright, but I don't really know him to make more of a comment.

John Elridge is right, and Satan sets out to destroy your God-given glory the moment you set foot in this tomb, this catacomb.
 
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