Just some things...

[Chocolatesa]

Maybe you were just some other angel that did something wrong in some way, even if you weren't with the devil?

 

[Chocolatesa]

re-post by accident

 

[Kol]

Ok, logical conclusion #1: if you were never born before, yet existed, you must have been an angel. If you were an angel, yet you were told that you had "rebelled" in the past, but were given a second chance, that would mean that you were one of the ones that rebelled with satan. That would explain the fierce battle over you.

As scary as that idea sounds...

Logical conclusion #2: It's all something the devil put in your head.

But I don't understand why you say reincarnation is possible, just not necessary. I'm assuming the definition of reincarnation is living in a physical body, dying, then being re-born into a second one. If your definition includes simply being born into a physical body after having existed as a spiritual being elsewhere, then what you're saying would fit.

And you're welcome for the questions

this was posted before reading previous post, reading it now...

"He gave nothing to anyone who didn't deserve it. He judged you with those eyes of his, and when he made up his opinion of you, you knew it was based on absolute perceived truth, no ifs, ands, or buts. No softened blows."

Again, this description reminds me of my friend...

I'm not sure what constitutes an "angel". Whatever those things that were "out of the game" as I said, during that battle were...those are what I think of as angels. I was never one of those. They seem to have been created slightly differently, as if they are administrators in some way.

I say reincarnation is possible because I've read so much about other people's past life experiences and they seem too realistic. I also think, from these two pre-ex memories, that Satan is in charge of heaven. That's why we were being so secretive. So rationalizing these things here, I reason that if the Devil rules over heaven (at least for now), then he could cause people to be born over and over. I don't know, and nothing in these "visions" gives me any kind of an answer. I'm just guessing, but this makes sense to me.

As far as whether I was reincarnated...at the time, I didn't know. Because of that one thought, I didn't believe so, but other things later on seemed to say something differently. But I'll get to those.

Definitions:
To be put into a human body is to be incarnated.
To be put into a human body again and again is to be re-incarnated.

At that time, I believed I had been incarnated, but not reincarnated.

The idea that this is all something put in my head is, to me, completely valid..or at least, it was at the time. Someone once suggested that these memories were real ones, and that they really happened, but not to me. They were someone else's memories. At this time in the story, that may have been.

And yes, comments make this so much easier to get things across. Again, thank you both.

 

[Kol]

As far as no forgiveness. I think I called it about as close as you can. And even if I was in Satan's army or whatever, I don't think I really followed it or bought the entire philosophy. I think it was basically the same as what I had already done in *this* life. I was a wiccan and a new ager and a satanist, but not to the extent as it could have been. I think my life here mirrors my life there, if indeed this was me.

 

[Kol]

Deleted.

 

[Kol]

I also remembered going to meet the bhm for the first time.

I can't swear 100% accuracy on any of this, but I will remember it as best I can.

In the heavens, there is a world inside of a void. In this world, there is a black sky with no stars, no moon, no sun. This "blackness" is heavy, and "enshrouding", and it feels like velvet to your eyes when you look at it, and like heavy clothing on your "skin". There are no clouds, no rain, nothing to bring any semblence of "life" or growth to any of it. It is the end of creation. The world inside of this void is outside of the "created" universe, and those other things-the moon, the sun, and the stars-do not exist.

No celestial being rules there like they do in the "other" world, the other existence. In the other worlds, God has divided things into pieces and given those pieces to His children to rule over and exercise dominion. Not so in the void. This world is the "top floor" of creation, the executives' floor, and this world belongs to them, the administrating angels, of which there are seven.

There are seven towers in this world, obsidian-black towers, each capped with an absolutely brilliant light. Those towers reach up to an incredible height, and that height represents power. The lights at the tops of each tower represent the seven angels' light of God, that is, God's light which they each shine out.

I had evidently been "summoned" to this terribly freightening place, and I remember "flying", about a foot off the "ground" (which seemed like packed earth), to make my way to one of the towers.

Whatever sins I had commited, I had already commited. I had afterwards turned on my own sins, and tried to find a way to fight them. My own kingdom had been destroyed, and I was after the ones who had destroyed it.

One night, I had a dream not like any of these. At the time it was very strange and incredibly sad...I had been wandering those tunnels by my self for a long, long time. I was a very strong and very powerful man. I was also a very tired one. I have cuts and bruises all over my body, and I'm sweaty and grimy. I feel battered, and beaten.

I had no home, no loved ones, nothing but my self-appointed quest. I was going to die and I knew it, but I didn't care..it wasn't even a thought in my mind..all I wanted was to finish what I had started. To kill the ones who had done this. I felt like no one knew me, no one ever called out for me, no one remembered me. No one even knew what I was. I was just something forgotten. A little piece of a past that no one ever thought about or remembered. And that's all I was.

I had been traveling for so many years, and despite the fact that I tried so hard, I simply *could not* succeed at what I was trying to accomplish.

I remember whispering out loud; "this is the only way I'll ever be able to do this."

I believe I'd dreamed of it as being "in the earth" because, to a celestial being, it was. I had been roaming the earth for a long, long time. I believe I had been fighting Satan by myself as a one-man army. One of the former kings, a father of something that no longer existed, caring about nothing but revenge. At some point though, I must have come to God and agreed to pour out my life for Him. He wanted me because He was furious that His creation had been taken away. I only agreed because I felt it would give me the chance, the slight possibility, to exact revenge on the ones who had destroyed me and what I had once loved so much.

Very strong emotions involved in all this, which is strange to my 27-year old self.

The next thing I remember is being inside of one of the towers. I can say with near-certainty that I never met one of the Seven Angels. But there were all kinds of angels in the towers, not celestials, but angels...and I had been summoned to meet with one of them.

This is one of the clearest memories I have.

Crystal-clear, I can see myself standing in the corner of a lobby-type room. The floor is black obsidian, as are the walls, the ceiling, and the "1-way glass" window I was looking out of. The room was about 20 feet wide and twice as long.

XXXXDX
OXXXXX
XXXXXD
XXXXXX
XXXXXD
XDDDXD​

I can't draw, but this might give you an idea. I was standing where the "O" is, and in front of me and to my right was the glass window. The "D"s are where the lobby turned into a hallway. A narrow one to my right and a larger hallway with rooms on either side to my left. The single "D" behind me was a door. The two "D"s together was a wide "hallway" which led to more "offices".​

I was at least 3/4 of the way up the tower.​

I remember looking out the glass at the World in the Void, and being numb to the might of God. It was as if I were impressed at what He was all over again, and realized, once again, that I could not comprehend Him.​

I then felt, psychicly, someone approaching whom I knew. It was one of God's priestesses from my old kingdom. I felt the way her mind works..her essence..as if I were suddenly standing inside the gearbox room where everything was run, smelling the oil and hearing the gears turn. It was ?????, and she was standing at the entrance to the lobby on the "bottom" side. She had felt me just as surely as I had her. I remember turning around. If I could have still felt emotion, I would have been surprised. As it was, I remember nodding distantly, as if to just accept yet another bizzarre occurance.​

This is the woman I called my armorbearer in my pre-ex memory, which would take place *much* later. This is the first time I re-met her after our country had been destroyed. She had evidently been residing with the angels.​

She came to the window, and stood to my left, and we talked together in a very sad, somber way about all that had happened. We talked about the way things had been, and about the Voided World, and about the force (God's force) that it revealed.​

Afterwards, I was called to meet one of the angels in the tower. I can't remember who I met. I do remember that, out of that meeting, I was "assigned" the bhm. My new armorbearer was also apparently assigned to me.​

...​

 

[K9Guardian]

Sounds like the Void at the start of tolkien's Silmarillion.

Stay away from revenge. That is not good.

I'm still paying attention.

 

[Chocolatesa]

Hmmmm...

The seven angels exist, it talks about them in the Bible, in Revelation I think.

That's all I can think of to say atm...

 

[K9Guardian]

Ah, Michael and Gabriel and Uriel and Raphael...

But wait... Some of those namees came from the Apocrypha.

 

[Kol]

Just a few things to note...

That Tolkien reference...I'm not too familiar with him (blasphemy, I know), but I did see the movies that came out not too long ago. The place at the end where the volcano was, where they were going to throw away the ring did kinda remind of this place too. Idk if that's what you were talking about or not.

Also I saw a painting on (http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/elfwood.pike) a few years ago which made me think of this place, although I'm not sure why.

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n233/TinyMage/mazesm.jpg

So it seems someone else almost remembers that place as well. The ground is the same, and the towers are similar as far as the height (in proportion to their width) and the lights go. I think there may have been mountains, and a forest or something in between (like where the maze is in the painting) but i'm not sure. The sky I remember the same color (that dark red, even darker than here), but outside of the "island" was that black velvet-type air or space. The towers weren't in the middle though. They were further away (as if to move out of the painting here) and spread out more.

It's really hard to remember now.

And yeah, I don't know if I'm so out for revenge anymore, but at the time that seems to have been the sole purpose of my spiritual life.

 

[Kol]

I immediately understood why I had thought Satanism was valid. We weren't each gods. We were "gods" of God...nothing more or less than His children. So I gave up my claim to believing in those things.

I also realized that my belief of nature being the true expression of God was wrong. Being Wiccan *did* let me grow close to God in many ways. It created in me this love and deep respect of nature. Basically I fell in love with nature, and that wasn't wrong. To me it had been more of a thing of choosing the earth over the people in it. I was disgusted at humanity, and so I had decided to retire to the "real world", which was here before us and would be here long after us. But I had seen very plainly that nature wasn't what I had thought it was. And so I began to move away from these things as well.

Which left the alien thing.

My belief in those things had been forming and reforming as I tried to make sense of everything happening to me. I didn't remember the car incident as a toddler, but I most certainly remembered the things that had happened as a teenager. The face in the mirror, the three aliens near my brother's bed... Amanda herself had told me about "big-eyed monsters" who flew in from over the trees. And yet the bhm had laughed at me when I told him I believed in aliens.

A lot of this wasn't making any sense.

He himself had shown me aliens, when he showed me the dream/vision about the first battle. So evidently, some things looked like that, but that didn't make them aliens. And again, it felt as if that image were just a uniform, so...really those things at night could be just about anything.

So..those things :shudder: were evidently real, but they weren't "aliens" as I thought of them. So what were they?

No answer at the present.

Whatever they were, they had been my enemies for a long, long time (if that had indeed been me), and so I decided I would devote the rest of my physical life to fighting them as well. I had been starting to believe the new-age idea that they were some kind of old gods of Atlantis, and were coming back to "lead us" again. I refused to believe this any longer.

And so, because of these "dreams" and the bhm, I immediately stopped believing the things I'd been into.

 

[Kol]

As soon as I did so, they came to me in a dream.

...

I was in a bookstore, and I was being shown TV guides. (See page 9, my third post there. This evidently represented the bhm and/or my granddad. Once again, my granddad seems to be tied in to this story as well...but at the time all I knew was that I was in a bookstore. I didn't remember that page 9 dream.) I remember reading through these for a minute or so, and then a female alien shows up, wearing heavy clothing so as to disguise herself. As soon as she enters the store, I start to panic, and I turn away and run.

She begins to chase me outside, and there are other kinds of aliens chasing me as well. Finally I run to hide inside of a trailer with people I knew (in the dream).

The aliens break down the door and enter the trailer. There are two MIBs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_in_Black) who come into the trailer, and the aliens part to let them get me. I try to resist, but they are stronger than me and I can't fight them off. One of them grabs my right arm, and takes out a bottle of some type of acid. He uses a medicine dropper, and drips this onto my wrist. When he does this, my skin dissolves, and I see that God has put metal wires inside of my arm, and that my own muscles and all have been replaced.

The MIB and the aliens look at me, as if to say, "see?".

I think they were trying to tell me that God was making me into a tool for His own purposes, and they wanted to show me this.

...

 

[K9Guardian]

Demons.

Only motive for them doing that would be to get you to rebel.

 

[Chocolatesa]

It seems logical to me that demons would take the form of aliens because we're more readily accepting of them.

2 other things came to mind about my friend last night, one was a comment about how no one ever really understood what happened to him, although from what he's told me he hasn't lived anything near what you have. Another was about how he told me once how he doesn't recognize people by their looks, but by the feeling or aura of personality they give off. This made me think of how you described the celestials, that you could feel their personalities...

Why do I keep being reminded of him??

Anyways, if you're sick of hearing about him, tell me

I'm really intrigued to know who you really are. Spiritually speaking, what role you play in the scheme of things. It seems like something important. Maybe I'll find out when we meet in heaven. Maybe before?

 

[Kol]

Well, I've done some unbelievably horrible things. I am definitely not an angel of light. I'm not special, not chosen, and if I really was one of the "Old Kings", I'm certainly not anymore, and that by my own fault.

...

Shortly after I had this dream, I found myself flipping channels one day, looking for preachers to watch...mostly to remind myself that Christians weren't right, either. At one point I came across an older man sitting in front of a blue curtain. He would read from his Bible, then explain what he'd just read. I watched him for a few minutes and realized this was all he did: verse, explain, verse, explain.

'Thats not preaching, anyone can do that,' I remember saying out loud. I thought it was stupid and a sorry excuse for "preaching". Half of the program was him reading the Bible.

He then started to talk about Ezekiel and the "UFO" described in the first chapter. With my mentality at that time, my opinion of the man instantly changed. To hear a Christian preacher talk about UFOs was new to me. So I began to listen.

This was Arnold Murray.

Arnold Murray's teachings seemed to offer explanations for the things I had been experiencing, and over the next 6 months or so, as I struggled back and forth between Christianity and these other things, I learned this.

Pastor Murray teaches that God first created man in a spiritual body, there was a rebellion led by Satan, then God placed those souls into flesh bodies, born innocent, meaning no memory of the first earth age, for the purpose of testing. The flesh body dies and the spirit returns to God for judgement. He also teaches that God's "elect" are those who sided with God during the rebellion of Satan, and in the end times His "elect" will stand against satan in his role as the anti-christ or instead-of-christ when he is cast to the Earth by Michael.

Since I was 9 years old I'd been dreaming the same thing over and over again: I was a knight, and at the end of the world, aliens would invade, and I would be one of the few people to "fight" them. There were always 2 "waves" of attacks these aliens would make. I would be affected in the first but escape before the second.

One time, aliens had been in spaceships and dropped silver gas on the city. I couldn't get away and I breathed in the gas. Afterwards, they dropped gold gas on the city, and I was able to find a mask so I could breath.

Another time, they had gone from person to person, placing these people in water. I let this happen to me. Afterwards though, I changed my mind about them and when they came to sprinkle us with cement, I ran and started to fight them.

On and on and on...but I won't get into this too much right now, because that's really a different part of the story. Suffice to say, I instantly believed Murray was right in what he believed...at least to a certain extent. He also taught that there were two tribulations, that the world would be decieved into thinking the Anti-Christ was Christ, and that this would be their reason for worshipping him. I also had dreams similar to this, where mostly everyone was "gone", taken by aliens, and that I was one of the few people left to resist them. I was also familiar with this idea because it's also mentioned in new-age; the idea there is that one day aliens will come to take the "enlightened" away to another world.

And so Murray reconciled all three things into one line. It was like all the tumblers clicking into place. And so I started to watch him.

 

[K9Guardian]

::smirks::

 

[Kol]

Why the smirk? Okay, disclaimer:

Keep in mind, I don't like this man Murray, mostly because of what happened with the girl Kaitlin; I think the spirit that tried to trap me had something to do with his church.

Arnold Murray is a very knowledgeable man, but he certainly has his problems:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf2Xa3H0eQI

He seems horribly out of touch with the loving and compassionate side of the Lord. His church members come across as hateful, and spout word for word Murray's own beliefs, even misusing figures of speech the same way he does. I was heckled and finally kicked out of a forum years ago because I disagreed with Murray's belief on Hell.

He routinely insults people on his broadcasts, though he never mentions denominations. He calls people "yo-yos", "revolving revs", and so on. It seems a lot of the people who flock to him are just like what I was: sick of Christianity but wanting to believe in it anyway.

But at the time these things took place, I thought he was great. He's still a very knowledgeable man, just...hard to follow at times.

 

[K9Guardian]

An alien attack/

I know you're not sure you're okay, so I won't bite on that one.

 

[K9Guardian]

I understand.

Sometimes you have to dig for pure bread in a weevily batch.

 

[Kol]

My home life was still in shambles.

My mom had been drinking off and on for a while, and my stepdad, (when he was home) had been doing the same. My mother drank out of loneliness, and when she was sober she tried to counter this with pets. She brought my sisters a mutt from the animal shelter they named Baby. My stepdad picked out the poor animal because it reminded him of another dog he's had when he was with his first wife. The dog peed all over the house, and my stepdad tried to remedy this with mothballs to draw out the smell. We had no money to run the air conditioner, and in the summertime the house reeked. Georgia gets to be around 90 to 98 or so in the summer, with humidity at 100% sometimes.

My mother tried her best to remember to cook, but a lot of times this was inedible. My brother and I took a pan of bread rolls, burned into a permanent circle, into the back yard to play frisbee one time.

My sister Ashley had been born, and she had turned 1. My mother sometimes ran off with her, and we would worry for days until we found her again. I learned to disable the fuses in a car so that the alternator wouldn't start and my mother couldn't leave with my sisters.

A lot of times dinner would be one of the few things I knew how to cook. I remember a lot of times sitting down with toddler Mindy over a pot of macaroni, our only food for the day (outside of school lunch for me.) My brother Michael was unable to help me, so I had a lot on my hands, and I wasn't really competent enough to manage. Sometimes the only thing we had to eat in the house was Jello, and that would be our dinner. ("Dabid, is it done yet?", Manda would ask...) Ashley ate cereal, sometimes mushed with water because it was hard for her to eat and we didn't have any milk.

When winter came, my stepdad had an argument with the natural gas company and long story short, he was charged with making terroristic threats. The gas company put a lock on our gas meter, and that meant no heat. Humidity makes 32 degrees very cold. Neither one of the girls had enough blankets for themselves, and my brother learned to turn the stove on to heat the house. I learned to dress in layers, and my sisters would wear coats in the house.

I still had black garbage bags over my windows, and at night I would make Amanda sleep in my room so that I could watch over her. Ashley had to sleep in our mother's room and Michael had the bottom bunk in our room.

One night in December though, just as the sun was going down, my mother called me into her room. She was drunk beyond belief, and we hadn't been able to make her eat in days although Michael had been able to get her to drink some gatorade. I stood at the foot of her bed and asked what she wanted.

"Can you bring the girls in here?" she asked, "I want to tell them goodbye."

She had overdosed on muscle relaxers and was trying to kill herself.

My brother was loyal to her to a fault, and he started crying (he was 13 at the time) but brought Amanda by the hand and carried Ashley at his side to give our momma a hug. I somehow had enough sense to call 911.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of having an ambulance or a police car (or both) come to your house with the sirens blaring. You hear the sound from far away, of course, and so do the neighbors. So they all come to stand outside, and watch and wait, as the sound get louder and louder. And then all your neighbors and the kids you'll see tomorrow at school get to watch the paramedics wheel your momma out on a stretcher.

...