Just some things...

[Kol]

...to the right, my gaze came across ????...

...was beauty personified...

...absolutely perfect in every way, fashion, and form.

...remember thinking she should have been wearing jewels instead.

I loved her, more than anyone or anything. I was absolutely proud of her beauty...it was as if she were my banner. Had I felt worthier, I might have thought of her as my daughter.

I could feel her heart. She loved me fiercely. It felt like a fire, like strong flames roaring against me. She was like Valentine's Day, heart-shaped candy, something pink and girly, happy and cheerful, and impossibly feminine. And too naive.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

I knew right away who this woman was, without a doubt. It was my 3-year old sister Amanda.

The day my mother told me she was pregnant with my sister, I had been 10 years old. I had been furious. As soon as she was born though, my temperment changed. The first day my sister came home, I carried her around, rocking her, talking to her, and singing to her. I loved her more than anything. Since that time, it was rare that I had let her out of my sight. I helped fix her food, I made her bed and carried her to her room at night, I helped pick out her food at the store, I sat and watched cartoons and kids shows with her. I loved her very, very much.

She didn't look very much like the woman in the dream, but of course she was still just a toddler. I knew her because in the memory I had felt her heart. I knew her intimately, remembered how her own emotions felt to her, and so there was no mistaking who she was.

I wondered if I would run into any of the other people from my memory.

...

 

[Kol]

I also remembered the OBE I'd had as a baby.

I had been rocking in my baby swing, but I was "awake". I had a fully aware, spiritual mindset...somewhat. It was a lot like being a drugged celestial. I was irritated because I couldn't see more than about a foot in front of me, and I couldn't get my hands to work or move. I had been waving my arm, trying to make fire come out of my hand, and was furious that it wasn't working. All I could do was slam both my hands down together as if I were mentally disabled, and push some kind of brightly colored blocks set into my table. I hated those stupid blocks, I hated my stupid body, and I hated being stuck in that ********* swing. It sent me into a rage.

I really had *no* idea of what was going on.

It felt as if there were a "spiritual" umbilical cord still intact, and I could feel what my mother was feeling. Something had been wrong with her, but I didn't understand this, either as a baby or the wakened celestial. Remembering these things as a 15 year old, I realized she had been on some kind of narcotic pills. In the memory, I began to cry, and this made her stir. She wound my swing, and went back to pass back out on the couch.

I fell asleep, and "imploded", entering some kind of tunnel within myself (or nearly so) to go back to "heaven".

.....

I remember flying through a black tunnel, which seemed "twisted" somehow. There were a few others in this tunnel, coming or going, or just staying where they were. I remember thinking the ones that just "hung out" in the tunnel were weird.

The next thing I know, I reach the crystal platform and find myself extremely dizzy and "out of it."

I felt dark and shadowed. It was like being a terrible rain storm or cataclysm at midnight. Everything I felt inside was a storm like this-nothing about me was peaceful or quiet. I felt sick and twisted, and could feel that my sin and curse had weakened me even further from when I had "left".

The bhm stood a short distance away.

"Do you know where you are? Do you know who you are?"

I was kneeling down with my right knee on the floor and my hand on my forehead. I very clearly remember saying, "I don't know *anything* right now."

"Give it a moment, it will pass." he said.

I remember asking why my flesh body affected me so much, and which reality was more real. He answered that "for now", the baby life was real. I don't recall what he answered as far as the flesh body affecting my spiritual self.

For a long time, we seem to have talked about my "curse" and about me dying. I mistakenly believed that my inability to move around in my flesh body was connected to God's curse, and the bhm had to explain to me a couple of times that this was just because the new body was so young, and that it was still developing. He promised my eyesight and coordination would get a lot better, but would never be perfect. He also had to set me strait on a few other things. I seem to have somehow worked it out that the earth was my prison. I had reasoned that my baby body's lack of coordination was my punishment, and that soon the "old people" would find me and come laugh at me. He explained this was not the case, although I had already begun to welcome it.

The bhm then explained to me that God was trying to re-establish the old kingdom into a new one, and that some of the old kings were going to be reborn. I was told that *I* was going to be one of those.

"WHY?!" I remember "screaming" this so clearly. I wanted to die, and that was it. My conscience wouldn't let me even imagine anything more. I remember thinking about all the old kings, and about how some of them had rebelled so strongly against God.

The bhm could read my thoughts. Picking up on one or two particularly horrible offenders, he said, "those ("men") aren't coming back. He has made them His enemies, and they will be relegated." As if, they'll be swept out with Satan...or whoever.

I didn't see how God could just bring me back into the flow of things. No one would accept me, even if He somehow could. It would probably break their faith in God because of me. So much had been done..I couldn't understand how God was just going to forget it all. It was as if the generals had all turned against the Emperor, and I was now being told the Emperor wanted a new council, with those same generals as before. How can you make an advisor out of someone who turned against you???

"He's going to make restitution," the bhm said.

"How?" I was not so quick to believe it could be a full restitution.

"He has made ???? into His son." This was a force of God, an emenation, something about Him that just was, like your breath or your voice, or your thoughts themselves. There were several things about Him like this, but none exactly the same. I can't remember anything beyond this.

I remember rolling my eyes and spitting in disgust. "How lame!" I screamed. The idea was stupid and childish. As if He would have sons like the celestials had. It also seemed to marr His image to me, for Him to become like a mere heavenly being.

"It's already happened," he told me. The bhm stood there like a brick wall. "You are going to come in contact with him, and then you will have a decision to make."

I thought then that His son was a person on earth. I imagined him coming to talk to me in my swing, and I wondered how I would think clearly enough to talk to him.

.....

 

[Kol]

At some point I began to notice my surroundings more and more. We were in some kind of old lobby. People passed us by, but did so quickly and only because they were unable to avoid us completely. There was no other way to get to where they were going. They were all "good" like the bhm, but none of them were "angels" like he was.

(This bhm is so much more than just an "angel", but I can't remember more than that!)

I got the sense that I hadn't known this man for very long. I remembered that he had been sent to help me in "God's new age". He seemed pure, heavenly, and absolutely angelic. I was on the borderline of resenting him, because I didn't think purity was any reason for such a high position as he had.

He continued to tell me about Jesus, and I remember thinking that I should have paid more attention to all this "being born" stuff.

The conversation changed, and he began to talk about all my past mistakes. He wanted to make sure I didn't repeat them. I was told that God was going to work hard, and that I would have the chance to help set things right, but that I would be allowed to rebel again if I set out to do so.

 

[Kol]

The blond-haired man then uttered what would become one of his famous lines:

"Let me tell you a story about somebody..."

He seemed able to make me see things as if I were dreaming. A full vision, as life-like as the real thing. And as he told the story, I realized it was about me.

.....

The first thing I saw was a wide, open plain. It felt as if creation itself were new. I was on the ground..earth itself, I guess. There were a huge slew of people all across this plain, and they were fighting.

If there were two sides, you couldn't tell. Everything was a jumble, just two huge masses of people all mixed together. And *I* was there, and I was fighting. There was an angel behind me, and he had begun to watch me because I was fighting so vehemently for God.

I was in something like a rage. People had tried to make "other things" out to be God, and no matter how I felt about the real God, I felt this idolotry to be an offense to intelligence. I remember fighting the opposing side, and basically going crazy.

There were only a handful of these special angels. They were some kind of specialized group, and one of them had noticed what I was doing. These angels were not in the fighting...they were "out of the game", it seemed, but were like referrees, or witnesses for God.

The opposing army wasn't able to win. It almost seemed they were too disorganized. They seemed to retreat a bit, and then they stopped. Everything seemed to have stopped...all of creation. They then turned back to face us. They spoke a curse against God Almighty. They pronounced a curse on His "Name". They then turned into golden-skinned aliens, and disappeared.

They had changed themselves, and in some way, this was to slight God.

There was something to "His Name", but I don't think I can comprehend what this would mean as a human being.

And after this, God picked certain people out to be "kings".

...

The next thing I was shown was myself, as a "father".

There was a castle, and it was huge. Far beyond anything I've ever seen in any movie or painting, anything. And I was its father. There were mountains behind it, and a beautiful lake set as a moat, and there were nothing but celestial beings in it. There was a forest near the mountains, and plains in front of the castle.

There was a man coming back into the castle, and as he entered, he could feel my presence.

I didn't have a body. I had a body, but I had made myself into something like an enormous cloud or mist, and I engulfed the entire area. I felt like something massive and majestic.

I then saw myself in the same castle, only in bodily form. Someone was attacking us yet again, and we were going to war to defend our loyalty to the Name of God. It felt absolutely amazing, because God had made me a father, and I was doing His work and fighting for Him, because I believed in Him.

.....

The next thing I saw was another castle, but this one was tiny, and it was raining and storming, and the ground was shaking.

I was in some sort of hallway, and I was talking with a man beside me. Something was wrong with me, but I couldn't grasp what. The man beside me offered me a suggestion, and I told him to do exactly what he had offered.

I turned from the hallway, and an absolutely beautiful woman came down a flight of stairs to see me. We were married, and I was absolutely in love with this woman. I knew though, that she was about to be taken from me, and I knew that she was trying to not be afraid.

.....

 

[K9Guardian]

So you're claiming to have had an angel tell you you'd be a king reborn?

Impressive and amusing both.

Your writing makes keeping rational distance difficult.

 

[Kol]

When I woke up, I wouldn't remember enough of this to make sense out of it, but as I stood in front of the bhm, I did.

After showing me all these things, he tried to talk me through my resentments. At first I was very argumentative, though I don't remember any of this part of the conversation. He then asked me, "are you going to go back to them?" I remember saying that I had no wish to, but that what he was asking was unrealistic.

"You expect me to just forget about these things?!" I asked.

...I felt as if, while we were arguing, God Himself was somehow listening.

I remember finally deciding that I would give my best attempt to do just what the bhm suggested. I would try my best to help set things right.

..and that was it.

 

[Kol]

Thank you. I try to be amusing. But about the "king" thing, from what I remember from page 12 here,

There were "stone walls" made out of the same golden material. People would come to stand on these walls and worship at the temple. The priests and the kings would take certain rites and follow certain ceremonies, and they would be able to walk up the triangle and worship there. But even the kings had to follow the directions of the priests, and as you worshipped you were always *very* careful to do things the right way. If you weren't as fortunate, you had to worship a short distance away, and so people would come to stand and kneel on the stone walls and do just this. The walls were huge, each block at least 6 feet or so in size. There were no steps anywhere, but you could (???) from one block to the next, and that was the only way to move around.

...half the population was some sort of "king". Kinda like having 50 stars on your shoulder and being a captain in the Mexican army.

I guess I really should have just tamed my ambitions and claimed I was Abe Lincoln reincarnated or maybe Sun Tzu, but sometimes you just have to go for the gold.

 

[K9Guardian]

Okay, I've decided I don't like you.

You can trust me to be as cynical and flippant as any man can be.

But if you like chocolate, I'll forgive you slightly.

Just keep talking.

 

[Chocolatesa]

I lost my comment when I tried posting the first time...

Hmmm... don't know what to make of it, the whole thing about the "reborn king" is very intriguing, although I think the bible says that we can't be reincarnated? Unless all this is just something implanted in your mind by the devil to do something bad? or not, I have no idea...
Either way please continue, I'm very interested!

 

[Chocolatesa]

I guess I really should have just tamed my ambitions and claimed I was Abe Lincoln reincarnated or maybe Sun Tzu, but sometimes you just have to go for the gold.

Lolll

 

[Chocolatesa]

Ok something just clicked in my head right now. You know when you said that at one point the bhm said the most cryptic thing ever to you "but you were there!", it just clicked that he might have been referring to the huge battlefield, at the end, when the enemy side all said something against the name of God and suddenly all turned into aliens... that's the only thing I can think of in what you've told me that the cryptic comment would be about...

 

[Kol]

Goodness, this all sounds so ridiculous to me.

Yes, Choco-lady, that's what I immediately thought, too. The whole "alien" image seemed more like some type of military uniform than an actual image. It seemed as if they mangled their appearance in order to spit on God's own glory.

When I stood in front of my "army" group just before being born, half the people there seemed like little gods. Not to say people are really gods or deserve to be worshipped..but at that time, we revealed the true God's glory so brightly, there is no other word to describe it. And each of us did so differently. My "armor-bearer's" glory was her love and compassion. It was *so* unbelievably strong, it made her seem like an absolute goddess. That power overwhelmed you, engulfed you..it was stronger than anything you could comprehend. She was created to express God's love and compassion, and she *did*. The woman that would become my sister Amanda was something like a goddess too, but hers was mostly sheer physical beauty, mixed with femininity. That might be easier for us to understand. And since she wasn't as mature yet, she was more like a "godling", as if she hadn't learned how to fully express herself, that part of God, yet.

Christ is the firstborn image of God. I think we were the second.

For these beings to change their image into these demonic-things..it meant something. It was like saying, "we were created in the image of God, and this is what God truly is." It was absolute blasphemy, in the highest degree.

Hmmm... don't know what to make of it, the whole thing about the "reborn king" is very intriguing, although I think the bible says that we can't be reincarnated? Unless all this is just something implanted in your mind by the devil to do something bad? or not, I have no idea...
Either way please continue, I'm very interested!

That suggestion of "implanted memories" has been offered to me before, and I think it bears a certain weight. It's very possible, at least at this point of the story.

But-and this is very important-in the memory of being a king (which I thought of as a "father"), I wasn't human, and no one else was either. There was no such thing, as far as I know or knew, at that time. This kingdom though, had been destroyed. The entire celestial "empire" had been, and nobody remembered it. I had been fighting the people who destroyed this. When I said I had an emblem on my chest (just before being born), it referenced this kingdom. My armor-bearer and another "man" who seemed something like my guardsman or retainer remembered, because they had been my children. They were from the same kingdom. But nobody else had any idea there had ever been such a thing. And the fact of its existence was something like a secret or little-known fact.

As far as reincarnation goes: what the Bible actually says is that we are all destined to die once, and then face judgement. Hebrews 9:27 Unless I've missed a verse..? (Have I, anyone?) Technically then, it's not impossible, just not necessary. I think there are actually people who are being reincarnated because they think this will save them. It won't. But they are being told (by people like my "spirit guide") that it will.

But I *couldn't* have been previously incarnated, and I can thank my own idiocy in a spiritual body for knowing this. At one point, I remember thinking 'I should have paid more attention to all this being born stuff.' I don't think I had ever been a human being before.

Thank you for the questions, it helps me think these things through and be clearer about what I'm trying to say.

 

[Kol]

The biggest mystery to me during all of this was why I was cursed or tainted. God had disowned me and cursed me so that I would wither away and die. That is not something He is too quick to do. I felt like an absolute monster, and this wasn't "being depressed" or having a bad day. As strong as my armorbearer's love was, and as strong as [Amanda's] beauty was, my own radiance was much, much stronger, and that radiance was all sorrow and grief. In the pre-birth memory, this was mostly all memory..I wasn't continuing to do whatever it was I had done, but it was most certainly still there.

Sometime in between the time I had been a father and the time I was born, I had done something horrible. And I had no idea what it was.

 

[Kol]

Something of an answer did come to me, but they seemed to just be dreams and I didn't really know what to make of them. They weren't OBEs, and the bhm was nowhere around. It could have just been something my mind made up. It could also have been a vision the bhm showed me, and that all I remembered was the vision, and not him standing there showing me. I don't know.

Something very horrible, very evil, had to be the explanation. I had to have commited some kind of unspeakable offense, something that made The Almighty (the God of Love) decide the only thing left to do was to cause me to die. If anyone deserved to be burned in Hell, I did, and I knew this, though I never called to mind what it was. In the pre-birth memory, I had been afraid [Amanda] would lose her mind if she learned what I was (???) and what I had done.

The first dream to explain was about 10 to 15 seconds long.

I was in the castle where I was a father, but I had changed who I was somehow. I felt the same and I guess I looked the same, but in my heart somehow I was different. I had begun to sin, and do so horribly. In the dream, there was a couple, a "man" and a "woman", and they were both celestials. And I had given them something, and it had poisoned them spiritually. In the dream, they came to me, as innocent as little children, to ask why this had happened, and I laughed at them because it gave me absolute glee to watch them die. And the "woman" began to cry and just wonder, because she could not comprehend her father poisoning her, and the man just kept asking, 'why'?

..As you can imagine, this shook me up quite a bit as a 15 year old. Outside of Christ, even now, there is absolutely no way to deal with it. So I hope you can see why I was so irate when the bhm said God was going to cause me to be reborn as a king again. This is why I asked him, "you expect me to just forget about these things?!" Sin had raped my conscience into oblivion, and I could not perceive of any way for restitution to be made. It was beyond me, and although now I accept God's savior, it still is. God's mercy is...beyond reality.

This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

...having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

...People have no idea what we are being saved from.

 

[Kol]

The second dream I had seemed much less like a dream and more like a thinly-veiled reality. It was as if I were dreaming of a memory.

It was about the same length as the first dream, just a glimpse.

I was on a ship, and we were going to the earth. The walls and the entire interior was made of light gray metal. I was a captain, not just of the ship, but of the army. The army I remembered fighting at the beginning, I was now a part of. And I looked like a golden-colored "alien". I had a small crew on the ship, and they all looked like the gray-colored bug things you might see on television these days. In my mind they connotated the "new" version, but of what, I don't know. And they weren't like me, but in what way I'm not sure. They might have even been flesh beings in a way, or celestials created to be flesh beings. I didn't call what they were to mind, but it was there as a "side-thought", if that makes sense. I can say they didn't have the full awareness the celestials or angels did. Their minds were "new", and they had to learn what they knew.

In the dream, I turned around (from what, I don't know), and one of the gray beings was asking me a question. I felt irritation, because I felt he was an idiot and that he was trying to take my position from me. I think he may have been my second in command. The next thing to go through my mind was anger that I was just a captain and not something with more rank. I felt that I deserved more because of what I had been (I guess the king/father thing).

And that was it for that memory.

I remembered the night I'd tried to figure out why I felt so bad (back when I was 13 or so), and thought I'd been right somewhat when I thought I was an alien. I had been an alien. But waking up from the dream, I didn't get the feeling the situation had gone on for very long.

.....

There were other things that came to mind concerning 'what I had done' as well, but I couldn't make sense of any of them. The ones I could understand I didn't want to. So I forgot them without really acknowledging them or thinking about them.

And that was basically it.

 

[K9Guardian]

Did you call to mind anything else about those other two guys? The girl's "father' and the judgmental guy? How did they express His glory?

 

[Kol]

The judgemental guy...

People say that nature is no friend to mankind. Storms, typhoons, earthquakes, and tsunamis, they all happen whenever they feel like it, kill whoever gets in their way, and don't spare anyone. They don't do this to be evil or hurtful though. They simply are. Nature is very powerful.

There is a type of nematomorph worm which attacks grasshoppers. The worms live on grass blades, infect the insects as they eat, and then travel into the host's brain. They gain sustenence by eating the grasshopper's brain, which causes the insect to slowly go insane and eventually jump into water. This kills the grasshopper-grasshoppers can't swim-but is exactly what the parasite needs; they require water to breed.

Nature does whatever it needs to, to accomplish its goals, and it does so with this insane, unstoppable power.

That was the judgemental guy. He gave nothing to anyone who didn't deserve it. He judged you with those eyes of his, and when he made up his opinion of you, you knew it was based on absolute perceived truth, no ifs, ands, or buts. No softened blows.

By the girl's father, I guess you mean this:

Her 'father' knew this. He stood beside her then. He knew exactly what I was, and he *hated* me because of it. I respected him greatly for not telling her.

Well then, not much. He was still very "young". He seemed to radiate some type of fire or flame and I can see that in my mind, but... If I were in a spiritual mindset I could tell you what it means, but right now to my human mind all I can do is say "he was on fire", as if that answers anything at all.

I could feel that he had a quick temper..everything about him seemed flame-like. His youth was sort of like that too, like a fire in a way...it almost seems like a type of what "lust" would be here, as if he might (as he matured a bit more) represent it in a way...but of course, there was nothing sexual about it there. Had he been "older", he might have become the epitome of whatever would incite female lust, or more correctly that lust being incited...but not quite. Like being caught on fire. He almost seemed to represent part of the male beauty of God. He was something quick, and burning, and "infuriating" in a way. I'm not sure I understand it.

Anything else would be sloppy guesswork. About the only thing I can say is that he didn't like me. He was being protective of the "beauty-goddess", his daughter, and didn't like me being around her.

The judgemental guy was about the same height as me, and the fire-guy was a bit shorter. The judgemental guy had black hair and his eyes were solid blue. He was thinly built, but not skinny or scrawny, just had a slight build. The fire-guy had darker blond hair mixed with some shade of brown. He was regular build.

That's about all I can squeeze out of my mind.

 

[Chocolatesa]

Ok, logical conclusion #1: if you were never born before, yet existed, you must have been an angel. If you were an angel, yet you were told that you had "rebelled" in the past, but were given a second chance, that would mean that you were one of the ones that rebelled with satan. That would explain the fierce battle over you.

As scary as that idea sounds...

Logical conclusion #2: It's all something the devil put in your head.

But I don't understand why you say reincarnation is possible, just not necessary. I'm assuming the definition of reincarnation is living in a physical body, dying, then being re-born into a second one. If your definition includes simply being born into a physical body after having existed as a spiritual being elsewhere, then what you're saying would fit.

And you're welcome for the questions

this was posted before reading previous post, reading it now...

"He gave nothing to anyone who didn't deserve it. He judged you with those eyes of his, and when he made up his opinion of you, you knew it was based on absolute perceived truth, no ifs, ands, or buts. No softened blows."

Again, this description reminds me of my friend...

 

[K9Guardian]

Hmm...

Makes me wonder how I'm going to represent His glory.

In my line of thought, if this s a true vision, then it will be, and we have only to prepare and wait.

 

[Chocolatesa]

But at the same time, I thought there was to be no forgiveness for the devil and his angels, so my first theory wouldn't fit...