Just nonsense

[TheWinterGaze]

I am feeling the extreme loneliness. I can't stand this feeling. What am I to do with this? I just can't stand this. What else can I do? I am really sick of feeling like this. I just want to feel a bit better, am I asking too much? I am stuck in the middle of nowhere. It is just stuck. just something to get this feeling away. just something. I am just sick of enduring this again and again with no end.

 

[fisherman2]

Where are your friends, family,co-workers?do you belong to a church, surely you have someone to talk to or do things with.

 

[TheWinterGaze]

Where are your friends, family,co-workers?do you belong to a church, surely you have someone to talk to or do things with.

My parents live in my native country. I see them once a year. My good friends have returned back to my native country. I see them once a year.

My co-workers have families of their own. They are very supportive though. I feel that I am placing too much burden on their shoulders, and I feel a lot of guilt and shame because of it. They get upset by my low mood and anxiety. They don't have to take this in the workplace. I don't want to make everyone miserable by my mood swing and anxiety, and I try to mask my mood swing and anxiety, or pretending they don't matter to me. I am spending a lot of energy to control my mood and anxiety. I am very tired of it. It is very emotional draining - just to try to control it. And at the same time, I need emotional support. Their kindness and support soothe my heart. It is so contradicting. I don't know how to deal with this contradiction. I am finding it very stressful in the workplace because of this contradiction.

I do belong to a church. I cannot fight off the shame that I am seeking emotional support there. Some people think I am just an attention seeker. I know I have to seek God first, and people second. And I am trying my best to do this. If not, I will be guilty of attention-seeking. I need emotional support and when people show me their empathy, my heart is soothed and my mood lifted. I want to have their empathy, but at the same time I feel very guilty because of it. Am I attention seeking? Am I manipulating people? I am very afraid that I am. I feel that people are condemning me, ridiculing me and shaming me because I seek out their support. I belong to the church but I do not talk to the people because I feel extremely ashamed and I usually sit at the back of the church and leave early.

 

[pockleberry]

I don't think that it's attention seeking just think about this. I've been in the same place as you not wanting to seek emotional surport for fear of being called an attention seeker but i guess that i'm fortunate to have ppl that can see through any mask I put on. Me and a friend have talked about this issue before the best help she gave me was to show me what God thinks through the bible and wisdom that she has. God created us to be social even in the very beginning when he created Adam he also created Eve so that he would not be alone. If God had wanted us to only have a relationship with him then why did he make Adam a companion? I can understand how you can worry about being seen as an attention seeker but having relationships with other ppl at your church is important. There isn't anything wrong with wanting empathy and someone to care about how you feel it's a natural feeling and there is bound to be someone in your church that God has set aside for you. You only need to look for them and trust that Gpd will provide you a friend. I'll be praying for that. God Bless

 

[TheWinterGaze]

Thankyou for your thoughts, Susanna. I am glad that I am not the only one who are stuck in this situation - the fear of people labelling me as an attention seeker and hence withdrawn from them, and at the same time I am desperate needing emotional support, or just mere friendship. When I think about it more, maybe I should set myself some goals, and set focus entirely on those goals. One goal is to initiate relationships with ppl in my church. I will need to focus ONLY on building relationships without shifting my focus onto how they think about me, and without shifting my focus onto whether or not they will give me empathy. I think one of my problem is that I am very passive rather then pro-active. I am sitting back expecting ppl to give me what I need, rather than pro-actively go forward and start making relationships and by doing so my need will be met. Susanna, you have led me to think about it all - thanks for your encouragement

 

[TheWinterGaze]

ALL of us suffer from depression from time to time. ALL depression is FEAR based. You can not conquer what you will not confront. A professional can help you do this, but you have to want to get better. Some of us sub consciencously like the attention "poor" "pitiful me gets. Usually coping skills and a dose of healthy self esteem will get you where you can function. ENVIRONMENT PLAYS A KEY ROLE.
Surround yourself with positive people and it will rub off.

The above quote from another thread made me think more...

 

[Amin]

Hi, WINTERGAZE, I too suffer from depression and anxiety. I just wanted to say; For me, sometimes seeing things in a positive way is hard to do. Seeing things thru the eyes of depression is like, one person looking at things on a brite sunny
day, sees things clearly, but for me, seeing things when you're depressed, is like trying to see those same things thru a foggy day, you just can't see them as clearly as someone else. What helps for me sometimes is; I have a friend, that is a friend indeed, and he's a christian . He told me; I can't begin to know or understand, how you feel, but i know you feel miserable. Anytime you want to talk, i'll listen, and i'll try to understand, i'll be here for whatever you need. What's nice is, he still sees me as the person i was before all this stuff started, regardless of what we talk about. I still see things thru the foggy days, but it's nice to know, that someone really cares.
Being a christian, it's hard for me to think, that God loves me too, even tho He feels distant to me. I guess it's at times like these that we need to go by Gods' Word, and not our feelings, even tho we feel differently. I guess our hope lies in knowing
that, God Knew us before we were born, He knows our most
inward thoughts, the number of hairs on our head, and when things are over, and we feel better, that's when we'll be able to look back, and see and realize that; As the poem says:
There's only one set of footprints in the sand, because even tho we can't see or feel it, that's when God was carrying us,and our burdens. even tho we see and feel differently for now, because our thoughts are clouded with depression, and anxiety, my hope is in the belief, that God is still with us, even tho we don't think so. I'll tell ya, i say these things yet in the same breath, i feel distant from God. We are wonderfully and
mysteriously made. That's why He knows us, inside and out, even tho we don't think so right now. But i guess that he understands that too. God Bless You, Take Care, Amin.

 

[Amin]

Hi, Again , i just went back and read part of the post

where you mentioned , sitting in the back of the church

and feeling ashamed. It's easy for me to say, but i sometimes feel that way, but, we're not going thru anything that thousands of people have'nt gone thru before us. depression is considered an illness, just like, any other medical problem, even tho i do too, we should'nt feel different about having a medical problem.
Take Care, And God Bless, Amin.

 

[Hediru]

I am feeling the extreme loneliness. I can't stand this feeling. What am I to do with this? I just can't stand this. What else can I do? I am really sick of feeling like this. I just want to feel a bit better, am I asking too much? I am stuck in the middle of nowhere. It is just stuck. just something to get this feeling away. just something. I am just sick of enduring this again and again with no end.

I hear ya. I'm in the same boat. I just graduated college and all of my friends are scattered across the country. I just got a new job and I don't know my coworkers that well yet. And I just got a new apartment by myself, away from my family for the first time. I am very lonely.

 

[TheWinterGaze]

Hiya, Amin

Hiya, Hediru!

Thanks for all your encouragement!