Just needing to write

[Auntie]

I've had to deal with depression for most of my life. Usually, I'm able to function well.

But, "life events" throw me down into that deep dark hole of paralyzing sadness. Then all I want to do is crawl in bed and cry. I know the "solution" is to "stay busy". So I decided to come here and write out my thoughts.

I found out today a good friend of mine has cancer . She is like a daughter to me. She is in her thirties, and has 5 children. I don't have much information right now, so my mind has thought of all the horrible things that could happen. I've imagined the worst, her dying. When I think how much she means to me, I can hardly stand the thought of losing her. Then I think about her kids and her husband and her mother and how horribly we would all grieve.

This is the downward spiral of thoughts that bring me to the point I'm at now.

I went online to a medical website and read and read and read. Learning all I could about her cancer. The doctors won't really know how far it has spread until they do the surgery.

When I talked to her on the phone, I tried to sound very positive and tried to make it seem as if everything would be "okay". But ever since I got off the phone, I have been in a mental and emotional mess.

I always let this sort of thing destroy me. I am self-diagnosed with OCD. OCD is a big help if I'm working on a business project. But if I hear bad news about a loved one, I obsess over it to the point of depression .

She is at the doctors right now, having more tests done. I'm waiting to hear from her. I feel like life is on hold, until I hear something from her. I don't know how to go about my daily activities, knowing my friend is going thru such a horrendous ordeal that might take her life .

One of the best things I've ever read about depression is "don't buy trouble". Meaning, usually things don't turn out nearly as bad as we imagine they will. It's true. I've spent countless days worrying about things that never happened. It's very possible my friend can beat this cancer. I need to be positive for her. I want her to hold on to hope. I want to be a positive source of hope for her.

She will call me tonight. I need to be ready to say the "right" thing to her. I don't want her to know how concerned I am. No matter what she tells me, I want to give her encouragement and hope.

Writing this out has helped me tremendously. I now see that my depression is a luxury I can't afford right now. I have to stay positive for my friend.

 

[miss Karla]

Auntie -

I can relate to what you're going through. A few years ago, I found out that my brother has terminal cancer. He was not supposed to live very long at all...but has surpassed the drs' prognosis by years. In my mind, he is a walking miracle and is living life the best he can given his situation.

But - when I first found out, I went into a daze. It was just such a shock to me. It is important for you to work through your emotions too, because as a friend and supporter, you need support too.

Just be there for your friend. It is hard to find the right thing to say, but maybe it's more in how you show your concern and care than what you actually say. Spend time with her, help her out anyway you can, just listen.

I'll be praying for you and your friend.

miss Karla

 

[Stanfi]

Auntie,

For your friend.

As a friend, the best thing you can do is just be there for her! When we go through something, it is such a relief to know that we are not alone. Feeling isolated is a terrible thing.

I can relate to your depression. I can go for days and weeks feel great, bold, alive. Then one day I'll get a phone call, someone will say something, or something will happen. It doesn't even have to be that big, but the downward spiral will start.

I have found that in times like this I have to try to take care of myself. Get plenty of rest, go see a good friend.. just do something to help pull me out of the pit.

 

[ryanbluestar]

auntie, i'm only 18, but i know what it's like to suffer depression and at the same time try to the console, counsel, and be strong for those you love. i don't have ocd, but i am obsessed with other things, death in particular. i mentor two boys who are thirteen. i got depressed when i was 13 and by 15, i first contemplated suicide. i fear for their lives, though i haven no reason to. one thing that keeps me going is knowing that i live for them. knowing that i may have to be there for them one day. i don't know what the future holds, but i know who holds the future.

 

[Auntie]

auntie, i'm only 18, but i know what it's like to suffer depression and at the same time try to the console, counsel, and be strong for those you love. i don't have ocd, but i am obsessed with other things, death in particular. i mentor two boys who are thirteen. i got depressed when i was 13 and by 15, i first contemplated suicide. i fear for their lives, though i haven no reason to. one thing that keeps me going is knowing that i live for them. knowing that i may have to be there for them one day. i don't know what the future holds, but i know who holds the future.

Hey Ryan, it sounds like you are doing very well, so just keep on keeping on . It's very important to get outside of our own thoughts and try help others whenever possible, and it sounds like you are doing that very well.

I also obsess with death; I don't know why, but I always have. It serves absolutely no purpose at all, and yet I do it anyway. I am *jealous* of people who never give a second thought about death, because they seem to enjoy life more. And I think my obsession about death is a source of depression too. So I try to NOT think about death, and if I find myself obsessing about it, I try to watch something funny on TV. Comedy is a big help for me.

I also contemplated suicide when I was a teenager, at about 16 years old, for really dumb reasons. Thank God I didn't do it. My life of 53 years has not always been easy, but I have enjoyed so many wonderful things and am blessed that God has given me so many years. I try to take each day, one day at a time. The KEY is to never lose hope. Never ever lose hope. There is always hope. As long as you have a breath in your body, there is always hope for tomorrow. Hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Even if there are many days of struggle, there WILL be a day when things are very very good!

I find a lot of peace in enjoying the little things that come our way every day.

Much love & God bless,

Auntie.

 

[Auntie]

Auntie,

For your friend.

As a friend, the best thing you can do is just be there for her! When we go through something, it is such a relief to know that we are not alone. Feeling isolated is a terrible thing.

mrstace, thanks so much for your prayers .

I can relate to your depression. I can go for days and weeks feel great, bold, alive. Then one day I'll get a phone call, someone will say something, or something will happen. It doesn't even have to be that big, but the downward spiral will start.

I have found that in times like this I have to try to take care of myself. Get plenty of rest, go see a good friend.. just do something to help pull me out of the pit.

Very very good advice! I do the same thing. I say to myself, okay, take care of yourself. Eat healthy food, get rest, go outside and listen to the birds chirp. We have to take a step back, and do whatever it takes to sooth our raw souls, and give ourselves a sense of peace and tranquility.

 

[Auntie]

Auntie -

I can relate to what you're going through. A few years ago, I found out that my brother has terminal cancer. He was not supposed to live very long at all...but has surpassed the drs' prognosis by years. In my mind, he is a walking miracle and is living life the best he can given his situation.

But - when I first found out, I went into a daze. It was just such a shock to me. It is important for you to work through your emotions too, because as a friend and supporter, you need support too.

Just be there for your friend. It is hard to find the right thing to say, but maybe it's more in how you show your concern and care than what you actually say. Spend time with her, help her out anyway you can, just listen.

I'll be praying for you and your friend.

miss Karla

Karla,

Thank you also for your prayers . I'm so happy for your brother! That is so wonderful!

The way it is right now, my friend is needing me to talk about the everyday things of life. So we are not talking about the cancer right now, but instead, we are talking about what to cook for supper and things like that. She is waiting for more test results, and so she is at a bad time where her life is on hold until she gets the test results. So while she is waiting, which is excruciating, we try to think and talk about other things.